2018!!!

So many things have happened... the most recent is in the Soup Category. Lets call him Mike. He's almost a decade older than I am and has the most delicious voice. Its smooth and silky with that Irish accent thats distinguishably sexy.

Other than his voice, of which I am a big fan, he's into a few things that Im curious about. I wont go into details... for now. But he seems like a great fit.

Only issue is.... He's in Ireland and Im... well... Im not.

Which begs the question... would I ever uproot my life for someone? Would someone uproot their life for me? Now this is all way ahead of our time but these are things that have flitted through my mind.

Ill be posting again. Whether the content is good or not lol I don't know. But I still write.

share worthy news...

Im in lust! ... but thats pretty much normal for me lol

I ended it with DM but found myself returning for a tryst or three.... ok more. Ive laid my cards on the table and told him that I want to meet others and be with others. We can either end things or he can agree to having an 'open relationship'

404 - Looking forward

I have a trip planned for this April, Ill be heading towards Southern California. Im excited. Its still a ways away but Im looking forward to getting away from the normal day to day things that I have to deal with here. Im not complaining about my life but its nice to get away for a little while. Even better to not have to deal with winter and everything that comes with it.

Ill be going for just under three weeks and thats not long enough to take in what Id like to take in, see who I need to see and do what I need to do.

The first half of my trip will be spent with family who are all flying in to spend time together. Its been  a little over two years since we were all together like this so that will be fun and awkward. But mostly fun with lots of catching up and laughter. So long as we keep the good times rolling then that will do nicely.

The second half sees the rest of the family flying back to their respective destinations while I remain to enjoy the homestead as I see fit. Which is where AS of LA comes in. Not to be confused with AS of Ottawa :)

I met AS of LA the last time I was in California. We hit it off from the start and he did all the right things that garnered him invites to spend more time with me until it was my time to go. It was such a natural ease of comfort for me to be with him that I jumped into 'crazy girl mode' which I warned him about and said not to pay it any mind as it just needed to get out of my system. I assured him that there would be no 'bad' crazy to deal with. Life is so full of drama that I try not to contribute to it. He laughed at me and said he appreciates the warning :)

The most important thing I told him to focus on while 'the girl' got her way for a time was that .... In that moment, that time and space we were together. It was perfect, exactly what I needed on so many levels. And he fit that bill at that time. After that, its all projection in my head and that would easily be fazed out with the distance between us.

We have kept in touch with each other to not cut ties but I fear it may be different when we reconnect as its been a while. Ive shared that with him but hes not worried about how things will be between us. Its nice to have someone counter my worries and toss them aside like they are nothing... specially when its nothing. When its a legitimate worry he does address them and we act accordingly.

It would have been nice to be able to see him since that last visit but life can be a huge deterrent. I wont share what he does for a living but he works in the entertainment industry and living in LA Im fascinated with what he does and who he gets to interact with. He says its not as glamorous as I think it is to me and its so different from anything Ive had to deal with that it is. I tell him that all the time and its the truth which I think makes him puff out his chest that much more. I think its attractive.

Will this be something serious? Its hard to tell. Long distance relationships dont have the best track record and well, there are other things to consider. So for now. Its nice that there will be someone to add to my little black book even if they are in Southern California.

In the meantime, locally I have AS of Ottawa that continues to demonstrate what keeps me wanting.

324 - in the air

They are on a hiring frenzie here at J1. The rest of the group is a bit put off by it, because not only are they hiring someone to replace me. They are looking to hire a second person as well. They have each individually spoken to management and brought up the topic of a raise and that was turned down.

Someone put it this way. 'They need to hire two people to replace you?' I just laughed at that and silently agreed.

Instead of keeping their current employees happy they will go ahead and hire someone newOK 2 new people now. Im not sure why that is as they will save more money by giving everyone a raise. Keep them happy and show them that they are valued as employees. When the department brings in, in one month 45 Gs more than the same month the year before. Theres room to share the wealth, just a tiny bit of it.

There are 2 other people in my dept who are looking for something different. They are seeing that there is no give from the company even when they are working hard and producing. I dont blame them. One day after theyve hired enough people and are trying to figure out why they cant hold on to their employees they might decide to make the position a little more attractive by making it more attractive.

So Im happy that I have found something new and different. Im nervous about it but thats normal. They are calling for 25+ cm of snow starting today. Im not looking forward to that. I think it will be a movie night in.

