307 - appliances

I know that most women would not appreciate certain things for a present whether it be for Christmas a Birthday or Valentines day etc.

Unless someone has a need for one and you know that it would help.

I know its not the most romantic of gifts, the most expressive or the most thrilling.

I'm wondering if a neck massager is considered an appliance or is it considered something else?

It wasn't a neck massager :)

On the phone D and I were discussing our plans to meet for lunch and I let him decide where we will go. He also adds in that he would like to go to my place afterwards. This takes me by surprise as we don't usually have time to do both. Eat and do the horizontal mambo.. consecutively.

We have lunch and we have a great time, talking, laughing and eating. For some strange reason we both didn't have dinner the night before or have breakfast this morning. So we really enjoyed our lunch.

Outside I check the time and I have roughly 10 minutes until I need to be at work and that wouldn't be enough time. Its never enough time when it comes to the Mambo :) So I broke the news to him and he looked around and then told me that I needed to pull my car up by his.

Confused for a moment and I didn't know what to say so I just did. I pulled up behind his car and he opened his car door and nods inside. I laughed out loud and tilted my head at him and said in the most girliest voice Ive ever heard myself in say 'really?'

Its his turn to laugh at me and he tells me to 'come on.' I wonder if I should leave my car running is the thought that flits through my mind. I let it run and I open my door and take a quick peek around to parking lot. In the middle of the day. I must be crazy. D must be crazy. But I'm horny and D must be horny. So I walk over to the door and he nods towards the back seat.

I keep eye contact with him and hes smiling away. He must be looking forward to this. I'm still a bit taken aback and then I look inside the car and in his back seat is sitting a big box that I'm not sure how he got inside his car.

I realize what it is and I burst out in laughter. Laughter for a couple of reasons.

1 I cant believe he got me that
2 I cant believe that I thought he wanted to have sex in the restaurants parking lot.
3 That I reacted the say I did
4 That I lead myself on the way I did.
5 I'm such a tease to myself.

That was more than a couple but I'm still laughing about it all. He transfers it into my backseat and I marvel at how it actually fit into the backseat. Its a huge box.

D - I wanted to wrap it for you but I was running late to meet you here and I didn't want to keep you waiting.

Darling - That's OK Its got bows on it.

D - That's not all it comes with..

He bends inside his car and pulls out a little basket of goodies. Popcorn, chocolates and more chocolate covered sweets. I laugh some more. Genuinely of course. I never expected it. To be honest I wasn't expecting anything because well.. that's another post.

Darling - I wasn't expecting anything, I think this is really sweet. Out of the blue but really sweet. You'll have to come over some time and share this popcorn with me sometime...

D - Of course

I wasn't expecting anything from him at all and if I was to think of something it would have been something like something. I cant think of anything at the moment. Go figure. OK I lied I was expecting something. But nothing like what he did get. I was expecting some chocolate spread that he would use my body as a canvas.

So I'm still smiling about it. We kiss. We hug. I want to take him home with me but I don't. I get in my car. Roll down my window and say something about women getting appliances for presents.. He laughs and tells me that I need it.

Funnily enough, getting a microwave was something that I was debating on getting for 2008. I told him that when he calls me 2 minutes later. There's laughter in my voice and I want to tell him hes a nut but a good nut. I keep that to myself. Why? because I think I put my foot in my mouth about the women getting appliances as presents comment might have been taken badly.

It wasn't, but still. We talk while were both on our way to work and we laugh about this and that and its all good. I'm happy and for some reason. Really happy.

Over a microwave, sweets and popcorn.

282 - closer and closer

I know Ive been lacking in my posts. I apologize. Ive got tons of posts started that just needs a bit more work. Not having the Internet at home really doesn't help.


On the work front. Things are going well at work. I find myself looking forward to leaving. Ive been with this company going on 5 years and its just time for a change. This new position I'm vying for is something that I'm not 100% sure of. But change is good and this will be a change.


I'm nervous about it but there's a training period and its a wait and see kind of situation. If I don't get the position then that's OK. Ill just be here until I find something else. Ive heard of people doing it the opposite way. Leave the current job first then find something after. I'm not that much of a risk taker so Ill do it this way.

On the family front. My aunts who I haven't seen for more than 15 years will be spending the Christmas holidays with us. I think this will be the first time in a very long time that all the sisters will be spending a holiday together. It will be nice but it will also be very strained as I'm sure being a family get together. Ill be subjected to spending time with someone I would rather not.


My sister is thinking of moving to San Diego. She'll be able to do her class work by correspondence which comes in handy. I'm not sure of the timeline that shes looking at. This depends on when her boy friend gets accepted to teach English in Japan. Its all a wait and see.


My dad is in Puerto Rico and will be there for a while. I sent him an email asking him if hes been following the news of the fires in San Diego. I asked him if his place was affected and Ive yet to hear back from him. I know hes busy so I'm not worried. I am worried about his place there and how things are if its in the area of the fires.


Its my dads Birthday this Friday. We've got a package to send him but seeing as hes in Puerto Rico. We'll be holding on to it until hes back home.


My brother is planning on getting the new Xbox 360. I asked him what his plans were for the one he will be replacing and Ive somewhat convinced him that its new home should be my apartment. I'm not a huge fan of video games. Though I do like fighting games like Street fighter. I don't play long or often, for when I do, my thumb muscles get tired quickly and sometimes cramp up.

The Big dog and I ran through an new area where there's lots of bushes and shrubbery for her to inspect. I think something bit her tail as there looks to be a bug bite of some sort which drives her bonkers. Bonkers as in running around chasing her tail. Makes me shake my head and smile at her silliness.


Speaking of dogs. My sister has asked me to take care of hers when she moves and I do and I don't. I feel bad as it is not being home for The Big dog and having another one will just double the guilt. We shall see. Maybe I could make a bid for her fish. Though I think shes planning on making them a package deal. Dogs and fish go together.


One of my girlfriends. The one in The Penalty Box seems to have redeemed herself somewhat. I have yet to remove her from TPB which seems to work because when shes not in it, things seem to fall to the wayside. I'm bringing dinner over tonight and shes making the pina coladas. She didn't make it right. Its mostly alcohol but that's how we like it. It really packs a punch.


I told her it wont be a late night tonight as Ive got the next stage schedule for tomorrow. I imagine Ill be in bed by 9:30-10pm tonight. Bright and early tomorrow at 8am is when Ive got to be on the ball. Ive warned her Ill just be having 2 drinks and nothing more.


Lunch with D today. Ive left it up to him today. He gets to decide what to do. I'm happy either way. That is if we go to a restaurant for lunch or if we go Chez Darling. Its pretty interesting, all this. How I teeter sometimes from one side to the other. I'm amused by it all and I'm aware theres a risk for something that I might not like but there's also the benefit for something pleasant. Who knows?


I'm not in the market for a relationship. D and I are both in agreement with that. We each have our own reasons for it. So its neat that were OK with how things are. I know I might, sort of, could complicate things by fairy taling it. Though I think in time it will just as things do. Fizzle.


I'm aware I do it though and bring myself back to reality. The only person I share it with is my sister and well... of course you.

So its well after lunch as you can tell and D and I had an interesting conversation. If I get this new job. D and I will be coworkers. Ive never fooled around or been with a coworker and neither has he and we both go by the no hanky panky with co workers. This puts me in a funny pair of slippers and I'm kind of sad.

Ill still want to be with him and I still want to get the job. Another case of wanting to have my cake and eat it too. He says we'll see. I'm OK with it if it has to come to that but I wont be ecstatic about it. I mean. Who would be?

Just another thing to think about which makes it interesting. I cant complain too much. I have my health, my home, friends and family and if worse comes to worse. Ill have BOB around more often than not.

