278 - lurking

I haven't been posting as much as Id like to. I'm concentrating on trying to get through the stages in order to get the job. Ive had to in less than a week talk to3 of my present and previous managers for a reference.

Its unclear whether I am only required to have a list of 3 references or if I need 3 written references. Deep down I think its just a list of 3 they need to be able to contact. However that is also easier than having to go get 3 written ones. Its not hard. Its just getting them all in a timely fashion. @ I have to run after. One was done the same day. The other wants me to write it out myself and has given me carte blanche to embellish if I should so please. I don't as I wouldn't feel comfortable. Honestly is best. Plus the honest truth is I was pretty damn great there and everywhere :)

Writing it out myself is a bit weird as I feel like I'm bragging but its not its just pointing out great qualities that I have. But it still feels like gloating. Ive asked D to draft a letter for me and Ill use that and have that previous employer sign it.

This weekend is Thanksgiving weekend and Monday is a Holiday. Tuesday is my interview and I feel its cutting it a bit close. But it could just be me. I'm kicking myself a little bit as I did have time the week before to get it all done. I was just unsure about getting to this stage. This just teaches me its better to err on the right side of caution.

Its interesting as I did think about it, about getting it done sooner. I'm not quite sure why I didn't. It may be because I don't want to get too ahead of myself. I also didn't want to seem ... full of myself. Now I feel like I'm a monkey on their backs about it.

"I know you're busy, I wanted to know how you were coming along with my reference letter and if I am able to pick it up today."

"Ill be seeing you this Thurs night and Sat night and I was wondering which night to expect it."

"I really appreciate this and I'm pleased that you feel comfortable enough to write a reference letter for me."

Ive decided (very recently... like just now) not to worry too much about it. It would be nice to have all 3 letters in hand when I walk into the interview. It will just give me that extra boost of confidence. However if I only have 1 (which I currently have) or 2 (which I might be able to pick up tonight) Ill be happy. Again all 3 would be great but '2 out of 3 ain't bad' as someone once said :)

There are a few things I need to do to prepare myself for this and Ill have some homework which D has helped me with. I feel like I'm still a bit clueless but he thinks Ill do fine. Just be relaxed and keep things simple. Ive made notes and I'm hopeful and excited about moving ahead.

Its exciting, the thought that I might be doing something different if things should work out. OK not if but WHEN things work out. That's better. Tuesday it is. If things go well with this panel interview then onto the next stage which I will definitely fret over like I usually do.

D had breakfast with Jason from the other night and another of his co workers. I get a call after breakfast and part of the conversation went like this.

D - Jason was pretty drunk that night, he and Pete drank a lot and Jason was pretty out of it.

Darling - It was a good time/

D - Its funny... Jason told me you guys made out that night. He said he asked for a kiss and that's how it started.

Darling - (laughs) If he calls that making out he needs to get back in the game... and if you see him next time, tell him I wasn't satisfied with it.

D - I just laughed when he told that story

Darling - Funny ha ha or funny interestinggg

D - I laughed

Darling - What a little trouble maker... I guess If that's what making out is I also made out with Pete.

The next day. I bring it up again. Why? Because I want to know if it bothered him or if hes OK with it. Should I bother going down this thought process? Would his reaction be an indication of how he sees me? us?

Earlier today. Lunch was a bowl full of sex. Messy sex. In my apartment, on my bed. Just how I like it. Messy enough to take a shower and rush to work with damp hair. Its been a while. It was also very good. Not enough but it was good. So good that while he was in the shower. I took the opportunity to continue to play with myself and make a bigger mess. No he didn't know what I was doing. But I was a bit turned on about him not knowing.

How do you tell someone you want more without insulting them if they cant do more? Or how do I find out if there is a possibility of more but there is something that's holding them back? Specially if its me? EEK!

Its nice what this is. But I think in order for me to continue to enjoy my life. Ill have to take a step back and go out and rub noses with those patiently waiting in The Soup. Its nice to be with someone that doesn't have the same complications as D does. I'm OK with them as I'm pretty laid back that way and peoples lives are so different that when its out of my control. There's nothing I can do about it and there's no reason for me to get all twisted over.

Ive got another long night ahead of me and D might want to go out. I'm not sure if he does or not yet as he was planning on giving me a choice. Lunch today or after hes done work. I don't think he'll want to go out after hes done work. I wont plan on it. But it wold be neat to be surprised.

I need to catch up on sleep and need to buy groceries for Thanksgiving which were celebrating Monday at lunch. We all have plans to have dinner elsewhere for dinner that night and the night before.

Happy Turkey and Have a great weekend. Ill post about how the interview went. Thanks for being in my corner :)

PS I know I haven't been checking blogs lately but I will return to that as soon as things start working itself out in the new job category. Ive been lurking when I can though :)

Darling a lurker.. makes me giggle :)

277 - over and under

I went out with D after I worked the hockey game on Saturday. He finished work a couple of hours after I did so I went out with my sister for a couple of drinks instead of heading home. My sister and I went to a Pub close to her place and we had a few drinks and caught up on whats been happening and not happening in our lives.


It was good to see her. We've both been busy so it was a treat to hang out. After a few drinks I get a call from D letting me know that it wont just be the two of us. That he bumped into a high school friend and that he'll be out with us as well. Kind of bummed but that's OK. Its always nice to meet other people.


I get there first but before I do D calls to make sure I'm on my way. I'm late once and hes always thinking Ill be late. See why I don't like being late? I don't know if its that I don't like being late.. I think its more of I don't want anyone to doubt me. Ill be there.


I think its cute as I know hes teasing me and not doing it to make me feel bad. At least that's what I tell myself :) So Even if he was trying to make me feel bad it wouldn't work as it is pretty small and not worth fighting over.

We met at Local Heroes which is a midpoint between both our places and its pretty easy to get to. I got there first and then he walked in. I wanted to take him home and do naughty things to and with him. But I held off on that idea.

His friends came shortly after and his friend Jason and Pete were nice. It was Pete's Birthday and Jason works with D. I found myself having drink after drink and I was really enjoying myself. It was neat to hear them talk about their school days together and more interesting was their drinking years.

While conversations run rampant above the tables. Hands were getting busy underneath. I found myself pulled by the alcohol to a horny stupor. First my knee found his and together they maintained contact. Then came my hand to rest on his knee which occasionally would squeeze gently. I would then find my hand roaming up his thigh only to return to his knee.

When that didn't receive any objections I continued that every so often, often enough to feel him grow.. ing. Very erotic as on the surface were all proper and lean down and well, we just weren't. I'm sure you can tell how amorous I was feeling. I was imagine no Pete or Jason there with D and I naked in places that I didn't care about just as long as we were naked and together.

At some point after drink 6 or 7 I went to the ladies room and found myself wondering about if I might feel his hand on my knee, my bare knee at that. I went out and the power of thought is indeed great and we must have been thinking the same thing as there was some definite reciprocation under the table and more to boot. At drink number I don't recall anymore. I went back to the ladies room and on my way out and about 10 feet from our table. I took a quick look around and saw that we were alone in that area.

