360 - ?

Darling - Did you call me because you missed me? I think you did.

No reply for a while.

Darling - Hmmm I guess not, darn.

A while later I am out having drinks with my sister.

D - Are you out?

I miss his first text as my cell is in my purse on vibrate.

D - Are you out?

Darling - Yes, what do you have planned?

No reply from him for a while and I can feel the questions.

D - Just drinks, K have fun call me tomorrow

Darling - I see.

Now he has a date. Drinks with someone. Now Im all huffy and wondering who it is and why he has to be a party pooper for me. I have a moment of sadness replaced with the knowledge of 'oh well'.

Darling - Are you ok?

D - Dont want to interrupt your date

Darling - If it makes you feel better Im out with my sister and not out on a date.

D - Have fun

How hes pulling a suck. Guess it happens to everyone now and then.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

During the day.

Darling - Thanks for talking me through that. It turned out really well and I had no problems with it. It wasnt hard at all.

D - Theres nothing hard at work except me.

Darling - Hmmm Ill need to see it to make sure

D - Nahhh you have a date tonight.

Darling - Tease

D - Maybe next time.

---------------------------------------------------------------

The following morning. Where the night before I had a date to go for drinks with someone from The Soup.

D - What no call or texts letting me know you got home safe?

Darling - :) I was home at 11:30. Nothing crazy. Did you miss me?

D - Im kidding.

Darling - Damn I thought you actually cared.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

276 - brain freeze

So far so good on being 28. Ive been spending time with family and friends. Things are looking bright and I feel positive about things.

I applied for a position that requires a series of tests and interviews that I need to pass before I find out if I have the job. Its a bit of a belated present but I got confirmation that I was successful in stage 2. I am now waiting to hear when I go to the next stage.

I was quite sure that there was no chance that I did well in stage 2. I walked out not confident about how I did and how the results would turn out. Its a bit dis concerning not to have that surety or even an idea of how you did.

Should the results have been negative and there is still a possibility that at one of the stages I wont be successful. Ill be bummed and take it personally. Lets hope that doesn't happen. I know its not personal its just a matter of being a fit and if the shoe doesn't fit. Onto the next shoe.

Its interesting and a very good thing, interesting really as I'm not sure what made it happen. I saw D for lunch on my birthday. I told him it what day it was and it wasn't awkward at all. Really fun, especially with the margarita I had.

Then Yesterday I saw him for drinks after he was done work. I met with D after I was with my friend who even though we were able to hang out. It wasn't very fun. Girls night does not include the boyfriend and the boyfriends children.

I wasn't expecting to see him at all or have him ask me if I wanted to go out for drinks. It was a good time and I needed to end the day on a good note. Ending the night with sex would have ended it on a great note but it wasn't to happen. Though I did ask and it was sweetly declined with a promise to come over another night.

Sometimes I know what his answer will be and yet I still ask. I'm not bummed when I hear what I already know. I just tease him with it afterwards. Its fun and flirty and we laugh a lot. However it is a huge treat when his answer is something I wasn't expectating.. but I really was expecting :)

Darling - I was just wondering and I think I need to be reminded every so often. What is this?

D - What do you mean?

Darling - Never mind

D - You mean this.. us?

Darling - yes

D - I don't know. I mean I like you. I like hanging out with you. Because of xyz I cant do more than that.

Darling - You aren't married right?

D - No not at all

Darling - OK Just making sure.

D - What about you?

Darling - I like you... which makes it hard for me to sleep with other people. I mean I like hanging out with you too.

D - I cant stop you if you do. That's something I cant ask of you because I cant have more than this.

Darling - I know you would be OK with 123 and not 456

D - I have no problem if you brought 123 to your place. Just don't bring 456.

Darling - Its not that simple.

D - I'm not sleeping with anyone except you. There's no other woman.

Outside by our cars. We kiss. There's a lingering in the kiss which doesn't always happen. I think we both have feelings that havent been shared with each other. For me anyway, I know there is. If I can wax poetic for a moment It felt like a message. A silent plea for something to be understood. If it cant be said, the kiss is the vehicle to make it understood.

I understand all right. I understand that I can get pretty wishy washy at times. I second guess myself. I don't know if its him that I want. I certainly don't mind the package that comes with him as far as who is in his life. Its just him and what hes looking for.. even if what hes looking for can only happen in 5 years. I kind of want to be what hes looking for. Why? I don't know.

So my reply was a bit off the wall wasn't it? Out of all the things I could have said why that? Brain freeze

That's another post.

269 - lasting a couple of hours

Ive been getting emails from S asking me if he should move on and find someone else to .. play with. Ive yet to reply to him. Not that I want to stop seeing S. Its just difficult to coordinate times to meet each other. Because its been difficult to meet with him Ive gotten frustrated with him as he doesn't seem to understand the word compromise.

P is Mr focused. He introduced me to the 6 inch rule. Once its been broken, there's no turning around and getting it back. The 6 inches refers to the space between 2 people. If it hasn't been broken then there's no touching of any sexual kind. I'm trying to remember if I shook his hand but that I don't think that would have counted in breaking the rule. Ive yet to tell him that I have my own place.


S2 sends me messages online. I get the feeling hes working a different angle now. Hes more complimentary and charming. Which I would ordinarily enjoy however from him. It just doesn't work. I know he just wants to gag me, tie me up and bring me to his special place. Its interesting to me that this grown man would think that someone would actually agree to that. Its scarier to think that someone would say yes to an offer like that.