Tomorrow is another big day in the me getting the new job dept. So keep me in mind and send me good, calm and focused thoughts :)

Closer and closer...

275 - Another Day :)

Today is my Birthday.

I'm now 28. :) lol I dont notice how I get older.
I don't look any different.
Feel pretty fantastic
I slept well last night.
Had a great dinner with a friend.

Got a call from one of the other girls at work in a different dept.
I went in. She wasn't feeling well.
I was in the mood to go out to celebrate my last day being 27.
Somehow it didn't happen.
I was hit hard by the sleepies.

D and I talked for a bit. Not as long or as much as we usually do.
I took a shower, said my prayers.. well started them and went to sleep mid prayer.
Oops.

I woke up bright and early.
Took The Big Dog for a walk/jog then a run.
I wonder if she knows what today is.
Silly thought.

Random thoughts in my head.
Write email to Dad letting him know that I love him.
thanking him for the things I grew up with,
letting him know that I didn't want for anything,
that I hope hes happy with me and how Ive lived my life so far.

Things have been planned for the day already.
I wonder if people would be upset if I just wanted to hang out at my place and relax.
I hope people at work don't make a big deal out of today.
I hate being put on the spot.
I would rather have someone play with a certain spot.

I think I should have called in sick.
Too late, people have seen me and that just wouldn't be good.

Things to do.

Pay cell phone bill.
Call bank and ask why they are holding my last deposit.
Pick up some veggies at the groceries.
Book appointment at the spa for some pampering.
Check in on Gramma
Check and reply to emails, text and phone messages
Ride the roller coaster that is my thoughts.

I want to meet D for sex this afternoon. I also want to meet him for lunch. I'm leaning towards lunch... although it would be a great thing to have both. Not only because Its my the big 2-8 but because its Tuesday. Tomorrow would be Wednesday and that's a great way to celebrate!

Ive gotten a call from A and he was all sweet about singing to me. Hes had to go to the Doctors a few times and I know there are things hes not telling me. Which is OK. I don't mind. I'm still a little concerned. Its not my place to pry so if he wants to share more then he will. Ill just be around if he needs me.

So heres to another year. Ive yet to come up with things I want to do while Im 28. There are still some that have yet to be crossed off the list from last year so Ill still work on those.

The journey continues and I hope that its always interesting and exciting.

Have a fantastic day!!

274 - day before

I took a nap and was late meeting D on Friday oh wait Saturday at that time. We were on the phone an hour before we were supposed to meet and I just wanted to rest my eyes and heard the phone ring and answered it.

D- Where are you?
Darling- Ill be there in a few minutes
D- You know you re late.
Darling- I know I'm sorry Ill see you soon

I flip the phone off and throw the blankets off of me and run to my bedroom for some clothes. I don't bother with any bra or panties. I run out with flip flops on my feet and send a prayer up for green lights and no cops.

About 2 minutes away from meeting him and about 8 minutes after talking to him last. He calls again asking where I am . I tell him about 2 minutes away and I'm sorry. He asks me if I was doing something that shall remain nameless. I said no I wasn't.

I told him the truth as much as I was a bit embarrassed to. That I was sleeping. I meant to close my eyes just to relax and ended up sleeping. He said that I should have told him and we didn't have to meet.

In my head I was thinking. Yes I could have but then who knows when we would get together again. I mean I knew it would be some time during the week but our time together is limited and its a treat to see him. It really is.

I get all shy and girly and I hold myself in check sometimes because I literally want to drag him home to bed. Or the car, the nearest park bench or picnic table... you get the idea.

So I tell him that 'I want to see you tonight' I know that we aren't going to have sex but I still want to see him. I cant explain it. I cant tell you if he feels the same way. All I know is that I like... him.

I like talking to him on the home and find it a bit difficult with him cutting back on phone time. I like seeing him in any capacity, whether its just us two or in a group setting. I just like being near him. So I was sleeping and was late seeing him I was still happy to see him even if its for a couple of hours.

Ive also gotten in the habit of kissing him every so often when the mood hits. I just lean in and press my lips to his, pull away and continue on with the conversation. He always smiles when he sees me lean in as well as after I do it. He never does anything that says its not wanted. I don't mind that he doesn't do the same thing. If he does. Ill be surprised. Pleasantly.

What can I say I like him. That and sometimes I have the most incredible urge to take his lower lip between mine and rub my tongue from side to side. Tomorrow...

I wont see him today. Tomorrow we are meeting for lunch unless something comes up that wont allow that to happen. I'm not sure if he knows what tomorrow is. Ive mentioned it without saying it outright. Ive mentioned that it was a week after The Big Dogs. Ive left it at that.

I'm undecided about whether I want him to know or not... or if I want to tell him outright. If he doesn't say anything because he doesn't know then that's OK with me. Its not a big deal. If he happens to mention something then it will be nice. I'm not going to think he doesn't care if nothing happens. Its another day is what it is.

I'm probably not even going to remember until someone calls me to remind me. But much is planned. People who remember have called and made plans to spend some time together. That's nice, I like it that way.

Well another year has gone by. Its been a great year. I didn't do half as much as I wanted to and did too many things that might have been better not. But overall I'm happy and healthy. In the big picture I can improve on certain parts of my life, things are going well in most.

My sister says I still look like I did when I was 18/19. I wonder if that will ever change. Quite possibly. So for now, and everyday that follows.

Enjoy.

Oh and Ill be bar tending more often. As often as I can handle it that is. Ill have to see how my body is doing and how much it can take. Which means Ill also be rearrabging my work schedule for J2 and J3 until I figure out how much I can handle.

271 - muffins

D makes me muffins, blueberry, with fresh blueberries and something about it makes me all girly inside.


He cooks, he cleans, he works, he has fun, he... AND he bakes. I don't know if its any of that. Or if its my delusional self that's thinking he thought of me. In a non sexual way. He put 3 tasty muffins into a zip lock bag, for me.


Garsh I like the guy. He bakes muffins and I'm back to square one, go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect your orgasm. I like him all over again. Of course I never stopped. Its just now, there's more reason to like him.. Oh come on the man bakes!


Which brings to mind... do you know the muffin man? ... enter thought process...


...looking at the word muffin the word muff stands out to me...


I went out with someone whose screen name looked something like.. muff dvr...


... (smile) ...


Back to the muffins, and the muffinmaker they really were tasty. Just how I like them.


To the muffin man. He delivered, just how I like it. Love those lunch dates we have at my apartment. I should be thankful that its a 10 minute drive one way. You don't want to know how many times I have been late in coming back :)


Oh good news. Actually now that I think about it I'm not so sure if its good or not. Hes going back to his Old schedule. He'll be done at about 12:30am or is it 11:30 one or the other. The midnight adventures will re-commence in the first week of September.


I'm always a bit antsy when its been a while since he and I have had sex. Kind of like a kid in a candy store... or a kid in the back seat on a long road trip. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? When will be have sex? When will we have sex?


Its not the same with others in the soup. I think its because Ive singled this one out and hes up at bat?

I sent a text after we went our separate ways. 'I hope it was worth the wait' Playing up to the fact that its been a while. He replied with a damn right LOL

Now for some not so great news. I wont have contact with D until tomorrow. How strange its going to be the first day that we don't have contact for a long period of time. Ill be painting the town red. Him.. not so much but I know ill think of him. I hope he does the same.

258 - waiting

OK So I find D attractive. Hes not Brad Pitt. Interestingly enough I will never end up with

A. Brad Pitt Or

B. a Brad Pitt look alike.

Which is fine by me as some things are meant to remain a fantasy. Other than Brad Pitt, there is also the pirate, the judge and the... Oh come on... You know who your fantasy ladies are.

