:)

Happy Canada Day!!!

351 - believe

I often wonder why it is I don't believe people when they say certain things. Mostly things that are complimentary to me. Sometimes its unexpected. Sometimes its appreciated. But most of the time I find myself not believing.

Why is this? I have no clue. I wonder if everyone no matter how attractive look at themselves in the mirror. Do you ever find yourself walking down a busy street and someone catches your eye? Someone striking? Exotic? Beautiful? I'm sure you have. I have. Do you find you want to keep looking? So you keep them locked in your sight until they are out of sight or until your attention is needed elsewhere?

Then there are times when your eye is caught by the opposite. Someone who you wouldn't find attractive, someone that wouldn't ordinarily be your 'type'. Your gaze shifts quickly hopefully towards someone or something more visually pleasing.

I wonder why it is I don't find myself attractive sometimes. I don't see what they see. All I see is... me with all its imperfections. I wonder, 'how can you say things like that when there are so many other more attractive people all around us' Then I think 'is this one of those times?'

One of those times where its nicer and kinder to say something nice instead of not saying anything at all. Though on the flip side if someone didn't say anything at all I would also worry. So there is no solution to this... I think.

When someone Ive just met tells me I'm beautiful I sometimes want to ask them to go into more detail. Not to be vain and listen to things like that but to understand what it is that he thinks is beautiful. Is it this one thing that I do or is it a combination of things. Is it different for everyone or is it the same for everyone. Im not sure but Id like to find out.

I mainly want to know so I can see and understand. In my self depreciating way. I want to think I'm beautiful too.

350 - truth

Ive got lots of questions in my head and its coming out whenever. All directed at D and all wanting an answer. Some answers I don't want to hear others I need to hear. I know that I should not ask a question unless I am prepared to hear the answer

The question I direct at myself is 'what's the point?'

Were not involved in each others lives. We have each other in common. That and work. Other than that? little things. To me those little things are great. Sex, laughter and one of the important things that I like is the looking forward to each other and missing each other. Which I should be happy about. What is it with me? More importantly. Whats wrong with women? We should be happy with we have, why do we always want more.

Because what we do have is great and theres always the possibility of more... greatness. So sometimes when we want to talk about... possibilities. Its only because we want more of what we have. You.

It might seem scary, it might seem shocking, it might seem out of the blue and crazy. But were (and by we I mean me) were not there to screw up your life. We try to make things better. More fabulous than it is. Not just for us personally but for you as well. Because in making things better it not only affects one but all.

So I think some more and therein lies the conflict. Intentions are misunderstood. We ask questions for one reason which may not be clear. Theres an annoyance, a frustration on your part. The thing that we both want is the conversation to be over so if you would just indulge us and answer the questions honestly, that would be great.

Question for the fellas :)

Do you find yourself telling the opposite sex what they want to hear instead of the truth because its nicer.. kinder and less hurtful?

For me, its better to be honest even if its not what I want to hear. Of course sometimes it wont be what I want to hear but it will be the truth and that is better than being nice and not wanting to hurt me.

I know its against all normal thinking and behavior.. But I can handle the truth. Maybe not right away but I will.

My Inbox

The rain has stopped for the moment barely gone and remembered in the quiet
Still off in the glimmering of leaves and grass hungry no more in . . .
In the haze of barely passed falling lightning flashes and thunder echoes
Across the Earth our mother in a cadence of two spirits dancing playfully
Beneath the roof of the world they sing and laugh

The grass is vibrant with luscious colours of many unfolded green
Like the deep emerald of satiated leaves swaying slowly, so slowly above us two
Their thirst slaked for the moment gone and passed before
When the rains fell all around we the two amid the grasses shadowing the lake
Where we lay side by side in the fields of yesteryear come to pass once more

Our bodies steaming, legs entwined, my knee between your thighs
Sliding with languid movements inside your flushed legs and warmth between
Like my lips lightly brushing your neck under the dew wet lingering of the rain
And these fingers across your breasts, ribs and belly, lightly scratching
Tracing the curve of your skin down to the downy hair whispering above your heat

Inside the raining tears of the father sky washing his wife the mother of everything
With his love, his long born tenderness all over once more and again
From and of yesteryears come this way many time before to fall again once anew
When where upon a falling petal in bloom he did kiss her twice . . . to waiting
As bathed they two together in the infinite seas pooled and full

I remember a moment before your sigh across my ear like a single sheening wave
Rippling over the waters of the morning glimmering still of dawn barely glimpsed
Through my body beneath your hands that stroked softly, slowly, patiently
And I shudder once more under your fingertips whispering over the head of . . my
I ache to feel you again all over once more flickering to illicit a groaning twitch

Like you do, did, will do again between my lips when I pull once more
Again, your nipple into my mouth to hum and flicker my tongue
Swiftly, lightly, tenderly with hunger over the tip of your firm nipple
Sending shivers in goose bump waves down your spine
Through the back of your legs and through your arching soles and toes

A tear fell from the skies then to slowly begin
The warm cascade over the thirsting earth one drop,
Lingering for an eternity between then and now that first tear to strike my neck
And with that kiss bring forth a single gasp, one quivering shudder
An echo of your body when that tear of heaven did fall from me to you

Ran to trace a cooling trail over my jaw down to my chin and then . . .
To fall in silence again it murmured down to your body still
Still cool, still remembering the warmth it remembers from me . . .
I remember your eyes fluttering under the waves of that
First tear to serenade the rain down, down all around we the two
Standing before your door I smile in the moment passed once more again
Of your toes curling and heels pressing tightly, wantonly against my ass
As your hips spasm bene[auto-filtered]y fingers inside you moving back and forth
Two sliding deep, deeper and out once more when my thumb caressed
Under the folds and hood as two fingers undulated across your lips

My breath hot over the silky smooth skin of your neck bene[auto-filtered]y teeth biting
Tenderly, softly, pulling and licking tongue flickering across your flesh
To your jaw and across until at last I came to your lips when last my eyes met yours
Hold you in my eyes like your voice with each groan, quickened short breath
From my fingers fucking your wet tenderness, hard and fast, deeply to the knuckles

I suck your breath into my mouth, my lungs under the rain pelting our naked skin
To steam and in that last lingering moment I raise myself up
To rub the head of my hardness across your lips, through your soft hair
Down again across your heated skin, to revel in your hunger and moist passion
Before in one instant pushing inside you hard, smoothly, deeply to groan, gasp

My fingers push down now over your softly slick downy hair
Rubbing in circles your clit with much vigour in the dance of our bodies
Of my flesh gliding back and forth inside your warmth, your heat engulfing me
Hot, hard, ready beneath your clenching, gripping pussy and feet enfolding my waist
And your open mouthed short gasping moans inside the rains pelting out bodies

So it comes to pass in the mist of our passions I slow at long shuddering lasting still
Inside you, once I twitch, twice and still I bit your neck softly, to pull with my lips
As your flushed and trembling body shudders . . .
And it is here like this in the rain slowly falling all around we two
I leave you hungry, barely satiated for more, my body unspent, my body ready

In the mist . . . I leave you to follow

Under the tears of the sky’s fall
I leave you trembling . . steaming under the rains that fall
Naked . . . within the rains
Of summer come and past
One echoing breathing murmur of my heat inside you
Still . . . still . . .

