404 - Looking forward

I have a trip planned for this April, Ill be heading towards Southern California. Im excited. Its still a ways away but Im looking forward to getting away from the normal day to day things that I have to deal with here. Im not complaining about my life but its nice to get away for a little while. Even better to not have to deal with winter and everything that comes with it.

Ill be going for just under three weeks and thats not long enough to take in what Id like to take in, see who I need to see and do what I need to do.

The first half of my trip will be spent with family who are all flying in to spend time together. Its been  a little over two years since we were all together like this so that will be fun and awkward. But mostly fun with lots of catching up and laughter. So long as we keep the good times rolling then that will do nicely.

The second half sees the rest of the family flying back to their respective destinations while I remain to enjoy the homestead as I see fit. Which is where AS of LA comes in. Not to be confused with AS of Ottawa :)

I met AS of LA the last time I was in California. We hit it off from the start and he did all the right things that garnered him invites to spend more time with me until it was my time to go. It was such a natural ease of comfort for me to be with him that I jumped into 'crazy girl mode' which I warned him about and said not to pay it any mind as it just needed to get out of my system. I assured him that there would be no 'bad' crazy to deal with. Life is so full of drama that I try not to contribute to it. He laughed at me and said he appreciates the warning :)

The most important thing I told him to focus on while 'the girl' got her way for a time was that .... In that moment, that time and space we were together. It was perfect, exactly what I needed on so many levels. And he fit that bill at that time. After that, its all projection in my head and that would easily be fazed out with the distance between us.

We have kept in touch with each other to not cut ties but I fear it may be different when we reconnect as its been a while. Ive shared that with him but hes not worried about how things will be between us. Its nice to have someone counter my worries and toss them aside like they are nothing... specially when its nothing. When its a legitimate worry he does address them and we act accordingly.

It would have been nice to be able to see him since that last visit but life can be a huge deterrent. I wont share what he does for a living but he works in the entertainment industry and living in LA Im fascinated with what he does and who he gets to interact with. He says its not as glamorous as I think it is to me and its so different from anything Ive had to deal with that it is. I tell him that all the time and its the truth which I think makes him puff out his chest that much more. I think its attractive.

Will this be something serious? Its hard to tell. Long distance relationships dont have the best track record and well, there are other things to consider. So for now. Its nice that there will be someone to add to my little black book even if they are in Southern California.

In the meantime, locally I have AS of Ottawa that continues to demonstrate what keeps me wanting.

402 - long protracted emails

Long protracted emails. Can be a good thing. Can also be a drag. Sometimes I find either I want to get right to the point, right to the heart of the matter, the meat on the bones. Other times I like the slow simmer of getting to know someone and truly finding out if this connection is something that has a chance of moving from virtual to real world without it fizzling upon contact.

Is it any wonder that two separate men, who I have been in touch with for the same amount of time have a totally different reaction coming from me? Both seem intelligent kind and and and. The one thats able to surpass the other comes with wit and has the ability to make me laugh.

The other has seen too many disappointments in meeting people off of the internet. thus projects all his issues onto our situation. Tries to rush the process basically which if anyone knows is not such a good idea and wont endear anyone to me if done.

Witty and funny is patient, respectful and though he shares his intent to meet and take this forward, is not running away for the fact that he has to wait. He takes it in stride and continues to be witty, funny, engaging and manly in a way that makes me comfortable, secure and safe.

For all his efforts he is rewarded and he enjoys his rewards. This moves us along nicely and is in line with my way of 'natural progression'. We all have different processes and what may feel natural to me may not to anyone else. Its all different and all on us to decide for ourselves.

It all depends on the person and how comfortable they make someone feel. If the guy is a creep or is giving off any kind of creep vibe then its going to a slow day in hell before I decide to move that pairing along.

Like I tell everyone I 'virtually meet' Seduce my mind, my body will follow. Until that happens its not going anywhere.

Sorry 'jaded guy' im afraid that youll have to continue your search. Ive found someone else... for now :)

388 - pockets good or bad

Had a lunch date today with G3. Note to self, make sure you know who it is youre agreeing to meet. Needless to say I was surprised to find G3 waiting for me outside the restaurant. I was expecting P. My fault. My mistake but I went along with it and didnt think it was his fault and he shouldnt have to pay for my mistake.

So we had lunch and we had conversation. We shared and we laughed and I was a little bit uncomfortable as Im not sure Im physically attracted to him. Hes all right. What can I say that was wrong with him? He looked normal, older than I am but he had all his fingers and he had a shaved head by choice.

Lots to talk about so conversation wasnt lacking. I just didnt feel like I needed to hold my breath for anything. Im not sure if that makes sense. We talked about sex and I knew he was interested. I asked him to tell me that he didnt want to have sex with me. He said he couldnt because hed be lying.

I thought it might be easier and I was hoping he didnt want to have sex with me because then we could just go out once in a while maybe. He is interesting, well travelled, involved in a lot of activities and lots that I would have picked his brain over.

So we finished lunch and umm... I paid. Yes thats right I paid. More on that in another blog and my thoughts on that.

So we went for a walk aafter we ate and I was struck by him reaching for my hand to hold. As we walk. I barely know him and well... Maybe I havent dated in a while and thought maybe its something the kids are doing these days :)

I managed to take my hand back only to have him try again. I took it back.. in a way that I hope wasnt too obvious.

He did the one arm hug to pull me closer to him and I wasnt sure what was going on there so I felt a little awkward. Maybe I have been too long gone from the dating scene to realize this as.. normal behavior?

He also hugged me while my hands were hiding in the pockets of my leather jacket and leaned down for a kiss. I tucked my chin into my neck and and made the nu uh noise. He ended up kissing my forehead.

Im undecided. A little forward. I talked about it with a few people and they said that was too soon for the hand holding and the kiss. The one arm hug was ok. Im not sure if Ill see him. I might just to see if its as awkward? Is that odd and does that make me awkward that Im willing to see him again to check out that it isnt a usual thing for him?

Maybe. I think I need some help.

278 - lurking

I haven't been posting as much as Id like to. I'm concentrating on trying to get through the stages in order to get the job. Ive had to in less than a week talk to3 of my present and previous managers for a reference.

Its unclear whether I am only required to have a list of 3 references or if I need 3 written references. Deep down I think its just a list of 3 they need to be able to contact. However that is also easier than having to go get 3 written ones. Its not hard. Its just getting them all in a timely fashion. @ I have to run after. One was done the same day. The other wants me to write it out myself and has given me carte blanche to embellish if I should so please. I don't as I wouldn't feel comfortable. Honestly is best. Plus the honest truth is I was pretty damn great there and everywhere :)

Writing it out myself is a bit weird as I feel like I'm bragging but its not its just pointing out great qualities that I have. But it still feels like gloating. Ive asked D to draft a letter for me and Ill use that and have that previous employer sign it.

This weekend is Thanksgiving weekend and Monday is a Holiday. Tuesday is my interview and I feel its cutting it a bit close. But it could just be me. I'm kicking myself a little bit as I did have time the week before to get it all done. I was just unsure about getting to this stage. This just teaches me its better to err on the right side of caution.

Its interesting as I did think about it, about getting it done sooner. I'm not quite sure why I didn't. It may be because I don't want to get too ahead of myself. I also didn't want to seem ... full of myself. Now I feel like I'm a monkey on their backs about it.

