253 - Fantastic mood

D isn't just looking out for me. Or well.. I should say hes not only thinking about me. Hes also thinking of one of my Gfs.


Phone call today went as follows...

D - I think you should tell your Gfs that she should apply for this position. I mean you guys could do it together and ...

I'm smiling while hes talking to me because hes not just thinking of me. Hes been thinking of my friend who hes never met. Her situation which Ive shared with him and has offered to help her with things that I wouldn't be able to help with.

Darling - How long have you been thinking of this?

D - Well, I just feel bad about whats happening to her with her old job and think that she should give it a try.

So we talk some more about things, good things, future things, maybe not together future things but things that involve the future and making it better.

Holy you can imagine the warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy. Just a big happy grin on my face and I was just thinking it would be nice to be sitting on the patio with him talking abut this face to face. (blush) Don't go there... I'm not.

So I'm in a fantastic mood. I cannot describe just how. In this euphoric state. I send this text from my revived phone. (My friends think its my cell phone going on strike from all the use it was getting... did you know you're supposed to turn the phone off every so often to re-establish the signal and so on?... I didn't... up until its attempt at suicide, I hadn't turned it off since I got it on May 26th. Oooops)

Darling - I'm meeting with my GF tonight for dinner and drinks or something like that :) Ill mention what we talked about earlier and see that she says. Oh and I think you're fantastic!

D - Why do you think I am fantastic?

Darling - Many reasons.. want me to list them?

D - Is this about sex again?

Darling - Lol I knew you would think that but its not just the sex that I think is fantastic.

Darling - Do I make it seem like its about sex all the time?

D - No not at all!! ;)

Darling - LOL Hmmm k .. You are fantastic because you.. look out 4 family, friends and pets. Ur smart about a lot of things and share the knowledge.. I find anyway. You work and enjoy what you do. Ur all around happy and I like the way you think even if it means I pout for a bit. In more ways than one you turn me on -blush-

D - You're making me blush stop

Darling - I was blushing the whole time I typed it out but its true.. and if Ive never said it before I'm glad you said 'Hi' to me on St Patricks Day.

I thought about it after a bit and felt kind of silly about sharing that. I couldn't honestly tell you how he hes feeling and what hes thinking. I just wanted to share. I didn't see anything wrong about saying good things to someone I like. I know it would make me feel great if the roles were reversed.

I guess what I wanted to do was give a little back. I mean he unknowingly made me feel fantastic about thinking about my friend and her situation and offering up a suggestion. I like that he thinks about other things like that. Its nice and its all positive. I haven't heard him make suggestions to bring people down its to help which I find attractive.

The difference.

I knew I would make him (or hope to have made him) feel fantastic.. directly.

Life is too short. Don't want for the perfect moment to tell the person you like/love and any other emotion there is, the moment is now.

Thanks for stopping by :)

252 - cat-like

I went out with my sister and her S.O yesterday. We did groceries together and then went out to eat at Outback Steakhouse which were not planning on going to any time soon or ever again for that matter. The food was OK. What were not going back for is the service. Really bad experience, the waitress took forever to come around and take our order, fill our drinks and just had a bad attitude overall.

I know good service because I provide it when I work and the end of someones time with me I know they are happy. We laugh, we joke, we flirt. I cant control the product that's in question but I can control me.

I felt like asking her how she does on tips. Probably ok but Id like to tell her shed make more if she changed her attitude. So no more Outback Steakhouse for the three of us. Go figure we try something new and end up not enjoying the experience. But we enjoyed our own company which was fabulous.

I got home and walked The Big Dog, took a shower, prepared lunch and snacks for the next day and took out the garbage. I was tired but kind of restless so I was just putting things away and getting things done sooner than later.

As soon as my head hit the pillow and I drew up the blanket to my chin I was out. I slept well and woke up without the alarm clock. I took The Bog Dog out a bit longer than I usually do in the morning. It was beautiful out. Not too hot, not too cold. The sun slowly peaking through clouds and it was quiet.

Inside my apartment after feeding the dog and making breakfast. I was running around with one heel on, changing from a black skirt and a dressy tube top to a sundress. I didn't think to pick something out the night before or think of what I would wear while I was out with The Big Dog.

Oh did I mention we were cruising around town in an 86 Cadillac? I sat n the back seat and felt little. It was plush and comfy. And selling for $3000.00 If it weren't so bad on gas mileage Id have taken it but I can only drive one car at a time so I'm not a big fan of letting things sit. It was fun to drive around in it.

We got many comments wherever we went which was fun. I even told D about it. Its in really good shape. Driven by a little old lady who didn't take it out in the winter. Shes decided to move to a retirement home and doesn't need the car anymore hence the car being for sale.

I wasn't planning on going out yesterday but did anyway. It was good to go out but I know I would have enjoyed staying in for some rest and relaxation as well. Plenty of time to fit everything in.

I think this weekend.. other then the Casino night that's planned for Saturday. It will be spent relaxing. Again nothing else is planned other than going to the Casino but if something should come up then my weekend plans will change.

Ohh I have to mention watching the movie Bogeyman. It scares me. Ive been watching the DVD now for about 4 days and Ive been watching it in installments of 15-20 minutes or so. I can only handle that much per day otherwise Ill be a wimp for a while.

This way I enjoy the movie and I am able to watch it by myself while my dinner is heating up. My sister laughed at me when I told her. Its OK. I laughed at myself too for the ingenious idea. Now I was also thinking of inviting someone over to watch it with me but then I know Id miss the movie because I would want to distract myself from the horror with the body beside me :)

When I'm alone and to distract myself from being way too involved in the movie I'm on the floor doing sit ups or some sort of exercise that keeps me on the floor and off of the edge of the seat and from biting my nails.

Well that's enough about me being a scaredy(sic) cat.

251 - Memory

Hmmm does anyone else forget the last time they were in coitus?

The last time I had sex was early Monday morning. Remember? I didn't. I should consult this blog more often to see what Ive been up to. D and I were texting and it seems like its been a while since we had sex and I mentioned that to him and he asked me if I forgot about Monday. I did forget... until he reminded me of it.

Now in my defence. I was extremely sleepy while this exchange was happening and felt all sorts of lazy and had an overall want to be outside and not working.

How could I forget about sex with D Monday at 4:30am? easy. I was half asleep then.. and I was half asleep at the time I needed to remember it. Which adds to memory malfunction.

I do feel bad about not being able to recall it. I did however tell him in detail what happened on that early morning rendezvous. How he pulled the blankets over us both, gathered me close so our bodies were flushed and how he teased me with his fingers until he thought I was ready enough for him to slip himself...

I just wanted to let him know that I didn't forget :) So I reminded him.

He doesn't buy it though he still thinks I forgot. How do I make it up to him? I don't really need to make it up to him I just want to so he can have his way with me sexually. That way we both win. Always look for win win situation. Remember that everyone! Never withhold sex in any relationship. That's wrong and that means no one gets any.

Which brings me to this next issue. Is my memory really that bad? I know I hit my head that one time but I didn't think it would affect anything. The Big Dog and I were playing and she felt the need to swing her hammer head right on the side of my head about 2-3 inches from my left temple. I had a headache for a few minutes and couldn't comfortably open my mouth for about 10-15 minutes.

Thoughts that went through my mind at that time goes as follows.

I hope this doesn't cause any damage as I shake my head and say 'ow'.
Gosh this must be what a migraine feels like. Or a bad headache anyway.
I wonder if that's the one spot that really vulnerable? I hope not
Silly dog
Silly me for that matter.
If I'm not able to open my mouth... ill lose weight because I wont eat so much
If I'm not able to open my mouth... Ill never perform oral sex again
I hope the pain goes away soon...