More importantly, that I was alone and no one could see what I was to do next. I shimmied out of my panties as D was looking my way. I winked at him and he just smiled at me as I seated myself. My knee swung open to the side and I saw him lean back in his chair and see his eyes dart down. His jaw clenched and as he leaned back to the table his hand found his way to me.

Oh the man can tease and please.

My hand found his zipper and found him straining. Oh how things are looking up. I would wonder every so often if the other guys knew what was happening. I also wondered if I flashed anyone else. We were sitting on high bar stools around a table and well there was ample opportunity for a flash here and there. Unintentional on my part of course.

I got teased quite often by Jason who got a kick that I was newly 28. I teased right back that soon he wouldn't be allowed out without a chaperone hence he forgets his name or where he needed to go. It was all good times.

At the end of the night and way past the time they should have been closed. D went to the men's room and I was left to say goodbyes. Jason asked for a kiss. So I leaned in and he aimed for my lips. I turned my head to one side. He kissed my cheek. He also said no no a real kiss on the lips. So he leaned down again and I turned my head to the other side and winked at Pete as he kissed me on the other cheek. Pete laughed and I smiled. So for being a good sport about it I gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

It was after all Petes Birthday so I gave him the same deal. Cheek, cheek, lips. Then the bartender lets me know that D is waiting for me at the door. I look and hes watching me. I dont feel guilty. But there was a thought. 'I wonder if he saw that and what hes thinking.' I go to him and he opens the door for me.

Outside, alone.
We kiss. We touch.
We try to get into each others clothes.
The door opens and its the guys.
We part.
I lean into him and ask if hes coming over.
He says He wants to but cant.
I tell him he kills me, turn and walk away.
Not after I run my hands over him.
I know he wants me.
I know its not that he doesn't want to. Hes just got other things
I walk backwards to my car, were both watching each other.

I get in my car and watch him drive away. Soon after I drive home I get a text from him 'Don't be mad, Ill make it up to you.' That doesn't take away the need that's been building inside me. But it does make me melt just a little bit. My reply? 'You kill me but I still want you.. I'm not mad'

Its his day off today. Hes got plans which is fine. G is coming over tonight. Then Ill be hanging out with one of my girl friends.

Then I'm bartending on Thurs, Fri and Saturday. I said no to Sunday because Ill be at J3.

Oh and the interview. Tuesday Oct 9th at 12:30. Send good vibes please :)

276 - brain freeze

So far so good on being 28. Ive been spending time with family and friends. Things are looking bright and I feel positive about things.

I applied for a position that requires a series of tests and interviews that I need to pass before I find out if I have the job. Its a bit of a belated present but I got confirmation that I was successful in stage 2. I am now waiting to hear when I go to the next stage.

I was quite sure that there was no chance that I did well in stage 2. I walked out not confident about how I did and how the results would turn out. Its a bit dis concerning not to have that surety or even an idea of how you did.

Should the results have been negative and there is still a possibility that at one of the stages I wont be successful. Ill be bummed and take it personally. Lets hope that doesn't happen. I know its not personal its just a matter of being a fit and if the shoe doesn't fit. Onto the next shoe.

Its interesting and a very good thing, interesting really as I'm not sure what made it happen. I saw D for lunch on my birthday. I told him it what day it was and it wasn't awkward at all. Really fun, especially with the margarita I had.

Then Yesterday I saw him for drinks after he was done work. I met with D after I was with my friend who even though we were able to hang out. It wasn't very fun. Girls night does not include the boyfriend and the boyfriends children.

I wasn't expecting to see him at all or have him ask me if I wanted to go out for drinks. It was a good time and I needed to end the day on a good note. Ending the night with sex would have ended it on a great note but it wasn't to happen. Though I did ask and it was sweetly declined with a promise to come over another night.

Sometimes I know what his answer will be and yet I still ask. I'm not bummed when I hear what I already know. I just tease him with it afterwards. Its fun and flirty and we laugh a lot. However it is a huge treat when his answer is something I wasn't expectating.. but I really was expecting :)

Darling - I was just wondering and I think I need to be reminded every so often. What is this?

D - What do you mean?

Darling - Never mind

D - You mean this.. us?

Darling - yes

D - I don't know. I mean I like you. I like hanging out with you. Because of xyz I cant do more than that.

Darling - You aren't married right?

D - No not at all

Darling - OK Just making sure.

D - What about you?

Darling - I like you... which makes it hard for me to sleep with other people. I mean I like hanging out with you too.

D - I cant stop you if you do. That's something I cant ask of you because I cant have more than this.

Darling - I know you would be OK with 123 and not 456

D - I have no problem if you brought 123 to your place. Just don't bring 456.

Darling - Its not that simple.

D - I'm not sleeping with anyone except you. There's no other woman.

Outside by our cars. We kiss. There's a lingering in the kiss which doesn't always happen. I think we both have feelings that havent been shared with each other. For me anyway, I know there is. If I can wax poetic for a moment It felt like a message. A silent plea for something to be understood. If it cant be said, the kiss is the vehicle to make it understood.

I understand all right. I understand that I can get pretty wishy washy at times. I second guess myself. I don't know if its him that I want. I certainly don't mind the package that comes with him as far as who is in his life. Its just him and what hes looking for.. even if what hes looking for can only happen in 5 years. I kind of want to be what hes looking for. Why? I don't know.

So my reply was a bit off the wall wasn't it? Out of all the things I could have said why that? Brain freeze

That's another post.

275 - Another Day :)

Today is my Birthday.

I'm now 28. :) lol I dont notice how I get older.
I don't look any different.
Feel pretty fantastic
I slept well last night.
Had a great dinner with a friend.

Got a call from one of the other girls at work in a different dept.
I went in. She wasn't feeling well.
I was in the mood to go out to celebrate my last day being 27.
Somehow it didn't happen.
I was hit hard by the sleepies.

D and I talked for a bit. Not as long or as much as we usually do.
I took a shower, said my prayers.. well started them and went to sleep mid prayer.
Oops.

I woke up bright and early.
Took The Big Dog for a walk/jog then a run.
I wonder if she knows what today is.
Silly thought.

Random thoughts in my head.
Write email to Dad letting him know that I love him.
thanking him for the things I grew up with,
letting him know that I didn't want for anything,
that I hope hes happy with me and how Ive lived my life so far.

Things have been planned for the day already.
I wonder if people would be upset if I just wanted to hang out at my place and relax.
I hope people at work don't make a big deal out of today.
I hate being put on the spot.
I would rather have someone play with a certain spot.

I think I should have called in sick.
Too late, people have seen me and that just wouldn't be good.

Things to do.

Pay cell phone bill.
Call bank and ask why they are holding my last deposit.
Pick up some veggies at the groceries.
Book appointment at the spa for some pampering.
Check in on Gramma
Check and reply to emails, text and phone messages
Ride the roller coaster that is my thoughts.

I want to meet D for sex this afternoon. I also want to meet him for lunch. I'm leaning towards lunch... although it would be a great thing to have both. Not only because Its my the big 2-8 but because its Tuesday. Tomorrow would be Wednesday and that's a great way to celebrate!

Ive gotten a call from A and he was all sweet about singing to me. Hes had to go to the Doctors a few times and I know there are things hes not telling me. Which is OK. I don't mind. I'm still a little concerned. Its not my place to pry so if he wants to share more then he will. Ill just be around if he needs me.