"I know you're busy, I wanted to know how you were coming along with my reference letter and if I am able to pick it up today."

"Ill be seeing you this Thurs night and Sat night and I was wondering which night to expect it."

"I really appreciate this and I'm pleased that you feel comfortable enough to write a reference letter for me."

Ive decided (very recently... like just now) not to worry too much about it. It would be nice to have all 3 letters in hand when I walk into the interview. It will just give me that extra boost of confidence. However if I only have 1 (which I currently have) or 2 (which I might be able to pick up tonight) Ill be happy. Again all 3 would be great but '2 out of 3 ain't bad' as someone once said :)

There are a few things I need to do to prepare myself for this and Ill have some homework which D has helped me with. I feel like I'm still a bit clueless but he thinks Ill do fine. Just be relaxed and keep things simple. Ive made notes and I'm hopeful and excited about moving ahead.

Its exciting, the thought that I might be doing something different if things should work out. OK not if but WHEN things work out. That's better. Tuesday it is. If things go well with this panel interview then onto the next stage which I will definitely fret over like I usually do.

D had breakfast with Jason from the other night and another of his co workers. I get a call after breakfast and part of the conversation went like this.

D - Jason was pretty drunk that night, he and Pete drank a lot and Jason was pretty out of it.

Darling - It was a good time/

D - Its funny... Jason told me you guys made out that night. He said he asked for a kiss and that's how it started.

Darling - (laughs) If he calls that making out he needs to get back in the game... and if you see him next time, tell him I wasn't satisfied with it.

D - I just laughed when he told that story

Darling - Funny ha ha or funny interestinggg

D - I laughed

Darling - What a little trouble maker... I guess If that's what making out is I also made out with Pete.

The next day. I bring it up again. Why? Because I want to know if it bothered him or if hes OK with it. Should I bother going down this thought process? Would his reaction be an indication of how he sees me? us?

Earlier today. Lunch was a bowl full of sex. Messy sex. In my apartment, on my bed. Just how I like it. Messy enough to take a shower and rush to work with damp hair. Its been a while. It was also very good. Not enough but it was good. So good that while he was in the shower. I took the opportunity to continue to play with myself and make a bigger mess. No he didn't know what I was doing. But I was a bit turned on about him not knowing.

How do you tell someone you want more without insulting them if they cant do more? Or how do I find out if there is a possibility of more but there is something that's holding them back? Specially if its me? EEK!

Its nice what this is. But I think in order for me to continue to enjoy my life. Ill have to take a step back and go out and rub noses with those patiently waiting in The Soup. Its nice to be with someone that doesn't have the same complications as D does. I'm OK with them as I'm pretty laid back that way and peoples lives are so different that when its out of my control. There's nothing I can do about it and there's no reason for me to get all twisted over.

Ive got another long night ahead of me and D might want to go out. I'm not sure if he does or not yet as he was planning on giving me a choice. Lunch today or after hes done work. I don't think he'll want to go out after hes done work. I wont plan on it. But it wold be neat to be surprised.

I need to catch up on sleep and need to buy groceries for Thanksgiving which were celebrating Monday at lunch. We all have plans to have dinner elsewhere for dinner that night and the night before.

Happy Turkey and Have a great weekend. Ill post about how the interview went. Thanks for being in my corner :)

PS I know I haven't been checking blogs lately but I will return to that as soon as things start working itself out in the new job category. Ive been lurking when I can though :)

Darling a lurker.. makes me giggle :)

237 - meeting friends

This weekend was great. I worked FIFA U-20 on Saturday and it was great. Lots of fun, lots of people, lots of them drinking and coming back for more. Tips that night were great and I have pocket money for the next week. Which incidentally is also a 4 day week :) Love it when that happens!

Saturday night after working FIFA. D and I start texting right away and he tells me hes out with the boys for a night out and really wants to get together with me afterwards. Yeah its been a while. I know this, he knows this and as of now and what I shared on my post on Friday so do you. I want to get together with him too. I go home about midnight, shower then slip into a nightie and check the lighting and atmosphere. I don't spend much time doing that as its always primed and ready for .. action. My apartment that is... Me on the other hand... well.. that's another story. Or is it?

After a few more texts I become Ds DD for the night. Ill pick him up later on and take him home mu hu ha ha! My home that is. What Ill do with him when I get him there is well... I'm sure you all have an idea or few :)

10 minutes later change of plans. If I want to... I can meet up with him now and meet him at the bar where he and his friends are. Who I have never met. ARG! I kind of have a mind bomb.

I'm really shy you see. I'm pretty shy. I'm very shy. I'm quiet, kind of reserved sometimes and very private. OK I have moments of all the above. It doesn't always happen that they all happen all at the same time. A mind bomb is when it all happens at the same time. When I fell really shy, quiet, reserved and private... add insecure to the mix and there you have a mind bomb.

It lasted long enough for my libido to diffuse the mind bomb which got me into... after much debate on what to wear... into a little black skirt with a little black tank top, sexy heels and and a black sweater. The shyness got through and pulled the sweater on before I left the apartment. Its good to be shy sometimes... it ended up a little chilly and it was perfect for the night. I was dressed.. sexy smart :)

I find parking and bump into a tall man on the street who asks me where I am headed and I let him know I'm heading to the bar. He walks me there a block and a half down and kisses my hand. Sweet. I ring D and he comes out and talks to the doorman who lets me in no questions.

Did I mention I was a little nervous? I'm meeting his friends who hes known since he was 5 years old and one of them an investment banker who tore down a 6 figure home and had another built for 1.5 billion dollars? Another is a paramedic from Calgary. The last one? Never did find out :)

Met his friend R first and got along great from the get go. Phew! He said he loved the way I smelled and asked me if it was my perfume, shampoo or what? I told him it was natural. He laughed and said that could get addicting. I laughed with him and asked him how drunk D was and he said the appropriate thing. Not at all. Good friend. I knew D was there and have been for a while. I'm glad hes a happy drunk. Makes for a good time.

D orders a round for everyone and we carry drinks to the boys on the patio and may I say that I was greeted warmly. Kisses and hugs and laughter. What more could I have asked for? Of yes that's right. Flattery. R for the scent I had on. H for how I looked. G for wondering if they were real or not.

So light banter was exchanged and I gave as good as I got. I saw these men chat up a couple of blond 21 year olds and I felt a little like chopped liver. What can I say? Tall blond leggy ladies always seem to ... well.. that's another post. Anyway. I enjoyed the entertainment. 2 young TBLs who didn't have a clue how to handle the attentions of 3-4 (I say 3-4 because D was there but not paying 'much' attention to them like the rest were) OK so I watched them all and heard the conversation and the subject of ages came up. The ladies aren't into older men. Pity. More for me :)

They didn't know how to handle them. From what I could tell. Did I mention they were all good looking? Anyway... the ladies left and when they did... I heard how they really felt. One had a huge ass. Nice hair, not so nice face. But all in all. Bad attitude. I threw in that 'you guys are awful with women!' Which got me the explanation that their attitudes were awful. So being hot means nothing if the attitude isn't there.

Which brought the conversation to me. Somehow. I wasn't trying to fish and they started to talk about me, right in front of me. It was a little discerning but also quite intriguing. Of course I stayed and held my breath because if I heard anything negative I would have been swallowed by the ground with embarrassment.