It did go away... and came back about a week ago when... I was walking the Big Dog and I had my hands full when a lucky mofer of a mosquito bit me an inch or so from my hairline on the left side causing the exact same feeling to occur. Minus the headache which means not quite exactly but close. It was the difficulty opening my mouth widely. You know for a good satisfying... yawn.

It eventually went away as did the identifying bump of the flying nuisance and for your information I continue to eat :)

OK so I don't ordinarily forget when the last time I had sex was. I really was sleepy. So I'm asking... if you were sleeping with someone and you realized they forgot the last time you were physically together. What would you think?

250 - Better mood

The world has righted itself again. Was it off kilter in the first place you wonder? Well maybe not your world but mine was just a teeny tiny bit.

My cell phone bill about $180.00
My cell phone was kaput.
Had to put The Little One to sleep.
Meet and greets aren't turning out so neat and sweet.

How has it righted itself?

I called my cell phone provider and managed to lower the bill to $68.08. I also managed to get until the end of Sept2007 free local calls and texts.

Leaving my cell phone laying in the sun on my bed with the fan blowing over it Its ALIVE! Its good to know that other people have gone through it and advice/tips are always worth listening to.

I had a dream with The Little One in it and shes happy. Theres a small weight off my shoulders as I was a little worried.

Its all a matter of time that the next meet and greet will be neat and sweet. Plus just because they might not be in the soup doesn't mean I just toss them aside. Ive made a new friend :)

249 - tentative

So I had tentative plans for last night with one of my girlfriends. Chances weren't looking great as she was at a funeral all day. I did think she might need some cheering up. Maybe thats not ... proper?

Shes a new cell phone owner. Which ordinarily I have nothing against... (her or cell phones) I think its great she finally has one. I did run through the rules of cell phone ownership.. several times.

Rule # 1 You should always have the cell phone with you.

Rule # 2 You should always have the cell phone with you.

Rule # 3 Don't forget rule number one and two.

(I nabbed the format from the movie Fight Club)

Its not that shes mentally challenged. Shes not. Shes quite bright. We all have our moments I know I do :) We met working together at the airport a few years back and have stayed friends after we went our separate ways from. Now she is bright but cant seem to grasp any of the basic rules of cell phone ownership. Yet.

On numerous occasions, ill call and leave voicemail for her. Ill also be out with her some nights and find out she doesn't have her cell phone. Which brings over her boyfriend to tell her that he called and didn't get an answer so he parked outside until we got back. Apparently he really needed something from her car.

So instead of being with her to hash out details of our lives as we know it. Hes sitting around being antisocial. Which puts me in a pouty mood and kind of makes me want to just get up and leave and leave them both together.

I don't particularly care for people who are always down and can suck in other people and their energy to feel the same way with just being in close proximity. Energy zappers. Blech. They can all congregate together and suck each other off. HA! (not to be crude)

So anyway that night was a write off. Id have had more fun at home by myself. But that's not what friends do right? They stick it out and chill and relax and enjoy the wine. Thank goodness for wine. It was a nice Cabernet Shiraz.

So last night? Called and was annoyed that I didn't get a call back at all. All night. I felt like I was dealing with a boy. A boy who doesn't call back. Kind of reminded me of R from way early in my blog. But this time its one of my girlfriends. So I was all geared and dressed to go out.

Had a sundress and a light sweater over top. No phone call. I put on Hitch on DVD and don't pay too much attention to it. So I redo my nails. As they are drying I get a phone call from my sister and just like that I have plans. Shopping. We go pick up a couple of things and look at different styles and compare prices.

My phone rings and its B2 who I have to cancel a coffee date with for Thurs/tonight. Something came up and Ive been promising to go to it and I should, otherwise it wouldn't look good. So I reschedule with him for next Monday night, same time and place.

I tell my sister about it and shes coming as well. I need an ally. Another female that is. I don't imagine it will turn into a late night tonight but its possible.

I missed a call by less than a second and D thinks I'm screening my phone calls again. Silly really. I think he just likes to tease me. Speaking of teases. I want to see him again and I get excited when we do see each other.

Yesterday made us both laugh. Those big belly laughs that bring forth tears. It was hilarious. In the middle of the day after not hearing from him for a while. He sends me a text message saying.

D - What are your plans for tonight?

Now ordinarily and to anyone else this would seem innocent and simple. Someone wants to know what I have planned. But for me in my big state of euphoria that hes yet again distracting me from work. I reply with... as I am thinking the following...

My thoughts... OMG I sooo hope we can either go out, sit on a patio, have a few drinks or not or just talk. Or that he comes over and does that thing he does which makes me do that thing I do :) Maybe he wants to come out with my girlfriend tonight? Ohhhh the possibilities :)

Darling - I'm going out with one of my GFs... I'm excited to know why you're asking and what you might want to plan. Ideas?

I'm on a small rush of possible excitement. Waiting. In anticipation. I'm all giddy. Girly. Giggling.

And then it hits me. Ohhhhh hes soooo teasing me! He got me. I'm hit. I'm hit.

I call him immediately and he doesn't say Hi. Hes just laughing. Which makes me laugh too. Because I really did think that something was going to happen that night. I really thought that he had some idea of him coming over or something. His laughing cleared it up and gave us both a good laugh.

When I could talk I said. 'I totally fell for it' Which made him laugh. Have I mentioned that I really like his laugh? It makes me smile.

D - 'I sent it to tease you, I was just typing out a reply for you.'

Darling - I sooo fell for it. You don't know how excited I was... you really know how to tease me don't you?'

It was a great conversation. Garsh... I do like him and he knows it. Thank goodness its not a secret anymore :)

PS the thing with tentative plans are just that. Its tentative. What's a girl to do? :)

Out on left field. July passed by fairly quickly. Ill have to pay rent again. Imagine that!! LOL Time really does fly by when youre having fun. It is fun isnt it? :)

248 - foul mood

Calling myself all sorts of stupid and anything idiotic today. Ive put myself in a foul mood. Foul Mood. FOUL MOOD.

The only way Ill feel better is to spend a whole lot of money to make it right. To make me feel better and to continue the life that I lead... normally. or as close to normal as I can manage.

Did I...

Option A - Get preggers. EEK!

Option B - Get arrested for indecent exposure. OK maybe not quite arrested... more like a slap on the bum for being so.. cheeky HA!

Option C - Drop my phone in the pool. Resuscitation was futile. There is no life in this phone.

So yeah I'm in a foul mood. Even morning sex couldn't take the cloud of frustration away. I'm sad, having all sorts of moments of self depreciation over a phone. Somethings wrong with me. Its my addiction other than doing the mambo horizontally.

I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep... in hopes of waking up beside a brand spanking new or same (but working) cell phone. If only it were that easy right?

Ill be heading to the cell phone place where I got it. Ive only had it since May 26th 2007. I'm hoping that Ill be able to get it sent out to be... blow dried? I mean what else can they do with it? I'm not sure what they can do or if it is even possible to be repaired... from water damage.

Well I guess this is the first CDA that Ive given it away in the same post what the answer was. I'm just too distraught. Overly. So much that I'm even considering asking for a hug. (sigh) Any takers? A nice solid hug, with arms that are strong, comforting and comfortable. I like hugs. By the by, I also wanted to make sure it was clear what my adventure was and that there are no big takers on Options A and B.

I need a hug. I'm tired and feel sappy.

Waking up at 430am for morning sex doesn't agree with me.. anymore. I'm not used to it since Ds schedule changed and were having less sex than before. I just want to go back to bed after work... Am I that lucky??

Nooooo... Today I have to meet... (draws a blank... doesn't want to confuse with tomorrows date...) Oh yes. I have a date with (thinks again to confirm if I'm thinking of the right person..)