OK so back to the reason for this post. My sex life hasn't always been this active. Sometimes its been crazier HA! But really I have a healthy sex life. Nothing to write home about. It has its good times and very good times. You know the usual :) But really I wouldnt write home about, as that would just leave me in a perpetual blush.


So Ive been told that D wants to work out and lose 10 lbs. I personally am turned on by him mentally and physically. So I was careful in what I said. I supported him of course and said its great that he wants to be healthier. Though I know he doesn't want to get harpooned when he goes to Venezuela, Cuba or the Dominican Republic. His words not mine. Which really made me laugh and think.. if he thinks he would get harpooned... whatever would they do with me if they saw me? (gulp)

Hes been wanting to do that for the past month or so and just hasn't gotten the drive or motivation. He has it just not consistently.

So his idea to get things done. Is to abstain from sexual intercourse and any acts of self induced pleasure. I don't mind him not masturbating. Its the no sex part that I have issues with as I'm affected.

My first words after hearing that? OK well then lets get to it! How do I help? Need a trainer? How about you and I work out an hour everyday and see how that works. (wink wink) Ive got something that will get your heart rate up and sure to you will lose calories. That made him laugh. It made me want to hole up with him for a week in a hotel to remind him what hes giving up... you know... motivation to remind him what hes going to give up.

Tell me. Is sacrificing sex to lose weight motivation for anyone? After talking about it for a while I thought about it and kind of want to give up sex until I lose x amount as well. Notice how I didn't give up satisfying myself? I'm not sure I could but maybe I could try it out and see how long I last.

We shall see. Hmmm well. Erm, humunummm

I told him that was serious and that he should think long and hard about hindering and messing with my sex life. His not a problem. But mine... tsk tsk. He knows that I wouldn't be happy with the no sex rule so he said hes just thinking about it. But in the event that he does decide to go for it. I would be the first to know.

How considerate huh? :) We both laughed.

So I mentioned that maybe it might work. I'm actually considering it. Imagine? A sex deprived better looking me? Watch out.

Ill have to wait and see what he decides.

257 - kept

I had dinner with G and it was at a restaurant Ive been meaning to visit but just haven't been able to for some reason.

Lovely atmosphere, made me feel like I was in a different place, a different country almost. Very cozy. Food was great and company was even better as I haven't seen him in a couple of months. Hes been away on vacation.

He's taken 3 months off and returns to work sometime this coming September. Ive been thinking of what it would be like to have 3 months off and what I would do. I decided that I couldn't possibly plan something like that if I didn't know how much money I had to play with in that time, to take care of my responsibilities and splurge? Maybe.

Its always good to have friends you don't see for a long period of time. It makes getting together more alive. A little more animated as there's so much to share and talk about and find out in regards to whats happened since the last time we got together.

Lots of conversation ranging from the silly to the intense. Lots of laughter and interruptions. But with friends the interruptions means there's an ease and comfort and the knowledge that its not out of rudeness. Its out of something that just cant wait. Its non stop, topics go back and forth from one to another and back again.

There's an ease with G and I that I feel. Almost like an intimate embrace without the complications that sex brings. At the end of the evening and on our second bottle of wine at my place. I just wanted to cuddle. We did.

We lay in bed together for what seemed a long time and it was nice. He whispers in my ear how he desperately wants to make love to me. I look at him in the eye and smile. Hes a sweetheart. We did it all during dinner. I hope he understood what I meant. I wanted him to know that if we didn't it would still be a fantastic evening.

As much as sex brings people close. Sometimes its everything else that brings you closer. Our time together was intimate and we shared so much that it was something orgasmic.

Interesting facts about the evening. G looks much better with a tan, healthy and happy. Hes thinking of going to a tanning salon once his current one starts to fade. I said if that's what he wanted to do and if it would make him happy go for it. I cautioned him on the perils of going as per all the hype but I also told him that it does wonders for some people.

The benefits of it is, looking better makes you feel better which then transfers to all other parts of life. How other people see you.. healthier and happier. You will have gotten a boost. Peoples perception of you changes. Small but true.

Once in a while its an experience to let someone order for you. Of course as long as you know them and then have an idea of the things that you like. It doesn't happen often but when it does there's a feeling like a kept woman.

Imagine that? Me, kept. HA

252 - cat-like

I went out with my sister and her S.O yesterday. We did groceries together and then went out to eat at Outback Steakhouse which were not planning on going to any time soon or ever again for that matter. The food was OK. What were not going back for is the service. Really bad experience, the waitress took forever to come around and take our order, fill our drinks and just had a bad attitude overall.

I know good service because I provide it when I work and the end of someones time with me I know they are happy. We laugh, we joke, we flirt. I cant control the product that's in question but I can control me.

I felt like asking her how she does on tips. Probably ok but Id like to tell her shed make more if she changed her attitude. So no more Outback Steakhouse for the three of us. Go figure we try something new and end up not enjoying the experience. But we enjoyed our own company which was fabulous.

I got home and walked The Big Dog, took a shower, prepared lunch and snacks for the next day and took out the garbage. I was tired but kind of restless so I was just putting things away and getting things done sooner than later.

As soon as my head hit the pillow and I drew up the blanket to my chin I was out. I slept well and woke up without the alarm clock. I took The Bog Dog out a bit longer than I usually do in the morning. It was beautiful out. Not too hot, not too cold. The sun slowly peaking through clouds and it was quiet.

Inside my apartment after feeding the dog and making breakfast. I was running around with one heel on, changing from a black skirt and a dressy tube top to a sundress. I didn't think to pick something out the night before or think of what I would wear while I was out with The Big Dog.

Oh did I mention we were cruising around town in an 86 Cadillac? I sat n the back seat and felt little. It was plush and comfy. And selling for $3000.00 If it weren't so bad on gas mileage Id have taken it but I can only drive one car at a time so I'm not a big fan of letting things sit. It was fun to drive around in it.

We got many comments wherever we went which was fun. I even told D about it. Its in really good shape. Driven by a little old lady who didn't take it out in the winter. Shes decided to move to a retirement home and doesn't need the car anymore hence the car being for sale.

I wasn't planning on going out yesterday but did anyway. It was good to go out but I know I would have enjoyed staying in for some rest and relaxation as well. Plenty of time to fit everything in.

I think this weekend.. other then the Casino night that's planned for Saturday. It will be spent relaxing. Again nothing else is planned other than going to the Casino but if something should come up then my weekend plans will change.

Ohh I have to mention watching the movie Bogeyman. It scares me. Ive been watching the DVD now for about 4 days and Ive been watching it in installments of 15-20 minutes or so. I can only handle that much per day otherwise Ill be a wimp for a while.

This way I enjoy the movie and I am able to watch it by myself while my dinner is heating up. My sister laughed at me when I told her. Its OK. I laughed at myself too for the ingenious idea. Now I was also thinking of inviting someone over to watch it with me but then I know Id miss the movie because I would want to distract myself from the horror with the body beside me :)

When I'm alone and to distract myself from being way too involved in the movie I'm on the floor doing sit ups or some sort of exercise that keeps me on the floor and off of the edge of the seat and from biting my nails.

Well that's enough about me being a scaredy(sic) cat.

247 - distractions

Sunday

I sleep in. I have no energy. I feel numb. I stay in bed. When I get bored of my bed, I move myself to the couch. When I get bored of the couch, I get up, dressed, washed up and walk the dog for an hour. No real direction just walking.

I return home and feed The Big Dog. I wonder if she knows what happened. If she cares. Im sure she does. She looks bored too. Probably my fault. Im a big ball of boredom. We play tug of war a little bit and get her to do some tricks for treats.

Ive been told were watching a movie before I have to go work FIFA. My brother, sister and her boyfriend and I watch Harry Potter instead of 1408 as I was running a bit late and ended up in the shower when they drove up to my building. I'm usually not late. They don't give me a hard time about it but I apologize for it as its only polite.