Great attitude, no BS, flirty without going over the top. Great body, good looking and can handle being alone with 4 guys who are talking about her. We all laugh and its an all around great night. I don't plan on drinking but have a 3 glasses of rum and diet coke. I spend some time with H and great guy. Hes the one from Calgary. One of D's oldest friends. Who apparently has a memory like an elephant. I test this and tell him my first, middle and last name once. He should before we part for the night recall it for me.

He asked me how D and I met. I blushed and told him that Id let D tell him the story. I wasn't even sure how I feel about how I met D. I don't even think Ive blogged about it. Oh well. I'm not about to now :) dun dun dunnnn...

I get some alone time with D. The boys all look at each other and one comes up with a reason to go in. The rest follow. It looks like it was done on purpose. So D and I make out. Actually I fix my mouth on his and we kiss. He had no choice. Well he did. He just chose to go along with it :) Weeeee!!

The boys come back with more drinks in hand. I haven't finished mine and they tell me to hurry up and catch up. I tell them if I were to catch up I think Id need a whole bottle and a few shots to get where they are. They said that could be arranged and I laughed and told them to be good.

The subject returned to younger women and older men and I kept quiet and listened to them go on about how its much better to be with an older man. I smiled inwardly thinking its nothing I haven't learned before on my own but it was nice to hear. Quite endearing. Its all about finding someone that thinks the same way. Some will. Some wont.

Which brings their next question to me. How old was I? I laugh and ask them how old they think I am. I get kind of nervous and think is there an age where I shouldn't ask this anymore as they might actually think I'm older than I am? Which means that my looks show that I am older than I really am and that wouldn't be good. Who wants to look older than they are? Not me that's for sure.

I get 22 from G, 23-24 from R and '2 and 7' from H. H wins a hug from me and I wonder a couple of things. D heads inside to get another round and leaves me with these guys to which I protest jokingly telling him I might not be safe with these guys. To which the said guys all laugh. Flattery goes both ways. Nothing I cant handle. I am woman watch me flirt.

I wonder if D told H how old I was? I wonder if guys purposely spout a number they know to be less than what they actually think/know to flatter someone. I wonder if I should censor myself before asking that last I wonder above.

With that out in the open. They say no, not at all. Oh well. That answer works for me. D returns and I do my duty telling G and H that smoking is bad for them. I find them a light and do my duty as the volunteer wing girl to try to hook them up with available ladies.

The ladies notice how nice I am and all that. Which brings the boys attentions back to me. I'm not trying to get the attention. Its just happening, Its times like these that I am happy in the shadows. I walk to D and I whisper that I cant wait to get him home. He laughs and nibbles on my ear. YUM.

I get pulled away by H who tells D to share. I raise my eyebrow and H says that we should go dance. We head inside and the sweater comes off and eyes take in what was previously covered. The question of whether they were real or not comes back up and I told them they were fake. Mouths dropped open which were helped closed by the next guy and laughter was heard.

They all wanted to feel and I laughed. D however felt the need to exert his presence and reach over to feel a breast. Real he says but the guys are all wanting to feel now too and I laugh it off. R asks how D gets to touch and I look at him and said something along the lines of us having been intimate and like a lightning bolt I hear well we can do that too. He got me there. I laugh that one off too.

After an offer of a hotel room being rented for their viewing pleasure was dutifully declined by yours truly. I promptly took D away, but not after being the social butterfly and making sure they all knew that I enjoyed their company. I did have a lot of fun. It was good to go out and meet some more of his friends. More on that thought later.

Hours later at home and quite a mess later... details aren't really needed are they? (smile) I drove D home. I got back home to my bed about 430am.

Get a wake up call on Sunday at 7am. Misery sure does love company. Thanks for interrupting my dream D. Thanks.

223 - circle of friends

D and I spent Friday night together. ok spent part of Friday night together. Not the whole thing. I got off work and rushed home for a quick shower, walked and played with the dogs and just got things done so I can be out for the night. The apt is cleaned and tidy, nothing embarrassing and personal lying around that other people might see. Those are all stored in a safe and secret and totally unguessable place :)

He calls me and lets me know hes coming soon and asks me where I am. I tell him that I'm home and he says hes on his way. He gives me a couple of options as to what we can do. Either stay in or go out for drinks. If were staying in he can pick up a few things and be over as soon as he can or we could find a patio and have drinks there.

We christen my bathroom a couple of times and that's the something new he was talking about. Or is it? Ill leave it to your imagination. No, no hints :)

We decide to go to a bar that I hadn't been to before. That could be the something new.. I know you're wondering now :) I was happy either way to stay in or go out, I wanted to stay in because of the fabulous job my AC was doing, but I also wanted to go sit on a patio and have drinks with him. Ill suffer the humidity :)

I wear a jean skirt and a t-shirt that says busy being single in front. He laughs at that shirt and I do too. It wasnt as awkward as I thought it would be, but it was different. I just went with it and enjoyed myself and him and the night.

The bar isn't very crowded. We sit at a table and order drinks. We decide to go for doubles after the first round as the waitress doesn't come by very often. We talk, flirt and talk some more. As glasses are emptied and more come by. Our topics get more personal.

There was a lot of kissing a lot of hugging and at one point I told him I wanted to get on his lap for some fun. He thought about it and told me to hold that thought for later that night. He looked around at the crowd and said that it might start something...

I laughed and we continued to drink. He talked about his family and his friends. How he feels about them and basically shared that hes passionate about friends and family. Awesome.

We also talked about fidelity and marriage, we see eye to eye on that though he might be a bit more open about things that I thought I was. But its easier said than done, for much in life right?

I did something stupid. I laugh at myself for the sheer stupidity of it but I thought what the hell. I told him I liked him and then I found out that its just going to be a friends with benefits thing. Until the fun runs out and then nothing. I don't even think that I meant to tell him that I liked him. I mean I knew I did, but like him as a person. I know who tells people these things? I do. So anyway I got that answer. He gave me a hug after that and said a few things that I didn't hear. all I heard was laughter in my head at how silly I was.

So there. I know what this is. I went through the usual.. whats wrong with me.. and didn't come up with an answer to that so... I'm all right :) Actually even better as things are clear. I'm no longer confused. Kind of bummed but all in all, much better. The amount of alcohol stunted any negative reactions to that :)

I like him as a person, hes great in bed. An all around good guy and if something happened later on then something happens. Its one of those things that I think will be a great .. friendship. No matter how things go. Were both pretty laid back and I think Ive just added a lifer to my circle of friends.

Now onto other things. The Little One is still with me. Plans changed and the Vet asked if I would be OK to rebook for tonight. I said that's no problem. I get to spend more time with her. The weekend was great we went to the park and I gave her a haircut, trimmed her nails and fed her like shes a Queen. The Big One was a tad jealous. But she was treated as well.

So its on for tonight, after work. Then my sister is taking me out for some heavy drinking or as much as I need. Might just be a glass of wine to toast the Little One. I think I'm just scared that I'M doing the wrong thing. That it wont be whats right. Arg.

Shes pretty darn cute though and she still looks the part of a puppy. Shell always be a puppy to me which is why its hard to let her go. Well, Ill leave it at that.

181 - Spring is in the air

B last night went well. Wont go too much into it. It was OK. Nothing will come of it but we may see each other every so often. He was nervous with me and I wasn't sure how else to make him feel better/comfortable. So we talked about a lot of things and after a couple of hours I had to leave. He had a drive ahead of him so it was all right.