Oh yes the date tonight is with B2 or is it B3? B2 I believe. Different names... it just happens to start with the same letter... Giving them numbers would just seem... wrong in a certain camp kind of way. (That's it for the negative connotation in this paragraph)

B2, coffee tonight. J, coffee tomorrow night. Incidentally, they are both at the same location. I'm not sure if that's the smartest thing for me to have done. Make it at the same place. I was thinking of going to a watering hole down the way but Ive already exhausted that location and I'm sure the waitresses think I must be the most popular thing since sliced bread. So I decided to give that place a break. Its one thing to go to the same place with the same people but if you go with different people all the time... well... you know.. Don't want anyone to get the wrong impression :)

I'm just a girl with a sometimes overbooked schedule.

OK so I had some spaghetti and I feel much better. Yes I made it. Not from scratch but it was still very good and Ive been told it tastes like it was made from scratch :) Made with love.. (awww)

Ive been told to let the phone dry out totally and bring it in to get replaced or repaired. I hope they can do that. Its been less than a year so its still under warranty. Lets hope shall we? I'm hoping it miraculously repairs itself and magically removes all charges for the rest of my life from its database LOL I know. I just want it to be OK and if its that bad then to get a new phone.

Ill be in withdrawals. I'm scared to find out how I will be without it. On my person everyday 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Don't worry... I have a backup :) When a girl knows her weakness.. she always makes sure theres a backup (wink)

Hope you all had a great weekend. Will catch up more later...

Dream, Fantasy, Truth or Fiction

Candles are lit across the room. I look down and my exposed skin looks enticing. I have a sheer green wrap, panties that would come off with a slight tug of the string tied on either side. Under the wrap, with the panties, is a lacy fitted tank top.

The door opens, he lays down and I stand by the side of the bed. He looks me over taking in what I have on and his eyes linger in places where there is exposed skin and the movement of my hands catches his attention. I reach and let my fingers trail over him softly. He grows with every stroke, every motion back and forth over him.

He pulls me closer and makes the wrap fall to the floor. With a look of approval he takes his hands and traces my breasts, cups them and shower them with attention. My nipples enjoy this and I squeeze him just so and his breath catches. I lean down and press my lips against his. We kiss, tongues playful.

He has pulled my breasts free. They are cupped by his hands and contoured with the lace gathered underneath them. His tongue swirls around them and he alternates one with the other, making them hard peaks. Goosebumps cover my body and I have a delicious shiver up my spine. His fingers continue to move inside me making me bite my lip slightly. My hips moving back and forth with him.

I dip my head low and take him in my mouth and feel how hard he is. I breath in his scent. My one hand cupping him in my hand the other wrapped around him. I hear him exhale and slowly move my head up and down over him. Lips soft around him. His fingers still when I tighten my lips. But they still deep, deep inside me and we both throb against each other.

I stand up and he slips out of me as I find my way in between his legs to continue to feel him harden in my mouth. He has pulled on the ties and soon has my clothes thrown around the room. My hand and my mouth alternate over him and soon he is pulling me up and our hands locks together where his body starts pumping up into mine while I bring my body down to meet his.

Slowing things down a little our tongues dance and his hands roam. They play with my already hard nipples. They tighten even more with every caress of his thumb. I lean back and watch his hand trail down to where we meet and his thumb continues to caress. My head is thrown back, my hands tighten on his knees and he doesn't stop until my body springs forward back to face him. My hands braced on either side of his head, he takes hold of my hips with a tight grip and my breasts feel the force of his thrusts as they move back and forth over his face.

We find ourselves limbs entwined, hearts pumping, breaths coming out hard and fast. Smiling all through it all.

247 - distractions

Sunday

I sleep in. I have no energy. I feel numb. I stay in bed. When I get bored of my bed, I move myself to the couch. When I get bored of the couch, I get up, dressed, washed up and walk the dog for an hour. No real direction just walking.

I return home and feed The Big Dog. I wonder if she knows what happened. If she cares. Im sure she does. She looks bored too. Probably my fault. Im a big ball of boredom. We play tug of war a little bit and get her to do some tricks for treats.

Ive been told were watching a movie before I have to go work FIFA. My brother, sister and her boyfriend and I watch Harry Potter instead of 1408 as I was running a bit late and ended up in the shower when they drove up to my building. I'm usually not late. They don't give me a hard time about it but I apologize for it as its only polite.

We have buckets of popcorn and drinks. I don't eat much of the popcorn. Working in a movie theater for a few years ruined me for popcorn. It was a lot of fun to work there and get all my friends in for free.


Successfully getting my mind and body away from the apt and where The Little Ones images would affect me. They drop me off at home where I change and drive to serve beer to soccer fans. Argentina vs Mexico.

My luck? I get there and they tell me I'm in charge of my bar that night. (sigh) More responsibility. More attention to detail and more focusing required for the night. I wasn't happy about it but I got it all taken cared of. Did my counts and got my product out and ready.

The game went well. I saw some people that I hadn't seen in a while. Got their numbers and made sure my bar ran smoothly.

D and I had plans for after the game. I was looking forward to it. Very much. It feels like a long time since we've gotten together. Work had me stay a bit longer than I would like but I still made it to my place with enough time to change into something he hasn't seen me in before. More importantly, something I wanted to remove for his viewing pleasure.. which I know leads to mine.

246 - Life is Precious

Saturday


Woke up with The Little One curled up by my side. I take deep breaths and calm myself. We lay in bed together for a while until she walks to the edge of the bed wanting off. I pick her up and walk her to the bathroom where she watches me brush my teeth, wash my face and put on clothes for the walk.

Both dogs are with me outside. The Little One is sitting on the grass, nose up in the air, eyes squinted up at the sun. The Big Dog and I walk further and further away. She continues to sit. I tear up a little bit and wipe them off with the back of my hand.

We return to where she sits and I lay back staring up at the sky. I look at her and memories from when we first brought her home came to mind. Memories of her not being able to jump on the sidewalk came to mind. Playing tug of war. So many memories. I shed a few more tears and shes there beside me comforting me. Still.

I trim her nails and give her a haircut a a quick bath. I dry her off and take a quick shower myself. I get dressed all the while shes on my bed. I think this is the only time Ive ever let her sleep with me since Ive moved out to this apt. I'm glad to have had a night with her.

I make a few phone calls and head out. I bring The Little One with me. Shes on my lap her head out the window. I hope she enjoys it. I try to take the long way to get her to enjoy it as long as she can. Its her last car ride.

I meet my sister there and I go in to let them know we've arrived. The clerk asks if I want to take care of payment before. I say yes. I feel numb. I seem to be blinking a little faster. Keeping the tears away. We get her weight. Shes one pound less than the last time we came in a few weeks ago. She stays seated on the weight pad where we've placed her. She doesn't want to stand up or cant very well at this point.

My sisters dog comes to her and The Little One doesn't care much for her. She looks at me and I smile, tell her shes a good girl.

A catheter is put in one of her legs. The vet comes in and asks if we have any questions. I cant speak for fear of losing it. I shake my head. Tears are flowing now and I stay quiet. We spend some time with her. Petting her and talking out loud. To her, about her. How...

We knock on the door and the vet returns with a needle. She asks us if we are ready and want to stay. I nod my head and still cant speak for the lump in my throat wont allow it. The Little One is looking up at me and the vet injects the contents into her blood stream.

Her body sways and falls into the vets hand and shes gently laid down on her side. I still cant speak, the tears are non stop. I can barely see clearly out of them I blink the tears away. I don't have a voice. But I mouth out. I love you. One day we'll all be together. I'm sorry.

Were left alone for a few minutes with her and we all let the tears come and I have a paw in my hand. We say a prayer and wish her a safe journey.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

In an effort not to have me alone. They take me out for lunch and some retail therapy. I'm thankful for it and I am only reminded of what happened when I return home. Where I look at The Little Ones things and toys.

I go off to work, thankful that Im kept busy for another few hours. Theres a part of me that feels bad about making the decision. The other part knows that it was time and that it was the right thing to do.