So heres to another year. Ive yet to come up with things I want to do while Im 28. There are still some that have yet to be crossed off the list from last year so Ill still work on those.

The journey continues and I hope that its always interesting and exciting.

Have a fantastic day!!

274 - day before

I took a nap and was late meeting D on Friday oh wait Saturday at that time. We were on the phone an hour before we were supposed to meet and I just wanted to rest my eyes and heard the phone ring and answered it.

D- Where are you?
Darling- Ill be there in a few minutes
D- You know you re late.
Darling- I know I'm sorry Ill see you soon

I flip the phone off and throw the blankets off of me and run to my bedroom for some clothes. I don't bother with any bra or panties. I run out with flip flops on my feet and send a prayer up for green lights and no cops.

About 2 minutes away from meeting him and about 8 minutes after talking to him last. He calls again asking where I am . I tell him about 2 minutes away and I'm sorry. He asks me if I was doing something that shall remain nameless. I said no I wasn't.

I told him the truth as much as I was a bit embarrassed to. That I was sleeping. I meant to close my eyes just to relax and ended up sleeping. He said that I should have told him and we didn't have to meet.

In my head I was thinking. Yes I could have but then who knows when we would get together again. I mean I knew it would be some time during the week but our time together is limited and its a treat to see him. It really is.

I get all shy and girly and I hold myself in check sometimes because I literally want to drag him home to bed. Or the car, the nearest park bench or picnic table... you get the idea.

So I tell him that 'I want to see you tonight' I know that we aren't going to have sex but I still want to see him. I cant explain it. I cant tell you if he feels the same way. All I know is that I like... him.

I like talking to him on the home and find it a bit difficult with him cutting back on phone time. I like seeing him in any capacity, whether its just us two or in a group setting. I just like being near him. So I was sleeping and was late seeing him I was still happy to see him even if its for a couple of hours.

Ive also gotten in the habit of kissing him every so often when the mood hits. I just lean in and press my lips to his, pull away and continue on with the conversation. He always smiles when he sees me lean in as well as after I do it. He never does anything that says its not wanted. I don't mind that he doesn't do the same thing. If he does. Ill be surprised. Pleasantly.

What can I say I like him. That and sometimes I have the most incredible urge to take his lower lip between mine and rub my tongue from side to side. Tomorrow...

I wont see him today. Tomorrow we are meeting for lunch unless something comes up that wont allow that to happen. I'm not sure if he knows what tomorrow is. Ive mentioned it without saying it outright. Ive mentioned that it was a week after The Big Dogs. Ive left it at that.

I'm undecided about whether I want him to know or not... or if I want to tell him outright. If he doesn't say anything because he doesn't know then that's OK with me. Its not a big deal. If he happens to mention something then it will be nice. I'm not going to think he doesn't care if nothing happens. Its another day is what it is.

I'm probably not even going to remember until someone calls me to remind me. But much is planned. People who remember have called and made plans to spend some time together. That's nice, I like it that way.

Well another year has gone by. Its been a great year. I didn't do half as much as I wanted to and did too many things that might have been better not. But overall I'm happy and healthy. In the big picture I can improve on certain parts of my life, things are going well in most.

My sister says I still look like I did when I was 18/19. I wonder if that will ever change. Quite possibly. So for now, and everyday that follows.

Enjoy.

Oh and Ill be bar tending more often. As often as I can handle it that is. Ill have to see how my body is doing and how much it can take. Which means Ill also be rearrabging my work schedule for J2 and J3 until I figure out how much I can handle.

266 - * 's

I met with V at a bar. I had a glass of water instead of anything alcoholic. Why? I wasn't too nervous about meeting with him. Don't get me wrong there was a healthy does of nerves happening. But I was feeling good and very comfortable. Also I came from having a few glasses of very good wine at a get together with some friends.

We made introductions and started the nights conversation with ease which would surely lead to where it usually does. Sex. Not the act but the topic. * At this time. **Prior to that topic though I found out about little things that's easy to share when first meeting someone. The usual generic things. Nothing too personal, yet. Though I am curious as to many things already.

I don't recall all the details but it was a comfortable meet and greet. I didn't feel pressured to fill silences, later in the evening he mentioned that he was very attracted to me and that he would like to bring me back with him so we can end the night being intimate.

I smiled politely and told him flat out that wouldn't be happening. I also told him I'm not that kind of girl, but its nice to know he was attracted to me. I didn't hold it against him for being forward. Hes a man. I know hes thinking of sex and probably has been since we met at the door.

I didn't particularly dress myself to impress. Simple and comfortable. A beige skirt with a short sleeve blue tshirt. Nothing plunging or low cut. Flip flops on my feet and my hair down and around my shoulders.

I wondered why I didn't do my usual ritual of getting dolled up. I mean I didn't look bad last night at all. I still looked good. I just didn't feel WOW or feel like I provided the WOW for myself anyway. Or... am I just that sure of my natural beauty that dolling up is no longer needed? AHEM lol


So it was nice to be complimented on even without the ritual of getting ready. I went to meet V with no expectations. In the middle of it I shared something that I don't share with anyone. I'm not sure how it will turn out later on but see we shall.



* What does it mean when you know you are meeting someone and know that sex is on their mind. Particularly, sex with me. Even before you meet face to face. Or am I deluding myself and its all men that are always thinking of sex. Maybe not ever following through and pursuing it. But at some point thinking of it.


** What does it mean when I know this and am not bothered by it. I know and accept it and know that I am in control. I am the one that decides the when it will happen.

245 - Intimate

Fri night.

Had dinner with K at my place. Thai food. One of my favorites. Caught up on a lot of things as its been a while since Ive last seen him. He wore this black dress shirt with white vertical stripes that looked very good on him. Stylish.

Spent time with The Little One. Passed along messages from my Dad in San Diego that he loves her and misses her, that shes been a great part of the family.

I had the intentions of going for groceries after work which never happened. Dont worry I am far from starving.

I walked K down and got into my car. I went to the corner store to get a bottle of water. Walked to the DQ beside the store to use the ladies room. Drove to meet D and his friend for drinks. Much fun.

A little frustrating as D and I didnt have sex at the end of the night. Even after repeated mentions of my intentions. I left 20 minutes before they did and he noticed that I was a little 'not myself'.

I didnt want to wait until they both finished their drinks so I decided to leave. I had to have some control over something, anything obviously my libido wasnt listening to me. So I decided to leave. It was almost closing time for the place anyway. Kiss for D and a quick hug for his friend.

I walked out and didnt look back. Im home and my phone rings. Its D.

D - Youre mad arent you?
Darling - No Im not mad, really. I know you wanted to but couldnt. Im not mad.
D - If this was 3 years ago.. even 2 years ago. Things would be different.
Darling - Yeah
D - I wouldnt have let you walk out of there alone. Theres no way. I wouldnt have taken you there at all. We would just head to your place.
Darling - Theres a thought :)
...

Theres something honest and vulnerable about him during the phone call. I mean I could have been wrong. But there was something there. I know I felt assured... of something. It was a nice feeling. It felt kind of like the after sex cuddle. Intimate. Thats the word.