We have buckets of popcorn and drinks. I don't eat much of the popcorn. Working in a movie theater for a few years ruined me for popcorn. It was a lot of fun to work there and get all my friends in for free.


Successfully getting my mind and body away from the apt and where The Little Ones images would affect me. They drop me off at home where I change and drive to serve beer to soccer fans. Argentina vs Mexico.

My luck? I get there and they tell me I'm in charge of my bar that night. (sigh) More responsibility. More attention to detail and more focusing required for the night. I wasn't happy about it but I got it all taken cared of. Did my counts and got my product out and ready.

The game went well. I saw some people that I hadn't seen in a while. Got their numbers and made sure my bar ran smoothly.

D and I had plans for after the game. I was looking forward to it. Very much. It feels like a long time since we've gotten together. Work had me stay a bit longer than I would like but I still made it to my place with enough time to change into something he hasn't seen me in before. More importantly, something I wanted to remove for his viewing pleasure.. which I know leads to mine.

242 - You Are The Best

D - I'm getting more sleep and I feel better

Darling - That's great, hows your sex life?

D - I know I know its taking a beating.

Darling - Mine too.. if you were wondering

D- It'll get better I promise, I'm thinking a couple of times a week is good

Darling - Whoa tiger. Can you handle it that many times?

D - I know but that should keep you happy

Darling - You have no idea what it will take to keep me happy do you?

D- You're like non-stop!

Which brings up the fact that he thinks I am worse than a guy. Is that possible? I don't know what its like to be a guy so I'm not quite sure.

D - Yeah after you have an orgasm its like a switch and you want more

Darling - Isn't that how everyone is? How can you stop an avalanche? Tell me I'm not the only one that wants to keep going.

D - well... not many people are... I guess.

Darling - hmmm Ill see what I can do about that... (not?)



I asked him if we can meet after I go out.



D - But you're already going out

Darling - I know. I'm talking about afterwards

D - laughs

Darling- I'm trying to fit it all in, make time for everyone.

D - We'll see

K is babysitting a friends cat. He took the cat home to make cat sitting easier on him but ended up losing the cat somewhere inside him house. Hiding from his own cats as now they have to share his attentions.

He tells me that he hasn't the cat in half a day and I assure him she will show up sooner or later. I get a text from K that reads Cat Found!

I reply after a few minutes with, I had no doubt of your ability to attract pussy.

His reply, Cheeky.

I'm glad he doesn't have to explain the disappearance of the cat.

FIFA tonight ladies and gents. Lets hope for a busy, non stop, beer drinking fest. Ive saved my nails from being torn to bits by bringing a simple bottle opener which doubles as my beer tab lifting buddy. It never leaves my hand even as I hand over change. I am the best.

Speaking of the best. Let me share with you my little secret of a pick me up. Sounds a bit loser-ish but I decided to do the same thing to most of the people I have on my phone that can receive text messages. I sent a message to myself saying. YOU ARE THE BEST!!

I wont go into details about affirmations and my thought process. I just know that when I read the message on the screen of my cell phone. I felt like the best. I wanted to share that with everyone I knew so I sent them all messages saying the same thing. Not that I was the best because I already knew that. But that they were the best.

I wanted to spread the feel good feeling. I'm nice like that. Since I know I cant satisfy everyone sexually... That would be a feat wouldn't it? Since I cant do that to my male and female friends I wanted to share some kind of warm fuzzy and make their day a bit better and have them smile at least once. So most of them saw the message and did smile and called or sent me a text back.

I won at the casino last night. Ate well and enjoyed the food, wine and company very much. Lots of conversation and laughter. A few glances to other tables showed groups of men together... looking back. It might have been the chocolate sauce I was licking off of my finger but it could also have been the skirt that seems to get shorter every time I wear it. That or my friends ample bosom. Might be a bit of all of the above.

I don't know how to play craps, I don't understand any of the lingo. But I do understand that I did very well for a long time just throwing the dice. I had no clue what I was trying to have come up. No one would tell me. But they were all happy for a while. Until they did a shift change. I knew I should have stopped and asked to change dice... I'm not even sure if that was OK but I wanted to ask. Didn't get a good vibe and knew it would be a bad roll. So I rolled and got a 7 which apparently wasn't good.

I went off and played roulette and won my money there. I should have stayed and played longer but they wanted to leave so I did. Its OK. Leave when you're ahead right?

I did get a call from D while I was having chocolate covered pineapples asking me not to call or text message him if I was out late and needed someone to call/text. I felt a little insulted and told him not to worry he wont be the lucky recipient of any of that, that night.

I know he didn't mean to insult me. He explained by saying that he would wake up if I called or sent a text and he didn't want to turn his phone off while it was charging...waiting for a call from work ... didn't want to miss it and so on.

That's fine with me. Its a new day today and Ive got plans with K tomorrow. J on Tues. Plans with B to have coffee is TBA.

I wont introduce the others... yet. When theres something to share they'll make their appearance. I still have to go through the process of seeing if there is something worth putting effort in with them.

There is a process you know. Its not just those who are interested welcome. Its an interesting process but its mine and people should have safeguards and procedures they follow otherwise its just a matter of time before things become uncomfortable and weird. Don't ask what the procedure is. Its never the same and usually is different per person but the outcome is the same. The general idea is there and and and...

Oh well more for another time.

Don't forget. YOU ARE THE BEST!! :)

223 - circle of friends

D and I spent Friday night together. ok spent part of Friday night together. Not the whole thing. I got off work and rushed home for a quick shower, walked and played with the dogs and just got things done so I can be out for the night. The apt is cleaned and tidy, nothing embarrassing and personal lying around that other people might see. Those are all stored in a safe and secret and totally unguessable place :)

He calls me and lets me know hes coming soon and asks me where I am. I tell him that I'm home and he says hes on his way. He gives me a couple of options as to what we can do. Either stay in or go out for drinks. If were staying in he can pick up a few things and be over as soon as he can or we could find a patio and have drinks there.

We christen my bathroom a couple of times and that's the something new he was talking about. Or is it? Ill leave it to your imagination. No, no hints :)

We decide to go to a bar that I hadn't been to before. That could be the something new.. I know you're wondering now :) I was happy either way to stay in or go out, I wanted to stay in because of the fabulous job my AC was doing, but I also wanted to go sit on a patio and have drinks with him. Ill suffer the humidity :)

I wear a jean skirt and a t-shirt that says busy being single in front. He laughs at that shirt and I do too. It wasnt as awkward as I thought it would be, but it was different. I just went with it and enjoyed myself and him and the night.

The bar isn't very crowded. We sit at a table and order drinks. We decide to go for doubles after the first round as the waitress doesn't come by very often. We talk, flirt and talk some more. As glasses are emptied and more come by. Our topics get more personal.

There was a lot of kissing a lot of hugging and at one point I told him I wanted to get on his lap for some fun. He thought about it and told me to hold that thought for later that night. He looked around at the crowd and said that it might start something...

I laughed and we continued to drink. He talked about his family and his friends. How he feels about them and basically shared that hes passionate about friends and family. Awesome.

We also talked about fidelity and marriage, we see eye to eye on that though he might be a bit more open about things that I thought I was. But its easier said than done, for much in life right?

I did something stupid. I laugh at myself for the sheer stupidity of it but I thought what the hell. I told him I liked him and then I found out that its just going to be a friends with benefits thing. Until the fun runs out and then nothing. I don't even think that I meant to tell him that I liked him. I mean I knew I did, but like him as a person. I know who tells people these things? I do. So anyway I got that answer. He gave me a hug after that and said a few things that I didn't hear. all I heard was laughter in my head at how silly I was.