Life is precious.

245 - Intimate

Fri night.

Had dinner with K at my place. Thai food. One of my favorites. Caught up on a lot of things as its been a while since Ive last seen him. He wore this black dress shirt with white vertical stripes that looked very good on him. Stylish.

Spent time with The Little One. Passed along messages from my Dad in San Diego that he loves her and misses her, that shes been a great part of the family.

I had the intentions of going for groceries after work which never happened. Dont worry I am far from starving.

I walked K down and got into my car. I went to the corner store to get a bottle of water. Walked to the DQ beside the store to use the ladies room. Drove to meet D and his friend for drinks. Much fun.

A little frustrating as D and I didnt have sex at the end of the night. Even after repeated mentions of my intentions. I left 20 minutes before they did and he noticed that I was a little 'not myself'.

I didnt want to wait until they both finished their drinks so I decided to leave. I had to have some control over something, anything obviously my libido wasnt listening to me. So I decided to leave. It was almost closing time for the place anyway. Kiss for D and a quick hug for his friend.

I walked out and didnt look back. Im home and my phone rings. Its D.

D - Youre mad arent you?
Darling - No Im not mad, really. I know you wanted to but couldnt. Im not mad.
D - If this was 3 years ago.. even 2 years ago. Things would be different.
Darling - Yeah
D - I wouldnt have let you walk out of there alone. Theres no way. I wouldnt have taken you there at all. We would just head to your place.
Darling - Theres a thought :)
...

Theres something honest and vulnerable about him during the phone call. I mean I could have been wrong. But there was something there. I know I felt assured... of something. It was a nice feeling. It felt kind of like the after sex cuddle. Intimate. Thats the word.

I pick up The Little One and take her to bed with me. I talk to her and tell her everything that doesnt get voiced with anyone else. I cry. I pull her close to me and she crawls up to my face and licks the tears away. I battle with the conflict in my mind and hold her close.

We fall asleep together. I hope tomorrow doesnt come.

243 - Rose

D - Good thing I jerked off today since we cant meet for lunch

Darling - What about me? I haven't yet today :( Unless its more fun on your own..

D - Ya not so much, always better with you

Darling - :) ahh so you do remember what its like!! JK I love how you make me cum just so you know..

D - That makes me feel good

Darling - It should (never got to send this text, I'm interrupted with him sending)

D - And I love watching you cum

Darling - You should watch more often hint hint :)

D - Its never enough is it

Darling - Enough fo (never got to send this text, I'm interrupted with him sending)

D - Never enough for you

Darling - (I send a blank text by accident Its appropriate as my tummy ins't feeling well. I'm not liking where this is going)

D - It just never seems to be enough

Darling - Its really great, I think the sex is fantastic when were together. I just want more.. when you get me going its like a snowball effe.. (I don't get to send this text as I'm interrupted with him sending)

D - Starting to think you need someone new

I don't know what to think. So I stop and don't think about it prior to dialing his number

D - hello

Darling - Whats with all that nonsense?

D -----

Darling - Is everything OK?

D - I just don't think I can satisfy you

Darling - You do though

D - It seems like its not enough. I know were not together all the time and I know that you're satisfied when we are together but the times when were not together... I know you are always wanting...

Darling - When were together its great. You're right. When were together its fantastic. You get me going and I don't want to stop. But you do stop... because you have to go. I can keep going... but its not the same without you. So I want more. If we had more time together when we do get together and you didn't have to leave right away...

D - I just don't think I'm enough to satisfy you. I think I'm getting a complex or something because of it.

Darling - Is it no longer fun for you?

D - that's not it.

Darling - oh OK (I know... hes told me when its no longer fun then it'll stop)

D - We'll talk about it more another time

Darling - OK, well... have a great day at work

D - thanks


I cant talk to my sister about this. I cant really talk to anyone about this. Its strange. What would I say? I'm seeing this guy who might want out because of my high sex drive. People would either think I am crazy and wonder what kind of high sex drive I have or think he is crazy for wanting to possibly end things with a girl who has a high sex drive.

Thoughts...

He mentioned me going with a boyfriend and I said I didn't have one of those.. did he want me to say he was my boyfriend.. or bite on that one? Nahhh that would have just scared him and I know hes not looking for anything like that.

He didn't invite me to go to Vegas with him when I put it out there. So I got the feeling hes not wanting to have more with me. I don't know, I just wanted to go to Vegas LOL

Is it even my sex drive that's an issue? I don't even know.

I probably shouldn't even continue thinking about it until we talk more about it. How can I not? ARG!! I wonder if hes thinking about what just happened at all? Or if its just my mind going a mile a minute.

I feel like calling him.

Asking him if that was his way of getting an out.

I want to tell him that I do like him but I know hes not looking for a relationship. I'm OK with that because I don't know how to be in one. I just know how to do what it is that I do. Maybe its time for relationship diarrhea? Get it all out there and see what happens.

We talked and I told him its because I am very satisfied with him sexually that I want to have sex with him often. Not that I am not satisfied. Its that I just want to be in coitus and feel that satisfied ... often.

My goodness are you reading this??? Doesn't paint a very flattering picture of me does it? (sigh) Makes me look like a horny rose. (I didn't want to be toad hence the rose)

I told him that he shouldn't feel bad. He has his own life and has things to take care of and cant be at my sexual beck and call, though it would be nice if he were. I also told him that I'm just going through withdrawals. We went from 4-5 times a week to twice a week. Give a girl a break. You cant just cut it off cold turkey and expect me not to be on the edge.

The feel good sexual feelings I have are great but they are clouding other parts of my brain and I need to put an end to that so I don't screw up what I have at the moment. Its not conventional relationship but whatever it is I don't want to yuck it up. Worse case scenario is that we never speak to each other at all. I don't know if I could handle it if there were no sex involved...

Who am I kidding... of course I could handle it. Theres always someone waiting to be the next quasi relationship right? Thank goodness I'm picky.

Hes the main ingredient at the moment. So it seems like a bigger than I make it out to be. Ive got to remind myself that I am still doing my own thing. Making plans with friends, family and I'm also meeting new people :)

Life is good.

Happy Friday the 13th :)

242 - You Are The Best

D - I'm getting more sleep and I feel better

Darling - That's great, hows your sex life?

D - I know I know its taking a beating.

Darling - Mine too.. if you were wondering

D- It'll get better I promise, I'm thinking a couple of times a week is good

Darling - Whoa tiger. Can you handle it that many times?

D - I know but that should keep you happy

Darling - You have no idea what it will take to keep me happy do you?

D- You're like non-stop!

Which brings up the fact that he thinks I am worse than a guy. Is that possible? I don't know what its like to be a guy so I'm not quite sure.

D - Yeah after you have an orgasm its like a switch and you want more

Darling - Isn't that how everyone is? How can you stop an avalanche? Tell me I'm not the only one that wants to keep going.

D - well... not many people are... I guess.

Darling - hmmm Ill see what I can do about that... (not?)



I asked him if we can meet after I go out.



D - But you're already going out

Darling - I know. I'm talking about afterwards

D - laughs

Darling- I'm trying to fit it all in, make time for everyone.

D - We'll see

K is babysitting a friends cat. He took the cat home to make cat sitting easier on him but ended up losing the cat somewhere inside him house. Hiding from his own cats as now they have to share his attentions.

He tells me that he hasn't the cat in half a day and I assure him she will show up sooner or later. I get a text from K that reads Cat Found!

I reply after a few minutes with, I had no doubt of your ability to attract pussy.

His reply, Cheeky.

I'm glad he doesn't have to explain the disappearance of the cat.

FIFA tonight ladies and gents. Lets hope for a busy, non stop, beer drinking fest. Ive saved my nails from being torn to bits by bringing a simple bottle opener which doubles as my beer tab lifting buddy. It never leaves my hand even as I hand over change. I am the best.