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


* Something tells me he didnt come up with this on his own. But thats just me.

349 - some soup

AR and I have been seeing each other every other weekend. Usually for lunch and were together for a few hours at a time. There is always a giant pink elephant in the room with us wherever we go. For me the pink elephant is the kiss. Wanting to.

I'm not certain what it is for AR but I'm thinking its the same thing. If we weren't in public I think it would be easier to get the kiss out of the way. Though once the kiss is out of the way then it would just become something else.

There is a shyness around the both of us that makes making the first move a little difficult. Were in the same situation. Actually were not but we think alike and really were not in the same situation. AR is just that AR.

There is a side that's scared to be with me for fear of being lost in swept away with me. The other is looking forward to the experience.n How do I deal with that? Very carefully.

Do I think there is a future with AR? Trust me on this when I say that AR is happy being with AR. I wouldn't want to create waves. If only I could tell you about the other details. Maybe another time. Or maybe... you'll figure it out on your own which leaves me off the hook in telling you.

A little about AR. Younger than I am by a few years which I know is very unusual. Don't forget this is an unusual situation and there are things that you have yet to find out. But young AR is. Legal of course in case any of you were wondering.

I try to stay on the good side of the law. Try :)

Once after a desert I took AR to an adult store and we walked around pointing out things that we've used own or would like to try sometime. It was to say the least arousing. Still nothing happened after that.

I wont invite AR to my place. That would just seem... too soon. Id like to go to AR's place. There I can see much happening. But seeing as were both shy and there is a conflict of interest in AR's situation. It might not happen for a while.

SB or as some of you like to think of BS :) has made a few late night calls going down... memory lane. This of course is something I'm not 100% behind though I feel a little uncomfortable telling him that 'I'm really not in the mood for this'. So what happens? I entertain him. I make appropriate noises and try to stay in the realm of semi sleep so as to not be awake. If that makes sense. Kind of like when you know you've been dreaming and you open your eyes and try to get back to the dream somehow. Confusing... I know. He'll be in my area again in a couple of weeks and we shall see how that goes.

I bumped into S's coworker at a bar once night and didn't know they worked together until he mentioned where he worked. I asked him if he knew S and he said yes with a surprised look on his face. A few reasons why he looked surprised went through my head. They all made me smile. There was an awkward moment for me as I know S isn't in contact with me anymore. For a couple of reasons which makes me sad. He was a nice person and someone I had much I wanted to learn from.

I often wonder if he spoke to S about meeting me at some point. I wonder about his reaction and what he thought. I guess now Ill never know. But I can always imagine :)

I wish him well and that every so often should he think of me, smile.

M calls every now and then. Usually for the same reasons. To help in ... certain situations. I'm sure I've mentioned him before and the kind of phone calls he enjoys. The timing just isn't right for me when he does call. That could mean a number of things which I don't really think of too much as theres a very less than slim chance of there being anything that happens between us.

Which is why I let him indulge in his phone fetish for the moment.

I think I might have put A through the wood chipper already but it is worth mentioning that he is a persistent man. He calls leaves me messages and continues to do so without any reciprocation on my part. Ill eventually call him back and leave a message about a week later.

I know someone might think that I am playing games. I would like to clear it up that I do not play games unless they aware that I will be Jane waiting for Tarzan. Well you get the idea.

I think the reason its just not happening is because of a few reasons. Ill share some. First, our schedules never seem to work out. Second, theres no real solid 'want' on his side to set a time and day to meet for coffee, lunch or dinner. Something, anything. Though Ill admit if I were to say lets meet for sex he would have a plethora of times and dates and a basic you name it Ill be there attitude. Which leaves me unsatisfied somehow.

I want someone who wants to see me, be with me and hang out for whatever reason. This whole let us see what my schedule is like and Ill get back to you line doesn't work on me because that's the line I use. Which tells me that there really is no interest other than sex with him. He brings it up often enough.

I think it might be one of those situations where he wont get what he wants if he keeps doing what hes doing. Kind of like the more he wants it the less I want to give it to him.

P is anxious. Yes hes still around. I have to be careful. I know he is starting to have feelings and hes looking at 'the future'. I'm not there where he is. There wont be an 'us'. I wont lie and say that I don;t feel anything for him. He'll always be someone that's been on my side and have been essential in giving me advice concerning some things.

There was a time where I was falling for him to. Then I think it was too much for him and he lashed out and I couldn't go through that again with him, so I worked on not falling for him. It worked. There wont be a future but there will be a friendship. Yes I wonder sometimes but that wonder isn't pushing me towards that road.

Maybe in the new year Ill go and spend a week with him. Sounds strange doesn't it? I don't want him but Ill spend a week with him? You don't know all the details on this one either. Maybe one day.

There is a gentleman who lives in my building. I'm not sure if Ive mentioned him before. If I have I apologize. He parks his car next to mine in the garage and he is not my type for many reasons which I wont go into. But he seems to think that were meant to be friends.

Hes already told me about his marital status and how hes.. lonely. He would like to have a 'friend' and he thinks that I am perfect for the position. I imagine hes thought of many positions with the way he looks at me. Makes my skin crawl and not in a good way.

Sometimes I am not as smooth and coherent as I sometimes seem. When he asked me for my phone number so we can be each others friend and when he asked me out so he wouldn't be lonely. My response?

'oh, well... I don't think that's a good idea, plus you live in my building. That would just be complicated if things didn't work and I don't want anything complicated. Thank you but no thank you'

As I was saying that and more. I wanted a hole to open up on the floor and swallow him up. He always asks for my number and I always decline. its a bit disturbing that he will say things like. I always see you and you always look really good. You are always alone when I see you.