So there. I know what this is. I went through the usual.. whats wrong with me.. and didn't come up with an answer to that so... I'm all right :) Actually even better as things are clear. I'm no longer confused. Kind of bummed but all in all, much better. The amount of alcohol stunted any negative reactions to that :)

I like him as a person, hes great in bed. An all around good guy and if something happened later on then something happens. Its one of those things that I think will be a great .. friendship. No matter how things go. Were both pretty laid back and I think Ive just added a lifer to my circle of friends.

Now onto other things. The Little One is still with me. Plans changed and the Vet asked if I would be OK to rebook for tonight. I said that's no problem. I get to spend more time with her. The weekend was great we went to the park and I gave her a haircut, trimmed her nails and fed her like shes a Queen. The Big One was a tad jealous. But she was treated as well.

So its on for tonight, after work. Then my sister is taking me out for some heavy drinking or as much as I need. Might just be a glass of wine to toast the Little One. I think I'm just scared that I'M doing the wrong thing. That it wont be whats right. Arg.

Shes pretty darn cute though and she still looks the part of a puppy. Shell always be a puppy to me which is why its hard to let her go. Well, Ill leave it at that.

222 - irritated

I'm irritated. Was supposed to meet D for lunch and that didn't happen. I called him at 12:15 like he asked and woke him up from a dead sleep. I felt bad. He said he'd call back. He didn't. I sent a couple of texts his way and got one back at 2:30 letting me know hes sorry and he just got up.

I'm irritated. He sends me another text message saying he'll make it up to me. I hate waiting. I waited. I hate being stood up. I was stood up. So I ate lunch and was irritated with it. It gave me no satisfaction. Not this time.

I'm irritated. My sister and I are trying to set something up with my brother who I have sent numerous text messages to. No replies to any one of them. I was also worried that he was hurt somewhere and couldn't get in touch with me or my sister.

I'm irritated as hes all defensive when I ask him if hes OK and let him know that its polite to get back to someone. Specially if they are family, specially if its to spend some time with them to honor how they are getting older but apparently not smarter. I'm sorry that was uncalled for. I take it back.

I'm irritated as I wanted to go out for dinner with them during the week so I can cry like a baby this weekend when I have to put the Little one down. Now I have to take care of the little one Saturday morning and then celebrate their stupid birthdays.

I'm irritated and shouldn't say their stupid birthday. I just don't know if I can keep it all together.

I'm irritated as 2 days ago was my Aunts Birthday and I didn't even call her to say Happy Birthday. I forgot.

I'm irritated as no one called me to remind me. I know its not anyone else's fault mine but I remind people about other peoples birthdays so they don't look like an idiot.

I'm in the mood to fight. I want to fight and then have angry sex.

I know I wont fight with anyone. I'm not a fighter. I also know that I wont have angry sex.

Ill be celibate for the next 4 days... the joy of being a woman and all that jazz.

OK So hes called me back and is taking the afternoon off of work, not necessarily to spend time with me. But he said he would which is nice. We'll end up doing things together, though this should be telling as we will be spending time together which doesn't involve bodies rubbing against each other. As much as we both would like that... I'm not 100% sure it will happen. Stranger things have happened right?

The heat here today is perfect if a bit much for beach weather. I felt like going but decided against it. Ill be leaving early today, apparently D wants to try something new. I'm curious as to what it is...

I can tell hes looking forward to getting together, I have a mental scream if things go boom because there may be no sex involved in the afternoon/evening we'll be spending together. I wonder how that's going to turn out. I might be tempted to start discussions that I might be ready for.

Ill keep myself busy and have a mouthful of something or another to stop from having that conversation. I mean what? Its only been about 3 and 1/2 months since we've met. That cant be/mean anything. HA!

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- not looking forward to tomorrow,
- will sleep with the Little One tonight
- Treat the Little One to more treats and fanfare
- still conflicted over it all
- Hope you all have a great weekend.

209 - The Baton Rouge

For dinner I had rainbow trout with steamed vegetables. Very well presented on the plate and very tasty. The trout had a great little zest to add to its natural flavor and the vegetables were a colorful decoration around the trout.

Great conversation and gales of laughter for hours during the meal. Its always disarming when people ask personal questions. He did and I answered, cautiously but openly. He deserved a reply and we spent a great evening together.

Now one of the highlights of the evening.

White chocolate cheesecake with raspberry sauce. Decadent. Rich and Sexy. Everything I like in a cheesecake. You probably thought I was going to say man instead of cheesecake didn't you? lol If it happens to come like that along with other requirements then bonus lol

I had this for desert at a restaurant called The Baton Rouge. For anyone that plans on coming to Ottawa at any point. Ill have to bring you there to taste this fabulous cheesecake. I think Ill have it to start! (Its that good)

Like an orgasm in my mouth. Now I know that's not the best way to describe it... but I'm sure you all know what I mean... NOT THAT... it was just very sweet, melt in your mouth goodness.

Just thinking about it makes my mouth water.

205 - celebration

In celebration of the my one year blogging. I treated myself to an an afternoon delight, a quick bite to eat and a long island iced tea to wash it down.

D didn't need a reason to meet with me. I haven't told him about the blog nor do I think will he ever know about it. I thought it was interesting that I celebrate in this fashion. Again I took an extended lunch. Yes I was late returning :) You cant rush an orgasm... well.. thats another post I think.

In the car driving back to work I felt warm. The sun was out when it wasn't when I left work for my afternoon delight, in fact it was a little chilly with the wind. I looked at the mirror and noticed that my face was flushed, continuing the scrutiny I noticed the tell tale signs of a flush on my neck and chest. Oh dear me, I cant very well change into another outfit as that would surely give me away.

On my walk from the parking lot to the building I felt a lot warmer. Post coital glow. I wonder if people will think Ive gone tanning for lunch? I wonder if they will be able to tell that I just had a noontime rendezvous of the orgasmic kind.

As soon as I walk into the office. I hear 'Did you just have a quickie?' My mouth agape and my eyes open wide. I laugh and say 'yes I did'.

Either deny deny deny OR tell the truth. You'll keep them guessing :) They all laughed and asked hat I had for lunch. Chicken.

Sitting at my desk my phone chimes informing me of a text. 'In case you're wondering I'm available for lunch anytime'

I chuckle, wonder and text back' if its actual lunch or each other for lunch.'

'Either/or better if both, I'm easy'

I agreed mentally, he is easy :)

---------------------------------

Update on K Will possibly be seeing him sometime this weekend.

M called asking me if i could get together with him tomorrow sometimes. I said no. More retail therapy with my sister and possibly a new hair cut/do/style... undecided on that

Haven't heard from S and that's OK. When I'm not expecting it Ill hear from him.

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Have a safe and happy long weekend to any and all Canadian readers!! :)

194 - calls

Friday was uneventful. Watched movies and did laundry. I was invited to go out but I declined due to a reason I cant even recall. Wasn't anything serious, not to worry. I watched the end of 28 days. A movie D and I started to watch but didn't exactly watch and finish...

So, not the greatest movie for me but I will end up seeing the next one they have called 28 weeks later. Looks interesting. We shall see. Maybe it gets better... or maybe I just had other things happening and on my mind when I saw the movie :)

Friday night I was on the phone with D and I forgot my laundry in the laundry room. They close the room at 10pm and I remember my clothes at 10:20pm. D joked that the super would have a pair of my panties in his pocket. I hope not. Probably not. I made sure to check the next morning to see if they were all there but not knowing how many I threw in there.. really doesn't help. I decided not to think about it. Just remember to make it down before they close the doors. Silly me.

Saturday was spent shopping with my sister. We had lunch together, did updates on all areas of life. Laughed a lot and tried on a lot of clothes. We would model what we wore and critique each other as only sisters can. Brutally honest. Bought lingerie and told my sister that shes got a great body and could pull off many looks. (No I'm not jealous, but if I looked anything like her Id so take advantage ) ... not that I don't with how I look right now... Everyone has different tastes... I just cater to the ones that well... enjoy how I taste.

