285 - a little nervous

I'm a little nervous today. I'm not 100% sure why. Just one of those uneasy feelings in my tummy.

It could be and these are reasons that might be why.

I know D is having a 'discussion' with someone about something that's very important to him and I know that I had a hand in it. Not purposely but inadvertently.

I have my doctors appointment today. I hope everything checks out OK.

Ive told work about the appointment with my Doctor but I didn't mention all the other things I have to do afterwards. Ill mention that the time frame is unknown for how long Ill be gone so that might make me feel better.

Those are the major things I'm thinking could be contributing to my unease for the day.

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Random thoughts that are going through my mind this morning.

Reminder that Ill be bartending tonight, Friday night and possibly one day this weekend.
Ill have to write up a list of things to do so I get them done and don't fall behind.

The Big Dog is looking a bit sad as Ive been busy lately and I know I miss her and shes probably thinking the same. Things will die down soon I think.

Halloween is one night where ladies get to play out fantasy roles by dressing up a little bit riskier. Its interesting to me what people choose to go as as I think it might be an indication of what kind of underlying silent wants they have in mind. Just a thought.

Bumping into people after get a great haircut and looking fabulous is such an adrenaline rush.

A friend of mine recently got a part time job working in a Wine Store where she gets to try a bottle of wine a week. This is going to be the start of a fantastic self taught wine course. Which I would like to follow up with an actual bona fide class.

The Wine and Food show at The Congress Center is not only a great place to learn about wine and interesting food. Its also a great place to meet people. Also known as A Meat Market.

Nov 3rd and 4th. Ive yet to decide which day I will attend and with whom. My sister is a likely choice though, we shall see how our schedules work.

Advice
Dress to impress ladies.
Steer clear of the Screech.
Also steer clear of the opposite sex... not all of them.. just those that are...
- slurring
- wavering... while standing.
- vomiting
- loud and obnoxious... impaired by alcohol or not, they should be avoided.

Ive been a little off with replies to any emails. I'm starting back up with them and there's a good sized chuck of guilt hanging on my shoulder. I believe that if someone takes the time to send me an email they deserve a reply. It meant that someone thought of me for a moment or few and I should return the same courtesy.

I think its because I feel a little bit boring and don't feel like I have anything exciting to share or talk about. Such is life. A big ball of perception.

One of the girls I work with is turning out to be someone that is really cool/fun. Maybe once I leave this company we'll be able to hang out every so often.

One of my male coworkers has just been hit with a meteor of a whammy. The girl hes been in love with for the past say 4 years just told him that she is pregnant. Hes come to me for advise. I told him I'm not qualified. I might confuse him even more. He still wanted to hear it so I gave it to him and now I find myself with a lost puppy. Looking to focus his attentions on someone else.

I hope the direction of his focus is not Yours Truly. On a few occasions there have been remarks to that effect to which I have ignored and failed to respond to. Hes in a fragile state and I don't know how delicate I need to be. Sometimes I'm not so delicate in my words even though I mean them to be.

Who knew!?!?!

I hope that getting my passport will bring forth a vacation of some sort. You know what they say. Thinking of it is the first step to making it happen. Ive thought. Ive done. Ive yet to get the tickets. :)

Oh and I guess Ill have to pay rent sometime soon. The good news and bad news? I could have been collecting air miles since Ive moved in and havent as Ive been using a different bank card to pay for rent. Silly me. Ill be taking advantage now that I know :)

Hope everyone had a Safe and Happy Halloween!

281 - Conundrum!!

The hydro in my building was shut off from 9-4 yesterday. So when D and I made our way to the elevators a sign was up saying it was out of order and apologies for inconveniences were up as well.

I didn't end up having the lunch I was expecting. Not too happy about it. The thought of walking up 12 flights of stairs for a quickie and then walking down those stairs again wasn't very sexy so we went out for lunch instead.

It was a lovely lunch, we talked and my mind wandered to other things we could be doing. Imagining us in other places where we would be able to do certain things...

I find myself somewhat shy again with D. I cant explain it its just one of those things that happens every so often. It may be due to me stepping back to see how things are. Maybe the other girl that hell be seeing in Venezuela. Or it may be... something or another. I just am. Its probably because I do like him. I don't know.

So this trip hasn't been booked yet and I really cant say anything though I do want to talk to him about it. I'm sure at some point I will bring it up. Maybe not the details of his trip but why it might be bothering me. Its OK. It is how it is. I will speak my mind. No matter the consequences.