I try to avoid him.

One night I was wearing something a little revealing and he came into the garage as I was walking out of it. He looked me up and down in a not so gentlemanly way and asked me to wait for him so we could walk in together. I should have told him that I was cold and I had to gt in and quicken my pace to get away. I didn't. I waited. Stupidly. I'm too nice sometimes. Must work on that.

Of course again he tried to get something going. At least I'm consistent with that. I am not interested. Wont be ever. Just not my type. Obviously.

There should be new additions to The Soup. Its in the works :)

348 - The Return of Darling

So I gather its been noticed that I haven't been here in a while. I wasn't sure that I would be able to stop time. I did try. Did not work. Obviously.

So whats new and exciting and whats been happening? Much to be discussed almost so much that Ive been unable to keep it all straight and blog about it.

Work is going well. Getting used to it more and more. People wonder why I don't love it. It just takes me longer I guess. I do like it. Sometimes I wonder if its really work that I am doing because its an easy job. Lots of responsibility but easy. Simple even.

Ive picked up extra hours here and there. So that's always a good thing to see on my pay stubs. I'm thinking of getting another part time jobs. Something that I can work in between. We shall see.

Ive gone to a driving range and I find that I enjoy it. Theres something about being able to hit a small ball as hard as you can and find it goes where you want it to... generally want it to. A couple of slices, a hook but mostly it went straight.. within a span of 15 degrees or course. I thought it went well.

I'm planning on taking a couple of golf lessons in the next few weeks to see if its something that I would really enjoy. I know I like driving ranges. I can see how it can be therapeutic. Putting all your anger into a swing to hit a little ball which you've turned into the object of your frustration. Relief!

D and I will go together after my lessons. That should be fun. Adding competition. It would be neat to see how things go.

A guy from work has mentioned me not fitting the mold of the marrying type. Hes heard from other people that people with my background are the marrying kind, the kind who is nurturing, giving and all the good things... apparently he says I don't fit that mold.

I don't fit that mold because I'm not really to be put into that mold. I didn't say that. I just laughed and said theres always an exception. Which made me think. Am I the exception? It also made me think. He thought of me as someone he could marry? Or was it just me marrying anyone that wouldn't work?

Ill delude myself her and go with him thinking of me as his bride. He is cute. Hes told me a few times that I am confusing as far as signals goes. I'm not quite sure what that means as I don't recall giving any signals.

Are there times when some of the things we women do be thought of as signals? Men- Reply needed. That might need more detail and clarification. Let me know.

My sister got her job back. Shes moved out on her own and is living downtown with her dog. Shes single again and looking to me for single life advice. I tell her things that Ive done and the reasons behind them. Thought processes and all. I tell her that I probably give really screwed up advice because of the things that I have done and gone through and that she should do what feels right for her and if theres something that Ive told her that she likes then to go with it and make it her own somehow.

We don't see each other as often. Once a week. Sometimes two. I want her to be on her own and make new friends which shes doing. Did I mention shes gorgeous? I get jealous every so often. But I cant hate her for it she is my sister. I'm glad I have a hot sister. I wouldn't want any other.

Ive broken down and set up the AC. Its been really hot here the passed few days. Before 7 am this morning. It was 24 degrees Celsius. Hot. I don't know what kind and how to apply makeup for this heat. So I didn't wear any. Good for the skin to breathe. Not that I wear a lot of it. It takes me less than 10 minutes to apply what I do wear. Much less if I know I need to get it done quickly.

My car still needs a few things which Ive yet to have looked at. Gas was at $1.34 today. Boo! This makes me wonder if I should invest in oil. I wonder...

Update on The Soup on another post.

Ive lost 11 lbs in 6 months. I'm due for blood tests whenever I remember to fast for 12 hours. I'm nervous they will find something which is why I think I haven't fasted. I mean there shouldnt be anything. I asked to be tested for a whole lot of things just to see.

Ive missed blogging and reading your blogs. I'm sorry I need lessons in being better.

Hope things have been going well and glad that you haven't thrown in the towel on me.

Dream, Fantasy, Truth or Fiction

'I'm sorry for having to cut the evening short. These things cant be helped'

'Well, why dont you come up for some wine and we can spend some time together and then you can go?'

'You don't understand, I don't think I have that kind of time. I know if I go up with you I wont leave until tomorrow comes... but I have an idea.'

I lean in and whisper something into his ear, as I pull away I see his eyebrows raise with anticipation. My purse in my hand I head upstairs. I know hes rushing.

I open the door as I see him reach the top of the stairs and let him follow me inside. As soon as hes inside, he locks the door and kisses me. He pushes me against the wall and presses up against me. Rubbing himself back and forth. He moans. I can feel him hard already.

He takes my clothes off, then his and wonders at my body. His hands roaming over every part of me. His hands hot against me. The trail of his hands wonderful against me. The contrast of his hand against my tanned body erotic.

There are mirrors everywhere. All around us. Adds to the eroticism. He lifts me up, sets me down and spreads my legs open. Theres a moment of cold at my back but it quickly warms with the heat of my body. He flicks his tongue against me and teases. His fingers adding to the tease.

I slip off back to my feet and turn around. Facing one of the mirrors. I lean back into him and his arms wrap around me. His arms crossed in front of me, a breast in each hand. Caressing. I hear him moan again as he kisses my neck.

I brace myself and lean forward a little bit as he slips himself inside me. I look to my right, another mirror. This time I see us in a different angle. Sexy. Hot. Erotic. Like watching an adult film and I'm starring in it.

I watch my body move. I get a little more turned on. I look at my breasts, my nipples hard. Tanned. Sexy. I see them sway with every thrust he makes. My gaze lowers and I see his hand in between my legs. I'm on my toes for a better angle.

I can see where our bodies join and that takes me over where he follows. Our bodies continue to rock back and forth together, enjoying the high of what just happened.

Clothes are slipped back on. We smile as we walk down the stairs and out the door where we get curious glances from the hostess.

347 - OFF

Long weekend!! YAY

Im going away...

Will return.

Have a fantastic weekend!!

Never mind, trip got cancelled.

346 - Can of worms

I was a mad, must have been out of my mind or just had to share. The following are texts and some snippets of conversations to and with D.

- I know you would rather I not have moments. Im trying but it still happens. I figure it might go away on its own but im not sure, if it does then it wont be a problem.