I pick up The Little One and take her to bed with me. I talk to her and tell her everything that doesnt get voiced with anyone else. I cry. I pull her close to me and she crawls up to my face and licks the tears away. I battle with the conflict in my mind and hold her close.

We fall asleep together. I hope tomorrow doesnt come.

242 - You Are The Best

D - I'm getting more sleep and I feel better

Darling - That's great, hows your sex life?

D - I know I know its taking a beating.

Darling - Mine too.. if you were wondering

D- It'll get better I promise, I'm thinking a couple of times a week is good

Darling - Whoa tiger. Can you handle it that many times?

D - I know but that should keep you happy

Darling - You have no idea what it will take to keep me happy do you?

D- You're like non-stop!

Which brings up the fact that he thinks I am worse than a guy. Is that possible? I don't know what its like to be a guy so I'm not quite sure.

D - Yeah after you have an orgasm its like a switch and you want more

Darling - Isn't that how everyone is? How can you stop an avalanche? Tell me I'm not the only one that wants to keep going.

D - well... not many people are... I guess.

Darling - hmmm Ill see what I can do about that... (not?)



I asked him if we can meet after I go out.



D - But you're already going out

Darling - I know. I'm talking about afterwards

D - laughs

Darling- I'm trying to fit it all in, make time for everyone.

D - We'll see

K is babysitting a friends cat. He took the cat home to make cat sitting easier on him but ended up losing the cat somewhere inside him house. Hiding from his own cats as now they have to share his attentions.

He tells me that he hasn't the cat in half a day and I assure him she will show up sooner or later. I get a text from K that reads Cat Found!

I reply after a few minutes with, I had no doubt of your ability to attract pussy.

His reply, Cheeky.

I'm glad he doesn't have to explain the disappearance of the cat.

FIFA tonight ladies and gents. Lets hope for a busy, non stop, beer drinking fest. Ive saved my nails from being torn to bits by bringing a simple bottle opener which doubles as my beer tab lifting buddy. It never leaves my hand even as I hand over change. I am the best.

Speaking of the best. Let me share with you my little secret of a pick me up. Sounds a bit loser-ish but I decided to do the same thing to most of the people I have on my phone that can receive text messages. I sent a message to myself saying. YOU ARE THE BEST!!

I wont go into details about affirmations and my thought process. I just know that when I read the message on the screen of my cell phone. I felt like the best. I wanted to share that with everyone I knew so I sent them all messages saying the same thing. Not that I was the best because I already knew that. But that they were the best.

I wanted to spread the feel good feeling. I'm nice like that. Since I know I cant satisfy everyone sexually... That would be a feat wouldn't it? Since I cant do that to my male and female friends I wanted to share some kind of warm fuzzy and make their day a bit better and have them smile at least once. So most of them saw the message and did smile and called or sent me a text back.

I won at the casino last night. Ate well and enjoyed the food, wine and company very much. Lots of conversation and laughter. A few glances to other tables showed groups of men together... looking back. It might have been the chocolate sauce I was licking off of my finger but it could also have been the skirt that seems to get shorter every time I wear it. That or my friends ample bosom. Might be a bit of all of the above.

I don't know how to play craps, I don't understand any of the lingo. But I do understand that I did very well for a long time just throwing the dice. I had no clue what I was trying to have come up. No one would tell me. But they were all happy for a while. Until they did a shift change. I knew I should have stopped and asked to change dice... I'm not even sure if that was OK but I wanted to ask. Didn't get a good vibe and knew it would be a bad roll. So I rolled and got a 7 which apparently wasn't good.

I went off and played roulette and won my money there. I should have stayed and played longer but they wanted to leave so I did. Its OK. Leave when you're ahead right?

I did get a call from D while I was having chocolate covered pineapples asking me not to call or text message him if I was out late and needed someone to call/text. I felt a little insulted and told him not to worry he wont be the lucky recipient of any of that, that night.

I know he didn't mean to insult me. He explained by saying that he would wake up if I called or sent a text and he didn't want to turn his phone off while it was charging...waiting for a call from work ... didn't want to miss it and so on.

That's fine with me. Its a new day today and Ive got plans with K tomorrow. J on Tues. Plans with B to have coffee is TBA.

I wont introduce the others... yet. When theres something to share they'll make their appearance. I still have to go through the process of seeing if there is something worth putting effort in with them.

There is a process you know. Its not just those who are interested welcome. Its an interesting process but its mine and people should have safeguards and procedures they follow otherwise its just a matter of time before things become uncomfortable and weird. Don't ask what the procedure is. Its never the same and usually is different per person but the outcome is the same. The general idea is there and and and...

Oh well more for another time.

Don't forget. YOU ARE THE BEST!! :)

240 - better

I don't know why I didn't just ask him. He did.

D - So do you miss me?
Darling - Well if I say yes too many times when you ask I might inflate your ego a bit.
D - laughs
Darling - This time? just a bit... :)

We've been on a bit of an off schedule you see. His schedule for work doesn't allow for repeated/consecutive midnight rendezvous or afternoon delights. Ive been spoiled and I'm feeling it. He feels it too and we've both mentioned how its affecting our sex lives.

The line when its good, its good. When its bad, its bad comes to mind. Unfortunately.

So he knows I miss him and does he mirror that at all? I don't know as I didn't ask. Silly me. I was shy about asking that and I was thinking that it sounded too much like ... something I don't want to describe.

So I leave it... until I send him a text 30 minutes later saying

Darling - I didn't hear if you said you missed me or not... :)
D - You didn't ask
Darling - OK smarty pants, consider this me asking... and??

10 minutes of no reply... like he does to me when I don't reply right away I send him a...

Darling - Wow not even a little bit? :)

45 minutes later.... 45 minutes of me thinking...

- hes so playing with me right now
- is he kidding me right now
- now is not the time to not have a fully charged cell phone
- did I send that to the right person?
- he must not know I hate waiting
- sigh

I'm thinking those thoughts and I'm not having a freak out girly moment. I'm just cool. Thinking but not over thinking. Smiling and laughing at myself really. I have to laugh, if I don't I might do something that would make this post not as much fun to read. I realize that he must have missed me to call and ask me that question. right? right? right?? yessssssssss

So my thoughts went this way...

- he must like me ... even a little
- SUCCESS!!!! (arms up and a big smile on my face)
- no one would ask that question if they thought the answer would be a no.
- no one likes to be told no :) So he knew it was a yes
- because no one likes to hear the word no and ask questions that gets a no :)
- yipee!!

about 15 -20 minutes later the sweet chime of my cell phone letting me know that I have a text reading...

D - of course I miss you
Darling - Its about time! You could give a girl a complex making a girl wait that long. But its nice to know... :)

Hes got plans for Saturday which I has my pinky toe crossed to see if he would ask me to join him. Not happening but that's OK. Ive got things to do that I need to catch up on so I'm glad that were not getting together on Saturday.

I asked him when we would see each other again as its been a while. Last Sunday morning... well its been since last Sunday since I have had... with him. And Tuesday since we've seen each other... for lunch.

He says he wants to try to get together for Sunday but cant promise anything. I'm not bummed or anything its nice to hear that he wants to. If we don't get together that's OK. I still know that he wants to and right now... that's whats important to me. Plus I get to take care of what I need to in other parts of my life :)

I'm such a girl.