Speaking of speaking my mind. I had to bite my tongue at work. I think my performance here is really good. I do my job and I do my job well. I was recently told that I wasn't allowed to take 10 minutes away from my desk without telling anyone where I am going. (I was away for less than 10 min) and I realize that I am back in grade school. I wanted to say something... actually a few things but I didn't. Its work.

I bit my tongue and have decided to buy a pack of cigarettes. Not for me to smoke... but to be able to go out and have a moment to myself. Ive decided to let the cigarette stick burn itself to the halfway point and then I will return to my desk.

I don't mind people who smoke but when there's no word to those people who smoke about the amount of time they are away from their desk and I do. That is not fair. So, I, with the rest of the smokers will have equal amounts of time to indulge in ... habits. Mine will just be coupled with cell phone usage. Don't worry Ill keep an eye out on the cigarette. I wouldn't want this place to burn down.

I guess the closer I am to getting this new position, this makes me a little bit more on the edge at work here. It is time and I hope that it all goes well and that I do have the opportunity to leave here. Ive been here for the past 5 years and Ive reached the glass ceiling.. a while ago.

I'm excited about the new job but I'm also nervous about not getting it. My thought process goes as follows

- I'm excited about leaving this place
- I'm nervous about not getting the new job
- Because that means Ill still be stuck here until I start the process of looking again..
- Change is good but scary sometimes. I like sure things and I'm not sure Ill get the job.
- That's just being cautious. I'm optimistic that Ill get it but just not sure.
- Doubt... blech!
- I'm kind of worried that I'm looking forward to it too much that it wont happen.
- I hope that that's just one of those silly thoughts that I get once in a while.
- Is giving 2 weeks really something I have to do? will 1 suffice?
- I know that if I leave they will find someone to replace me.
- That's OK. I do my job and I do it well. No one can do it better or as efficient :)
- Or so I like to tell myself.
- Its the truth though :)

About tonight. Ive already told my girlfriend I'm not meeting with her tonight. She had big plans for me to hang out with her at her boyfriends place again. I declined.

Meeting with N... I'm nervous as I'm having a fat day. We shall see how it goes.

D is getting off of work early and then meeting his friends for dinner at 7:30. Then might meet me for drinks.

Conundrum alert! Want to meet with N and hang out with D as well. What to do what to do. I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often. LOL Actually I lied. it does happen often but Ive been really good as managing my schedule. This one just jumped out of nowhere and I wasn't the one in charge of whens.

Will update.

278 - lurking

I haven't been posting as much as Id like to. I'm concentrating on trying to get through the stages in order to get the job. Ive had to in less than a week talk to3 of my present and previous managers for a reference.

Its unclear whether I am only required to have a list of 3 references or if I need 3 written references. Deep down I think its just a list of 3 they need to be able to contact. However that is also easier than having to go get 3 written ones. Its not hard. Its just getting them all in a timely fashion. @ I have to run after. One was done the same day. The other wants me to write it out myself and has given me carte blanche to embellish if I should so please. I don't as I wouldn't feel comfortable. Honestly is best. Plus the honest truth is I was pretty damn great there and everywhere :)

Writing it out myself is a bit weird as I feel like I'm bragging but its not its just pointing out great qualities that I have. But it still feels like gloating. Ive asked D to draft a letter for me and Ill use that and have that previous employer sign it.

This weekend is Thanksgiving weekend and Monday is a Holiday. Tuesday is my interview and I feel its cutting it a bit close. But it could just be me. I'm kicking myself a little bit as I did have time the week before to get it all done. I was just unsure about getting to this stage. This just teaches me its better to err on the right side of caution.

Its interesting as I did think about it, about getting it done sooner. I'm not quite sure why I didn't. It may be because I don't want to get too ahead of myself. I also didn't want to seem ... full of myself. Now I feel like I'm a monkey on their backs about it.

"I know you're busy, I wanted to know how you were coming along with my reference letter and if I am able to pick it up today."

"Ill be seeing you this Thurs night and Sat night and I was wondering which night to expect it."

"I really appreciate this and I'm pleased that you feel comfortable enough to write a reference letter for me."

