296 - Give me more

BC wants to see me again before he leaves. That's nice. Ill have to try to rearrange my schedule as its pretty busy the next few days. I know hes leaving this Sunday morning so I'm thinking the only time Ill have will be for Saturday early afternoon.

Before the Christmas Party that J1 puts on every year. The memo came out saying.

To: All Employees

From: The Head Poncho (name withheld for obvious reasons)

This year the Christmas Party will be held at 'La Di Da' (Not an actual place) which is located at 'Do Si Do' -sic- (Also not an actual address) It is near this road and that road. Which reminds me to map quest it so I know where Ill be going.

It will be held Saturday December 1 2007 at 7:00pm.

As usual it is necessary to obtain as soon as possible, the number of people which will attend in order to cater appropriately.

Please submit your intentions including your spouse or friend to your respective department managers.

Dress code will be smart business casual, no tie, no jeans, or tshirts.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My intentions is not to make out with my date who is my sister no matter how many people ask me to and no matter how much people offer us. That will just not do.

My intentions are to be a more accountable person and to be more disciplined in various areas of life.

Are these the kinds of intentions they are looking for?

Or would be along the lines of I intend not to sneak out of work early or make fun of other people.

What happens if peoples intentions are not honorable?

So they want me to dress like I normally do for work. Dropping my sexy. I think not. I can guarantee that I wont wear a tie, wont don a pair of jeans or be sporting a tshirt. That just gives me a mental picture of me in a matching pair of bra and panties. Oh who am I kidding. I don't think Ill want to match at all.

I think Ill dress smart and sexy. Business has no place that evening. Unless duty calls...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

V has already left to catch his flight. He will be back in a week or two. I feel a little bad about not keeping in touch with him more while he was here. Ive been busy and I think he might have certain ideas of what might transpire the next time we are together. He has many ideas, I know, but he is first a gentleman and lets me set the pace.

He might not like the pace but I'm experimenting with paces. I get frustrated as well but its a learning process and I have a lot to learn. I am the grasshopper.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

B3 called me. I was a little busy and told him wed get together sometime next week. Possibly Thursday. He offered me his cell number which was the first time hes ever done that as I don't have any numbers to call him back when he leaves me messages. I didn't have a pen so I told him to give me a call another time and Id get it then.

I wonder if there's an expiry date on things like that. Like if its a one time offer only. We shall see. I'm not sure what we will do. Getting naked isn't an option yet so that will have to wait. Well, he will have to wait.

In a way I think I like not having his number. I know that for some people its a power thing. It is. I just don't let it affect me. I mean if he calls me then I'm in control because I don't have to agree to do anything with him and it shows that he wants to spend time with me. I can always say that I'm busy and he will have to call me back and he does.

Maybe he realizes what it is I have. The advantage. So now he wants to give me his number which I know I wont dial. Why, you ask? Just because. If he didn't want to give it to me when we first met which happens to have been over 6 months ago. I just don't know what changed in his life that is making him want to offer it up to me now.

Ill keep his number and I shouldn't say I wont dial his number. I might. Its not a plan at the moment but things happen for a reason and I don't know what the reason for this is. So I shall just life as it happens... happen. I'm not jumping up and down for joy, not like winning the lottery. Which I'm still waiting to win :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

D and I had some fantastic sex for lunch. It was rushed, hurried and oh so intense. Its always a lot of fun when were both in the zone and were both there and were both just enjoying it all. The sights, the scents, the sounds, the everything. It was so good I had to change the sheets. The dynamics are changing between us. I'm not sure how things will proceed but its OK. I know that either way. Ill be OK.

I know that we both care about each other. We don't want anyone to get hurt. Though usually when you talk about that someone usually does :) No? Well maybe not always. Lets hope not.

Its the sex. Ill admit it keeps me wanting more. Have you ever heard of such an absurd reason. The sex is really good. I mean. Its spine tingling. The more I get, the more I want. That doesn't sound very smart but its the truth. I don't know if its healthy but the sex is great and having sex is healthy.

Then there's proximity. The more time we spend together the more time I want to spend with him. Take away that time spent together and the I miss it.

