381 - the woman comes out

Ive been a victim of my own making. There I am a single woman who enjoys life, is friendly and if I say so myself... quite a catch. I wont go into detail in this post about why I think I'm a catch but I might at another time. When I'm feeling no fear or modesty.

So there I was all decked out to the nines and I have my butterfly wings all a flutter making everyone else's stomach flutter. My partner for the evening is pleasant and has piqued my interest and has managed to have me keep him in my periphery vision.

I'm curious about him and want to see him in action so to speak. See how he moves, how he interacts with people that I know and people that I don't know for that matter. He looks good all dressed up and I think we make a great looking couple fr the evening.

That thought is followed by wondering how we would look like without the clothes and wearing each other instead. I excuse myself from the current conversation and move along to be in his view.

He sees me and makes his own excuses and walks over to me. We make our way around together and after dinner and drinks we make our way home....

The next day I drive myself crazy wondering why he didn't say anything about how I looked that night. I looked fabulous. Other people mentioned that I looked fantastic, looked healthy and all that great stuff that's always nice to hear. I just wonder why he didn't say anything.

Welcome to the mind of a woman. Well my mind anyway, I'm not so sure if all other women think the same way. I know for a fact that on certain topics I'm a little off. Or vice versa :)

So I wonder and wonder and start to question peoples taste then worse than that I start to question my own taste. So then I get a little cranky and I'm not so open to his advances and I mention how I felt about what happened or what didn't happen on his part.

His way of apologizing was to mention that I looked particularly ravishing in what I was currently wearing and that made me if possible a little more upset about the whole situation because I myself didn't find myself looking particularly ravishing in what he thought was.

I knew he was trying to make up for something he didn't think was important to I couldn't really get mad at him for something he didn't find a big deal so I just said he had bad timing and thanked him.

I few days later I was thinking about what happened and how I let myself go a little nutty over what had happened. I might have talked about everyone needing attention at some point in this blog and its true we all need attention and we all need to be acknowledged and we also need someone to validate us.

Sad as it is sometimes we look for validation. Sometimes its for a good reason other times not so good. I was looking for someone to tell me I was pretty and I looked good.

I should also share that at the time I was having moments of uncertainty with how I looked. So it just played into the whole thing and didn't help the fact that I was unsure of myself. So Ive reminded myself that though I might not be a supermodel gracing magazines, I manage to turns heads wherever I go. That has to count for something right? It does to me.

I forget that sometimes and my actions remind me that I am pretty. I am OK. Nothing more nothing less. I am me and I am happy with me. Even with wanting to lose a few pounds I am happy where I am and its never a bad thing to want to improve oneself. But as long as I'm happy now I know that other peoples comments are just that.

So lesson learned. I have moments where I am weak and find myself needing to hear compliments when I cant seem to hear my own.