Hes such a boy.

Its so good to be where I am at the moment :)

FIFA tonight I think its Brazil against USA. It should be a good game and I'm bringing my flirt on. As usual :) A CW of mine also wants to bar tend FIFA I forgot to call her. Ooops. I will try to hook her up with it. We shall see.

No plans for the weekend. Something might come up as it usually does. Maybe relax on a patio on a nice cool night after work. I plan on getting out of my shell a little bit and always working on becoming better...

238 - girly moments

I worked another FIFA double header. Not as much fun as the first one I worked. Not as much money either. That's OK. It was on a weekend like the first one. This Friday night is when I work FIFA again. Ive been told that it will be a huge night and It will be much better than last night.

After working I went to meet up with some friends to play pool and have some drinks. I had on a skirt and the red shirt they have us wear for FIFA. I took that off, the shirt that is and replaced it with a halter top.

Much fun and flirting with other pool players later. I could tell I was a bit off on my rocker as I was pretty touchy feely. Giving out hugs and being picked up and twirled in the air. Which I enjoy. No kissing. No lip lock. No sexual contact with the opposite sex. Though I had many fleeting thoughts of how that might happen on and around the pool tables.

I'm home. Just before 2am and feeling a little sexually repressed, send a text message. I know I know. It wasn't even a booty text :) It went as follows.

'Its late. I miss you. I shouldn't even send this but oh well. Feel free to pay this no mind. '

WTF was I thinking? I know that the feel good sexual feelings that I have are clouding the other parts of my brain making me think its an actual relationship but WTF?! I should know better. I just should.

Earlier that same day I send a text message after we spend lunch together and it went along the lines of...

' even after all the sex this past weekend with you, I'm still looking forward to the next time. Should I tone it down a bit?'

Why? Why would I send texts like that? Well let me tell you. I have moments where I am a girl. Where I think like a girl and want to know things a girl wants to know. Like...

-Does he like me
-I wonder what he likes about me
-Would tantric sex work?
-Why don't we cuddle more?
- yada yada yada and beyond!!

Its not a relationship. I know that. I remind myself of that daily. Do I want more? Yes do I want more? No. I don't want more. Whats wrong with that? Everything. If I say I want more then I could possibly just end things or put him off. Not to mention I wont be able to partake in The Soup anymore.

Am I willing to give up The Soup for one person? Ill come off sounding like a complete (fill in the blank) But no, at the moment I'm not able to.

Thought process...

- how can I make him give up his guacamole dip to just be with me, if he has one?
- I don't think I can just be with one person who can satisfy this, that and the other.
- I'm sure it happens when you find a person that satisfies most of this that and the other
- I just haven't. Until then, Ill enjoy what I have on the go.
- As much as I want to believe that I am enough to satisfy everything for one man.
- I know that I'm great and all that wonderful jazz but sometimes people just want more
- how can I live up to someone wanting more than I am?
- I wouldn't make someone else do something that I wasn't willing to do myself.
- fair is fair
- Can we really find that one person who can satisfy us in all the ways were looking for?
...

Hes golfing today and I know hes been up since 6am. I know hes gotten the girly text that I sent early this morning and Ive yet to hear from him. This could be the start of the art of distancing oneself from someone that just crossed the line.

(blush) He just called. No reception where he was. He did get my text thought it was cute and said he was thinking of me too. We seem to be OK. He thinks I'm screening my calls as hes called 4 times and I didn't answer (I was napping and didn't have it on my person to feel it vibrate) so... he thinks I'm screening my calls thinking I gave my number out to some guy last night.

Could he be a tad jealous? Oh and I mentioned to him that Ill be going out tonight and he asks with an exasperated tone. Who are you going out with tonight? Which so made me smile. I told him the girls. I don't think he believes me :P Ill let him stew over that one.

Nope I don't give my number out... often LOL In fact speaking of numbers... guess whose number I did get? A- one Mr Consul General of Panama
B- PC Mr possible boarder for the second bedroom.

How would I get contacts such as these? Being at the right place at the right time.
A- Pouring muchos cervesas avec beaucoup de skill and flirtations.
B- Just walking up to someone and saying Hi.

I so need to learn how to speak Spanish I will borrow my sisters tapes.

Its never good practice to make a contact and not follow up with anything so Ill be hoping to break out of my shy shell and get things going or at least get some form of communications started to see why the world has brought us together at this time.


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Enter TM who calls me 3-4 times a day. He wants to have a long distance relationship but I just wont have that. Hes nice but not enough to put a halt in my daily shenanigans to be in a relationship that would be very lacking in the physical department.

Sweet man though. I don't always answer his calls. I let him know that I am busy and I am. I don't lie about that. But really... you guys should hear some of the messages that he leaves for me. Very kinky and depending on my mood a huge turn on.

I must say that whoever gets me after listening to his messages benefits greatly AHEM!!

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Happy Fourth of July Everyone :)

Be good!

237 - meeting friends

This weekend was great. I worked FIFA U-20 on Saturday and it was great. Lots of fun, lots of people, lots of them drinking and coming back for more. Tips that night were great and I have pocket money for the next week. Which incidentally is also a 4 day week :) Love it when that happens!

Saturday night after working FIFA. D and I start texting right away and he tells me hes out with the boys for a night out and really wants to get together with me afterwards. Yeah its been a while. I know this, he knows this and as of now and what I shared on my post on Friday so do you. I want to get together with him too. I go home about midnight, shower then slip into a nightie and check the lighting and atmosphere. I don't spend much time doing that as its always primed and ready for .. action. My apartment that is... Me on the other hand... well.. that's another story. Or is it?

After a few more texts I become Ds DD for the night. Ill pick him up later on and take him home mu hu ha ha! My home that is. What Ill do with him when I get him there is well... I'm sure you all have an idea or few :)

10 minutes later change of plans. If I want to... I can meet up with him now and meet him at the bar where he and his friends are. Who I have never met. ARG! I kind of have a mind bomb.

I'm really shy you see. I'm pretty shy. I'm very shy. I'm quiet, kind of reserved sometimes and very private. OK I have moments of all the above. It doesn't always happen that they all happen all at the same time. A mind bomb is when it all happens at the same time. When I fell really shy, quiet, reserved and private... add insecure to the mix and there you have a mind bomb.

It lasted long enough for my libido to diffuse the mind bomb which got me into... after much debate on what to wear... into a little black skirt with a little black tank top, sexy heels and and a black sweater. The shyness got through and pulled the sweater on before I left the apartment. Its good to be shy sometimes... it ended up a little chilly and it was perfect for the night. I was dressed.. sexy smart :)

I find parking and bump into a tall man on the street who asks me where I am headed and I let him know I'm heading to the bar. He walks me there a block and a half down and kisses my hand. Sweet. I ring D and he comes out and talks to the doorman who lets me in no questions.

Did I mention I was a little nervous? I'm meeting his friends who hes known since he was 5 years old and one of them an investment banker who tore down a 6 figure home and had another built for 1.5 billion dollars? Another is a paramedic from Calgary. The last one? Never did find out :)

Met his friend R first and got along great from the get go. Phew! He said he loved the way I smelled and asked me if it was my perfume, shampoo or what? I told him it was natural. He laughed and said that could get addicting. I laughed with him and asked him how drunk D was and he said the appropriate thing. Not at all. Good friend. I knew D was there and have been for a while. I'm glad hes a happy drunk. Makes for a good time.