So my thing is now. Don't take things for granted and just make the best of the time that I am given.

Have a fantastic weekend and for those people venturing out for work related holiday festivities in the next few weeks. Remember.... Always Classy, Never Trashy.

278 - lurking

I haven't been posting as much as Id like to. I'm concentrating on trying to get through the stages in order to get the job. Ive had to in less than a week talk to3 of my present and previous managers for a reference.

Its unclear whether I am only required to have a list of 3 references or if I need 3 written references. Deep down I think its just a list of 3 they need to be able to contact. However that is also easier than having to go get 3 written ones. Its not hard. Its just getting them all in a timely fashion. @ I have to run after. One was done the same day. The other wants me to write it out myself and has given me carte blanche to embellish if I should so please. I don't as I wouldn't feel comfortable. Honestly is best. Plus the honest truth is I was pretty damn great there and everywhere :)

Writing it out myself is a bit weird as I feel like I'm bragging but its not its just pointing out great qualities that I have. But it still feels like gloating. Ive asked D to draft a letter for me and Ill use that and have that previous employer sign it.

This weekend is Thanksgiving weekend and Monday is a Holiday. Tuesday is my interview and I feel its cutting it a bit close. But it could just be me. I'm kicking myself a little bit as I did have time the week before to get it all done. I was just unsure about getting to this stage. This just teaches me its better to err on the right side of caution.

Its interesting as I did think about it, about getting it done sooner. I'm not quite sure why I didn't. It may be because I don't want to get too ahead of myself. I also didn't want to seem ... full of myself. Now I feel like I'm a monkey on their backs about it.

"I know you're busy, I wanted to know how you were coming along with my reference letter and if I am able to pick it up today."

"Ill be seeing you this Thurs night and Sat night and I was wondering which night to expect it."

"I really appreciate this and I'm pleased that you feel comfortable enough to write a reference letter for me."

Ive decided (very recently... like just now) not to worry too much about it. It would be nice to have all 3 letters in hand when I walk into the interview. It will just give me that extra boost of confidence. However if I only have 1 (which I currently have) or 2 (which I might be able to pick up tonight) Ill be happy. Again all 3 would be great but '2 out of 3 ain't bad' as someone once said :)

There are a few things I need to do to prepare myself for this and Ill have some homework which D has helped me with. I feel like I'm still a bit clueless but he thinks Ill do fine. Just be relaxed and keep things simple. Ive made notes and I'm hopeful and excited about moving ahead.

Its exciting, the thought that I might be doing something different if things should work out. OK not if but WHEN things work out. That's better. Tuesday it is. If things go well with this panel interview then onto the next stage which I will definitely fret over like I usually do.

D had breakfast with Jason from the other night and another of his co workers. I get a call after breakfast and part of the conversation went like this.

D - Jason was pretty drunk that night, he and Pete drank a lot and Jason was pretty out of it.

Darling - It was a good time/

D - Its funny... Jason told me you guys made out that night. He said he asked for a kiss and that's how it started.

Darling - (laughs) If he calls that making out he needs to get back in the game... and if you see him next time, tell him I wasn't satisfied with it.

D - I just laughed when he told that story

Darling - Funny ha ha or funny interestinggg

D - I laughed

Darling - What a little trouble maker... I guess If that's what making out is I also made out with Pete.

The next day. I bring it up again. Why? Because I want to know if it bothered him or if hes OK with it. Should I bother going down this thought process? Would his reaction be an indication of how he sees me? us?

Earlier today. Lunch was a bowl full of sex. Messy sex. In my apartment, on my bed. Just how I like it. Messy enough to take a shower and rush to work with damp hair. Its been a while. It was also very good. Not enough but it was good. So good that while he was in the shower. I took the opportunity to continue to play with myself and make a bigger mess. No he didn't know what I was doing. But I was a bit turned on about him not knowing.

How do you tell someone you want more without insulting them if they cant do more? Or how do I find out if there is a possibility of more but there is something that's holding them back? Specially if its me? EEK!