I see D once a week now that our schedules are insane again. I miss him a little but not enough to make me do anything rash. He calls me throughout the day and we talk for a while. Its nice. Im not asking to see more of him. I shouldnt have to. Its at a point where Im backing away little by little.

I went out with one of my girlfriends who works with someone that wants to meet me. I asked her if I knew him and she said no. I asked her how he knew about me and she has mentioned me a few times in their conversations. She wants to set us up. I told her to go for it.

I told her a few things regarding The Soup and how things are going there and she asked me if I had time to meet with J2. I said Id make time. Its never THAT busy. I can always make time to meet with someone for 30 min to see if theres anything there to pursue. No matter if they dont make it in The Soup for any reason. That doesnt mean were not meant to be friends.

I have missed 2 of J1s calls. Im undecided about J. Im thinking of how I can fit J into my schedule and how much maintenance it will be to keep him in The Soup. Here are my thoughts. He is mobile which works for me as he lives about a 45 minute drive from me and Im not familiar with his area and well... Im just not a fan of long commutes.

His only mode of communication is the telephone. Which I usally dont mind as thats usually the best way to get me. But I do enjoy the occaional email. What I dont like is that he only calls me between 4-5pm. If I should be busy and in the middle of something or tied up :) I dont have a number to reach him so I just leave it to him to get in touch with me and leave messages if he cant get me.

Which makes me think that he has either a girlfriend/wife that wouldnt appreciate a message left for him from yours truly. I know youre thinking that I should just ask for his number but Ill pass. That means that I have the ability to call him, which I wont. So theres no real point in having it.

We shall see.

I heard from A and hes working on something and will call me back to let me know. Hes another elusive one. Im glad nothing sexual has happened between us. (for now) As it seems it would be a vanishing act after the act. I hear from him every few weeks if that. So I wouldnt want to get physically involved with someone that I knew wasnt... reliable, consistent or detailed. But things could always turn around. Who knows!?

M3 is thinking of coming to Ottawa for a night if my plans for a vacation dont go through. Im undecided there as he has certain ideas and Im all for them but on my time. I tell him that it will happen just not when he wants it because I dont plan things all the time. When things are planned I feel out of place. IE. Planning to go out for dinner and drinks is ok. What happens during dinner and while were having drinks is unknown. Hes got ideas of going to a place and having this done and that done and then continue to do this and that.


That doesnt do it for me and really doesnt do him any good as it just turns me off and away from wanting to do things with him. I try to tell him that but when thats all hes thinking of and hes thinking that hes lucky that I havent slapped him in the face and walked away. I think he thinks I like it but I dont. Again Ive told him and he just wont listen.

What he doesnt understand is that we will get together and when we do we will.. do things. It just wont be how he thinks it will happen. Leave some spontenaity in it. I told him that expecting things to happen a certain way will only leave him disappointed.

If I happen not to go away for a week I think Ill visit a friend of mine in Toronto. Time away for relaxing. Things are all up in the air.

322 - soup and snow

I haven't seen D as much as I would have liked since his return, we've both been busy. Ive seen him once and that was yesterday and it went well. I'm nervous about seeing him again though.

I either want to blow his mind, just take control and have my way with him. Or I want it slow and sweet and still blow his mind of course. Its me not him. I feel shy like meeting someone new. That kind of shyness. I guess its just uncertainty. But I think that this time its normal as we had a serious conversation.

Ive got a new matching pink lacy bra that I need some feedback on. Ill try it out with him next time...

J called me and I wasn't expecting his call. I almost didn't recognize his voice. We talked for a bit and he apologized for calling earlier than he said he was going to. He wanted to call to let me know he wouldn't be able to call when he said he would because of something important coming up at work. I liked that he did that and we'll see each other this Saturday. We still haven't decided where we would meet but that's OK.

A called me and we talked for a little bit. There's a lot of teasing that happens when were on the phone but how that translates when were together face to face isn't the same. I'm almost hesitant with him. Kind of unsure. I think that's because he is very vague with things and how he answers questions isn't really answering them but deflective almost. I can live with it but it makes things a little intriguing in a way that might not be favorable for him. We shall see.


I spoke to G2 and its been over a year since we last spoke. He has a new girlfriend which is nice. Hes kicked the ex out of his place. Who was a girl he was starting to see when I met him. Hes an interesting guy. Really smart. Works with radioactive beams for medical machines. Interesting. I think. Anyway. I think.. that working with all those radioactive beams might have you know altered him you know. And I don't think he is spider man. Hes a cutie.