D orders a round for everyone and we carry drinks to the boys on the patio and may I say that I was greeted warmly. Kisses and hugs and laughter. What more could I have asked for? Of yes that's right. Flattery. R for the scent I had on. H for how I looked. G for wondering if they were real or not.

So light banter was exchanged and I gave as good as I got. I saw these men chat up a couple of blond 21 year olds and I felt a little like chopped liver. What can I say? Tall blond leggy ladies always seem to ... well.. that's another post. Anyway. I enjoyed the entertainment. 2 young TBLs who didn't have a clue how to handle the attentions of 3-4 (I say 3-4 because D was there but not paying 'much' attention to them like the rest were) OK so I watched them all and heard the conversation and the subject of ages came up. The ladies aren't into older men. Pity. More for me :)

They didn't know how to handle them. From what I could tell. Did I mention they were all good looking? Anyway... the ladies left and when they did... I heard how they really felt. One had a huge ass. Nice hair, not so nice face. But all in all. Bad attitude. I threw in that 'you guys are awful with women!' Which got me the explanation that their attitudes were awful. So being hot means nothing if the attitude isn't there.

Which brought the conversation to me. Somehow. I wasn't trying to fish and they started to talk about me, right in front of me. It was a little discerning but also quite intriguing. Of course I stayed and held my breath because if I heard anything negative I would have been swallowed by the ground with embarrassment.

Great attitude, no BS, flirty without going over the top. Great body, good looking and can handle being alone with 4 guys who are talking about her. We all laugh and its an all around great night. I don't plan on drinking but have a 3 glasses of rum and diet coke. I spend some time with H and great guy. Hes the one from Calgary. One of D's oldest friends. Who apparently has a memory like an elephant. I test this and tell him my first, middle and last name once. He should before we part for the night recall it for me.

He asked me how D and I met. I blushed and told him that Id let D tell him the story. I wasn't even sure how I feel about how I met D. I don't even think Ive blogged about it. Oh well. I'm not about to now :) dun dun dunnnn...

I get some alone time with D. The boys all look at each other and one comes up with a reason to go in. The rest follow. It looks like it was done on purpose. So D and I make out. Actually I fix my mouth on his and we kiss. He had no choice. Well he did. He just chose to go along with it :) Weeeee!!

The boys come back with more drinks in hand. I haven't finished mine and they tell me to hurry up and catch up. I tell them if I were to catch up I think Id need a whole bottle and a few shots to get where they are. They said that could be arranged and I laughed and told them to be good.

The subject returned to younger women and older men and I kept quiet and listened to them go on about how its much better to be with an older man. I smiled inwardly thinking its nothing I haven't learned before on my own but it was nice to hear. Quite endearing. Its all about finding someone that thinks the same way. Some will. Some wont.

Which brings their next question to me. How old was I? I laugh and ask them how old they think I am. I get kind of nervous and think is there an age where I shouldn't ask this anymore as they might actually think I'm older than I am? Which means that my looks show that I am older than I really am and that wouldn't be good. Who wants to look older than they are? Not me that's for sure.

I get 22 from G, 23-24 from R and '2 and 7' from H. H wins a hug from me and I wonder a couple of things. D heads inside to get another round and leaves me with these guys to which I protest jokingly telling him I might not be safe with these guys. To which the said guys all laugh. Flattery goes both ways. Nothing I cant handle. I am woman watch me flirt.

I wonder if D told H how old I was? I wonder if guys purposely spout a number they know to be less than what they actually think/know to flatter someone. I wonder if I should censor myself before asking that last I wonder above.

With that out in the open. They say no, not at all. Oh well. That answer works for me. D returns and I do my duty telling G and H that smoking is bad for them. I find them a light and do my duty as the volunteer wing girl to try to hook them up with available ladies.

The ladies notice how nice I am and all that. Which brings the boys attentions back to me. I'm not trying to get the attention. Its just happening, Its times like these that I am happy in the shadows. I walk to D and I whisper that I cant wait to get him home. He laughs and nibbles on my ear. YUM.

I get pulled away by H who tells D to share. I raise my eyebrow and H says that we should go dance. We head inside and the sweater comes off and eyes take in what was previously covered. The question of whether they were real or not comes back up and I told them they were fake. Mouths dropped open which were helped closed by the next guy and laughter was heard.

They all wanted to feel and I laughed. D however felt the need to exert his presence and reach over to feel a breast. Real he says but the guys are all wanting to feel now too and I laugh it off. R asks how D gets to touch and I look at him and said something along the lines of us having been intimate and like a lightning bolt I hear well we can do that too. He got me there. I laugh that one off too.

After an offer of a hotel room being rented for their viewing pleasure was dutifully declined by yours truly. I promptly took D away, but not after being the social butterfly and making sure they all knew that I enjoyed their company. I did have a lot of fun. It was good to go out and meet some more of his friends. More on that thought later.

Hours later at home and quite a mess later... details aren't really needed are they? (smile) I drove D home. I got back home to my bed about 430am.

Get a wake up call on Sunday at 7am. Misery sure does love company. Thanks for interrupting my dream D. Thanks.

221 - hat and heels

A hard hat was handed to me last week and I was told that I needed to wear it not necessarily at my desk but when I leave the office and out into the main building.

Hard hats Ive learned dont do anything for me that I think is physically pleasing to the eye. The construction workers and the other people (men) that I work with in different departments and other buildings. Apparently a big turn on. Comments range from...

- I hope you are able to bring that home with you.. (CW)

- You look really good in a hard hat (Construction worker)

- In my dreams you've got the hat, your heels and moving around a pole (CW)

- You know that's a huge turn on for me. Women in hard hats...

So if all else fails ladies.. get a hard hat. Mine was white to represent my purity. (smiles sweetly) I didn't get a choice. we all got brand spanking new, never been work hard hats.

Ive got to lug this thing around on my head or in my hand for a total of 6 weeks here at work. Lovely. It takes up space and isn't very pretty. I wanted to white Princess in front but that wouldn't have gotten old at some point and I would want to erase it and write Priestess...Your Highness or maybe something a bit less intimidating :)

Ive talked to most of the construction workers and a few colleagues have mentioned that I shouldn't flirt with them so much. I told them that I was being friendly. They were flirting. Maybe if I flirt they'll get the job done faster. Doubt it. I don't have that much influence.

Its been hot then cold in the office here. The lights have been on and off and I keep sending mental messages to them to accidentally cut a major source of power so that none of the computers work and therefore I don't have to work. I guess bed isn't the only place I'm selfish.

The amount of noise here is unreal and not made by me or the other people I work with. Construction noise is loud. I'm kind of annoyed by it. Only because it isn't very professional to be dealing with people on the phone when you have to scream and yell at each other and ask them to repeat themselves numerous times.

They've decided to leave my department here in the building right by where all the renos will be done because it would have been too much of a hassle to move all the computers and such to another location. Not nice.