Its nice what this is. But I think in order for me to continue to enjoy my life. Ill have to take a step back and go out and rub noses with those patiently waiting in The Soup. Its nice to be with someone that doesn't have the same complications as D does. I'm OK with them as I'm pretty laid back that way and peoples lives are so different that when its out of my control. There's nothing I can do about it and there's no reason for me to get all twisted over.

Ive got another long night ahead of me and D might want to go out. I'm not sure if he does or not yet as he was planning on giving me a choice. Lunch today or after hes done work. I don't think he'll want to go out after hes done work. I wont plan on it. But it wold be neat to be surprised.

I need to catch up on sleep and need to buy groceries for Thanksgiving which were celebrating Monday at lunch. We all have plans to have dinner elsewhere for dinner that night and the night before.

Happy Turkey and Have a great weekend. Ill post about how the interview went. Thanks for being in my corner :)

PS I know I haven't been checking blogs lately but I will return to that as soon as things start working itself out in the new job category. Ive been lurking when I can though :)

Darling a lurker.. makes me giggle :)

237 - meeting friends

This weekend was great. I worked FIFA U-20 on Saturday and it was great. Lots of fun, lots of people, lots of them drinking and coming back for more. Tips that night were great and I have pocket money for the next week. Which incidentally is also a 4 day week :) Love it when that happens!

Saturday night after working FIFA. D and I start texting right away and he tells me hes out with the boys for a night out and really wants to get together with me afterwards. Yeah its been a while. I know this, he knows this and as of now and what I shared on my post on Friday so do you. I want to get together with him too. I go home about midnight, shower then slip into a nightie and check the lighting and atmosphere. I don't spend much time doing that as its always primed and ready for .. action. My apartment that is... Me on the other hand... well.. that's another story. Or is it?

After a few more texts I become Ds DD for the night. Ill pick him up later on and take him home mu hu ha ha! My home that is. What Ill do with him when I get him there is well... I'm sure you all have an idea or few :)

10 minutes later change of plans. If I want to... I can meet up with him now and meet him at the bar where he and his friends are. Who I have never met. ARG! I kind of have a mind bomb.

I'm really shy you see. I'm pretty shy. I'm very shy. I'm quiet, kind of reserved sometimes and very private. OK I have moments of all the above. It doesn't always happen that they all happen all at the same time. A mind bomb is when it all happens at the same time. When I fell really shy, quiet, reserved and private... add insecure to the mix and there you have a mind bomb.

It lasted long enough for my libido to diffuse the mind bomb which got me into... after much debate on what to wear... into a little black skirt with a little black tank top, sexy heels and and a black sweater. The shyness got through and pulled the sweater on before I left the apartment. Its good to be shy sometimes... it ended up a little chilly and it was perfect for the night. I was dressed.. sexy smart :)

I find parking and bump into a tall man on the street who asks me where I am headed and I let him know I'm heading to the bar. He walks me there a block and a half down and kisses my hand. Sweet. I ring D and he comes out and talks to the doorman who lets me in no questions.

Did I mention I was a little nervous? I'm meeting his friends who hes known since he was 5 years old and one of them an investment banker who tore down a 6 figure home and had another built for 1.5 billion dollars? Another is a paramedic from Calgary. The last one? Never did find out :)

Met his friend R first and got along great from the get go. Phew! He said he loved the way I smelled and asked me if it was my perfume, shampoo or what? I told him it was natural. He laughed and said that could get addicting. I laughed with him and asked him how drunk D was and he said the appropriate thing. Not at all. Good friend. I knew D was there and have been for a while. I'm glad hes a happy drunk. Makes for a good time.

D orders a round for everyone and we carry drinks to the boys on the patio and may I say that I was greeted warmly. Kisses and hugs and laughter. What more could I have asked for? Of yes that's right. Flattery. R for the scent I had on. H for how I looked. G for wondering if they were real or not.