Speaking of the best. Let me share with you my little secret of a pick me up. Sounds a bit loser-ish but I decided to do the same thing to most of the people I have on my phone that can receive text messages. I sent a message to myself saying. YOU ARE THE BEST!!

I wont go into details about affirmations and my thought process. I just know that when I read the message on the screen of my cell phone. I felt like the best. I wanted to share that with everyone I knew so I sent them all messages saying the same thing. Not that I was the best because I already knew that. But that they were the best.

I wanted to spread the feel good feeling. I'm nice like that. Since I know I cant satisfy everyone sexually... That would be a feat wouldn't it? Since I cant do that to my male and female friends I wanted to share some kind of warm fuzzy and make their day a bit better and have them smile at least once. So most of them saw the message and did smile and called or sent me a text back.

I won at the casino last night. Ate well and enjoyed the food, wine and company very much. Lots of conversation and laughter. A few glances to other tables showed groups of men together... looking back. It might have been the chocolate sauce I was licking off of my finger but it could also have been the skirt that seems to get shorter every time I wear it. That or my friends ample bosom. Might be a bit of all of the above.

I don't know how to play craps, I don't understand any of the lingo. But I do understand that I did very well for a long time just throwing the dice. I had no clue what I was trying to have come up. No one would tell me. But they were all happy for a while. Until they did a shift change. I knew I should have stopped and asked to change dice... I'm not even sure if that was OK but I wanted to ask. Didn't get a good vibe and knew it would be a bad roll. So I rolled and got a 7 which apparently wasn't good.

I went off and played roulette and won my money there. I should have stayed and played longer but they wanted to leave so I did. Its OK. Leave when you're ahead right?

I did get a call from D while I was having chocolate covered pineapples asking me not to call or text message him if I was out late and needed someone to call/text. I felt a little insulted and told him not to worry he wont be the lucky recipient of any of that, that night.

I know he didn't mean to insult me. He explained by saying that he would wake up if I called or sent a text and he didn't want to turn his phone off while it was charging...waiting for a call from work ... didn't want to miss it and so on.

That's fine with me. Its a new day today and Ive got plans with K tomorrow. J on Tues. Plans with B to have coffee is TBA.

I wont introduce the others... yet. When theres something to share they'll make their appearance. I still have to go through the process of seeing if there is something worth putting effort in with them.

There is a process you know. Its not just those who are interested welcome. Its an interesting process but its mine and people should have safeguards and procedures they follow otherwise its just a matter of time before things become uncomfortable and weird. Don't ask what the procedure is. Its never the same and usually is different per person but the outcome is the same. The general idea is there and and and...

Oh well more for another time.

Don't forget. YOU ARE THE BEST!! :)

241 - additions

I'm thinking in my head that this is something that needs to be dealt with. Its something that I cant have looming up at me in the middle of the day. I blame D. No, I cant, its not all his fault. He was just the trigger. He started this all with an orgasm. Now I want more.

Hes not able to. Give me more that is. So I'm left to my own devices... and quite frankly I don't want to be left with my devices. Time to bring in The Soup. This is why The Soup exists :)

I had to go run a couple of errands and then had planned on meeting with J. Who called to reschedule. ARGGHH!! That's OK. Hes working on opening up his pool and wanted to get it all done in one day. I was invited to use it anytime. I wonder if he decided to open his pool because he heard about my bikini that I wanted to use and have yet to. That couldn't be it.

I put myself under house arrest when I got home. Kind of climbed the walls for a little while. meditated but all I had in my mind were images of me in various positions with blissful expressions on my face. Meditation didn't help. So I put on some music and danced. Soon I noticed that stripper like songs were coming on and that just reminded me of nakedness.

I indulged in some moves that didn't involve a pole and laughed at myself. Still it was a good time. Maybe one day ill have that pole.

I played tug of war with The Big Dog. I win. I always win. Cant have her win otherwise she gloats :) I spent some time with The Little One. Shes not doing so well anymore. For a while she was doing very well. The eye drops and ear ointment seem to have helped a lot. But other things are coming up and shes not looking as happy.

The quality of life has gone down and its time. Really. I'm glad to have has this extra time with her. Its been great. My brother has been spending more time with her as well and has also noticed the decline.

I though to myself if I was in her position what would I want. To go.

Playing with the Little One took me out off of the train to orgasm and made me spend more time with them. Good times. Took some pictures. Told them secrets no one else knows. I know they wont tell anyone. I talked about this and that which helped get it off my chest and mind.

I tired them out and they both went to their beds which are side by side. I went to my room and slept.

Didn't want to get up this morning. Having a lazy day. Nap time for sure later on and then Casino night with a girlfriend and her dad. Should make for an interesting night.

D couldn't meet for lunch today. His dad is coming by to discuss a few things and plan some other things with him. Bummer. Maybe tonight after the casino? We shall see.

I sent K a text while I was in bed last and he called me back immediately. Caught up on things and made plans to meet this Friday night. Hes coming over with dinner. August is coming up fast so I think ill take advantage, I don't think he will mind. I'm also going to pick his male brain apart. He thinks its cute when I do and likes the way I think out loud when were together. Says it gives him an insight to me.

B is in TO until next week. I talked to him for a while too last night and we had a good conversation. We'll get together sometime when he returns. Maybe catch a movie. B called about an hour or so ago thinking I wouldn't answer. He was surprised to hear me answer and I think I flustered him a little bit. He wanted to find out how I slept last night and was planning on leaving me a message. Seeing as he was the last person I talked to. He called and interrupted my sleep which I told him he would pay dearly for. So he sang me a lullaby... well.. he started... didn't finish but he did lull me back to sleep. Bidding me sweet dreams. Nice voice.

So his call today was to let me know hes on his way to Alberta, has a meeting there and will be back in TO tonight. How man will travel. I told him I wasn't happy that I wasn't invited on the trip. Maybe next time he says. We shall see wont we. So when hes back in Ottawa he'll call me again. Looking forward to it B.

B1 is new. Not to be mistaken for B(above) He is interesting. They both are. But B1 is interesting with a twist. Wont go into details yet about him just yet. Ill let things settle first. Hes calling me tonight sometime to discuss when we can go for a drink. I think hes trying to be a 'good boy' and not upset me. It will be interesting with him.

I just called D and told him I was hit by the hornies. He growled something sexy in my ear which didn't help in the pooling dept. Oh how sweet it would have been to meet for a quickie. He thinks I'm constantly on the go. Both socially and sexually. He likes it but I get the feeling he doesn't like it at the same time. Oh well. Ill continue to do what I do.

We had a conversation about Las Vegas and how he wanted to go... I told him I wanted to go too... yes Ill admit I wanted him to ask me to go with him. (blush) He didn't. So I said that's OK Ill go with a friend who I have been meaning to go with for the longest time :) The time is coming. I hope. Should be fun.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... well... of course Ill blog about it. Don't you worry. Sharing is caring, right?!?

He mentioned going to a place where it might be better if I went with a boyfriend... and I said 'well seeing as I don't have one of those at the moment. I think Ill have to make it on my own' again.. I was fishing. Don't ask me what I was thinking. I was fishing and kind of wanted to find out what we are. Which I already know but I want to make sure by hearing it from him and all this just left me in the exact same place as I was before.

Right here :)

Choose Darlings Adventure

The last time I went to the casino I had a major EEK moment. I left my wallet in the bathroom stall. What would make me forget my wallet you ask?

Option A.
I was putting on a brand spanking new purchase of a white bikini and in my excitement left it there.

Option B.
I was so excited about the possibility of winning hundreds of dollars. I left it in there.

Option C.
I was taking off half of the bikini and wasn't paying attention because of my clever idea that I left it there.