Game 5 was on last night and I got a text mssg from D asking me if I was watching. Hes a hockey fan all right. I remind him about something and he asks me to listen to it on Team 1200 and keep him posted. So, as I watch the remake of the movie 'O' I am also listening for things to send him via texts. Oh I'm too nice. I'm not even his girlfriend. I wonder for a moment why I am doing this and I cant come up with a reason why not to do this.

It makes for a silly story if somewhat sad. I'm listening to the radio texting someone while they are at work. I'm not a big hockey fan but I am cheering for the Sens. It is playoff season and people go nuts during playoffs. Yours Truly excluded, but I like watching people react to the games and whats happening.

So in the middle of texting him updates on the hockey game, whose hurt, which team has a one man advantage and who got hit hard. I send him a text about a streaker in my living room. What? I thought it was cute. Plus I wasn't far from it, that is, if you consider wearing a pair of black heels clothed.

D came over after he was done work and I made minced meat out of him. Took him to my room and the waiting and anticipating had my engine roaring and as I was on top of him rocking my body over his. I was thinking 'Darling, this isn't your favorite position'

Id like all of you to know that he likes me in the position. Very much. I told him as we were lying on our sides afterwards that it wasn't my best or favorite. He said he couldn't tell at all the way I was going. Well.. when I do something I make sure to do it well (blush) Plus its good for me to keep trying it. Practice makes perfect n'est pas mes amis?

So at about 2 or so in the morning after some more coitus and post coital small talk. He leaves me to sleep. I walk around in my heels and they are sexy on a naked woman. Kiss him as he leaves. Prior to leaving he looks me in eye and asks seriously if Ill be going to bed right after. I blush and say probably not right away. He asks is he can stay and watch. I blush even harder and say maybe another time. If he had asked again I would have let him stay.

So he leaves and I do what I say I am going to do and call him afterwards. To say thanks and goodnight and that I was finished. I get his voicemail, but I still leave him the message. I clean myself up and crawl under the covers and hope that I wake up on time for work.

---------------------------------------

I open my eyes to a bright room and think. I slept in. I'm late. No, the sun is coming out earlier and brightening my world earlier. I crawl out of bed and look to the shower and the dogs , back to the shower, to the dogs and I jump in the shower, make my breakfast, take the dogs out and feed them and get my things ready for the day. Not all in that order of course.

Ive got a long day today and wont be home until after 9pm. My sister just called me telling me her and the brother are going out for dinner and drinks, I tell her to make it somewhere close to where I will be working and she said she would try so we can all see each other for a while.

No plans for soup tonight or anytime on Saturday. K wants to get together Sunday before I go to work in the evening. We shall see how I am feeling, that and there is this big sale going on and my sister and I really want to go. Maybe her and I can go earlier in the morning so K and I can still get together. I just don't like to feel rushed so maybe Ill have to figure something out.

Oh on JB. Called him for a few minutes last night and still unsure of how or where things are. Felt like I wasn't supposed to call. Oh well I'm not expecting anything out of this as to have expectations is calling for disappointment. (Expecting a lot that is) Have some like good times, good conversations, laughter and the like. Nothing like forever or marriage or what not s those come in time if things are meant to be.

So he was at the hockey game. I told him to have fun and that I would talk to him another time. Not a long conversation at all so it was OK. Ive been trying to watch 'O' for a while (A WEEK) and haven't been able to follow or finish. Oh well its a good thing its on DVD and I can select scenes.

I also have Saw part 2 and have yet to pop that on. I think ill do that sometime this weekend if I can. Maybe Sunday night. Ive got no plans. Must think of who to invite to be manly and protect me from my own imaginations. No, not those... the scary ones! He would encourage the other ones.

Next week the soup selection looks kind of weak. But then again it is waaay too early to tell. The way things go usually is highs and lows. Sometimes everything happens at once and then there is nothing happening. We shall see if this continues.

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Its been an interesting week. Other than what Ive been able to post a few other things have occurred and have kept me busy. Spring is in the air :) The sun is shining the snow has melted. Love is in the air, people are horny and the flowers will soon be blooming.

180 - soup update

Left T a message about a week ago havent heard back. Kind of annoyed that I havent heard back. Not for the normal reasons but because I kinda just want to know if I should delete him from my phonebook or not. Though not hearing from him makes me want to do that anyway.

Funny, Im not sure if its because they think Ill want a relationship with them. Not what I am looking for just so were all on the same page. Maybe thats what I did wrong. Didnt clue them in. But I pretty much do. They always ask me and I always tell them that I am not looking for one and that seems to lay things out nicely. UNLESS.. maybe he was looking for something along those lines.

Have women freaked out so much that men are scared to be honest and just say it like it is. Im not interested? Or do they let time speak for them? No matter where things lead with the people in my life. Its nice to know they are around for one reason or another. Its just good to know what those reasons are.

I guess its just wanting to know and not being left to my own imagination.

This is what bothers me. We meet face to face and talk and get along to a degree. If I am not what youre looking for tell me. Id rather know that than be left to my own devices. Is it because people are scared to be honest and open? Or is it just that people dont like to give bad news?

How is it bad news if someone were to tell me that they arent interested in any or all capacity. Thats just one less person I have to think of/worry about/entertain etc etc. Life is short. The world is large, people are plentiful and time is important.

I havent heard from K in a few days so I left him a voicemail if somewhat tipsy in its content. Margaritas, and jugs of something fruity and light are the culprit but really. I was looking to have him come over... I guess it wasnt meant to be.. for that night :)

The JB situation is a bit strange to me and feels too unknown. Its darn exciting and a bit odd that I have no idea what to expect and basically just winging it :) Ive no expectations though I do enjoy whats happened so far. Yes even the uncertainty and my silly machinations that I bring into it all. Will update as things happen.

I wasnt sure if hed ever want anything to do with me after dinner and drinks. So I just left it to fate, though I did end up checking my email in case there was anything there. Yes, just like a girl. But Im sure men do that too? IF not that then something. Like counting the sleeps for when to get in touch? JK :)

Damn if I dont know any of the rules of dating or even seeing anyone. Really. Im clueless. I feel like I should come with a warning label. Ill throw this out and ask you what kind of label that should be. Should be interesting :)

Ohhh so I just checked my email and ive got an invite from JB. I guess its customary to wait a couple of days before making any contact? Let the little woman stew over every minute detail? The details I was thinking of were. The guy sitting near us at the next table seems to have a wandering eye. The way JB seemed a bit hotter when he was standing up tall and not just sitting down. How he being a lefty looked a bit awkward since I was sitting on his left, he even mentioned it but added that he would use it as an excuse to touch me. Hmm was he kidding or not? I think I did a lot more arm touches. But thats just me.

So the invite to a concert to see Martina McBride a country singer perform April 28th. Very simple email.

'Just wondering if you would like to go to this? How is your day going?

JB

Also at dinner with JB I drop my hair clip under the table accidentally!!! and it just happens to land just past his far leg. I tell him not to pay any mind to me and I am not trying to get close and touch him but I needed to pick something up. I turn my head away from his body as he looks confused and I lower my head and reach my arm out and darn if I dont have to lean my head against him a little bit. He laughs out loud a huge belly laugh and cant resists saying ' while youre down there...'

I slap his arm when I come back up and blush furiously as other tables heard his laugh and of course what he said. I just shook my head at him and tell him that I tried but couldnt find it. HA!