I let The Big Dog off her leash last night. I rarely do that. We were in the middle of a field and the show was high enough to get in my boots. (My dog walking boots) I let her off leash and she had a blast running at top speed. It was a lot of fun. We chased each other and against the moonlit snow I thought she was beautiful. The Big Dog in her black shiny coat running with the wind in her face. There was no mistaking where she was. Even when she was crouching down I could tell where she was hiding from me.


I felt happy letting her run in the snow. She looked happy and we played tug of war with her leash. She would have stayed out there for hours more if she had her way. I took her in after an hour or so.

It doesn't take much to make me happy.

306 - calling

Darling - OK Im bringing it up. This thing that were doing. When I start working with you.. What will happen between us and our situation?

D - That's up to you.

I wonder how its up to me because hes the one that told me that he doesn't mix his work life with his sex life. That he doesn't date co-workers.. and that's exactly what I will be in the hopefully early new year. A co-worker that is.

Darling - That's the thing though how can it be up to me when you're the one who said that you don't do that. I mean don't you think that would be weird?

D - Well that's what you said. That it would be weird.

Darling - Not for the same reasons as you're thinking. I just think it would be weird to all of a sudden stop. If I was already working there and we met there then it wouldn't happen. But since we met prior to me starting there. Don't you think it would be weird to just turn it off, cut it off cold turkey, that's it that's all you've had your fun move on to the next one?

D - I'm OK with it if we continue on.

This confuses me as now hes going back on what he said before? That or hes realizing what it is he'll be giving up? Or have I just not been paying attention and we've both been thinking the same of the other. That the other person wanted to end the arrangement after I start there. Deep down I think that's what this is. A matter of both of us not wanting it to end and thinking that the other person did.

Darling - OK, so... we'll just continue on and keep it going.

D- We'll continue on.

This isn't the end of that conversation. Ill have to ask him a few other things just because I'm too nosy to keep it to myself. Right now I cant really recall what else I wanted to bring up :) Silly me.

Before we had that conversation hes mentioned things like when I start working there Ill have a lot of men asking me out. It wont just be the guys I work with he says, it will also be clients. Ill have my pick of whoever I want. Upon hearing that I would make glib comments and change the topic to something similar.

I cant decide if its because he wants me to start looking for someone new. Or if he wants to see what my reaction will be and if I bite on the idea of having men thrown themselves at me. Highly unlikely for those of you who are wondering. For men to be throwing themselves at me that is.

Hes reacted on a few occasions when Ive mentioned people I have to go see or have dinners with. I mentioned going to Toronto to visit a friend of mine sometime and Ive mentioned meeting a friend who lives in Chicago and this guy and that guy. Never mentioning what kind of relationship it is. Just that they are friends. Most times I wont even say whether its a guy or not just a general friend. Could be female.

So his reactions have been interesting, like. Who are you going to visit this time? Or who is coming to visit you? There's been mention of dates Ive gone on with that hmmm knowing tone that someone uses when they don't really know. Cute really.

There's nothing wrong with his reactions. Its human to react. Maybe its a good thing that hes reacting otherwise the alternative would be no reaction and that he doesn't care? :) AHA!

D is working extra hours as hes trying to get his trip to be completely paid off. Hes planning on going to Florida in January sometime. No he hasn't asked me if I would like to go with him. Hes going with a couple of guys that he works with and I know that hell have his hands full. I'm not worried about the normal things. I'm just worried that I wont have my daily fix of D.

As much as I think about going with them I know Ill be in the midst of hopefully... training for the job. That or my life. It should be good.

Another thought I had was this trip to San Diego and how Ill be able to keep in touch with D. I feel like a geek thinking about that but I will miss talking to him. One of two things will happen. Distance makes the heart grow fonder or distance will make the heart go wander.

I'm hoping for fonder but we shall see. I might be able to count on one hand the days in which we didn't speak for the whole day. By no means were the days consecutive. My vacation is putting me in a spot where its making me think like a girl.

Must stop that. Ill still have a cell phone with me so I wont be completely cut off. You never know who will be calling.

297 - typos

I had my sister book our flight to San Diego yesterday. I got the confirmation forwarded to me and I didn't notice until noon today. My itinerary had a bit of a typo. Instead of reading Darling it read Dalring.