Heading to the roulette table I reach into my purse and realize that my wallet has been left behind. I'm hoping that it is still where I left it. Theres a part of me that is thinking its been 3-4 minutes since I have been there. Praying to all the Angels and to all that is good in the world. Hoping that all the good deeds that I have done allows for personal karmic intervention.

My prayers have been answered and my wallet is the topic of discussion at the counter where 3 ladies talk about how to go about finding the owner. I tiptoe my way in and try not to attract attention as I clear my throat and in a tiny voice ... which comes out in a loud voice say 'I am so glad that its still here. Thank you so much ladies for looking after it.'

They smile seeing that its returned to its rightful owner and after a few minutes of sharing lost wallet stories I walked out smiling and with a big weight off my shoulders. I walked up to D and told him I was done gambling for the night. He looked at me incredulously and I filled him in on my great luck. He laughed at me and kissed my forehead. Ill tell you I blushed like a schoolgirl.

We went there with 2 of his friends, 1 Ive met before. The other, the shyest of them all I just met at the start of the road trip. Nice guys. Very entertaining.

I went and did my thing. Flirted with them and the other card players. Rubbed some of my good luck on them and it worked. One was down about a few hundred dollars and wasn't in a great mood as one would expect. I sat by him and made him laugh and talked to the dealer and soon his luck turned around and his cards were making his pile of chips grow.

He told me not to leave and I stayed for a while seeing him feel better and get his money back. I left him. I wanted to spread it around. By then I had a few drinks in me. Since I wasn't playing I was indulging in other.. sins.

D wasn't doing great. Wasn't doing badly either just a waiting game. We looked over at his friend and could tell that he was down again. He facial expressions and demeanor was screaming of loss. We decided to take a break and grab a bite to eat.

Interesting conversations at the table. Not sure if I should have been there to hear any of it but I stuck around so I was included and I threw in my 2 cents here and there.

After eating I decided to try my luck. I was thinking that since I was lucky enough to get my wallet back I should do well gambling.. I know. Its a lame excuse but in theory... :)

I played with D. I followed his rules and played with 100$. I was a little nervous risking it as I though I already won the jackpot getting back my wallet.


Did I....

Option A.
Play long enough to win back my 100$

Option B.
Bet it all on one number to see if I still had something left in the karmic pull.

Option C
Play and have number after number come up letting me walk out with an extra 250$

On the way back D and I sat in the back seat. As we did on the way there. This time it was dark and I had errant thoughts of going at it without the 2 in front knowing. That was unlikely. Instead we held hands. I was OK with it. It was nice. I didn't freak out. We also fell asleep together. My head on his shoulder and we ended up against each other rather comfortably.

So when we had our first date or outing as I should probably call it he tried to hold my hand and I was a little eeked about it. Three months later we hold hands on the way home from a fun road trip. I'm OK with it.

Its all in timing.
I feel kind of clueless .
I need a wake up call.
Don't let me daydream.
That will just start a snowball effect.
Of something that I might not want.

I was talking to my sister about it and told her about the history of hand holding with D and she says that I told him if without words that I wasn't interested in him as someone in my life when I didn't partake in his hand holding plan at the beginning.

That started him on the Friends W Benefits idea and so it has continued on in that fashion. Me being all girly and thinking all funky and wanting to hold hands just means that I'm comfortable with him now and can possibly think of him as someone... significant.

Oh what doe she know! :) lol I taught her a lot of what she knows. I'm such a great teacher. Its times like these where its good to share knowledge because once in a while. Its good to be reminded.

I had sex with D for lunch today. While it was very good. I was left wanting. Not quite satiated. Not quite full. I was a little disappointed and not by his performance. Not in the least. It was great. I'm just in one of those moods. Where if we had kept on going. That I would not have minded looking out the window to see that the moon was out. Forget work I need to have complete sexual satisfaction.

I wanted to be limp and breathing heavily into the bed where pillows once were and are now on the floor. I wanted to continue the ride of the great orgasm that I had. I wanted to continue to rub bodies against each other. I wanted a lot more things that might get a bit graphic for me at the moment as I am blushing away letting my mind run with errant thoughts.

I was glad to have been with him but also sad that I couldn't have what I wanted. Which was just... more.

I need the help that only The Soup can give me. I feel a little tug of hesitation in doing so but I need this to be taken cared of. Otherwise... that's all ill be thinking of.

Plan? Meeting with J tonight for coffee. If things go well... perhaps. If not.. maybe another day with him. If not. I might have to try K.

--------------------------------------------------------------

If perchance you felt a tone of sorrow here. Its because I cant have what I want. I'm having a pouty moment and want to have my cake and eat it too.

240 - better

I don't know why I didn't just ask him. He did.

D - So do you miss me?
Darling - Well if I say yes too many times when you ask I might inflate your ego a bit.
D - laughs
Darling - This time? just a bit... :)

We've been on a bit of an off schedule you see. His schedule for work doesn't allow for repeated/consecutive midnight rendezvous or afternoon delights. Ive been spoiled and I'm feeling it. He feels it too and we've both mentioned how its affecting our sex lives.

The line when its good, its good. When its bad, its bad comes to mind. Unfortunately.

So he knows I miss him and does he mirror that at all? I don't know as I didn't ask. Silly me. I was shy about asking that and I was thinking that it sounded too much like ... something I don't want to describe.

So I leave it... until I send him a text 30 minutes later saying

Darling - I didn't hear if you said you missed me or not... :)
D - You didn't ask
Darling - OK smarty pants, consider this me asking... and??

10 minutes of no reply... like he does to me when I don't reply right away I send him a...

Darling - Wow not even a little bit? :)

45 minutes later.... 45 minutes of me thinking...

- hes so playing with me right now
- is he kidding me right now
- now is not the time to not have a fully charged cell phone
- did I send that to the right person?
- he must not know I hate waiting
- sigh

I'm thinking those thoughts and I'm not having a freak out girly moment. I'm just cool. Thinking but not over thinking. Smiling and laughing at myself really. I have to laugh, if I don't I might do something that would make this post not as much fun to read. I realize that he must have missed me to call and ask me that question. right? right? right?? yessssssssss

So my thoughts went this way...

- he must like me ... even a little
- SUCCESS!!!! (arms up and a big smile on my face)
- no one would ask that question if they thought the answer would be a no.
- no one likes to be told no :) So he knew it was a yes
- because no one likes to hear the word no and ask questions that gets a no :)
- yipee!!

about 15 -20 minutes later the sweet chime of my cell phone letting me know that I have a text reading...

D - of course I miss you
Darling - Its about time! You could give a girl a complex making a girl wait that long. But its nice to know... :)

Hes got plans for Saturday which I has my pinky toe crossed to see if he would ask me to join him. Not happening but that's OK. Ive got things to do that I need to catch up on so I'm glad that were not getting together on Saturday.

I asked him when we would see each other again as its been a while. Last Sunday morning... well its been since last Sunday since I have had... with him. And Tuesday since we've seen each other... for lunch.

He says he wants to try to get together for Sunday but cant promise anything. I'm not bummed or anything its nice to hear that he wants to. If we don't get together that's OK. I still know that he wants to and right now... that's whats important to me. Plus I get to take care of what I need to in other parts of my life :)

I'm such a girl.

Hes such a boy.

Its so good to be where I am at the moment :)

FIFA tonight I think its Brazil against USA. It should be a good game and I'm bringing my flirt on. As usual :) A CW of mine also wants to bar tend FIFA I forgot to call her. Ooops. I will try to hook her up with it. We shall see.

No plans for the weekend. Something might come up as it usually does. Maybe relax on a patio on a nice cool night after work. I plan on getting out of my shell a little bit and always working on becoming better...