- I dont know why you or why now. Timing sucks I guess. Maybe in another life... Maybe its all me. You have your reasons for not being able to .... I need to find one of my own.

- Classic... Girl meets boy, Girl likes boy. Girl wants the boy that she cant have.

- Kind of makes me think theres something wrong with me and thats why its not happening. Im kind of clueless about those things and if thats the case than a heads up would be nice.

- I don't know why I tell you these things, other than letting you know where I'm at and whats in my head and more importantly not having it all in my head.

- I play just a small part in your life and your'e such a big part of mine. Like... I miss talking and seeing you when its been a while.

He wasn't able to discuss things at the time I sent them which was fine with me as I wanted to get it out without interruptions. Talking face to face would have been a blunder. As long as it got out. He did reply back asking me if I was OK. He knows I get teary and girly when I get in those moods. He does care.

I talked with him the next day about it and he asked if I was OK again. We talked amore about it and I got all teary and girly again. Actually cried about it. Not because I was hurt but because theres so much to say and no words to convey it all.

Youre what every guy dreams of in a girl. Your'e pretty, smart, funny, great to be with, have a great job, live on your own, debt free and independant... I have no doubt you'll meet someone... (more things were said and what stuck was him saying)... 'It just cant be me.'

Meaning the man in my life.. just cant be him. He went on to explain. Not that he didnt want me. It was that he couldn't have me. Because of the situation he is in.

He doesn't want to be the one to hold me back and doesn't want to have a conversation one day a year from now with me telling him that Ive waited for him and have just wasted my time.

We talked about my lack of dating other guys since meeting him and I told him that he satisfied many things that I was looking for in a guy and thats why there was a lack of other guys.

So I told him I agreed with him and didnt want to be a problem/complication. So I would date other guys. He was silent for a moment. He doesn't want me to but he wants me to. Conflict. Welcome to my life.

So SB is in town next week and Ill be seeing him when hes in town and I told D. He sounded surprised and kind of in shock that Im going out with someone else really soon.

I asked 'I thought youd be happy that I was going to go out with someone else'
His reply, 'No, not happy'

In my head I thought, well what is it?!?! You cant have it both ways.

Im still seeing SB. Its not a relationship by any means. Its just what it is.

Another conversation.

Darling - So what about sex? I mean if I have sex with someone else then will you want to have sex with me?

D - Well I hope you dont just pick anyone for the sake of getting it done and over with just to have sex with someone else.

Darling - I hope you know I wont be doing it that way. I mean as far as sex goes...

D - I think that question should be left to you. Will you want to continue with me?

Darling - First Id like to apologize about how this makes me sounds kind of whore-y. Im not planning on picking some guy up just to do the deed. I really really enjoy sex with you. Its great. I mean what kind of respectful girl asks that kind of question. I don't want it to seem like Im sleeping around or will it just came out wrong but... I don't want to stop having sex with you.

D - I think if you were dating someone and eventually it went to that place where you decide to have sex with someone else thats different. Then things between us might change as well. I just want you to be happy.

Darling thinks and doesnt say 'but you make me happy'

D - Just dont make it someone from work. Please.

Darling - I told you I dont do that.

D - Yeah but you might change your mind and then Id have to see the guy at work everyday. Just dont sleep with someone from work

Darling smiles and does a mental happy dance

Darling - Really?

D - Yeah really. I dont want to have to see the guy.

Darling - You dont want to picture me with anyone else? I think you like me... say it.

D - (I can hear the smile behind his words) Read into it what you want to...

Darling mentally sings a song you want me, you want to kiss me, you want to marry me. I think thats how it goes (Miss Congeniality)

Which means he does like me. He must and he does because in another conversation he said 'If I didn't like you I wouldn't talk to you, spend so much time talking to you, going to lunch with you, dinner, drinks and helping you get the job, sleep with you etc etc. If I don't say it its because Im not very forthcoming with compliments and I know thats hard on you and makes the situation a little more difficult.

Darling - Its just nice to hear sometimes. I mean I know actions speak louder than words... but its just nice to hear sometimes and thats why I ask sometimes if you do like me or if you think this or that about me. Because I know you wouldnt just say it.

D - I think it and know it and want to share sone of them with you but I know that it would just make it harder. Being in our situation.

Darling - Your'e right. If you did I think we would be in this situation much earlier than now.

The situation being me being all girly. More than ever. I want what I want I guess and I just wanted to be wanted back.

I cant ask him for more than what he has been able to give me. I appreciate it and love spending time with him. I just wanted to hear him say the things that he wasnt saying.

I cant ask him for more than what he is able to give but I can ask to know what he is thinking and if hes thinking it and can my my day then Id like to hear it. Silly things, simple things like small compliments. I wont go into details for fear of being called certain names but its the little things that I wanted.

How does all that change our situation? It doesnt. It will continue on as is. The only thing that changes is me. Ill be Souping it up more.

But that wont change the fact that I still love him. Im just curious about what else he thinking and not telling me :)

Looking forward to opening the can of worms.

345 - Bad day

Monday - today - bad day
wont be over until I hear a gavel come down
Not liking stupid people on the road
The law doesnt protect people it screws people over.
Some people, I hope Im not one of them at the end of it all.

Im shaky but Im ok. I will have to be ok. Inhale the positives. Exhale the negatives.

I guess this is what happens when I dont have any drama in my life.

Life creates it for me.

I prefer the drama that I choose to create. None of this unplanned incidents.

Arg - sigh-

344 - Proximity

P has been calling me more and more lately. I don't always answer his calls because I know it will be a long conversation so there are times when Ill let him get my voice mail. He is a little intense sometimes for me and already hes saying things that make me a little bit wary of continuing things.

I know he means well. I know hes a nice person. I'm also not sure of certain things so that make me think. Hes going through a lot of personal things at the moment which I wont go into but its just a lot for one person to deal with.

I don't mind the attention, its just I'm not sure of his expectations and that puts me in a position of not knowing where I should be and how I should be. I don't want to hurt him as hes easily hurt so Its a delicate dance with P to make sure that were both in a place that is acceptable to the both of us.

The relationship with P makes it so that I sometimes feel obligated to do certain things. I dont like that feeling. Ive enjoyed spending time with him but it just takes a lot of my time with him and hes the kind of person who needs a lot of attention. I don't think I can be that person for him for a long period of time.

This thing with P is also on going and also on and off. Ive made it that way so I'm not such a constant in his life and I try to make sure that we spend some time together every so often to make sure he doesn't feel left out of my life.

