142 - disarming

Its always disarming when people ask personal questions. He did and I answered, cautiously but openly. He deserved a reply and we spent a great evening together.

Once the ball starts rolling in the personal question department, I dont feel so awkward about things. Its much lighter and in a way more liberating.

'I just dont understand why a smart, young, beautiful woman like yourself is single' He said.

I smiled and laugh inwardly as I get this or a variation of this often. Why are you single, why dont you want a boyfriend, what are you looking for, arent you bored? Do you wait by the phone for someone to call you, so on and so forth.

Since were heading into revealing territories I want to make sure that I may say things that may come out hurtful or tactless. I dont mean them to be. Its just the best way I can think of saying things at the moment.

...'Thank you for the compliment. Im glad that you you find me smart and beautiful. Im single by choice. There have been men and there are men that would like to be more than friends. Im in a point in my life where things are coming together and I feel that my concentration will be focused on me until the time comes where I am able to share more of me with someone else. Basically I am being selfish at this time. Wanting certain things and not wanting to be part of a relationship defined as boyfriend and girlfriend/being exlusive and the like...

...I want to explore, try new things that I have heard/read about. I want to come and go without having to check in or run things by someone. I dont want to have to walk on eggshells trying not to offend someone if I say or do something they arent going to be happy with. I dont want to have to sooth anyones ego but mine, or smile and nod at things that I might not want to be a part of...

''I just find is strange that you always sound happy when I call you and that you are eager to go out and do things when we get together.' He said

My internal dialogue... Oh, Ive been too available. Maybe I sound too excited to hear from him? Maybe I should tone it down. Maybe I should play hard to get. Maybe Im just getting the heave ho.

"I love hearing from you because I like being with you. We get along famously and I have a great time when were together. Its like not seeing or talking to a good friend after a while and then hearing from them. I am sure you would get excited about that. I dont have a chance to see you often or talk to you on the phone often so its always a treat to do so."

'I just dont want you to be sitting by the phone on a Saturday night waiting for a call from me, as much as I want you to be, as that would definately be an ego boost and any man would want you. I want to make sure that you arent cancelling plans for me.'

My internal dialogue... OMG he thinks I wait by the phone for his call. How cute. Be gentle here. Watch what you say, you dont want to say the wrong thing. How did he know I cancelled plans for him?

"To be honest I did have plans. I cancelled them. Before you say anything... I would have felt bad and I explained to my friends that I had someone important that I needed to be with so I had to cancel on them. They understood and told me that I had to report back to them with all the juicy details... so I hope you have something fantastic planned for tonight so I have something to report back (wink).

I see them all the time and they are a a phone call away. You on the other hand arent so easy to come by. I wouldnt cancel plans for just anyone you know..."

After confession time on both our ends, we had a great time together. Now I just wonder what will happen for future phone calls and get togethers.

Whatever does happen. Ive enjoyed myself and I hope he has as well. I dont regret a thing :)