239 - organizing

Time is flying. I know I'm not the only one to think that as Ive heard it mentioned numerous times lately. I think it happens to be mentioned more at the end of the month. I thought about it and I don't think of it until its time to pay rent. That's my biggest expense. Not my Visa bill though sometimes it comes close.

I look at my Visa statement sometimes and look at where Ive been and where Ive spent my money. I know you all want to know where Ive been... Ill give you guys a glimpse of where Ive been. Nothing specific otherwise then you'd all know where to find me. (wink) Some places I go to more often than not. But that you must understand and not hold it against me. I hope.

Places Ive used my Visa are as follows and in no particular order of frequency, regularity or totality...

Restaurants
Shoe stores
Hallmark cards
Chapters
Adult stores
Grocery stores
Gas stations

I'm wondering about Visa statements. Its nice to see where Ive gone to spend my money. I'm just wondering about what to do with the actual statement itself. I'm somewhat organized. I have folders for various things to do with banking, investments, health care and so on. Its all together in some kind of order. I'm just not so sure about certain things. Such as...

Am I suppose to keep the statements?
How long am I suppose to keep them?
Am I supposed to hold on to my receipts to cross reference them with items on the statements?

Tangent... some time ago..
I wanted to find out how much money I spent in a month so I tried to conduct a study by holding on to all my receipts for the month , tally it up and see where the majority of it went. That failed miserably as there were receipts everywhere. Purchases that were made and lacked a receipt and just negligence on my part. Needless to say I don't know how much money I spend and on what, until I see the Visa statement and even then it doesn't give me a complete idea, just a partial idea of what kind of damage I can do in a month.

Back to statements...
I also think of what I am supposed to keep and what I should be tossing into the shredder.
In regards to taxes, what am I supposed to hold on to?
I think I hold on to it all because I don't know what I can shred and what not to.

So these are some questions I have and I'm not sure if there is someone specific I could talk to as in a Financial Advisor? Accountant? My bank? I'm not sure. Its a little embarrassing to admit that I don't know what to do with these documents as I'm 27 and should know these things.

Which brings me to thinking of what I make in a month and how I am able to function in society, have a social life, contribute to my RRSPs, feed myself and shop for clothes/shoes, treat and pay when I go out, pay rent and bills, maintain a zero balance as much as possible, go to casinos and lose... I mean I hope I win but I go knowing there's a possibility that I wont walk out with what I walked in with.

I'm just wondering if I'm doing something I shouldn't be financially. Or if there are things I am supposed to be doing that I am currently obviously not. I don't make a boatload of money. I make enough to fund my lifestyle which I really cant complain about. Things could always be better right? Of course Id want to make more but there are things in the way of that. We shall see.

I need help. I was thinking of getting a life coach. LOL or better yet being someone elses life coach. That would be so much fun but so much responsibility and so much power and just so much fun. Much responsibility. Id feel too guilty if things didn't work out. But I guess that's the beauty of that business. Id just be the cheerleader and somewhat of a guider of sorts... must think this through more...

So basically I just need someone or a slew of people that can organize and put together a plan of sorts so that I know things and can take care of things properly without botching it up :)

I'm attempting to organize. More to come on how things go on that.

------------------------------

I just missed Ds call, not on purpose I just couldnt answer. I was busy. He still thinks im screening my calls. I tried to assure him I wasnt which even sounded like I was guilty defending myself.

His new scheule doesnt work well with me. The texting has gone down as hes busier and the calls have as well. Hopefully after things die down it will get better. Lets hope. I wonder if not being in contact as much will creat a break in the delicate platform that we are on..

I cant imagine it not. Its all about proximity. The more time I think people spend together. The more time people stay connected, people stay closer. The more distance you have, the less time spent together in any capacity can only be start to something that needs more work to keep together.

238 - girly moments

I worked another FIFA double header. Not as much fun as the first one I worked. Not as much money either. That's OK. It was on a weekend like the first one. This Friday night is when I work FIFA again. Ive been told that it will be a huge night and It will be much better than last night.

After working I went to meet up with some friends to play pool and have some drinks. I had on a skirt and the red shirt they have us wear for FIFA. I took that off, the shirt that is and replaced it with a halter top.

Much fun and flirting with other pool players later. I could tell I was a bit off on my rocker as I was pretty touchy feely. Giving out hugs and being picked up and twirled in the air. Which I enjoy. No kissing. No lip lock. No sexual contact with the opposite sex. Though I had many fleeting thoughts of how that might happen on and around the pool tables.

I'm home. Just before 2am and feeling a little sexually repressed, send a text message. I know I know. It wasn't even a booty text :) It went as follows.

'Its late. I miss you. I shouldn't even send this but oh well. Feel free to pay this no mind. '

WTF was I thinking? I know that the feel good sexual feelings that I have are clouding the other parts of my brain making me think its an actual relationship but WTF?! I should know better. I just should.

Earlier that same day I send a text message after we spend lunch together and it went along the lines of...

' even after all the sex this past weekend with you, I'm still looking forward to the next time. Should I tone it down a bit?'

Why? Why would I send texts like that? Well let me tell you. I have moments where I am a girl. Where I think like a girl and want to know things a girl wants to know. Like...

-Does he like me
-I wonder what he likes about me
-Would tantric sex work?
-Why don't we cuddle more?
- yada yada yada and beyond!!

Its not a relationship. I know that. I remind myself of that daily. Do I want more? Yes do I want more? No. I don't want more. Whats wrong with that? Everything. If I say I want more then I could possibly just end things or put him off. Not to mention I wont be able to partake in The Soup anymore.

Am I willing to give up The Soup for one person? Ill come off sounding like a complete (fill in the blank) But no, at the moment I'm not able to.

Thought process...

- how can I make him give up his guacamole dip to just be with me, if he has one?
- I don't think I can just be with one person who can satisfy this, that and the other.
- I'm sure it happens when you find a person that satisfies most of this that and the other
- I just haven't. Until then, Ill enjoy what I have on the go.
- As much as I want to believe that I am enough to satisfy everything for one man.
- I know that I'm great and all that wonderful jazz but sometimes people just want more
- how can I live up to someone wanting more than I am?
- I wouldn't make someone else do something that I wasn't willing to do myself.
- fair is fair
- Can we really find that one person who can satisfy us in all the ways were looking for?
...

Hes golfing today and I know hes been up since 6am. I know hes gotten the girly text that I sent early this morning and Ive yet to hear from him. This could be the start of the art of distancing oneself from someone that just crossed the line.

(blush) He just called. No reception where he was. He did get my text thought it was cute and said he was thinking of me too. We seem to be OK. He thinks I'm screening my calls as hes called 4 times and I didn't answer (I was napping and didn't have it on my person to feel it vibrate) so... he thinks I'm screening my calls thinking I gave my number out to some guy last night.

Could he be a tad jealous? Oh and I mentioned to him that Ill be going out tonight and he asks with an exasperated tone. Who are you going out with tonight? Which so made me smile. I told him the girls. I don't think he believes me :P Ill let him stew over that one.

Nope I don't give my number out... often LOL In fact speaking of numbers... guess whose number I did get? A- one Mr Consul General of Panama
B- PC Mr possible boarder for the second bedroom.

How would I get contacts such as these? Being at the right place at the right time.
A- Pouring muchos cervesas avec beaucoup de skill and flirtations.
B- Just walking up to someone and saying Hi.

I so need to learn how to speak Spanish I will borrow my sisters tapes.

Its never good practice to make a contact and not follow up with anything so Ill be hoping to break out of my shy shell and get things going or at least get some form of communications started to see why the world has brought us together at this time.


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Enter TM who calls me 3-4 times a day. He wants to have a long distance relationship but I just wont have that. Hes nice but not enough to put a halt in my daily shenanigans to be in a relationship that would be very lacking in the physical department.

Sweet man though. I don't always answer his calls. I let him know that I am busy and I am. I don't lie about that. But really... you guys should hear some of the messages that he leaves for me. Very kinky and depending on my mood a huge turn on.