Its a little difficult sometimes but it somehow works itself out. Hes a great person. Very supportive and very in my corner when it comes to whats happening in my life. Its a very intricate and interesting relationship we have.

Makes me smile to think about it. It also makes me shake my head thinking about it.

I hadn't heard from S in a while and I got an email from him letting me know hes been thinking of me and has been wanting to call me but he was unsure of how I would take that call... and even if I would take the call.

Again hes a little pushy for me and I'm not in touch with him because of it. Theres a time and place to be someone and act a certain way, his timing just happens to be all off. It really has ben a while since Ive spent any time with S. Maybe once Ive got things under control at work then I might consider going out with him. Right now? Not such a big priority.

J called me and I had to apologize again about not being able to free up any time to see him during his free time. I know he must feel like I'm blowing him off but I told him I wasnt. I just need to take care of things on my end and maybe spend more time with him to feel comfortable around him to just let myself be.

SB called to let me know he might not be in town for a while and wanted to let me know he was looking forward to seeing me when hes in town. Whenever that is.

V is going in the woodchipper. Why some might wonder? Well I think its because I didnt partake in some of what he was offering last time he came to town. It just wasn't something I wanted to do then and I had a gut feeling that I wouldn't see him again if I did partake.

So I find myself being right in that aspect. Theres been no contact and I know hes been in town every couple of weeks. No calls or emails. I know its a double standard but if they don't keep in touch with me then I find myself not hoping for anything, much less looking forward to doing anything with them.

What keeps people interested? Proximity.

A is probably mad at me as I haven't returned his calls. Not for not wanting to its just that Ive been busy and I happen to forget to call him back.

343 - missing

I miss Brazil. He was really good to make out with. I think what I really liked the most was that I was the one who decided. I decided when to see him. What I wanted to do and if all I wanted to to make out, kiss and nothing else. Thats what we would do.

If I wanted to go further and if I wanted to touch him I would. If he wanted to touch me I would decide if he did or not. He was such a good sport about it. I think he knew that nothing would happen if It didn't happen that way.

I haven't heard from him in a while but thats OK. He is in Brazil. Every so often he calls. Sometimes in the middle of the night and hes drunk. Funny. Booty calls from Brazil. Im always amused when he does that. Theres a lot of him wishing I was closer so we can see each other. Cute really.

The check engine light is on in my car. I'm not too worried as it comes and goes on its own and the car is running fine. As far as I can tell. I should go get it checked out though as its been on and off for the passed 3 months or so.

A friend of mine has a CD player for me and were trying to set something up where he can install it in my car. I know I haven't told you I still have a tape deck in my car. LOL I never use it. I just leave it on the local radio station. Im not picky. But it will be nice to have a CD player. Itll make me feel like I have a new car :) Though now Ill have to burn soe CDs a I dont really own very many if current CDs.

That also reminds me that I have to go donate blood. They had the mobile blood clinic at work one day a couple of weeks ago but I didn't make an appointment and walk ins are usually welcome but they didnt have an opening when I was available. Thats OK. I can always go in after work sometime. I just have to remember to go.

I also have to go do my taxes. I have a couple of options on who can do it. The same people that did mine last year. D's friend who is one of our coworkers. Or another guy who works with us but Id have to go talk to one of the trainers to get a contact number.

Im not sure why but I don't was D's friend to do my taxes. Just a feeling I have so I think Ill talk to that trainer and try the other guy. Who apparently does about 600 other people who works in the company. He does that part time and charges about 30$ to do it. Thats a nice side business.

My brother is planning on getting himself a Mac Book Pro. I think its the Pro hes after. Hes going to use his income tax return to get it. I shake my head sometimes at him but its his money. Im almost inclined to give him mine but then what would I use?

Speaking of that. The internet. I have to rethink it. Getting it that is. Wont go into it now but that idea has been put on hold until certain things have worked out. Will keep you posted.

Im thinking of finding a place that I could spend some time volunteering. Thats me being ambitious but Its an idea and Ll good things start with an idea. We shall see.

The snow is melting. I was walking The Big Dog and I was excited to see the curbs on the street. I was also excited to see the sidewalk. The weather is getting nicer though it still chilly. Getting better though getting much better.

I know Ill stick with my rule but sometimes I question it. Which rule you ask? The one where I dont date coworkers. Ive met some really nice people and some that I entertain thoughts...

I don't think I will dip my pen in company ink as that would just be asking for trouble. Ill just stay my friendly self and not go into anything serious. Keep it light and fun.

342 - OT

D called me earlier this evening. Hes back. Im addicted. To him. To something about him. Im wondering if there are meetings for addictions like this. I need help. Its like getting a fix when I hear his voice. When I see him theres a rush of adrenaline through me that really feels good.

I wonder if he feels that way too. Or if anyone feels the same way towards someone else and not actual drugs.

He probably doesnt feel that way and wont worry too much about it as I know that Im wired completely differently than he is... and to other people period.

Its interesting as were both really laid back people. Him more than I. The difference is that I take a little more time in letting things go. However compared to the general public me letting things go happens pretty quick.

On the family front. My dad just returned to San Diego from Alabama. His business trip was cut short but hes happy to be home again. He calls every other day and its nice to talk to him even if its just a few minutes sometimes.

The last call was regarding my sister and her ending her relationship with her beau. I think my dad was really bummed about it. Why? I'm not sure. Hes worried about her but I told him shes doing OK and if he needs anything she knows she can come to me for anything. In fact... and I didnt tell my dad this tidbit. She already did. Other than doing my sisterly duty of listening and giving great Darling advise.

She asked me for money. Im not sure why I didnt expect it sooner. I knew it was coming but just wasnt prepared for it. Of course Ill help her with what she needs. She hasn't mentioned a figure yet but I'm sure that she will.

So her plans are to move out on her own. Find an apartment close to her work and something that is affordable. I know how much she makes and I told her that she would have to make sure to budget accordingly. I told her what I did when I moved out and shes prepared to grt a second job if needed.

I told J3 that today was my last day there but we talked and Ill stay on payroll for emergency purposes. If they are stucck and really need someone, depending on my schedule I might be able to come in.

I missed a call from The New Job this morning. I wont tell you what kept me distracted and occupied. Its a bit embarrassing to share. So I missed out on Overtime. Darn. I was really looking forward to working some as the money is good and I plan on banking my OT for time off for next year if I can get the time off. If I cant get the time then Ill be able to cash it in so thats my plan.