So light banter was exchanged and I gave as good as I got. I saw these men chat up a couple of blond 21 year olds and I felt a little like chopped liver. What can I say? Tall blond leggy ladies always seem to ... well.. that's another post. Anyway. I enjoyed the entertainment. 2 young TBLs who didn't have a clue how to handle the attentions of 3-4 (I say 3-4 because D was there but not paying 'much' attention to them like the rest were) OK so I watched them all and heard the conversation and the subject of ages came up. The ladies aren't into older men. Pity. More for me :)

They didn't know how to handle them. From what I could tell. Did I mention they were all good looking? Anyway... the ladies left and when they did... I heard how they really felt. One had a huge ass. Nice hair, not so nice face. But all in all. Bad attitude. I threw in that 'you guys are awful with women!' Which got me the explanation that their attitudes were awful. So being hot means nothing if the attitude isn't there.

Which brought the conversation to me. Somehow. I wasn't trying to fish and they started to talk about me, right in front of me. It was a little discerning but also quite intriguing. Of course I stayed and held my breath because if I heard anything negative I would have been swallowed by the ground with embarrassment.

Great attitude, no BS, flirty without going over the top. Great body, good looking and can handle being alone with 4 guys who are talking about her. We all laugh and its an all around great night. I don't plan on drinking but have a 3 glasses of rum and diet coke. I spend some time with H and great guy. Hes the one from Calgary. One of D's oldest friends. Who apparently has a memory like an elephant. I test this and tell him my first, middle and last name once. He should before we part for the night recall it for me.

He asked me how D and I met. I blushed and told him that Id let D tell him the story. I wasn't even sure how I feel about how I met D. I don't even think Ive blogged about it. Oh well. I'm not about to now :) dun dun dunnnn...

I get some alone time with D. The boys all look at each other and one comes up with a reason to go in. The rest follow. It looks like it was done on purpose. So D and I make out. Actually I fix my mouth on his and we kiss. He had no choice. Well he did. He just chose to go along with it :) Weeeee!!

The boys come back with more drinks in hand. I haven't finished mine and they tell me to hurry up and catch up. I tell them if I were to catch up I think Id need a whole bottle and a few shots to get where they are. They said that could be arranged and I laughed and told them to be good.

The subject returned to younger women and older men and I kept quiet and listened to them go on about how its much better to be with an older man. I smiled inwardly thinking its nothing I haven't learned before on my own but it was nice to hear. Quite endearing. Its all about finding someone that thinks the same way. Some will. Some wont.

Which brings their next question to me. How old was I? I laugh and ask them how old they think I am. I get kind of nervous and think is there an age where I shouldn't ask this anymore as they might actually think I'm older than I am? Which means that my looks show that I am older than I really am and that wouldn't be good. Who wants to look older than they are? Not me that's for sure.

I get 22 from G, 23-24 from R and '2 and 7' from H. H wins a hug from me and I wonder a couple of things. D heads inside to get another round and leaves me with these guys to which I protest jokingly telling him I might not be safe with these guys. To which the said guys all laugh. Flattery goes both ways. Nothing I cant handle. I am woman watch me flirt.

I wonder if D told H how old I was? I wonder if guys purposely spout a number they know to be less than what they actually think/know to flatter someone. I wonder if I should censor myself before asking that last I wonder above.

With that out in the open. They say no, not at all. Oh well. That answer works for me. D returns and I do my duty telling G and H that smoking is bad for them. I find them a light and do my duty as the volunteer wing girl to try to hook them up with available ladies.

The ladies notice how nice I am and all that. Which brings the boys attentions back to me. I'm not trying to get the attention. Its just happening, Its times like these that I am happy in the shadows. I walk to D and I whisper that I cant wait to get him home. He laughs and nibbles on my ear. YUM.

I get pulled away by H who tells D to share. I raise my eyebrow and H says that we should go dance. We head inside and the sweater comes off and eyes take in what was previously covered. The question of whether they were real or not comes back up and I told them they were fake. Mouths dropped open which were helped closed by the next guy and laughter was heard.

They all wanted to feel and I laughed. D however felt the need to exert his presence and reach over to feel a breast. Real he says but the guys are all wanting to feel now too and I laugh it off. R asks how D gets to touch and I look at him and said something along the lines of us having been intimate and like a lightning bolt I hear well we can do that too. He got me there. I laugh that one off too.