I must say that whoever gets me after listening to his messages benefits greatly AHEM!!

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Happy Fourth of July Everyone :)

Be good!

237 - meeting friends

This weekend was great. I worked FIFA U-20 on Saturday and it was great. Lots of fun, lots of people, lots of them drinking and coming back for more. Tips that night were great and I have pocket money for the next week. Which incidentally is also a 4 day week :) Love it when that happens!

Saturday night after working FIFA. D and I start texting right away and he tells me hes out with the boys for a night out and really wants to get together with me afterwards. Yeah its been a while. I know this, he knows this and as of now and what I shared on my post on Friday so do you. I want to get together with him too. I go home about midnight, shower then slip into a nightie and check the lighting and atmosphere. I don't spend much time doing that as its always primed and ready for .. action. My apartment that is... Me on the other hand... well.. that's another story. Or is it?

After a few more texts I become Ds DD for the night. Ill pick him up later on and take him home mu hu ha ha! My home that is. What Ill do with him when I get him there is well... I'm sure you all have an idea or few :)

10 minutes later change of plans. If I want to... I can meet up with him now and meet him at the bar where he and his friends are. Who I have never met. ARG! I kind of have a mind bomb.

I'm really shy you see. I'm pretty shy. I'm very shy. I'm quiet, kind of reserved sometimes and very private. OK I have moments of all the above. It doesn't always happen that they all happen all at the same time. A mind bomb is when it all happens at the same time. When I fell really shy, quiet, reserved and private... add insecure to the mix and there you have a mind bomb.

It lasted long enough for my libido to diffuse the mind bomb which got me into... after much debate on what to wear... into a little black skirt with a little black tank top, sexy heels and and a black sweater. The shyness got through and pulled the sweater on before I left the apartment. Its good to be shy sometimes... it ended up a little chilly and it was perfect for the night. I was dressed.. sexy smart :)

I find parking and bump into a tall man on the street who asks me where I am headed and I let him know I'm heading to the bar. He walks me there a block and a half down and kisses my hand. Sweet. I ring D and he comes out and talks to the doorman who lets me in no questions.

Did I mention I was a little nervous? I'm meeting his friends who hes known since he was 5 years old and one of them an investment banker who tore down a 6 figure home and had another built for 1.5 billion dollars? Another is a paramedic from Calgary. The last one? Never did find out :)

Met his friend R first and got along great from the get go. Phew! He said he loved the way I smelled and asked me if it was my perfume, shampoo or what? I told him it was natural. He laughed and said that could get addicting. I laughed with him and asked him how drunk D was and he said the appropriate thing. Not at all. Good friend. I knew D was there and have been for a while. I'm glad hes a happy drunk. Makes for a good time.

D orders a round for everyone and we carry drinks to the boys on the patio and may I say that I was greeted warmly. Kisses and hugs and laughter. What more could I have asked for? Of yes that's right. Flattery. R for the scent I had on. H for how I looked. G for wondering if they were real or not.

So light banter was exchanged and I gave as good as I got. I saw these men chat up a couple of blond 21 year olds and I felt a little like chopped liver. What can I say? Tall blond leggy ladies always seem to ... well.. that's another post. Anyway. I enjoyed the entertainment. 2 young TBLs who didn't have a clue how to handle the attentions of 3-4 (I say 3-4 because D was there but not paying 'much' attention to them like the rest were) OK so I watched them all and heard the conversation and the subject of ages came up. The ladies aren't into older men. Pity. More for me :)

They didn't know how to handle them. From what I could tell. Did I mention they were all good looking? Anyway... the ladies left and when they did... I heard how they really felt. One had a huge ass. Nice hair, not so nice face. But all in all. Bad attitude. I threw in that 'you guys are awful with women!' Which got me the explanation that their attitudes were awful. So being hot means nothing if the attitude isn't there.

Which brought the conversation to me. Somehow. I wasn't trying to fish and they started to talk about me, right in front of me. It was a little discerning but also quite intriguing. Of course I stayed and held my breath because if I heard anything negative I would have been swallowed by the ground with embarrassment.

Great attitude, no BS, flirty without going over the top. Great body, good looking and can handle being alone with 4 guys who are talking about her. We all laugh and its an all around great night. I don't plan on drinking but have a 3 glasses of rum and diet coke. I spend some time with H and great guy. Hes the one from Calgary. One of D's oldest friends. Who apparently has a memory like an elephant. I test this and tell him my first, middle and last name once. He should before we part for the night recall it for me.

He asked me how D and I met. I blushed and told him that Id let D tell him the story. I wasn't even sure how I feel about how I met D. I don't even think Ive blogged about it. Oh well. I'm not about to now :) dun dun dunnnn...

I get some alone time with D. The boys all look at each other and one comes up with a reason to go in. The rest follow. It looks like it was done on purpose. So D and I make out. Actually I fix my mouth on his and we kiss. He had no choice. Well he did. He just chose to go along with it :) Weeeee!!

The boys come back with more drinks in hand. I haven't finished mine and they tell me to hurry up and catch up. I tell them if I were to catch up I think Id need a whole bottle and a few shots to get where they are. They said that could be arranged and I laughed and told them to be good.

The subject returned to younger women and older men and I kept quiet and listened to them go on about how its much better to be with an older man. I smiled inwardly thinking its nothing I haven't learned before on my own but it was nice to hear. Quite endearing. Its all about finding someone that thinks the same way. Some will. Some wont.

Which brings their next question to me. How old was I? I laugh and ask them how old they think I am. I get kind of nervous and think is there an age where I shouldn't ask this anymore as they might actually think I'm older than I am? Which means that my looks show that I am older than I really am and that wouldn't be good. Who wants to look older than they are? Not me that's for sure.

I get 22 from G, 23-24 from R and '2 and 7' from H. H wins a hug from me and I wonder a couple of things. D heads inside to get another round and leaves me with these guys to which I protest jokingly telling him I might not be safe with these guys. To which the said guys all laugh. Flattery goes both ways. Nothing I cant handle. I am woman watch me flirt.

I wonder if D told H how old I was? I wonder if guys purposely spout a number they know to be less than what they actually think/know to flatter someone. I wonder if I should censor myself before asking that last I wonder above.

With that out in the open. They say no, not at all. Oh well. That answer works for me. D returns and I do my duty telling G and H that smoking is bad for them. I find them a light and do my duty as the volunteer wing girl to try to hook them up with available ladies.

The ladies notice how nice I am and all that. Which brings the boys attentions back to me. I'm not trying to get the attention. Its just happening, Its times like these that I am happy in the shadows. I walk to D and I whisper that I cant wait to get him home. He laughs and nibbles on my ear. YUM.

I get pulled away by H who tells D to share. I raise my eyebrow and H says that we should go dance. We head inside and the sweater comes off and eyes take in what was previously covered. The question of whether they were real or not comes back up and I told them they were fake. Mouths dropped open which were helped closed by the next guy and laughter was heard.

They all wanted to feel and I laughed. D however felt the need to exert his presence and reach over to feel a breast. Real he says but the guys are all wanting to feel now too and I laugh it off. R asks how D gets to touch and I look at him and said something along the lines of us having been intimate and like a lightning bolt I hear well we can do that too. He got me there. I laugh that one off too.

After an offer of a hotel room being rented for their viewing pleasure was dutifully declined by yours truly. I promptly took D away, but not after being the social butterfly and making sure they all knew that I enjoyed their company. I did have a lot of fun. It was good to go out and meet some more of his friends. More on that thought later.

Hours later at home and quite a mess later... details aren't really needed are they? (smile) I drove D home. I got back home to my bed about 430am.

Get a wake up call on Sunday at 7am. Misery sure does love company. Thanks for interrupting my dream D. Thanks.