Also they are currently in contract negotiations and theres talk of strike. I guess theres always talk of strikes when negotiating. So If it so happens that we do go on strike and I have some OT banked. Ill just cash those in so I have some income during that time.

Dont really know how much Ill be able to bank by that time which might not even happen but its good to be prepared.

I like work but theres always those few moments where I get really nervous and anxious. I dont like not knowing. I like to be as prepared as I can be for most things in life so in some cases at work I dont have the opportunity to prepare as I would like. That makes me nervous.

D has been great with it all, even through my worries. Hes very reassuring and I like hearing him say I can do it. In the end I can do it. ot because he said so but because I have no choice. It is my job.

Anyway I went to pick up his belated birthday gift but the store was closed so Ill have to pick it up sometime this week in between work and errands. He told me not to bother but I'm going to anyway. Its nothing fancy. I know he'll use it. Well, I hope he will. But if not then thats OK. I don't know if he uses what I got him for Christmas. I wonder...

I checked my voicemail and I had 11 messages. I laughed at some of them and I called back a few people to keep in touch. I havent called one of my girlfriends. I really should. Her birthday is coming up as well. Ill have to start thinking of what to get her. Most likely a day at the spa.

I told D that I kissed my date. He teases me about it. I wonder if he kissed his date. He says he didnt. I dont have any reason not to. But Im still a bit jealous about the fact that he was out with someone else. Why? I know I dont have a hold on him. Were not in a relationship. Theres no ring on our fingers. Just one of those things that makes me go hmmmft!

I asked him about kissing and told him Id like to do more of it with him if hes open to that. Why do I talk about these things with him? Because if you don't ask you don't get. If you don't ask you'll never know. Id rather know sometimes. Depends on the situation of course.

SB has been really excited about seeing me again and hes already called me to let me know that he will try to make sure to come to town more often. We had a quasi serious conversation regarding the reason I am open to seeing him when he is in town. I couldn't give him a straight answer that he would be happy with so I changed the subject.

I wonder the same thing about him as well but I know that theres to much to reveal if I open that can of worms.

T called me and I didn't recognize who it was for a little while and thought it was really someone else. Until he mentioned something and the light went on in my head. We talked for a while and he told me he was home visiting family for a while. I was a bit upset that he didn't try to reach me when he was closer to me. His family lives in Toronto, about 4 hours from me. Thats closer than where he is in Chicago.

So we got caught up on things and I told him about The New Job. My concerns and all that. he was happy for me and thought it would be good step for me if I wanted to move to a different department. Which is always a possibility as there are many internal postings that I should keep an eye out on.

I havent forgotten about putting pictures up on this blog. I know it hasn't been too exciting or up to date. Theres been so much happening but I find that sleep reaches me before 'Im able to do more.

Another week starts tomorrow. How time flies. Make sure to stop and smell the roses. Enjoy the little things and doing your best is all anyone can ask of you.

341 - private matters

I know I know! Ive been really lacking in the blog post arena. I promise to get better. Hopefully with something juicy and scandalous to tell. If I don't have anything scandalous to share with you Im sure I could make something up that would be equally as titillating.

Im out on my own now and Ive survived a whole week of being on my own after training. Im getting the hang of it and there is so much more to learn that they slightly touched on a little bit during training. So much that I have many questions for my other coworkers.

Its an interesting group as theres so many of them and they have so much to share. Whether its stories of whats happened and how things work and all that. Everyone has been really helpful with me and they are all very willing to help me and answer anything.

I do notice that they help me out more than the other people in my class. I dont think its because I'm new. I think that they like helping out a damsel in distress. Its a manly work place Ive entered and it shows in the attention that I get when I go in certain areas.

Ive talked to D about some of the things that have happened to me and hes told me that Im getting preferential treatment. I wont complain about it. It makes my day go by easier and the word around work is that Im a sweetheart.

By the by he just called me from his weekend away to tell me he missed me. I melted. What can I say Im a girl. I think he likes it. The attention. Who wouldn't like that kind of attention right? I mean when someone is around to stroke your ego every so often, tell you nice things and how great you think they are. Yes thats nice. Very nice indeed.

We talked for a while and then he had to go. It will be nice to talk to him again when he gets back. I miss him too.

His birthday was on Friday. I have to pick up his gift tomorrow and I told him when he gets back that I would take him out for dinner sometime.

Its weird that I can tell him anything and he doesnt freak out. Its nice in the way that I can tell him things on my mind. Like how I think Im falling in love with him, that I can tell him some of the things Ive done in the past thats very colorful. Hes OK with it.

SB was in town on Thursday. We went out for dinner and I spent part of the night with him. D went out with his friends that night as well. He found out about my dinner date with SB just as we were going into the restaurant.

He called me to let me know he was heading home. He teased me a little bit about being on a date. He also called me 3 hours later at 12:30am to check up on me. He wanted to check up on me. He. Wanted. To. Check. Up. On. Me.

Which tells me great things. He likes me and he was jealous that I was out with another man. He wants me and even if theres a little bit of truth to that theres is truth to it. How do I know? I asked him. He confirmed that yes he likes me and yes he was jealous. He also said after admitting that he was jealous that there wasnt anything he could do about it.

So I reveled in the fact that he was jealous. That is, until he told me that after he found out I was on a date. He went and called someone to go out for drinks. I didnt want to know but I had to ask. I asked him if he went out with a girl and he said yes. That took away the buzz and brought out the little green monster in me and I told him that. We did have a laugh over it though. How we were both jealous that the other was out with someone else other than each other.

Its very nice to be open with someone. That I can just tell him anything and hes there to listen. Sometimes he can help sometimes he cant but its always great that someone will listen. Sometimes it gets frustrating when theres no reaction but that just gives me something to think about which I would either way.

I asked him he he thinks of me when were not together. He said 'of course I do, thats why I call you so much. Sweet huh? I also asked him how he doesnt think Im a little on the crazy side with all the things Ive told him. I find it werid that hes ok with it all... and I find it disturbing thats hes OK with it all. I also find it fantastic that hes ok with it all. Mostly fantastic.

I bought these boy cut panties. I wasnt sure that I would like them but I bought a few of them and I find that I look pretty darn sex in them. Though that could be because I was looking at myself in those and only those.