Work in the evening and then out to watch the hockey game. Scratch that, that didn't happen the going out to watch the game part. Instead I spent it at home, watching season number 5 of Friends and started to prepare ingredients that I would need to cook the next day.

Talked to D for a bit. Teased him about what I was wearing, something pink, lacy and see through. We talked about this and that and made tent plans to meet during the week.Thought of calling B and didn't. Not a major thing right now. Maybe sometime this week.

Also thought of K and how hes doing and what hes been up to. Wondering if we'll see each other sometime soon. Possibly.Still haven't gotten in touch with K2, not sure that I will. Why you ask? No reason. If it happens it happens if not then... oh well... just so you know.. I haven't totally written him off. We shall see.

Sun, a perfect lazy day spent, napping, tanning on my balcony wearing an original piece by Darling. So original I had to make sure no one else was out on their balcony to see if Darling has any tan lines, talking to good friends on the phone and just laz-ing around. Some snacking, listening to music and playing with the dogs. Great day.

After work that night. I'm on the phone with D as I make my way out to meet my brother and sister at Montana's. Of course I don't tell D who I am meeting because hes already assumed that its with another man. Hes teasing and I know hes fishing but I tell him that Ill be good... I throw out a question that has he ever seen me when I am not good. He brings up an occasion.. and tells me that he loved it and thinks its great. I might have a few drinks and then call it a night.

He teases me some more about being good because I am drinking. Cute really.We've made plans for lunch... for today... which just got postponed to another day. (pout) He said he'd call me later to explain. Considerate :)

Soooo.. in the middle of the call with D, I get an incoming call from a number that I don't recognize and decide to answer it. S... The guy who called while he was in traffic. I have a letter to assign. (simple things make me happy, what can I say?) YAY I have a name lol so I told him it was a bad time and thank you for calling can you call me back later or the next night? He said he would try, I said OK, look forward to it.

FLASH BACK, I think this might be the one that sweats profusely... without any physical contact. I cant recall if that night was excruciatingly hot and humid. I don't think so.

D is nosy and asks who it was, I tell him that people I haven't heard from in a while are coming out of the woodwork. Not a lie, it is someone that I haven't heard from in a while. So he teases me some more. And others that are coming from the woodwork are starting to sprout again.

I'm unsure if he called to see if I was able to meet with D, but as I understood it he was off running errands and didn't mention getting together. So I just continued with my plans. It would have been nice to get together though. Oh well.

Good times with my sister and brother. My aunt was there as well so it was a lot of laughs and had something to eat and we shared a something fried cheesecake that was de-lish

Home to prep for Monday and then off to bed.

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I get a private call from S2. This man and I spoke to each other back in Feb and he was off on vacation and I wasn't sure if Id hear from him when he returned .... I did today. He doesn't recall anything about me aside from the general area that I told him I lived in.

He asked what my schedule was like and I told him evenings was better as I work during the day. He asked if I could meet during the day at all. I said no. Wasn't much else to it than that. He said he'd call me back sometime if something should come up.

189 - childish

Nothing was planned for the weekend and nothing came up that was last minute. I spent Saturday shopping with my sister. I gave myself a starting budget of 100$ to spend and ended up doubling it. We had lunch at a favorite Thai restaurant and had great food and fun conversation.

Turning into the parking lot to get to the restaurant a cab driver decided to try to squeeze himself in before me and I of course didn't let that happen. I don't like stupid people and that extends to stupid drivers. Ill admit that it wasn't even legal for me to turn right where I did so I know we were both in the wrong for that. So I went and found a parking spot and did a mental grr towards stupid drivers. Taxi drivers or not.

I pull into a spot and see behind me the same guy who wanted to squeeze himself in. I'm thinking did he want this exact spot as well? My sister and I get out of the car and I am a little confused about why he was blocking off my car. So I walk towards the restaurant not wanting to give him the time of day. Maybe that was the wrong move? As he rolls his window down and asks me if I have my drivers license.

Darling, Of course I do... do you?

Non English speaking driver. Do you know how to drive? You could lose your life. Next time you lose your life.

My Sister. Are you threatening her???

Darling (and I hate confrontations of this sort) I understand that you may not be pleased about what happened but I had the right of way. Seeing as I am alive and you are as well. Enjoy your day. It might have been your last as well.

Non English speaking driver, says a few things like go get a drivers license and so on.

I take a deep breath and start to walk away. Sooooo not worth my time! I turn when I hear my sister spout out a few expletives at the driver and I smile and laugh. I think shes in a fighting mood as shes saying things that I would entertain thinking of. Shes swearing up and down and really giving it to this guy and hes still in his car.

I tug her arm and she follows me. Shes the fighter, I'm the lover. Both of us are fuming at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. I just get over it faster. As per her request she wants to wait outside for a few minutes to see if he does anything to my car. She apologizes and I tell her not to worry about it. She said some things that I wanted to but didn't and I told her it just wasn't worth it. If we took the time to deal with all the stupid people we came across then wed have a lot of things piling up on the real to do list.

I'm trying to teach her patience, letting go and walking away. The lessons shes teaching me? Ill save for another post :)

So after we see him drop off his wife and child and see them return with a small paper brown bag of some sort of food. We watch the car drive away. My sister apologized for being paranoid as shes worried hell go out and key my car and I know shed feel guilty so I stay outside with her. Calming her down a bit.

Inside we make fun of each other and come up with really witty if a bit late comments that we could have thrown at the man. Some that made us laugh and some that were really mean which involved a jet plane ejecting someone off sans chute :P we are so mean sometimes in thought only of course. In person we are the epitome of sweetness and delight... really. Its sick sometimes really.

That was the highlight of the weekend.

The low light involves me being brave and strong if all a farce. I enjoy horror movies and enjoy the squeak of the doors and the drop of a hammer when I'm not expecting it. So the movie of choice that I thought I could conquer for all future scary movies, was WolfCreek.

Not a good choice. About 30 minutes from the end of the movie I shut it down, almost in tears and hid myself in the safety of my blanket where no evil could get to me. I kicked myself all sorts of ways and felt a little childish as I am a 27 year old... dare I say woman who just spouted of all these things about how great it is to be me and I cant sit through and watch a horror movie in its entirety without almost shedding any tears.

So I tried to and cant do it. I tried to watch it on my own. I do need someone there. About an hour in my hiding place my cell phone rings and I'm reminded of the noise in the move The Grudge with Sarah Michelle Gellar. I'm hoping to not hear that noise when I flip the phone open.

Its D who was in Toronto at the time. I tell him what I did and feel even more like a total girl. Chin quiver and everything and as I tell him what I did or tried to do. I feel the start of ... nerves again. He tells me that I'm OK and that I should wait for him next time I want to do something like that. God the girl in me needed to hear something like that. I needed to feel protected and at the moment distracted from the eerie shadows dancing on my bedroom walls.

It hasn't totally left me. In the parking garage, I look at all the corners to make sure I don't see any movement. I leave quickly and recall the self defence lessons that I learned. Though no one would know what serving the sword means, that or up and over and buddy, around then arm barr (sic).

Oh well, in time I know my head will rest and feel safe. Though if that movie was based on a true story. Whose to say that a movie wont be made from something that happens to me (gulp) This is how people start getting things like... erm... phobias, that's the word... I think. Is it?

Self inflicted insanity? paranoia?