Ive decided (very recently... like just now) not to worry too much about it. It would be nice to have all 3 letters in hand when I walk into the interview. It will just give me that extra boost of confidence. However if I only have 1 (which I currently have) or 2 (which I might be able to pick up tonight) Ill be happy. Again all 3 would be great but '2 out of 3 ain't bad' as someone once said :)

There are a few things I need to do to prepare myself for this and Ill have some homework which D has helped me with. I feel like I'm still a bit clueless but he thinks Ill do fine. Just be relaxed and keep things simple. Ive made notes and I'm hopeful and excited about moving ahead.

Its exciting, the thought that I might be doing something different if things should work out. OK not if but WHEN things work out. That's better. Tuesday it is. If things go well with this panel interview then onto the next stage which I will definitely fret over like I usually do.

D had breakfast with Jason from the other night and another of his co workers. I get a call after breakfast and part of the conversation went like this.

D - Jason was pretty drunk that night, he and Pete drank a lot and Jason was pretty out of it.

Darling - It was a good time/

D - Its funny... Jason told me you guys made out that night. He said he asked for a kiss and that's how it started.

Darling - (laughs) If he calls that making out he needs to get back in the game... and if you see him next time, tell him I wasn't satisfied with it.

D - I just laughed when he told that story

Darling - Funny ha ha or funny interestinggg

D - I laughed

Darling - What a little trouble maker... I guess If that's what making out is I also made out with Pete.

The next day. I bring it up again. Why? Because I want to know if it bothered him or if hes OK with it. Should I bother going down this thought process? Would his reaction be an indication of how he sees me? us?

Earlier today. Lunch was a bowl full of sex. Messy sex. In my apartment, on my bed. Just how I like it. Messy enough to take a shower and rush to work with damp hair. Its been a while. It was also very good. Not enough but it was good. So good that while he was in the shower. I took the opportunity to continue to play with myself and make a bigger mess. No he didn't know what I was doing. But I was a bit turned on about him not knowing.

How do you tell someone you want more without insulting them if they cant do more? Or how do I find out if there is a possibility of more but there is something that's holding them back? Specially if its me? EEK!

Its nice what this is. But I think in order for me to continue to enjoy my life. Ill have to take a step back and go out and rub noses with those patiently waiting in The Soup. Its nice to be with someone that doesn't have the same complications as D does. I'm OK with them as I'm pretty laid back that way and peoples lives are so different that when its out of my control. There's nothing I can do about it and there's no reason for me to get all twisted over.

Ive got another long night ahead of me and D might want to go out. I'm not sure if he does or not yet as he was planning on giving me a choice. Lunch today or after hes done work. I don't think he'll want to go out after hes done work. I wont plan on it. But it wold be neat to be surprised.

I need to catch up on sleep and need to buy groceries for Thanksgiving which were celebrating Monday at lunch. We all have plans to have dinner elsewhere for dinner that night and the night before.

Happy Turkey and Have a great weekend. Ill post about how the interview went. Thanks for being in my corner :)

PS I know I haven't been checking blogs lately but I will return to that as soon as things start working itself out in the new job category. Ive been lurking when I can though :)

Darling a lurker.. makes me giggle :)

274 - day before

I took a nap and was late meeting D on Friday oh wait Saturday at that time. We were on the phone an hour before we were supposed to meet and I just wanted to rest my eyes and heard the phone ring and answered it.

D- Where are you?
Darling- Ill be there in a few minutes
D- You know you re late.
Darling- I know I'm sorry Ill see you soon

I flip the phone off and throw the blankets off of me and run to my bedroom for some clothes. I don't bother with any bra or panties. I run out with flip flops on my feet and send a prayer up for green lights and no cops.

About 2 minutes away from meeting him and about 8 minutes after talking to him last. He calls again asking where I am . I tell him about 2 minutes away and I'm sorry. He asks me if I was doing something that shall remain nameless. I said no I wasn't.

I told him the truth as much as I was a bit embarrassed to. That I was sleeping. I meant to close my eyes just to relax and ended up sleeping. He said that I should have told him and we didn't have to meet.

In my head I was thinking. Yes I could have but then who knows when we would get together again. I mean I knew it would be some time during the week but our time together is limited and its a treat to see him. It really is.

I get all shy and girly and I hold myself in check sometimes because I literally want to drag him home to bed. Or the car, the nearest park bench or picnic table... you get the idea.

So I tell him that 'I want to see you tonight' I know that we aren't going to have sex but I still want to see him. I cant explain it. I cant tell you if he feels the same way. All I know is that I like... him.