After an offer of a hotel room being rented for their viewing pleasure was dutifully declined by yours truly. I promptly took D away, but not after being the social butterfly and making sure they all knew that I enjoyed their company. I did have a lot of fun. It was good to go out and meet some more of his friends. More on that thought later.

Hours later at home and quite a mess later... details aren't really needed are they? (smile) I drove D home. I got back home to my bed about 430am.

Get a wake up call on Sunday at 7am. Misery sure does love company. Thanks for interrupting my dream D. Thanks.

229 - you and your hand

I'm working the Beaver Boxing Event. Ringside something is the official title that I botched up Ill try to find out what it really is called.

Excerpts from last nights texting with D goes as follows

D - Are you thinking about that time when...

Darling - I am now... (cute that he is wondering about what I'm thinking of)

D - Ive been thinking about it and I like when its on your mind...

(its hard not to think about it. Its pretty eventful)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Later on in the evening...

D - Not sure but it seems that all the women are flirty today

Darling - I think its because all the men are here flirting with me, I love this sport... be good

(I wonder why hes telling me about the flirty women... to make me jealous? It kind of worked.I had that 'hands of, hes taken! reaction, then thought about it and realized I had no right to even think that. As he isn't taken and its his decision if he wants your hands on him) I wonder if he was a bit jealous. I almost wanted to ask him if that was he wanted.

D - B good and stop flirting (Fair is fair, if you can, so can I)

Darling - Im always good.. cant help it but be good, the guys are out of control with their roaming hands.. but Ive got that time with you in my head. Lots of fun..

------------------------------------
About an hour before I leave (now early morning)

D - I so think you are hooking up (he sends it twice 10 min apart) I so think you are hooking up

Darling - Dont be silly. I want to hook up with you (I met a lot of men that night. Made new contacts for this, that and the other and through it all I'm thinking of the sex D and I have)

D - 30 min ur place (Test if I ever heard one, why do I think he wants to keep tabs?)

Why I got that feeling?

around 10ish

I call... and say Am I seeing you tonight?

He says Ill have to call you back

He calls back and asks yes??

Am I seeing you tonight?

We talked about this already and no I cant come over.

OK I just wanted to make sure

Just because I'm not coming over doesn't mean you have to hook up tonight

Hmm is that how it works? Hmmm really?

Well....

* Then again... It sounds kind of odd that I would call him and ask again knowing that hes not coming over.. but just to make sure.. I wanted to confirm. I can see how that would plant a seed of doubt... which would lead to where things were... Which might... in a land of what ifs.... make it that he doesn't want me to hook up with anyone else and is kind of jealous?


Darling - I wish I could meet you in 30 min, ill be here a while working. (I really would have enjoyed being /seeing him)

D - Fight was over 30 min ago (It even read as pouty and suspicious. I'm wondering how he knew when it was done... interesting...)

Darling - I would much rather be with you.. no one else... than here working. (True and then I thought of how my bedroom looks... living room it is :)

I ended up calling him after that. Soothe any egos that might need it. He still teased me about it when I asked him if he really thought I was hooking up that night. He must think I'm hot or something that I can pull men easily like that. Silly man.

I might leave early today to enjoy the nice weather.. that and make sure that I use up any vacation that wont be carried over. Ulterior motives you suspect? Yes, D and I might get together for a while. If that doest happen I have a super hot date that provides complete and utter satisfaction. I have a date with my bed. Alone that is, sweet sleep and relaxation.

Oh and interesting things about working the event.

I brought home 2 bottles of wine, comp of a group of men that I took care of.
Another group left me a tip of 50$
Ive a small army of business cards with cell #s on the back
Met a cool new contact who Ill be getting in touch with soon. He likes my attitude.
The mgr is thinking of having ladies wear skirts as a uniform. He got reviews about me HA!
Daniel 'Alfie' was at the event. So was the mayor of Ottawa. So was I :)
Beef tenderloin for dinner
Someone OK 2 people, screamed that I had nothing on under my skirt.
Which might explain the slew of business cards I got.
Keeping the cell phone in between.
Someone mentioned they needed cream, another joked not cream of sum yung gai? to which I replied... unsolicited as Im walking by their table, why not? I hear its pretty good. They all laughed and wanted me to join them for the rest of the night.