D was suposed come over last night but on his way over, there was a family issue he had to take care of. He sweetly asked me if I was mad at him and I wasnt mad. Just well really... frustrated as I hope he was too. Just bummed that I would have to take care of myself when I was looking forward to someone elses care and attentions :)

Maybe its for the best. He might still pass on his cold to me. Another day wont hurt in order to keep the germs at bay. So in an effort to make me feel better he wants to take me out for lunch... on top of that hes put out there that I get carte blanche on... I told him that it was dangerous to give a girl like me that option. He laughed and said he was sure to relish in whatever I choose. Must think something out of the ordinary, just to throw him off.

Hes on vacation for the while week next week and wanted to take me on a road trip, due to an unfortunate event one of the ladies I work with, her lung collapsed and is now off until the end of the month, not even sure if she will be returning. So my plans for taking any time off whether it be half day or a whole day? Not going to happen. Bummer.

B. I am meeting tonight. Nothing much to say about him yet. More to follow.

167 - body and mind

Last night went well. Though I'm kicking myself in the pants but in a very oh so gentle way that just reminds me hold the leash on my libido tighter... much much tighter.

He calls as I am walking to my car to go home. I asked him where he wanted to meet and he cautiously mentions that he could pick me up. This is sounding more and more like a date, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I freak out for a few minutes thinking 'this is sounding more and more like a date... if its not a date what is it? I do kind of like him in the I'm interested in getting to know you.' But I refuse to call it a date... even if he is coming to pick me up... and were going out together for dinner.

Its strange as I don't have the control anymore. When I drive to meet someone somewhere I can decide when to get there and when to leave. Not having to worry about what will happen after. This is dangerous as I am interested in this guy and the fact that I know he'll be in my apt takes the control away from me and now I have to ... wing it.

So, I am not a mad dater. Actually it comes and goes. Really. He called me while I was in the shower, while I had shampoo in my eyes. He asked what I was doing and I told him. He said that wasn't fair. I laughed and told him not to rush as he might catch me in the nude.

He comes up and we chat for a few moments while my dog holds him away with her playful demeanor. I pull on my leather jacket and walk towards the door and he pulls me in a hug and we lock lips. I am so not in control of this situation. I want to but I don't want to. I want to but I don't want to. I am repeating myself here I know.

I think I don't want to because I want to. Plus this one seems different somehow. You know. He took my hand while we were waiting for the elevator? So he picks me up, holds my hand... but doesn't open the car door for me. Hmmmft! Oh well I can open car doors just as good as the next person.

Dinner was steak, med rare with a red wine sauce. No desert as I was worried about eating meat after not having done so in a while. No, I'm not a vegetarian. I just haven't had red meat in a while.

So after dinner, after covering many topics of interest, after listening to a live entertainment from a pianist. We head out and pass by the casino and I casually mention that I don't fully understand roulette. I mean I get the gist of it but not the whole thing. He quickly turns the car around when its safe to do so and were off to spend some money and hopefully make some as well.

I learned and enjoyed myself. My chip color? Girlishly pink. So apropos. The men laughed when I shared my delight in getting pink for my chips. So I give myself away as someone who has no idea how it all works. Endearing, I am sure.

So we play for a good part of an hour and I don't end up winning anything. He however makes most of what he started with. It ended well and we headed out.

Enter the feeling of dread. Do I? I want to. But I don't want to make it seem too easy. Honestly this libido is a curse. Someone available? Willing, interested. (I'm hopeless) So as hes driving up to my place. I turn to him and tell him if he should so decide to come up he may leave more frustrated than he already is. That's my way of telling him hes not getting the coochie.

He looks at me and leans in and kisses me. Nice. No stomach... Do not start to flutter in anticipation!!! Too late. Pull away and start to reach for the door handle. He puts his hand on my thigh and tells me he'll take his chances. Dear God Help.

Again, he reaches for my hand. I don't censor and actually say 'holding hands already?' He doesn't let go instead he caresses my hand. I have to unlock the door to the building so we separate. We enter the elevator and after the doors silently closes. He pulls me to him and slants his mouth over mine. My mind is screaming slow down and my body is holding itself in check. His hands on me, body flushed against mine. Hes ready. I can feel him and hes pushing himself against me.

The doors swing open and I pull myself away and walk into the hall. Inside I offer him a drink and we sit on the living room. I eye the opposite corner of the sofa and find myself seated right next to him. Traitor of a body doesn't listen to my mind! Who controls who!

Kisses and caresses... Mind and body battling and the night continues...

My phone rings not too long after he leaves and asks if I am OK. I tell him I am and that he is sweet to call. He says he'll call later in the evening and I say OK. I am asleep when he calls... or I tell myself, that's what I will tell him when I talk to him next.

There is no predicament and yet it feels like there is.

166 - evil

I almost forgot to mention D. Met him about 2 weeks ago. A little after F. Nice person, easy to talk to, easy to laugh with and met for drinks late one night last week, weren't able to spend much time together that night but it was nice to get some face time.

We do however talk on the phone and he calls out of the blue to say hi. Sweet. Funnily enough I don't have his number so I don't do any of the contacting. Which suits me just fine at this point, there is no pressure on me to do anything. HA! Makes me look lazy doesn't it?

We'll talk about many things and I'm worried there may come a time when there is nothing to say. Isn't that worrisome? It is to me. I know there is a world to talk about but sometimes I think of silly things like running out of things to say.

He has a nice voice. Have I mentioned this weakness? Maybe lol

He laughs nicely. It makes me smile. I even told him that in a conversation one time. I cant help that I have no censoring button sometimes. Or I do but it goes on strike when it pleases. Anyway he said it was cute that I told him. I blushed, thank goodness he couldn't see me over the phone. Silly me told him that I was flushed. He laughed. Which made me smile. Silly cycle. I feel like a girl. This is a good thing. I need a manly man. I don't quite know what it is that I want or need but its a work in progress.

I have no idea where this will lead. So far its leading to dinner tonight then he heads off for lands unknown. Actually back to his place about 4 hours away. With plans to move closer due to a better paying job which I have told him that he'll need to try to work me in somehow. Into the company that is. Its not all about sex you know :) Usually.. but not always.

So I'm nervous and excited about tonight. I have no idea where were going but I know ill have fun. Dressing pretty modest tonight. If you call a low cut top modest. I think its amusing to see men try to keep their eyes from dropping down. I know I can be evil sometimes. Don't worry I wont hold it against him.

Everything happens for a reason right? I will be wearing that for a reason. To be amused. Possibly to make sure he is pleased with that aspect of.. my anatomy. We shall see.

165 - one after another

What a night. A bit all over the place.

So plans with the girls fell through which was fine as I was able to make alternate plans. With C. I rushed around for a bit making sure that I had everything taken cared of at home so I dont worry about anything while I am out.

I find myself waiting at the designated meeting area thinking about why I am there meeting C. Nice guy, funny, interesting. All good things but thats how it all starts. With your best foot forward. No one starts off with their bad habits. So I continue to wait.

And wait. I read a little bit as Ive got a book under my seat from a while back. Someone had lent it to me a while back. No wonder it was under the seat, it did nothing for me. So I put it down and let my mind wander.

I thought of the past week or so and how busy I have been. How much fun its been and I thought of the recent people that Ive met. Good and bad. The bad just strengthens my resolve to be better and do more good. The good just makes me want to not be. Twisted? Very.