I like talking to him on the home and find it a bit difficult with him cutting back on phone time. I like seeing him in any capacity, whether its just us two or in a group setting. I just like being near him. So I was sleeping and was late seeing him I was still happy to see him even if its for a couple of hours.

Ive also gotten in the habit of kissing him every so often when the mood hits. I just lean in and press my lips to his, pull away and continue on with the conversation. He always smiles when he sees me lean in as well as after I do it. He never does anything that says its not wanted. I don't mind that he doesn't do the same thing. If he does. Ill be surprised. Pleasantly.

What can I say I like him. That and sometimes I have the most incredible urge to take his lower lip between mine and rub my tongue from side to side. Tomorrow...

I wont see him today. Tomorrow we are meeting for lunch unless something comes up that wont allow that to happen. I'm not sure if he knows what tomorrow is. Ive mentioned it without saying it outright. Ive mentioned that it was a week after The Big Dogs. Ive left it at that.

I'm undecided about whether I want him to know or not... or if I want to tell him outright. If he doesn't say anything because he doesn't know then that's OK with me. Its not a big deal. If he happens to mention something then it will be nice. I'm not going to think he doesn't care if nothing happens. Its another day is what it is.

I'm probably not even going to remember until someone calls me to remind me. But much is planned. People who remember have called and made plans to spend some time together. That's nice, I like it that way.

Well another year has gone by. Its been a great year. I didn't do half as much as I wanted to and did too many things that might have been better not. But overall I'm happy and healthy. In the big picture I can improve on certain parts of my life, things are going well in most.

My sister says I still look like I did when I was 18/19. I wonder if that will ever change. Quite possibly. So for now, and everyday that follows.

Enjoy.

Oh and Ill be bar tending more often. As often as I can handle it that is. Ill have to see how my body is doing and how much it can take. Which means Ill also be rearrabging my work schedule for J2 and J3 until I figure out how much I can handle.

273 - back seat adventures

I knew it was odd that things seem to be going so well and without any interesting happenings in my life. Odd happenings that is. One of those.. you mean that doesn't only happen in movies. Or, you have to be kidding, those things don't really happen to real people.

My story for the day and involves me, a car, being locked in and not finding the trunk release for my freedom.

Lets not ask about why I got in the car please

I tried doors on each side. None would open. I flicked the power locks in the front on and off and tried the back doors again. They wouldn't open. I sat. I thought. I got an idea. I put the 60/40 split seats down and crawled into the trunk. My skirt riding up and I'm sure had anyone else been there would have gotten a show. However I'm sure that had someone else been there I would not have been in that situation to begin with.

My 4 inch heels still on my feet could have come off but I kept them on. For the sake of propriety of course. I didn't want to be seen dishevelled upon my rescue. I might not be in the best situation but I sure was going to look great in it.

The upper half of my body clearly inside the trunk. I search for the trunk release which Ive heard comes standard on new cars nowadays. I don't have a clue what it looks like. But I know it should be somewhere. My lower body is pointed right out the front window and every so often Ill twist to see if there is anyone out there just watching me instead of saving me.

There was no one. I continued to pull press and tug on anything that could have been the trunk release. I had an amusing thought. This came to mind as I'm trying to free myself from a locked car. Why is it every time I'm looking for something and cant find it Man and G spot come to mind?

In complicated situations I'm Ms Cool, calm and fashionably attired. I try a few more times to find the trunk release. I conclude after my attempts that this car is missing a most important feature a trunk release. Well, it would have been an important feature specially if others found themselves in a similar situation. I wonder how many people would have thought to try to get out through the trunk.

I look at my trusty cell phone. Since I cant get myself out of this mess. Ive thought of everything I could do barring smashing any windows. I dialed and called someone to get me out. A co-worker.

Who laughed at me but said he would come to the rescue. Oh good. It was starting to get hot in the backseat. I rearranged everything and waited. I kept an eye out and realized there was no way to keep this quiet. Its too bizarre to keep a secret. I see CW walking towards the car in question and just as hes one car away I lean up and honk the horn twice which makes him look up and start to jog ahead in front of the car I am in and right on by...

Just like that. My rescue was no more. I called and couldn't get through to him to let him know where I was and I called a couple of other people a few minutes later to see if hes returned. No luck.

I sat and set the alarm off a couple of times. By accident. I wasn't trying to draw attention to myself. Although I should start saying that I was. I really wasn't trying to. I was just trying to see if any of the doors would open and no it did not.