The song that came to my mind. 'you and your hand' :)

220 - the only thing thats yours.

My bladder is getting back at me for neglecting to do what I was supposed to on Saturday night. 11 hours without a bathroom break and about 6 bottles of water. I lost my voice by the end of Saturday night. Someone told me I sounded like Stevie Nicks that night... which I have to ask those of you who are familiar with her musical stylings. Is it a good thing to sound like her?

I did a lot of screaming and not the usual kind that you expect to do when your team scores and the crowd goes wild. Every score that game, the crowd went wild with screaming, yelling and fists pumping. Me? I was screaming things like.

- You there in the baby blue shirt and faded jeans, Id like to sleep with you NOW. Tell your friend hes next!

- I'm a lesbiannnn... I like women..... no one can hear me.. good... cz I really like mennnn!!

- Who wants to see me jump into this tub of water???!?!? nakedddd??

someone actually offered me money to do that. His first offer was 10$ I told him I would take that as a tip for the beer I was handing him. His second offer was 50$ I told him that would cover my manicure. The last offer he had was 300$ I told him to put it on the table and get ready to be splashed. He asked if he could take a picture and I said no deal. Wouldn't want evidence of silly things that I do. Its nice enough in my memory :)

- Ive got a crush on too many guys and if I continued to scream and yell about it by the time you all have stopped Ill be the only one screaming and that would be very embarrassing!!

The other people I was working with who were standing 3 feet away? Didn't have a clue about the things I was screaming. The crowd was that loud. I was yelling and screaming out a whole lot of thing that had nothing to do with hockey. It was a lot of fun.


Ever since that Saturday and my neglect for my bladder, its like every hour, no matter what Ive had to drink if I had anything to drink I head off to the Lil girls room. All because now my bladder is on strike and is getting back at me. I know it wasn't the greatest to leave it that long. It couldn't be helped unless there was a forest nearby or if they were handing out Pee-mates (sic)

Very handy little things for large crowds and not enough facilities. The plus to this handy dandy thingy is that its for both males and females.

------------------------------------------------------

The function I worked last night bartending was fun, they had great music, a lot of people dancing making good use of it, they had a jumbo slide for people to climb and weeeee all the way down, had a section for a bikes to ride around in. The bikes looked like the ones clowns would use in a circus. 3 wheels and painted brightly. Big screen TVs and a huge buffet for the hungry. The MC was great and us bartenders were hopping around filling orders and getting our flirt on.

Ive noticed though that I flirt a lot. More then the other girls that were there. Ill flirt with men and tease the women. Have to make sure that everyone gets the spotlight even for a few moments. Good karma. Spread the Love and full circles and all that.

Good memory helps, personal info like names, jobs, family, pets and specially what they drink comes in handy. It keeps them coming back for more. Now whether its the actual drink or who pours their drink that brings them back I'm not 100% sure But Id like to think its me. Really though I know its the drink that brings them back. But its me they go to instead of the other ladies I work with. They'll stand and wait in a line so they can be served by yours truly.

Whenever one of the other ladies asks one of my regulars who are waiting in line for a drink if they can help them, they always smile and say 'no thank you I'm waiting for Darling'. I always blush like a schoolgirl, look at them with a small smile and wink like a minx. Of course by the time they get to me Ive got their drink ready made and have something clever to say to make them laugh and make sure they have a great time.

The reason I like getting info like names and other things is because they know my name. How?Its says so right there on the tag attached to my top. All in caps. DARLING. Also everyone I work with calls out my name if they need something or need to know how to work something. So they hear it and see it and so they use it. I always find it strange not knowing someones name when they know mine. Although... switch it around and I don't mind so much if I keep the mystery... Its my name!! If I have the choice? Ill hold on to it as long as I can. Its a gift, special, meant for those that I want to share it with.


Kind of hokey pokey I know. What can I say?

Someone once told me that your name is the only thing that's yours. It made sense at the time to me, I cant explain how... but Its the most personal thing about you. Your name. Think about it and hopefully you might agree even to a small extent. Everything else? isn't yours like your name is.