Im not dating anyone. I dont know that I can. I dont know that anyone wants to date me firstly. Secondly what the hell do I do in a monogamous relationship? Ill be honest and say I havent got the best track record for relationships and some people would probably recommend that I not be a part of that group of stable duo. Others think I would be fantastic in the right one.

What do I think? Ive got one foot planted firmly in case I need to run. Its a funny thing sometimes. Wanting something that I have never had. Not really knowing what it is, in its simple/complex idea. How do you have a goal when you dont even know what that goal is. A man? No, thats not a goal. A relationship... with a man.

Ill make a list for later as I think it deserves its own post.

So after thinking of a lot of things and wondering what my social life has in common with the transit system. If you miss this one, theres always another one on its way.

I look at my radio clock in my car and decide to give him 5 more minutes. As my mind continues to contemplate my life. My cell phone rings. I dont recognize the number but I have a feeling its C. on a different line.

Hes calling to apologize and cancel due to something that doesnt involve me. I am surprisingly not pissed off. Disappointed, which is much worse than being pissed off. So I drive off patiently scrolling down my list of numbers until I hit 1 (ill give him a proper letter later). Call, leave a message and drive home. I contemplate retail therapy but decide against it. I drive by tempting restaurants and continue past them.

Pulling into the garage, I try 1 again. He answers and asks if I can call him back in about 20 minutes. Hes driving home and will be more comfortable and settled. Check time and count the minutes.

In the meantime I walk and feed the dogs. Look at the time and think that I am sufficiently late in calling back. I pick up my phone and it rings in my hands. I pick up and say hello. Its S who has recently moved back to Ottawa from Toronto. Hes been busy and havent been able to call me for a while. I wrote this one off a while back and dont find myself leaning either way with him. We talk for a while. Catch up and my mind drifts from 1. S mentions he is hungry and I tell him that I have spaghetti for dinner. He mentions that he would love some and somehow swingles me over to his place with a large bowl of spaghetti.

On my way I give 1 a call to try to set something up. Or just talk. He has a nice voice. Im a sucker for men with nice voices. did I mention that before? We all have our weaknesses. I wont share all of mine at one time...

We make small talk while Im at his place and we eat and talk. We watch some television. Some poker tournament and I impress him with my ability to count cards. I dont really count cards. Its just a game of probablility and statistics as far as what is coming up on the river. Anyway. Hes impressed and I laugh silently at what impresses people.

After they announce the winner I take my leave. No hanky panky. A double kiss, a walk to the elevator with clean corningware and I find myself on the road again knowing that Ive just left a man that wants to see me again. The problem is. Im not sure I want to see him. We shall see. sometimes these things take time.

I call 1 and leave an apologetic mssg, leaving my # for him to call me back when hes able and I mention jokingly that no its not the stalker girl thats desperate for him.

I get home and feeling restless and knowing that if I go out again I wont be home until late. I unzip my boots and get undressed, I take it all off in the living room as I watch my reflection from the window. I imagine other ways to end the evening which makes me smile. I love living on my own. I gather my clothes and place them on the foot of my bed.

After washing my face and brushing my teeth I slip under the covers and my phone rings. T, Softspoken and interesting. We talk for about an hour. He works strange hours, 12 hour shifts but gets 3 days off in a row sometimes. Nice guy so far. Another we shall see.

He thinks that Im funny and witty. I made him laugh and made him blush a few times. We seem to get along. Which makes me think. I get along with everyone. How do I know if its just getting along with someone like I always do or if its anything more?

Something I was supposed to do today.. oh... 1!

164 - lost and found

Drinks tonight with C. It wasn't planned for tonight but what I had planned needed to be cancelled as there were circumstances that were out of my control. Close friends getting together for drinks, cheesecake or some other form of sweet delights and of course, salacious conversation about who is seeing who and all that fun stuff. Not tonight.

Tonight drinks with C. Hes a talker and hes open. It should make for a good night. We've talked on and off and he happened to lose my number at some point and we lost touch for a while. Then with a twist of fate. He happened to get a hold of it somehow. Its an amusing story that Ill save for another day.

So back to C where I find conversation that's flowing and the teasing and the getting to know you beginnings. So far so good. Tonight should reveal plenty as I either like to get things out in the open right away so as not to waste any ones time. Or I like to take things slow and let anticipation build.

Both ways have their own pros and cons. I don't mind one over the other. I try to take things as they come and figure it out when it happens (or so I like to tell myself) HA!

Well, as usual, I'm not sure where this will go if anywhere. But I am looking forward to it.

163 - description

Bah! I cant be right for everyone can I? Its been proven. Not all men lust after me. Want me or even like me I'm sure. In fact some don't even find me anything appealing. Strange, but true. Some wont want to talk to me, others wont want to be seen with me. Its all a matter of preference and we all have them.

I started this post rather differently and rather violently. Then decided to change the whole thing and share my moment of clarity. I am not nor will I ever be what men think of in their fantasies. I'm just being honest. I'm not what typically is defined as fantasy material, poster girl or pin up. I do know that there are some men out there that might possibly think of me as someone who plays a part in their fantasy. There has to be!! ... there just has to be...

I am what I am, in all its entirety, with all my glorious quirks and quibbles, simply. Me.

Its hard for anyone to know someone really well. There is so much to a person and that person is always evolving into someone new. Take for example someone you knew when you were young and lost contact for a few years or so. Meeting up with that person is a different event as that persons life experiences makes that person grow and mature into someone ... more than who they were. There are remnants of the person you once knew. Its still the same person of course, just older and wiser with more life experience than when you last knew them.

Meeting someone new and finding out about that person is always an adventure. Its exciting. Fun and sometimes can be consuming. Herein lies where this all came from.

I met someone that had the same interests and had the same likes and dislikes with enough differences between us to keep things interesting. I'm a very open person and very friendly. I'm also very vulnerable as I am very open and friendly. No that's not what makes me vulnerable. What makes me vulnerable is that I am naive and gullible. I had no expectations for where this connection would lead and it was just interesting to see how things would play out.

No, not R... this one was errr lets assign F to this guy. (F for Failing to meet the grade)

Conversation went very well and there was some chemistry, enough to interest further exploration into this new development. Somewhere towards the end is where it gets interesting, at the end of the conversation he said he wasn't sure it would work as hes looking for something else. Mainly someone who was smaller and more petite as that was his preference.

I was taken aback somewhat and really after a moment of shocked. Then my thoughts were as follows. 'What an idiot. He has no clue what hes missing out on and I cant save everyone from their stupidity. I hope he finds someone that hes happy with. Hopefully that person doesn't find his penis to be inadequate and decides to go elsewhere... After all everything comes back full circle.

I also thought of the experiences this man will be missing out on. Not just with me but with anyone else he doesn't want to associate with on a friendly or even intimate level all based on what he wants to have.

I wasn't mad after a while. I had a great sense of relief that I wouldn't be spending time with someone with a narrow mind. In fact I kind of feel bad for him that hes boxed himself in. Maybe one day things will be different for him. If not. At least I wont be around with him. Hurrah!!

So I'm not the object of peoples fantasies. Darn!

So here is my description for all of you who are curious. I know... long awaited... much anticipated...