Finally someone that I recognized that worked in the building, but didn't know very well was walking by and I couldn't really be picky about who it was that gets me out of the car so I honked the horn and his attention was caught. I smiled and beckoned him over and after he laughed at my situation helped me out of the car.

Most of the building knows about my little escapade. The FAQs of the day

Are you OK?
What were you doing in the backseat of the car?
How did you get locked in?
What were you doing in the trunk?

and my favorite one.

Why didn't you just crawl into the front and get out that way?

I of course as a child wasn't subjected, and I have no children nor do I know many people who use this feature. The child safety lock. So I'm not thinking of this as I'm in the car. I'm thinking the doors in the back don't work. Try the front ones? I must have had a brain fart though I did try to use the power locks. I can see how some people panic in certain sitautions. Some people freak out, others have memory lapses.

So I'm very embarrassed and yet I'm so delightfully happy that I can share this story and have other people laugh with me.

I'm OK and I'm safe. I know you shook your head at me a couple of times but I also know that you had a chuckle reading this.

Plan for tonight is a run with the dog while my laundry is in the wash. Then working out with Denise or Carmen. A shower then a nap to get ready for some midnight painting the town red with D.

211 - money shot

Went out to my car which is parked right in front of the building. Its supposed to rain here, they are calling for a thunder storm. So I went out to roll my windows up, a little windy OK a lot windy.

I'm wearing a new purchase, turquoise blue skirt, gorgeous. Absolutely feminine and sexy. I'm beside my car, one foot down off of the sidewalk and lean in to the door handle when a gust of wind blows right up the back of my skirt and lifts it up into the air.

Picture not Miss Munroe. Picture miss Darling. White halter top, long flowing turquoise skirt in the air, legs apart, smooth legs and high heels.

I hear a whistle and a holler and I as I have a fist full of skirt in my hand tight around me so no wind can flash anyone. I turn and see a coworker walking up the walkway. Big smile on his face.

I look at him and I cant help but laugh at the situation.

Darling - I had to have you around to witness that didn't I?'

CW - That was the money shot! I love being at the right place and time.

Darling - Hope you have it committed to memory CW

CW - Trust me that will be what I see when I close my eyes from now on

Darling - Well I would hope so. That is, until the next money shot comes along and not from yours truly... isn't that right.

CW - You know me too well, all the guys are wondering what made you scream, they are going to be so jealous.

Windows are all rolled up and not one drop of rain has touched my car since the incident.

Great day not to be wearing any panties Darling.

205 - celebration

In celebration of the my one year blogging. I treated myself to an an afternoon delight, a quick bite to eat and a long island iced tea to wash it down.

D didn't need a reason to meet with me. I haven't told him about the blog nor do I think will he ever know about it. I thought it was interesting that I celebrate in this fashion. Again I took an extended lunch. Yes I was late returning :) You cant rush an orgasm... well.. thats another post I think.

In the car driving back to work I felt warm. The sun was out when it wasn't when I left work for my afternoon delight, in fact it was a little chilly with the wind. I looked at the mirror and noticed that my face was flushed, continuing the scrutiny I noticed the tell tale signs of a flush on my neck and chest. Oh dear me, I cant very well change into another outfit as that would surely give me away.

On my walk from the parking lot to the building I felt a lot warmer. Post coital glow. I wonder if people will think Ive gone tanning for lunch? I wonder if they will be able to tell that I just had a noontime rendezvous of the orgasmic kind.

As soon as I walk into the office. I hear 'Did you just have a quickie?' My mouth agape and my eyes open wide. I laugh and say 'yes I did'.

Either deny deny deny OR tell the truth. You'll keep them guessing :) They all laughed and asked hat I had for lunch. Chicken.

Sitting at my desk my phone chimes informing me of a text. 'In case you're wondering I'm available for lunch anytime'

I chuckle, wonder and text back' if its actual lunch or each other for lunch.'

'Either/or better if both, I'm easy'

I agreed mentally, he is easy :)

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Update on K Will possibly be seeing him sometime this weekend.

M called asking me if i could get together with him tomorrow sometimes. I said no. More retail therapy with my sister and possibly a new hair cut/do/style... undecided on that

Haven't heard from S and that's OK. When I'm not expecting it Ill hear from him.

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Have a safe and happy long weekend to any and all Canadian readers!! :)