So just to see what I would look like in just the hat and heels. I stripped in front of the mirror at home last week and fully clothed, the hat does nothing for me. Naked, with only the hard hat and heels, kind of sexy. OK a lot sexy. But that could just be because I think its sexy to be naked with heels on. Men in heels not so much. Women in heels. Much.

K called me last night we had a short talk about things that we have been up to and I'm confused about how to approach him about something. Cant say what it is outright but it may never come out in conversation. So ill just let things go on as they are. We might be meeting this weekend. Not sure yet

Oh, Ill be seeing M this Thursday. I figure Ill have an earlier night with M than if I went to work bartending. I know Ill be really tired and will want to sleep. I know it might seem like I'm picking the more boring of the 2 and I don't usually, but this time I am.

All in the name of preservation. I want to make sure that I am OK for the following days and not dead on my feet or frustrated for some reason or another. This way, this option is the best in the long run... or until it proves otherwise lol

Ive just been hit with a bad case of the sleepies. I need a nap. I think Ill go take one for about an hour.

220 - the only thing thats yours.

My bladder is getting back at me for neglecting to do what I was supposed to on Saturday night. 11 hours without a bathroom break and about 6 bottles of water. I lost my voice by the end of Saturday night. Someone told me I sounded like Stevie Nicks that night... which I have to ask those of you who are familiar with her musical stylings. Is it a good thing to sound like her?

I did a lot of screaming and not the usual kind that you expect to do when your team scores and the crowd goes wild. Every score that game, the crowd went wild with screaming, yelling and fists pumping. Me? I was screaming things like.

- You there in the baby blue shirt and faded jeans, Id like to sleep with you NOW. Tell your friend hes next!

- I'm a lesbiannnn... I like women..... no one can hear me.. good... cz I really like mennnn!!

- Who wants to see me jump into this tub of water???!?!? nakedddd??

someone actually offered me money to do that. His first offer was 10$ I told him I would take that as a tip for the beer I was handing him. His second offer was 50$ I told him that would cover my manicure. The last offer he had was 300$ I told him to put it on the table and get ready to be splashed. He asked if he could take a picture and I said no deal. Wouldn't want evidence of silly things that I do. Its nice enough in my memory :)

- Ive got a crush on too many guys and if I continued to scream and yell about it by the time you all have stopped Ill be the only one screaming and that would be very embarrassing!!

The other people I was working with who were standing 3 feet away? Didn't have a clue about the things I was screaming. The crowd was that loud. I was yelling and screaming out a whole lot of thing that had nothing to do with hockey. It was a lot of fun.


Ever since that Saturday and my neglect for my bladder, its like every hour, no matter what Ive had to drink if I had anything to drink I head off to the Lil girls room. All because now my bladder is on strike and is getting back at me. I know it wasn't the greatest to leave it that long. It couldn't be helped unless there was a forest nearby or if they were handing out Pee-mates (sic)

Very handy little things for large crowds and not enough facilities. The plus to this handy dandy thingy is that its for both males and females.

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The function I worked last night bartending was fun, they had great music, a lot of people dancing making good use of it, they had a jumbo slide for people to climb and weeeee all the way down, had a section for a bikes to ride around in. The bikes looked like the ones clowns would use in a circus. 3 wheels and painted brightly. Big screen TVs and a huge buffet for the hungry. The MC was great and us bartenders were hopping around filling orders and getting our flirt on.

Ive noticed though that I flirt a lot. More then the other girls that were there. Ill flirt with men and tease the women. Have to make sure that everyone gets the spotlight even for a few moments. Good karma. Spread the Love and full circles and all that.

Good memory helps, personal info like names, jobs, family, pets and specially what they drink comes in handy. It keeps them coming back for more. Now whether its the actual drink or who pours their drink that brings them back I'm not 100% sure But Id like to think its me. Really though I know its the drink that brings them back. But its me they go to instead of the other ladies I work with. They'll stand and wait in a line so they can be served by yours truly.

Whenever one of the other ladies asks one of my regulars who are waiting in line for a drink if they can help them, they always smile and say 'no thank you I'm waiting for Darling'. I always blush like a schoolgirl, look at them with a small smile and wink like a minx. Of course by the time they get to me Ive got their drink ready made and have something clever to say to make them laugh and make sure they have a great time.

The reason I like getting info like names and other things is because they know my name. How?Its says so right there on the tag attached to my top. All in caps. DARLING. Also everyone I work with calls out my name if they need something or need to know how to work something. So they hear it and see it and so they use it. I always find it strange not knowing someones name when they know mine. Although... switch it around and I don't mind so much if I keep the mystery... Its my name!! If I have the choice? Ill hold on to it as long as I can. Its a gift, special, meant for those that I want to share it with.


Kind of hokey pokey I know. What can I say?

Someone once told me that your name is the only thing that's yours. It made sense at the time to me, I cant explain how... but Its the most personal thing about you. Your name. Think about it and hopefully you might agree even to a small extent. Everything else? isn't yours like your name is.

219 - exhausted

I worked 11 hours bartending. On my feet in a short skirt, black boots and no bathroom break. Drank lots of water and I was almost in hopping tears when I got home. The only good thing? I had the sweetest relief of that kind ever. Angels sang and everything in the world seemed right for the few moments that I had to alleviate the pressure.

I could have gone but...

1- it was too busy to leave my bar
2- the line to the washroom was longer than the line ups for beer
3- I'm not a big fan of portables (I was working in the main tent outside)
4- I was having too much fun flirting with the hockey fans.

Major lactic acid buildup in my legs. Not comfortable. I didn't know how else to help myself other than lay on the floor/bed with my legs against the wall pointing up. I ended up doing that in the early morning when I got home on Sunday but only after taking the dogs out for a walk. If I didn't take them out after I using the bathroom I would have left their walk until the morning. That wouldn't be fair, I just had my moment of pleasure, they should have theirs too.

I slept like a baby. I plugged the phone to charge, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Did my wall thing for my legs and then lay down in bed and got in some much needed shut eye.

My phone rings early on Sunday morning, about 730am. I think Oh my goodness I'm late. For what I'm not so sure. I search for the phone and knock over my bottle of water, thank goodness its capped.

Its D calling. I answer and hes telling me hes heading out for breakfast.. and I wait and there's not offer to get me breakfast. Oh well I cant win them all. I ask him where hes going and hes not too far away. He says 'well I thought Id give you a call and see if you were up for a visitor at this time.' I reply without thinking. 'You woke me up and I'm exhausted.'

We continue to chat for a bit and I'm starting to wake up and I ask him if hes coming over and he says 'you just told me you're tired.' I answered back that I had just woken up and am just then getting my mind thinking straight and I could use some morning sex.'

He turns the car around and 10 minutes later he comes in and I have to say that I getting that kind of wake up. Not the phone call but the sex part of my morning. He comes over and have quick intense orgasms. I know hes on his way somewhere but I don't remember where hes heading and we talk and laugh for a few minutes and we get dressed. Ive got a brunch date that calls me at 11:30 to let me know hes not going to make it. Its OK. I'm good with that and I can use the time to sleep instead of entertaining. But under any other circumstances I hate it when people cancel on me. GRR!!