I have short curly green hair with as many split ends as possible.
I have green eyes to match, however my right eye is a glass eye.
I am 4'5, though with my hunched back I'm really 4'3
I have really bad acne and have one sized 12 foot.
I have a peg leg for the other.
I weigh in at 350 lbs but... without the glass eye and peg leg I'm at an even 225lbs....

...Naked.

159 - initial contact

What is it about the initial contact with someone? Is it the anticipation? The unknown or is it the knowledge that the challenge is on? If there even is a challenge. Is it not knowing how things will progress and how things will evolve.

Always with no expectations of anything specific. I go into these things just very laid back and open. I follow when they want to lead and lead when I need to take it somewhere else.

The possibilities are endless and the anticipation mounting. Is it wanting something that you cant have or is it knowing that in a second it can be mine if things should happen that way. Strong, confident words coming from someone that isn't always.

I wonder if its all me and all in my head. Do I create the challenge that lays before me or does it manifest with every action, discussion, thought and encounter. I wonder if the other people go through this. They must. I'm sure.

I also wonder if anything is being reciprocated. Why do I want to know? So I know if there is any interest headed in my direction. So I know what the interest is in. Whether its something platonic, something more than platonic OR no where close to platonic and have delved into the land of something or another.

I'm curious.. what can I say?

155 - phone call

He called me. As I was watching a movie at home with my sister. My phone rings. I excuse myself. I check the phone number and its one of the many that my place of work uses. I wonder who it could be and maybe its something important.

Darling Hello Darling speaking

Coworker w my # Hey there pretty lady, how are you?

Darling I'm good thank you, how are you? (its not an important call (sigh) its him)

CoW# I'm good, what are you up to?

Darling I'm in the middle of a movie with my sister. (YAY no awkward and apparent lying for me)

CoW# Oh OK, I just wanted to say hi and talk about a few things.

Darling I see, well, I'm sure we will see each other at work. Anyway, Ive got to get going.

CoW# oh OK, lets get together at work sometime

Darling Have a good night!

That was the highlight of the conversation. I tried to keep it short but it lasted a few minutes. There was nothing interesting and I felt bad for wishing I didn't pick up the call. Should have let my voice mail take it.

So I did give him my real number. I was debating it before. History tells me I would have given him my actual number like I did. (another story for another time)

So I'm still trying to blend in and not attract attention. Silly shoes give me away though. Maybe its time to retire them and find a pair of (gulp) silent, unobtrusive blend into the woodwork loafers? LOL Nah I don't think so. Ill just have to start training in these heels to run :) Better yet, fend off an unwanted advance from the opposite sex.

What do you think? would that be sexier than Lara Croft? pencil skirt, stockings, stilettos, blouse doing roundhouse kicks and back flips? lol

Our paths cross daily and I know that he tries to coordinate my whereabouts with where he will be so I'm always doing things at different times of the day from what I had done the day before. I'm an ordinary girl with an extraordinary social schedule sometimes. Nothing to see here. Keep it moving...

Oh and last night? While I was sitting in my living room. I was hoping someone would magically appear sitting beside me so I could well... sit on his lap and well... grab a handful of cushion tight and hang on...

Just in one of those moods again... still.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Its my sisters Birthday today :) Shes the best. I dont tell her enough that I love her. She knows things about me that not many people do. She has a comfortable couch to sleep on. Her cat and dog are cute and Im wondering what to get her. I know!! Ill get her something we'll both laugh at and that shell secretly love while she pretends its no big deal. Now to find that before dinner tonight.

Theres nothing in this world that I can get her that would show how much I love her. Maybe thats why I am having such a difficult time thinking of something for her. My mind moving to the land of possibilities. Id love to take her on a trip to London or France, Sweden or Australia. Knowing her, shed tell me she would be happy going to San Diego or somewhere on the Coast.

There was a lottery jackpot in the US for something quite large, somthing around the sum of 350 million dollars. If I was lucky enough to win (wishful thinking) Id share. Thats plenty to go around and still have much to roll around in, invest and Id love to make peoples dreams come true if I could...

Shake off the dreamworld for a while. My phone is ringing...

149 - blend

Theres this gentleman at work... no... a different one that I havent mentioned previously in other posts.

This gentleman stopped me in one of the offices upstaires and asked me for my number. I knew that he was asking for my personal contact number whether it be at home or my cell phone. Thank goodness I looked somewhat lost as I was being pulled in different directions by other people. I shook my head and proceeded to let him know what my extension number was at work where he could reach me. Crisis averted.

Or so I thought.

SAME DAY. Im busy working away and I get a call I answer

Me 'Darling speaking how may I help you?' In a sweet professional voice

Him 'Hey I got you! How are you?' (who else was he expecting?)

Me 'Im good thanks, whats the news?'

Him 'Nothing much, just wanted to say Hi, I havent seen you in awhile'

Me 'You know me, busy busy.' (he monitors when we see each other?!)

Him 'yeah, I dont see you as much anymore.' (theres a reason)

Me 'They keep me busy here'

after some more idle banter of the not even remotely interesting enough to blog about topics...

Him 'Well Ill let you get back to it then'

Me 'Ok great, bye'

A few days after I am stopped again upstairs, this time he asks me to sit at his desk for a moment and we have a light conversation about the upcoming exam he is taking. Not medical, this was a work related exam. Some kind of license.

Im about to stand up and he stops me and places hishand on top of mine which I put on the desk to push myself up. I look at him and he lets go. Personal invasion of space is another post I will write about. He says, 'remember that time I asked for your number?... I wasnt asking about your extension number, I wanted to know what your cell/home phone number was so I can call you there.

(Oh my goodness, this is actually happening) I cant just say' no I dont want to give you my number. So silly me, I say 'Oh, and I thought you wanted me number at worrrrrrrrk!'

As Ive posted about in the past. I dont socialize with people from work after hours like others do. I join in on work related events during work hours and do the occasional get together at a restaurant to say happy retirement or best wishes at your new post. I dont do frat style parties, I dont go out and get drunk with them. Its one thing to go outand be silly with your friends. Its another to do it with people at work who wont ever look at you the same afterwards.

This one... I can sense he wants dinner, movies and the whole kit and caboodle. I didnt sign up for that and inside Im panicking as I dont do well saying no to people about things like this. Damnit! Not saved by the bell??? Where is that bell when I need it. Not happening. Oh so, you want my phone number. (a statment) He slides his business card to me blank side up and hands me a pen. Im being coerced!!! help... help.

Does no one hear my minds plea? Nope

And there I go, scribbling away my number. (sigh)

Me 'Well, Ive got to go. See you later.'
Him 'Ok, have a good day'

I walk away and he calls out 'Darling... ' Not really 'darling' that would have been too much!
I turn and see him wave the card up in the air with a big smile on his face 'thanks for this'
I nod my head and turn back and call myself all sorts of sucker.

Im thankful that we arent both located on the same floor. This would just not be comfortable. Luck is not with me as I get a memo telling me that my office is being moved to guess where? You guessed it to the same floor. (grumbles) So now hes all happy about it as he has heard through the grapevine that I am moving closer to him. There is nothing I can do, no one I can plead with or bride to have someone else take my place. Nothing.

Ill smooth down my skirt and shake this loss off and win the war. Its not over!!

Does anyone have any tips of how to blend in with the woodwork?

146 - senses

I pick up this chocolate and bite into a corner, some cream dribbles onto my lip and I quickly sweep it away with the tip of my tongue. Sweet delicious tasting cream. I spread it around the the inside of my mouth trying to place where I have tasted it or something similar to it before.