340 - news

I went through the training process and am now a certified ( unable to disclose that information ) Its fun so far and though it still feels new. I still have butterflies being sent out on my own. There are still a lot of things to learn and I will as I go along.

I have moments when I doubt that I will enjoy this new venture. Ill continue to do it and hope that eventually it will feel like.. home. Cliche I know.

Its funny. There have been some funny and interesting stories to tell since Ive started and I cant really share them as it might give it away. I have yet to tell my some members of my family as it feels somewhat surreal that Ive gone through it all and have come out doing well.

When the time is right it will happen I guess.

On the Soup front. I told D that I was falling in love with him. Yes I said it. In bed. Post coital high and all. AND? you ask? Were still in the same place we were at before the post coital high. Only now? He knows where I stand.

Where exactly do I stand? Beats me. One one hnd heres D who Im wildy attracted to for some unconventional reasons. And theres me again who has The Soup to splash myself with. I want it all. I want the cake and I want to eat it.

Im still trying to find out how I can do it. In time.

Financially Im doing ok. Im doing more than ok now that Im making more money and Ill have to try to figure out what to do it some of it that Ill have lying around. It will be fun to see how good I am with managing it all. Which reminds me to do my taxes. Thats a must do. Must find someone who will do it lol and do it well.

Ive been really good with the treadmill still. Its also nice that Im not going out as much which helps me eat healthier and probably less than I should.

Some of the guys at work? Very sweet. Unless its a man thing to just say it for the sake of saying it... They think Im pretty.

One guy who reminds me of someone I cant pinpoint. T says Im a looker and that I should be careful at work because Ill be hit on a lot. Another charmer. But like a girl I totally ate it up. (blush) Im such a girl.

What can I say? Its nice to hear that kind of thing. THough I question their choice and even their sanity sometimes as I think Im not pretty. Just the run of the mill wallpaper variety.

SB came to town twice and I wasnt able to see him both times as I was still in training and I had big days the next day so I couldnt chance being distracted. I felt bad and I apologized and kind of felt sad that I couldnt meet with him. I mean he did fly out to see me. I didnt even meet him for a drink. Why?

Well Im easily swayed when it comes to not doing my work and I tend to procrastinate so I just didnt want to give myself the option of being swayed. When the timing is right Ill sway away.

B called me to tell me he was thinking of me and apologized for not keeping in touch more. He wants to come down and spend some time together so Ill have to figure out something. I think its going to be a juggle as everyone wants to come down the same week and well... thats not your problem. Ill figure it out somehow.

Oh and its Ds birthday April 11th. I dont know what to get him. Any ideas? Im aiming for something that he can experience, enjoy and remember. Something that will remind him of me and is functional. Something that shows that ...

Im not sure if that came out right. Reading it over makes me shake my head and giggle. So ideas would be much appreciatd please and thank you.

As a man. What would make you happy on your birthday. Sex, lingerie, candles, dinner and drinks are already on the menu.

I told you I was really bad at gifting.

Oh and I think.. the most exciting part of this post? lol well one of them anyway? I might be getting the internet at my place sometime soon.

oooohhh... ahhhhh I know. Fascinating :)

339 - uniforms

Whenever people find out that I went to a catholic school their ears perk up. Mainly the men who also correlate that with me in a uniform. They also ask me if I still have my uniform and I roll my eyes and smile. I know whats coming up. The fantasy of a girl in a school uniform. White blouse, skirt, knee high socks with a naughty do me attitude to go with it.

What man could resist?

Come to think of it when I was in High School I remember getting a lot of horns blown my way as they drove by. I used to just smile and wave. To be polite and all. Such a powerful thing it is to have an outfit. The same thing goes with wearing a pantsuit to a convention. Fitted of course. To distinguish between the men and myself. I prefer a skirt of course. Add in the garter belt and stay ups...

I remember looking at a mirror before leaving home. I would turn slightly and see the curve from the small of my back to where my ass started to come out and if I thought it was sexy then Im sure that some other people would think that as well.

People are very visual and by people I mean men though women are as well. Dont let that fool you. Women check everyone out. Yes, you, that guy behind you and even the woman standing in front of you. We want to see everyone. We as in me :)

So there has been a request for me to show up one day in my school uniform. They also included what I should wear underneath it. Im pretty certain that wont happen but its nice to follow that train of thought and imagine what might occur should I do it. Love this imagination of mine.

Maybe one day? Perhaps...

338 - commitments

I had a little bit of a headache and all I needed was to sleep it off. That was nice that it wasn't something more serious. What wasn't nice was that I wasn't able to sleep. I wasn't able to take a nap as my day way booked full of this and that. It was nice to be able to get it all crossed off my list but it wasn't nice that I had this headache to deal with the whole day.

Ive got a few things left to do which shouldn't take long so I'm looking forward to sleeping until tomorrow comes.

Training has me a little worried. I'm to the point where its kind of boring and by that I mean that I'm kind of scared and feel a little clueless. Its kind of a big deal this job and they take it really seriously. Lots of safety things to think of and all that. I guess I'm a little worried as its an actual career and not just one of those for now not forever situations.

This is it. Its got a lot of what everyone is looking for, security, flexibility, options to move to different departments, great pay, pensions and benefits. Some would ever say its cash for life. So why don't I want it? I'm not sure. It seems like a lot of responsibility.

Yes you can say I want something easy. I want something easy that pays a lot. I know its not always possible to get what I want but that was just something I had to share. Makes me sound lazy but I 'm honest.

I know Ill do this. I know that Ill do my best (I hope) I know that I wont know until I try and that I cant give up now. So many people applied for these positions and I scored high along with the rest of the people in my class so I should be happy that I got it and that Ive made it this far.

What is it about success that I'm scared of? Maybe ill save that for another post. One serious issue a post :)

They are hiring a lot more people after me so I wont be at the bottom. They said were in a good position as were at the beginning of the wave and we can ride it as long as we keep out noses clean.

Being somewhat of a perfectionist I know I wont always be right on the dot with this job but they said that they expect us not to be on target all the time. It happens and we can only do what we can and since we cant control everything we work with what we have.

Its a career. People stay in this company for 20-25 odd years. There are so many people eligible to retire and they don't because they all love it. I'm hoping I'm one of those that love it. As for staying for 20-30 years. Thats a long time and a huge commitment.

If I cant make a commitment to one person Ill have to practice with this career. How odd does that sound? Oh well I play the hand I'm given.

Happy Easter!!