Its amazing what kind of tricks the mind can play. I know ill get over it in a few days. One day ill look back and call myself silly for allowing myself to get to that point. But for now... Ill be sleeping with one eye open :)

Please tell me its cute that I'm this way and that its not something I should worry about :)

188 - laws?

updated 05/01/07

Happy Monday! :) Happy May! (I'm a day early I just realized but I'm excited about May) I was able to get a lot of things done during my lunch hour so I done ever want to hear anyone say that lunch cant be used to do things.

I had my lunch of beef wellington, roasted potatoes and chili seasoned peas and corn.

Drove about 10 minutes away to get to where I get my taxes done. I also ate and drove at the same time. No worries I used a microwave before I got in my car. Steering with my knee is getting easier :) And no I make sure I do that if I am the only one on the road. Otherwise 10 and 2 it is

I handed in my taxes for 2005 and 2006. Midnight tonight is the deadline for year 2006 and I would rather not have penalties for both years if I can help it. I hope that I don't owe. Ill even consider just breaking even however I have no idea how things will turn out. It almost feels like the lottery. Like... I wonder what will happen if... of course in the lottery all you get is a false sense of hope. Here I could get screwed and the lottery wont do that to you.

Other than that? I picked up some clothes that I had altered, I also picked up a pair of boots I had to have the heel redone. I got myself a peanut butter cookie and drove on back to work in time.

So my lunch hour was the most productive time of my day today.

While I was waiting to see someone about my taxes, I called a few friends and touched base with them and made plans for sometime this week. Talked to my sister and sent a few text messages.
I wanted to do some banking while I was out but I didn't really remember what time I had to be back for and thought that I should get back.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Oh on a work update. The lady who punctured her lung. I know its new to you. She was gone for about 3 weeks and shes back now, her lunch OOPS I mean lung has attached itself to the cavity of something (I should pay attention) I do... really... but if it was my Oh wait.. it attached itself to the chest cavity. I guess I just have bad memory. So shes back, and we've also hired a new girl to work full time. So, as good as I am at what I do. I think its time that I flew the coop.

Ive been thinking about leaving this place for a while and I just haven't found anything. I know I could just not come in one day and the following days after that but I'm too conservative about those things and I don't have the balls to do something that drastic. Answer the door naked, walk down a hotel hallway naked, have sex on a picnic table etc I can do. Leave work to make sure I put myself in a position to find a new job. Chicken.

So if anyone knows anyone who is hiring. Excellent pay with lots of time off, perks and gives me free reign on creativity. Let me know. (I know wishful thinking)

Its always good to put things out there like that.. Laws of Quantum Physics. Or it Law of Darling?

178 - juggle

Last night went well, met with M and enjoyed the time spent together, we talked, we tried out a few things and I mu hu ha ha! Found the quickest way to get him off. Very nice, simple and easy. I like leaving him to himself for a few minutes to see what he does, of course there was some viewing pleasure for him and I think what I enjoy about sex is that there is so much to learn about what people enjoy. Everyone is different and likes different things, touches and caresses.

It was entirely too short a visit with M but that's how it goes with him and I. Perfectly fine by me. Hes married to his business. Literally. I think his phone rang more than mine which was a shock. The difference is, my phone was on silent. His was chiming away. No bother he loves what he does and its neat to see that he talks to his family often and is passionate about his work.

He leaves me after a couple of hours and tells me I have the place all to myself until late in the evening. He kisses me goodbye like we were a couple and he was just on his way to a meeting at work, but really hes going back to his life in a different city until the time comes where its gone too long since we've seen each other. I brush my teeth, turn the volume up on my phone and crawl underneath the covers.

I take a short nap to regenerate some energy for the rest of the evening. My phone rings and it is JB, asking me how I am doing and where and when were meeting. I tease him and tell him that he can come over. He asks where and I tell him where I am and he laughs at me telling me its cheesy. I laugh with him because well. I'm not usually so forward. Inside I am thankful that hes declined but I continue to tease him about it and pretend to be insulted. He plays along or falls for it I am not quite so sure.

Hes in the area. I told him to be downtown and I like that he listened. I know there are hockey games going and that hes a huge fan, so I ask him where hes heading and hes heading to The Keg, a steakhouse. I tell him ill meet him after I finish my nap which he has interrupted and he coaxes me out of bed and into my clothes. Quite the charmer. He hasn't charmed me out of them but hes charmed me into them. That's... new.

On my way to my car, I get lost trying to find my car. As I'm looking for my car B calls and we talk a bit. Ill be seeing B on Thursday night this week. That's if things all go well. I lose connection as I'm going down the elevator to the parking levels. I look at my phone and shake my head, I telepathically send B a mental mssg telling him ill call him when Ive got a moment. Lets hope he got that.

This would be the second time I have been to The Keg Steakhouse. The first time was in Kingston with a good friend, great time there too!!

So after finding a parking spot I walk nervously to meet JB. I don't quite know why I am nervous. Possibly because I somewhat like his voice on the phone, like his attitude, and that he doesn't take it lying down and actually keeps me on my toes, somewhat. First meetings are always a bit awkward but fun and interesting.

I walk into the bar side and look down the bar and don't seem to notice anyone that looks like him. I reach in my pocket to call him and I turn around to go outside to be able to speak without yelling when who do I see sitting in the corner? JB. sitting smiling at me. I shake my head at him as hes has seen my whole less than graceful entrance. I walk over to him and sit beside him.

Its a bit different as now there is the whole idea of being face to face and I'm not sure if I can give as good as I get face to face in the repartee dept. I wonder if I am destined to be the perfect woman only via the telephone. I shake that thought of as impossible!

Hes already ordered a beer and has the menu open. I order a drink and out of nervousness I order something that I don't really care for. I must be really nervous for more than the usual meeting someone new reasons.

We talk and its easy, we continue to tease each other but I'm not sure why I am there. I don't know what to do with him, where to put him or how to act. Its not someone I want to have sex with. OK I had that one slip where I did offer up my body and was duly shot down. Don't worry I shot him down just as many times. Its a pretty even/fair deal we've got going on.

I think I know he wont just want to jump in with both feet and eyes closed so hes... safe? I know its a bit cliche... and I don't know a lot of about relationships, specially what goes on in the minds of men.

So I tell him that its good to meet him and all that good stuff. We talk hockey, his phobia of needles and blood. Hes so disturbed by it that he doesn't even want to talk about it.

Dinner comes and its a good meal. Sirloin and shrimp with a plain baked potato which he tells me I have to eat the skin, that's how he does it. I try it and tell him its a bit tough. He laughs. I don't take another bite from the skin.

While there is silence between us as hes watching the game intently and basically being man. I think silently looking at the direction of the TV. I think of not being attracted to him physically right off the bat. However sitting there after a while. I find that I am. Hes tall 6'4. Hes more that a foot taller than I am. Interesting. Kind of a turn on. Hes not skinny, nor is he large. Just... right for his frame.

I was thinking of what it would be like to kiss him. How it would feel to have his tongue against mine and what his large hands would do while we were in lip lock. Knowing that hes a bit reserved made me want to get him to not be.

We stayed til the end of the game long after dinner and I felt somewhat uncomfortable. I just didn't know if I should tell him he could go meet with his friends and that it was nice to meet him. Just an overall strange feeling. I had no idea what to do where to take it or what to say at the end. When the waitress came back with the bill I pulled out my wallet and put some money down and he pushed it back to me. I thanked him and said he didn't have to. He gave me that I'm a man look Ill do this part. I looked back with a what the hell am I doing look and he just gave me that I know that I'm playing with your head. I just shook my head and let it go. I might be imagining things.

I walked him to his truck which was right in front and shook his hand and kissed his cheek, there was s slight collision on the second cheek which he was unaware that I would do and I apologize and said 'I do that.' I told him to drive safe and walked away and didn't look back.

I got on my phone and checked messages. 4 missed calls. Two from B, 1 from D and the other my sister telling me to be safe and be careful, call her if I need anything. Since we've taken that self defence class were both kind of hyped up looking for ways to get into trouble only to use what we've learned to get out of trouble. Silly us.. we know.