I bring the chocolate up to my lips again for another taste and with the opening that I had made before, I take my tongue and slip it inside the opening. I close my eyes and try and recall how I recognize the taste. My tongue sweeps back and forth and when the tip of my tongue has swept all that it can reach I slip the rest into my mouth and wait until it melts on my tongue. Still trying to figure out the puzzle.

When it hits me. Nipples. (Nipples did not suddenly appear and hit me... I hope you weren't picturing naked women shaking thier bodies at me so that I am attacked by their nipples... well.. if you weren't... you are now...) Save that thought for later! Focus!

I remember a small jar of the same color as this cream. I remember fingers that were used to spread them over my nipples, I remember him making a pattern on my body and spread over other parts of me. I remember him licking it off of me. I remember wanting to spread some it on them only to find out that he had used it all on me. I remember his apology and promise to bring for a jar for two the next time. I remember the taste of it on his lips.

I remember sweet kisses.

Valentines Day chocolate that teases more than one sense. I look at the heart shaped box and wonder what memory the next piece will bring...

145 - Choose Darlings Adventure

Im a little late. Happy Valentines Day!! In some places of the world and if we were getting up together... it would still be a continuation of... Valentines Day. Im sure some of you were the recipient of flowers, or were the sender of flowers. Likewise with chocolates, trinkets and cards.

In addidtion to the above. I also received a propostion. On my cell phone a text comes through. 'Would you like to play?' I decline quite flirtatiously as I have plans for the evening (check one of the options below) I declined but not without driving said texter to mad distractions , reducing him to a puddle of want. You wonder about my state? Amused at the effect of words and its powers.

I hope you all had a Valentines delight, spent with The One, The One For Now, or spent an evening relishing that you arent with either of the above :) I extend this virtual hug to you.

from me (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you

People should be able to spend not just one day of the year with someone special, it should be an everyday process of being with someone you care for and want to be with. Im not saying getting gifts for each other everyday. Once in a while will make the bond stronger and its just good all around. (This from a single woman... LOL... what do I know... plenty, thats what)

* SO OFF TOPIC HERE For those of you who are curious. Yes I thought of you and hoped for a moment that I was in mind as well, that and other thoughts :) I cant help it, my mind goes off to fantasyland when it wants to. Its fabulous :)

Options of how Valentines Night was spent. I never read those choose your own adventure books but liked the concept of it and thought Id incorporate them in here :) TADA!

Option A

Was it spent with a select group of girlfriends who share the single status, a night out in a couple of venues where there would be much canoodling done by couples new and long standing. Did we dress up to the nines in eye catching enembles to remind the female part of the couples present how they used to be? How they used to act and how they owned the night. Did we dress to remind the male part of the couple that there are plenty of fish in the sea? Was this night planned to enjoy the fireworks that a wandering eye would cause. On a night where couples are on a romantic evening, did I end up paying for any drinks amid those bonded pairs?

Option B

Was it spent slaving away at work until deadlines were met which launched a new start of a subsidiary company? Where take out was ordered and jokes and laughter was shared between an ecclectic group of people. Where gossip ran rampant until everyone was caught up with what was happening in the life and times of the fortunate few who slipped away for a night of bliss with their significant other.

Option C

Was it spent lost in a neighbourhood without any means of communication as I carelessly left it lying on my desk obviously to make sure that I would see exactly where it is the next morning. Late for a dinner date. Unable to recall the 10 valuable digits to phone from a payphone. The drawback of cell phones is the lack of memorization involved. With the numerous amount of combinations that the number could have been. Did I resign myself to a Pub only to bump into a mistake of my lifes past?

Option D (because theres always an option D... isnt there?)

Was it spent in a luxurious location as a surprise from a male friend. Was it spent in various states of dress and undress? Was is spent determining who would cry out in surrender first? Was it testing all possible surfaces for the best places to... eat? Was it spent in a competitive nature of who would come out on top?

How was Darlings evening spent? Makes you wonder :) I hope you all had a pleasant if not wonderful evening.

funnies

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend version 7.0 to Wife version 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6!

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!
Thanks, A Troubled User.
___________________________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM.. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.

I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.

This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

------------------------------------------------------------------- added Feb 14th

I should add that this isnt how I see relationships/marriage. Its just amusing that so may people agree that it is similar at times. I know it takes hard work and constant change and communication between people to make something grow and become stronger.

If it seems like Im against men somehow by putting these up. Im not. I love men of all kinds.

142 - disarming

Its always disarming when people ask personal questions. He did and I answered, cautiously but openly. He deserved a reply and we spent a great evening together.

Once the ball starts rolling in the personal question department, I dont feel so awkward about things. Its much lighter and in a way more liberating.

'I just dont understand why a smart, young, beautiful woman like yourself is single' He said.

I smiled and laugh inwardly as I get this or a variation of this often. Why are you single, why dont you want a boyfriend, what are you looking for, arent you bored? Do you wait by the phone for someone to call you, so on and so forth.

Since were heading into revealing territories I want to make sure that I may say things that may come out hurtful or tactless. I dont mean them to be. Its just the best way I can think of saying things at the moment.

...'Thank you for the compliment. Im glad that you you find me smart and beautiful. Im single by choice. There have been men and there are men that would like to be more than friends. Im in a point in my life where things are coming together and I feel that my concentration will be focused on me until the time comes where I am able to share more of me with someone else. Basically I am being selfish at this time. Wanting certain things and not wanting to be part of a relationship defined as boyfriend and girlfriend/being exlusive and the like...

...I want to explore, try new things that I have heard/read about. I want to come and go without having to check in or run things by someone. I dont want to have to walk on eggshells trying not to offend someone if I say or do something they arent going to be happy with. I dont want to have to sooth anyones ego but mine, or smile and nod at things that I might not want to be a part of...

''I just find is strange that you always sound happy when I call you and that you are eager to go out and do things when we get together.' He said

My internal dialogue... Oh, Ive been too available. Maybe I sound too excited to hear from him? Maybe I should tone it down. Maybe I should play hard to get. Maybe Im just getting the heave ho.

"I love hearing from you because I like being with you. We get along famously and I have a great time when were together. Its like not seeing or talking to a good friend after a while and then hearing from them. I am sure you would get excited about that. I dont have a chance to see you often or talk to you on the phone often so its always a treat to do so."

'I just dont want you to be sitting by the phone on a Saturday night waiting for a call from me, as much as I want you to be, as that would definately be an ego boost and any man would want you. I want to make sure that you arent cancelling plans for me.'

My internal dialogue... OMG he thinks I wait by the phone for his call. How cute. Be gentle here. Watch what you say, you dont want to say the wrong thing. How did he know I cancelled plans for him?

"To be honest I did have plans. I cancelled them. Before you say anything... I would have felt bad and I explained to my friends that I had someone important that I needed to be with so I had to cancel on them. They understood and told me that I had to report back to them with all the juicy details... so I hope you have something fantastic planned for tonight so I have something to report back (wink).

I see them all the time and they are a a phone call away. You on the other hand arent so easy to come by. I wouldnt cancel plans for just anyone you know..."

After confession time on both our ends, we had a great time together. Now I just wonder what will happen for future phone calls and get togethers.

Whatever does happen. Ive enjoyed myself and I hope he has as well. I dont regret a thing :)