I take a nap and wake up whenever the phone rings. Have unintelligible conversations until they give up and tell me that they'll call me later when my brain returns. I wake up and take the dogs out. Feel like the bottom of someones shoe and head off to work... in what I had on to take the dogs out. A beige tennis skirt, a tank top and a light white sweater. Feel like a bum but I wasn't feeling stellar. No one noticed. They all said I looked good. Phew! Fooled them this time didn't I?
Work was uneventful but someone was smiling down on me and my situation and made everything go smoothly. Even had time to talk to D for about 20 minutes in the middle of it all. Ill inject some insanity here (I think he likes me) Insert maniacal laughter as that's just crazy talk :) (shrugs)

Went home a bit early as I usually do. Took the dogs out, fed them and took a shower, made sure the alarm on my cell was enabled and went to bed with drops of water still on my body.

Still kind of sleepy Monday afternoon and I'm bartending at some pharmacist thingy tonight until who knows when then meeting D. Hopefully early enough to watch the end of the hockey game with him and have a few drinks, or for some serious feel good moments of laughter and pleasure.

M2 was coming into town but I had to let him know that next week would be better and hes able to juggle his schedule for me which was nice. Phew! Should make for a fun time. Hes not in town for long but when he is, its a very fun afternoon.

K and I will be meeting sometime this week, most probably the end of the week. If our schedules work out.

My work day here at J1 is almost over. I'm not ecstatic as I have another long night ahead of me at J2. They want me there for 5:30 and because I'm so Darling they said that I could come in whenever I could make it in. Either they are desperate or they know that I'm Gold :) HA!

The only thing that I am thinking of iS... what time Ill get off tonight...

218 - mistext

I know that Ive brought it up before. This thing with D and I. I don't know what it is. At the middle of the game Saturday night while I was bartending game 3 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I get a text message that was not at all meant for me.

'If she is wearing underwear they are see through cz I can see everything I don't think shes shy'

It was meant for his friend, one of his friends. Not me. I don't know if he knew this girl or not but I have to wonder if he sends anyone else anything about me and the things that Ive done. I just wonder that's all.

I kind of chuckle at the text that was sent to me by accident and I imagine him with eyes wide open, swearing up a storm at how dumb his accidental mistext was. I could have sent him a text letting him know that he sent it to the wrong person but I just left it. I had much more imortant things to do. Flirt with the hockey fans. That... and I wanted him to stew and come up with a story to go with it LOL

I also think about whether this thing, such as it is, will go anywhere as far as well, the future goes (any kind of future, short/long?) I have no idea. I haven't started thinking of couple things with him other than going out for meals and having sex. OK that's a lie. I have thought of going on a vacation with him somewhere hot but... I've also just pictured us only having sex and ordering room service. I do need sustenance to keep up with the sexual demands of my libido. HA!

Its simple this thing we have and I really don't want to complicate things. Which I will by having any sort of conversation about us that involves more than sex and whats involved in the sex we are planning on having.

No, its not all about sex. It cant be when we keep in touch throughout the day. For a few moments I thought it was so he could make sure I wasn't out gallivanting about with other men. Ive gotten the occasional 'be good tonight' or ' no hooking up tonight' text from him.

I smile at his texts and continue with my nights. When the mood is right, I let cards fall where they may. If I cant meet him for some reason or he asks about my plans for a night when we aren't together. Ill be honest and let him know if I have a dinner date or what not with someone. I can never tell what his reaction is. Unless its what happened last time I told him I was meeting someone before he was coming over. That was obvious. Well obvious as in he wasn't having any part of it but that could be because he wants to be the first one to be with me that night. He assumed that's what was happening with the other guy. Silly.

Anyway. Its all just a little bit in the air as I want but I don't want. I'm too much of a chicken to say anything at this time but some one day I might just screw it all up and say things I'm not supposed to say in order to figure something out. I'm hoping though, that Ill just keep doing what I'm doing now even if I have the occasional inner conflict and doubt. That I'm used to :)

My sister and I have talked about it and we both agree that I have no idea how to go about having a normal relationship. But what is a normal relationship? I'm sure this can be argued til the cows come home. That's a big part of it I think. I haven't had a normal relationship and I don't know 'The Rules' if there are any. I know there have been books written about the rules of what to do and what not to do.

Going though it and living it seems much more my thing. I prefer to talk to people about it and go with trial and error. I also prefer to have it all bang around my head every so often. Hey.. as far as problems go? This is one of my biggest in my life at the moment. I'm not really complaining. Ill take this over many other things that people have going on in their lives.

So to sum it all up, I'm confused but sexually satisfied with whats happening.

217 - June already

M called asking me if I was free to meet with him on Wed or Thurs next week. I said I would prefer Thurs. He said he'd call back to confirm that.

I called to let the bar know that I could bar tend at some banquet Monday night and while I was on the phone with him he also booked work for me for 2 other nights. One of them happens to be on the Thurs I told M I would meet him. Darn!

Maybe Ill be able to tell him that I can meet with him on Wed night instead. So I can work Thurs night and wear a jean skirt with a black top for some good ole country ho down. (I was told that's what I needed to wear) Which means Ill have to change Girls Night for that week.

I know Ill want to see D at some point. Ill have to see what his schedule is like. Get this, his schedule is changing and hell be working from say 1-9 or so. So I wont have anymore midnight callers. Well, midnight calls from him I should say. So I'm a bit confused at my reaction to his new schedule. I was glad that he didn't have to finish so late, but I was worried that things between us would get uhhh more than what it is. What? Me? Chicken? kinda yeah.

Even though he thinks we have similar outlooks, even though he thinks I'm sexy, even though etc etc... I don't know if any of this is anything other than something physical. He enjoys pleasing me and making sure that I'm satisfied. Likewise of course :) I shouldn't really think about it too much. But I do.

So I was a bit bummed as now I wont be able to have lunches et al with him. But.. I do get to see him in the evening and I will be able to get to sleep at a decent hour instead of 2 or so in the morning. Unless were going out and coming home at that time. lol

To make me feel better he said that he'd make time for me. Gee thanks. That makes me feel like a winner. Like everything else in my life. Enjoy it while you have it. You might not have it the next day.

He hasn't been feeling well. I think he has the flu... again. I told him he might need vitamins. He said he was taking those one-a-day vitamin pills... he thought about it a moment and then said he might need to take 2. Silly, but it made me laugh. Hes going to see his doctor this afternoon to find out whats happening. I hope I don't catch whatever it is. Who wants to have the flu in the summer?? Not I!

One of my girlfriends is coming back from Mexico this Saturday. Shes returning from a much needed week long vacation with her boyfriend. I can just imagine what shes doing now. A whole lot of relaxing in the sun. Not worrying about anything here at home. I'm jealous! She knows it and promised to bring back a few bottles that have worms in them. HA!

Tuesday night might be open as my sister and I might not see each other if we don't decide what we want to do other than play pool. If we end up not deciding what we both want to do then Ill sleep. I know ill need whatever sleep I can get for next week.

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A lot on the strange side. A coworker was thirsty, had an empty cup. Grabbed a bottle of water and poured herself a nice tall glass of H2O. I bet it was refreshing. I know it was. It was my bottle of water. It bothered me.

Have a great weekend... Where did May go? and welcome to June!