Tickets are non refundable and names on tickets cannot be changed. Ooops. I called Hotwire and explained the situation and Justin helped me out and said that they don't usually refund tickets. In my case since it was less than 24 hours since I made the purchase he would refund Dalrings ticket and charge me the exact same fare for the exact same flight/connections and so on and so forth.

I'm glad I caught that mistake in time and not at the airport at the time of travel. My sister got an earful from me but we laughed about it in the end. Mistakes happen. I know I do it often when I type out my name. The fingers fly over the keyboard like they have minds of their own.

Not to worry, Ive fixed it thankfully and I even changed my travel insurance as well to make sure that it was linked to the right ticket. You never know what you might need when you travel specially when you're flying on Christmas day.

My dad is funny. He just moved to a new house in San Diego within the past few months and hes been living on his own and told us he was scrambling to get furniture. :) A bachelor in his 50's! I told him not to go crazy for us. We'll be happy to camp out on the beaches.

Were excited. The only thing I'm worried about... is not getting my passport in time for travel. EEK! I sent my application in Tues Nov 27th and they are to mail it out on Dec 11th by registered mail and I should be getting it on the 14th. However with delays because of the rush of mail/packages being sent for the Holidays. I'm scared that it will get lost and forgotten behind someones seat... and I wont be asked to put mine in the upright position.

So I'm very excited. A week of no snow. A week of sand, sea and sunshine. No work... which reminds me to make sure to mention to that I ll be needing time off at J1, J2 and J3.

So that's that. I'm going on vacation. My next one will be somewhere where its all inclusive and Ill be all seductive...

277 - over and under

I went out with D after I worked the hockey game on Saturday. He finished work a couple of hours after I did so I went out with my sister for a couple of drinks instead of heading home. My sister and I went to a Pub close to her place and we had a few drinks and caught up on whats been happening and not happening in our lives.


It was good to see her. We've both been busy so it was a treat to hang out. After a few drinks I get a call from D letting me know that it wont just be the two of us. That he bumped into a high school friend and that he'll be out with us as well. Kind of bummed but that's OK. Its always nice to meet other people.


I get there first but before I do D calls to make sure I'm on my way. I'm late once and hes always thinking Ill be late. See why I don't like being late? I don't know if its that I don't like being late.. I think its more of I don't want anyone to doubt me. Ill be there.


I think its cute as I know hes teasing me and not doing it to make me feel bad. At least that's what I tell myself :) So Even if he was trying to make me feel bad it wouldn't work as it is pretty small and not worth fighting over.

We met at Local Heroes which is a midpoint between both our places and its pretty easy to get to. I got there first and then he walked in. I wanted to take him home and do naughty things to and with him. But I held off on that idea.

His friends came shortly after and his friend Jason and Pete were nice. It was Pete's Birthday and Jason works with D. I found myself having drink after drink and I was really enjoying myself. It was neat to hear them talk about their school days together and more interesting was their drinking years.

While conversations run rampant above the tables. Hands were getting busy underneath. I found myself pulled by the alcohol to a horny stupor. First my knee found his and together they maintained contact. Then came my hand to rest on his knee which occasionally would squeeze gently. I would then find my hand roaming up his thigh only to return to his knee.

When that didn't receive any objections I continued that every so often, often enough to feel him grow.. ing. Very erotic as on the surface were all proper and lean down and well, we just weren't. I'm sure you can tell how amorous I was feeling. I was imagine no Pete or Jason there with D and I naked in places that I didn't care about just as long as we were naked and together.

At some point after drink 6 or 7 I went to the ladies room and found myself wondering about if I might feel his hand on my knee, my bare knee at that. I went out and the power of thought is indeed great and we must have been thinking the same thing as there was some definite reciprocation under the table and more to boot. At drink number I don't recall anymore. I went back to the ladies room and on my way out and about 10 feet from our table. I took a quick look around and saw that we were alone in that area.

More importantly, that I was alone and no one could see what I was to do next. I shimmied out of my panties as D was looking my way. I winked at him and he just smiled at me as I seated myself. My knee swung open to the side and I saw him lean back in his chair and see his eyes dart down. His jaw clenched and as he leaned back to the table his hand found his way to me.

Oh the man can tease and please.