What I Think Of When

Whenever I hear this song, I am seduced by his voice. I realize how there are masses of people that fall for rockstars/entertainers. One of the reasons anyway. Voices. His is low and sensual to my ears and its just all around yummy for me.

This song makes me want to have someone call me for that reason, though in reality I would'nt want to hurt anyone. No one wants to do that. But I do understand that people around the world are in such a situation. Do I envy those people? Maybe in a way. They care for each other and they had some time together. Then again. They already had their time together and if things were meant to be then wouldn't they still be together? If they were still together then there wouldn't have to be any clandestine phone calls.

What is it that I like about the situation they are in? Maybe that they have each other in a distant sort of way. Plus they have their partner of the moment. Is it a part of me that wants to have a partner? Not at this time. Maybe... in the future sometime. Or is it the fact that I'm not sure how I would react in such a situation? Meh! Life is short. Be happy. Don't hurt anyone. In other words, bad advise to come ... if you're going to do something that isn't on the up and up. Do not get caught.

Lips of an Angel
By Hinder

Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those wordsa it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it so hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late

337 - just things

Theres so many things happening I dont know where to start. It will all come out somehow but a bit messy and jumbled. Ill try to make sure that theres some sort of flow and that it all makes a little bit of sense.

Theres another girl that talks to SE in class and Im a bit 'hmmph' about it. It doesnt bother me what it does is amuse me. That I react that way towards someone who I dont really care about (the girl) in regards to the object of her attention (SE).

It makes me think and it really does amuse me. I smile and chuckle at myself at my reaction. Ill find myself wondering what they are whispering about. I guess another thing is I dont whisper with him. If I have something to say to him whether its something thats considered flirty Ill say it out loud and make sure that other people hear and can join in. Otherwise whispering just makes people wonder...like I did :)

Its mostly ribbing each other like you do when you have some sort of interest in someone. One of the people who I found extremely amusing and who was a big supporter of SE and I getting together and becoming a couple is no longer part of our class. Hes been asked to leave for reasons unknown. So Im sad to see him go and now I wonder who will take his place and tease us both in that respect. Im sure someone will.

It was a quiet affair for my sisters Birthday. We went to The Keg Steakhouse. I gave her what I thought would be well taken as far as gifts go. Money. I know not very original. But I wanted to make sure that I wasnt going to disappoint her with something that I would have picked out. Im not very girly when it comes to that. Im not a big fan of shopping for other people as Im not sure what they need, want or are looking at. Shopping for myself? Different story altogether.

We laughed, drank and ate enough to give my Visa a workout. Its not every day that your little sister turns 24. She tried to help with the bill but that just wouldnt do. She managed to slip me some bills before she got out of the car. Actually she slipped it into the center console and sent me a text message the day after to make sure I got it. Ill be returning what she left me. Silly girl. I love her.

We had a ridiculous amount of snow that fell over the weekend something upwards of 45 cms. Ill have to say it was beautiful. Magical even. Just not very nice for people who were driving around getting stuck. I was lucky to have gotten in on time so as to not have had those problems. I did help a few people go on with their drive. It was nice. I felt helpful and I was hoping that it would help with my karmic adventure of life.

Ive taken some pictures from my cell phone and hope that Im able to figure out how to get them up on the blog here. Theres a lot of snow. Driving around in it is done very carefully. Its hard to see around the corner to see whats coming. Better safe than sorry.

Its funny, Im not really available to do much, me being in training that is. Seeing how my time at home is taken up with preparing for the next day. Its difficult to make plans on short notice. Now that Im quite busy with preparing for the next day, my cell phone has been ringing off the hook. Sometimes when I forget to put it in vibrate while in class it will ring and Ill get teased about how popular I am. Dont worry I tease as good as I get.

Some of the instructors are really nice and tease me along with the class. Actually no ones really given me a hard time about it but Ive gotten better at making sure that its on silent or vibrate. They have enough to tease me about and Im just trying to keep it to a minimum.

Yesterday I did something that I wasnt sure was avoidable. I asked one of the guys I was with and they said that no matter how hot I was they wouldnt lie to me. I laughed and was taken aback a little bit as I wasnt fishing for compliments. I was just looking for honesty.

Spontaneous and unexpected compliments like that always put me in a good mood. So dont be shy about handing those out to people that you want to compliment. Its always nice. I find. You never know how much it means to that person so I recommend something as simple as 'you look really nice today' or 'that color really looks nice on you' Try those out and see how they work for you.

D and I were able to get together for a little while yesterday and it was a rollercoaster trying to set something up. It was fun and very funny. We talked about a few things that were serious and other things that involved us. I tend to shy and beat around the bush when it comes to having to ask him something sometimes. He thinks its cute. Im just glad that were able to talk about things that are on my mind and that hes open to talking about it and not just sweeping it under the rug.

Its funny, people thinking that Im pretty, hot or something along those lines. When I look at myself in the mirror I can see where I want to make improvements and where I am making improvements. I wonder if they can see it like I see it. Probably not. I mean they do see it but I think it doesnt bother them as much as it does me.

Thats why sometimes Its easy and others not so. Once we realize that people dont care about the same things we care about it will make us feel better. Knowing that we all have different perspectives and different ideas of whats hot or not.

One of my girlfriends is trying to set something up so that we can get together and spend some time together. Its hard with my schedule but were trying.

One of the instructors, the one my imagination runs wild with, is self conscious about something which I find adorable. We had some time to talk about things and that came up and I just smiled to myself thinking that if he knew what I was thinking...

I think it might be a little inappropriate for me to mention something now but in about 3 weeks when my training is finished Ill mention something. Of course Ill have to prefice it with something of an disclaimer so he'll get a bigger kick out of it.

I think he wanted me to be in his group today. He didnt realize that I was in a different group and pulled me aside. I had to mention that I didnt think I was with him and he kind of gave me that 'oh darn' look. Cute. Maybe another time...

Still on the treadmill for an hour a day at least Im starting to do interval training where I go all out for a minute every 10-12 minutes. Trying to trick my body :) Not sure if my body is being tricked but its a nice change of pace.

Im tired and feel like going to bed but I cant. I have so much to do. Im afraid of taking a nap because I might not wake up until morning. Id rather do what I need to do now and get it all done before I go to bed otherwise I run the risk of not being prepared.

One day at a time :)

March 8th

Today is International Womens Day.

Its also my Sisters Birthday :)

Sister,

I love you on your Birthday and every day before but specially those that come after.

Always,
Your favorite sister :)