I call B back and get a busy signal. I try a few times but continue to get that same signal. No bother he'll call me Wednesday evening like he said he would. I call D and I ask about his day. He was sick with the start of a cold from working 20 hours the previous day and he stayed in bed all day. Sleeping. He has a cold and I told him that as much as I want him to come over later that night, I didn't want him to pass on his cold. He understood and said it was up to me. I kind of caved in the end and put the onus on him. He said he'd feel bad if I got sick but was very tempted.

We talked on and off before I went to bed and while I wasn't on the phone with D, I was wondering how things would change between JB and I after the events of the day with him. The picture he sent me of him he was in a blue shirt. I recognized him that way. The blue caught my attention then travelled up to his face. Bingo. I told him that and he said he figured he'd wear it as Ive seen him in it before. I was also wondering about K and whats happening there. D wants to go on a road trip sometime next week. Ill have to try and get off work somehow. I haven't even thought of booking off work to go to Detroit on the weekend like I said I would to go check out the Film Festival that Frank recommended.

At about 1130pm, I get off the phone the final time for the day. He said if I couldn't sleep he'd be around if I wanted to talk. I said I would probably sleep as soon as I was off the phone with him. I lied. I took a shower, prepared everything I needed for the next day and then went to bed with wet hair. Through out that I was thinking of the men in my life.

What to do with them all and how do I juggle my time and maintain the energy and momentum. How to find time to sleep and if I can compress sleep and yet have them pull me through the next day.

I have a feeling next week will be less exciting than this week, though I have been known to be mistaken on some things. Time will tell...

Whats on the menu for tonight? Girls night with the ladies. Dinner somewhere new and fantastic I think and then some drinks.. Not sure what we'll do after but should be fun, theres much to share and fill each others minds with gleeful laughter.

Oh and I learned yesterday that D's Birthday was on April 11th. I felt kinda odd that I didnt know. I mean there is no 'relationship' but lol I just felt like.. 'Oh I didnt get you anything'... But ill get him something because I have another excuse to go shopping. No other reason :)

167 - body and mind

Last night went well. Though I'm kicking myself in the pants but in a very oh so gentle way that just reminds me hold the leash on my libido tighter... much much tighter.

He calls as I am walking to my car to go home. I asked him where he wanted to meet and he cautiously mentions that he could pick me up. This is sounding more and more like a date, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I freak out for a few minutes thinking 'this is sounding more and more like a date... if its not a date what is it? I do kind of like him in the I'm interested in getting to know you.' But I refuse to call it a date... even if he is coming to pick me up... and were going out together for dinner.

Its strange as I don't have the control anymore. When I drive to meet someone somewhere I can decide when to get there and when to leave. Not having to worry about what will happen after. This is dangerous as I am interested in this guy and the fact that I know he'll be in my apt takes the control away from me and now I have to ... wing it.

So, I am not a mad dater. Actually it comes and goes. Really. He called me while I was in the shower, while I had shampoo in my eyes. He asked what I was doing and I told him. He said that wasn't fair. I laughed and told him not to rush as he might catch me in the nude.

He comes up and we chat for a few moments while my dog holds him away with her playful demeanor. I pull on my leather jacket and walk towards the door and he pulls me in a hug and we lock lips. I am so not in control of this situation. I want to but I don't want to. I want to but I don't want to. I am repeating myself here I know.

I think I don't want to because I want to. Plus this one seems different somehow. You know. He took my hand while we were waiting for the elevator? So he picks me up, holds my hand... but doesn't open the car door for me. Hmmmft! Oh well I can open car doors just as good as the next person.

Dinner was steak, med rare with a red wine sauce. No desert as I was worried about eating meat after not having done so in a while. No, I'm not a vegetarian. I just haven't had red meat in a while.

So after dinner, after covering many topics of interest, after listening to a live entertainment from a pianist. We head out and pass by the casino and I casually mention that I don't fully understand roulette. I mean I get the gist of it but not the whole thing. He quickly turns the car around when its safe to do so and were off to spend some money and hopefully make some as well.

I learned and enjoyed myself. My chip color? Girlishly pink. So apropos. The men laughed when I shared my delight in getting pink for my chips. So I give myself away as someone who has no idea how it all works. Endearing, I am sure.

So we play for a good part of an hour and I don't end up winning anything. He however makes most of what he started with. It ended well and we headed out.

Enter the feeling of dread. Do I? I want to. But I don't want to make it seem too easy. Honestly this libido is a curse. Someone available? Willing, interested. (I'm hopeless) So as hes driving up to my place. I turn to him and tell him if he should so decide to come up he may leave more frustrated than he already is. That's my way of telling him hes not getting the coochie.

He looks at me and leans in and kisses me. Nice. No stomach... Do not start to flutter in anticipation!!! Too late. Pull away and start to reach for the door handle. He puts his hand on my thigh and tells me he'll take his chances. Dear God Help.

Again, he reaches for my hand. I don't censor and actually say 'holding hands already?' He doesn't let go instead he caresses my hand. I have to unlock the door to the building so we separate. We enter the elevator and after the doors silently closes. He pulls me to him and slants his mouth over mine. My mind is screaming slow down and my body is holding itself in check. His hands on me, body flushed against mine. Hes ready. I can feel him and hes pushing himself against me.

The doors swing open and I pull myself away and walk into the hall. Inside I offer him a drink and we sit on the living room. I eye the opposite corner of the sofa and find myself seated right next to him. Traitor of a body doesn't listen to my mind! Who controls who!

Kisses and caresses... Mind and body battling and the night continues...

My phone rings not too long after he leaves and asks if I am OK. I tell him I am and that he is sweet to call. He says he'll call later in the evening and I say OK. I am asleep when he calls... or I tell myself, that's what I will tell him when I talk to him next.

There is no predicament and yet it feels like there is.

166 - evil

I almost forgot to mention D. Met him about 2 weeks ago. A little after F. Nice person, easy to talk to, easy to laugh with and met for drinks late one night last week, weren't able to spend much time together that night but it was nice to get some face time.

We do however talk on the phone and he calls out of the blue to say hi. Sweet. Funnily enough I don't have his number so I don't do any of the contacting. Which suits me just fine at this point, there is no pressure on me to do anything. HA! Makes me look lazy doesn't it?

We'll talk about many things and I'm worried there may come a time when there is nothing to say. Isn't that worrisome? It is to me. I know there is a world to talk about but sometimes I think of silly things like running out of things to say.

He has a nice voice. Have I mentioned this weakness? Maybe lol

He laughs nicely. It makes me smile. I even told him that in a conversation one time. I cant help that I have no censoring button sometimes. Or I do but it goes on strike when it pleases. Anyway he said it was cute that I told him. I blushed, thank goodness he couldn't see me over the phone. Silly me told him that I was flushed. He laughed. Which made me smile. Silly cycle. I feel like a girl. This is a good thing. I need a manly man. I don't quite know what it is that I want or need but its a work in progress.

I have no idea where this will lead. So far its leading to dinner tonight then he heads off for lands unknown. Actually back to his place about 4 hours away. With plans to move closer due to a better paying job which I have told him that he'll need to try to work me in somehow. Into the company that is. Its not all about sex you know :) Usually.. but not always.

So I'm nervous and excited about tonight. I have no idea where were going but I know ill have fun. Dressing pretty modest tonight. If you call a low cut top modest. I think its amusing to see men try to keep their eyes from dropping down. I know I can be evil sometimes. Don't worry I wont hold it against him.

Everything happens for a reason right? I will be wearing that for a reason. To be amused. Possibly to make sure he is pleased with that aspect of.. my anatomy. We shall see.