My hand found his zipper and found him straining. Oh how things are looking up. I would wonder every so often if the other guys knew what was happening. I also wondered if I flashed anyone else. We were sitting on high bar stools around a table and well there was ample opportunity for a flash here and there. Unintentional on my part of course.

I got teased quite often by Jason who got a kick that I was newly 28. I teased right back that soon he wouldn't be allowed out without a chaperone hence he forgets his name or where he needed to go. It was all good times.

At the end of the night and way past the time they should have been closed. D went to the men's room and I was left to say goodbyes. Jason asked for a kiss. So I leaned in and he aimed for my lips. I turned my head to one side. He kissed my cheek. He also said no no a real kiss on the lips. So he leaned down again and I turned my head to the other side and winked at Pete as he kissed me on the other cheek. Pete laughed and I smiled. So for being a good sport about it I gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

It was after all Petes Birthday so I gave him the same deal. Cheek, cheek, lips. Then the bartender lets me know that D is waiting for me at the door. I look and hes watching me. I dont feel guilty. But there was a thought. 'I wonder if he saw that and what hes thinking.' I go to him and he opens the door for me.

Outside, alone.
We kiss. We touch.
We try to get into each others clothes.
The door opens and its the guys.
We part.
I lean into him and ask if hes coming over.
He says He wants to but cant.
I tell him he kills me, turn and walk away.
Not after I run my hands over him.
I know he wants me.
I know its not that he doesn't want to. Hes just got other things
I walk backwards to my car, were both watching each other.

I get in my car and watch him drive away. Soon after I drive home I get a text from him 'Don't be mad, Ill make it up to you.' That doesn't take away the need that's been building inside me. But it does make me melt just a little bit. My reply? 'You kill me but I still want you.. I'm not mad'

Its his day off today. Hes got plans which is fine. G is coming over tonight. Then Ill be hanging out with one of my girl friends.

Then I'm bartending on Thurs, Fri and Saturday. I said no to Sunday because Ill be at J3.

Oh and the interview. Tuesday Oct 9th at 12:30. Send good vibes please :)

261 - obits

I called A and left a voicemail. He wasn't feeling well and I wanted to make sure he was on the mend and getting better not worse. I hadn't heard from him in a couple of days so that worried me. I decided to call him last night and lo and behold. He answers.

I teased him by telling him I was about to check the obituaries to see if he showed up there. He laughed and said he was about to call me. I teased him again telling him he was now obligated to say that. I'm such a girl.

He tells me he wanted to call me before he left. I asked him where he was going and he said he was on his way to Mexico. 'Without me?' I said and he laughed. 'Next time' he said. Hes going to check on investments.

I didn't ask what kind of investments and felt relieved when he mentioned looking at his property there. Phew. Nothing of the illegal kind please. Ive got enough problems. It was just a thought that came in and left just as quickly.

So I was kind of 'I want to go to Mexico' for a moment or two while on the phone with him. Not this time though, I know that I cant just up and go. Maybe one day. All in timing right?

I didn't ask how long he was gone for. He didn't offer that information. I'm OK with it. Its good to have a break from what I'm not sure. But things are good so Ill leave it as that. The question of when he was going did come up and he said he was in the parking lot. I laughed and asked if it was the parking lot to pick me up and he said after a pause. 'The parking lot of the airport'

It made me think that the trip is happening ASAP and that its pretty neat that he can make plans like that and leave right away. I know that there's a large divide between where I am financially and where he is. Kind of ridiculous really. What is interesting is that we know each other.

I thought I was bad with my social calendar. Hes even worse and he doesn't even have a calendar or anything much to do. Which is something I find annoying. Very, extremely even. So trying to plan something plan anything like going for lunch or dinner or drinks is like pulling teeth. Hes a spur of the moment person and depending on what needs to be done kind of person. Ill let you know person.

Arg. I like spontaneity as much as the next person but I also want to be able to say 'great idea! Lets go!' Instead of 'I cant Ive got something I cant get out of' Which really doesn't help in the spontaneity are but Its still nice to have an idea of when he would be able to go out and do something. Morning, noon or nights. I have no clue. Actually the only suggestion he made was for me to take the day off.

Which I thought of doing and tried to find a way to still be getting paid for the day at work. I couldnt find a way not to lose my income for the day and I told him maybe a Sat or Sun. But I wouldnt be able to take a day off. I reminded him not everyone had the kind of income he did. To which he offerred to take care of my income for the day so I didnt feel the loss.

Hmmm interesting...