M3 has called a few times in the wee hours of the morning when I am asleep. The time difference between us is one hour and hes behind. Sometimes Ill pick up the phone and think Why when I hear the voice. But sometimes its really good to hear him. :) Its mighty entertaining. I'm always glad when he calls and enjoys himself.

T is someone from the same area as M and I haven't heard from him in a really long time say a few months. We've been busy. I don't have a way to contact him so I just leave it up to him. I email once in a while letting him know that hes on my mind and what not. My phone rings and I answer and his melt my panties voice is on the other end and I ... react. Well I just react like I haven't heard fro him in a while and I'm excited and told him he made my day. He did. We talked for close to an hour. Much to talk about. Much to share. I told him not to be a stranger.


K is in The Penalty Box. Things are kind of awkward in a bearable way so hes in there. I'm not sure when Ill see him soon. I doubt it as new developments have moved into town and made its way into his home. So into TPB for K.


B and I had dinner and didn't set another date to meet but we talked about a few things that might be interesting. We shall see. Hes into something that I'm not but have thought of on occasion. Ive been honest with him and told him that it might take some time before I am fully into it and comfortable. So there's no rush to do anything and I'm OK with slow and steady.


D is usually done work around midnight. We were supposed to meet yesterday. He gave me a guarantee but it didn't happen. AR and I had dinner desert and drinks which was lots of fun. Nothing titillating to share there... yet. D and I could have met but I told him it was OK if we didn't though in the back of my mind I was looking forward to it.

We met for lunch today. There was no food involved. I picked him up, we found a nice secluded parking lot and had a quickie in the front seat. Passenger side of course. Not bad at all. I was kind of shy as it was bright out and in broad daylight. Kind of kinky and very rushed and by no means was the sex bad. It was just short and I always like to well... you know.. keep going.

So for tonight. D and I are hanging out for a few hours. I have no idea what we'll be doing. OH!... and I just wanted to make sure to point out that I would have been OK without the quickie. In fact it probably wouldn't have brought on an awkward moment afterwards. The moment lingers with me and I'm working on shaking it off... No I don't want to share.. yet. I'm not ready

But I digress.. tonight will be interesting I can predict some verbal out pour in the whatthehellkindofrelationshipisthis category and Ineedtounderstandandhearitfromyouagain section of weirdness ifonlytoremindmyselfwhatthisallis.

Because sometimes we all need a reminder.

I'm sure there will be some sort of sex tonight. If so that will be nice. If not then it will be good to just hang out and do what people do when they aren't sexing it up. You'd think all I did was have sex as I'm a bit nervous about tonight. Well, Ive been told no sex or alcohol tonight. The pressure is on.

Picture someone that's never been out in public. Someone socially inept. That's what I feel like. Wish me luck tonight. I know it cant be as bad as I think it will be. I mean its only a couple of hours.. without sex.. or drinks.. I'm sure there will be other things to do.

Am I glad I have a deck of cards :) Worse case scenario. I tell him I like him..again and ask him if he thinks I'm fat.

Have a great weekend!

268 - yesterday, today and tomorrow

Yesterday

Dropped my cell phone and it didn't want to turn on again for the rest of the day. Got a great deal for a new phone and I took it. I still have hope for my old phone.

Didn't get a call from friend who is in TPB. Was suppose to go out. Instead I stayed home, indulged in some fantastic movies of the adult kind. And by movies I mean about 45 minutes of one... during which I myself put on a fantastic epic performance of my own. To which promptly led me to a nap. Which brought on some kinky dreams of yours truly and some faceless men and quite possibly a woman on the sidelines though I woke up before ... so I have naught to report on that end ;)

Today

After a fantastic run and shower in the morning and being surprisingly awake seeing as I went to bed after midnight. Got to work and learned about a bonus coming to my bank account :) Was supposed to meet with D and that didn't happen.. again. No its not on purpose and no I don't mind THAT much. These things happen. I tell you I'm the best girl/friend to have. So understanding not to mention accommodating. Did some banking, celebrate another moment of triumph for being able to lower my cell phone bill AND get on a better plan than I currently have. Got free services extended for another couple of weeks and gave myself a pat on the back for doing all that with a female customer service rep.

Old phone turned on after trying it.. amazingly. Silly me turned it off and its in a deep sleep again. I'm not worried I still have my new phone :)

5 minutes ago.

Sent D a text message because I was full of happy thoughts and am in a fantastic mood. Just spent about 30 minutes on the phone w D and cant tell you details about what we talked about but it was just as good as a nap :) Refreshing and a definite energy boost.

Darling - :) I like u
D - Ah that was sweet

Which was promptly followed up by a phone call from D letting me know that he will call me later on as his phone is dying. As I'm smiling away and relishing the fact that I like just getting things out there sometimes and not worrying about the aftereffects/consequences of my statements or actions, I am thinking of cuddling with him

I'm stumbling. I know. Ill be OK. I have my eyes wide open and can see whats happening. I just hope Ive got some protective gear that are invisible to the eye. If not then I hope for a soft landing.

Later Today.

Dinner with AR, hopefully something naughty and titillating afterwards. THEN possibly seeing D for a few drinks. Yes same night. Yes D knows about AR. Have I not mentioned that I was honest about these things. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea or to imagine that I am leading someone on. Honesty and the best policy... unless...

Tomorrow.

Be happy its Friday though my days always have some form of work involved so Its not much of a weekend though I appreciate the decreased amount of work that I have for the following 2 days. There will be some daily flirting with the opposite sex and other items that fall under the category of life.

265 - Make it so

Wow this week has gone by quickly. I'm sure part of it was because it was only a 4 day week which I can really embrace on a regular basis. I wonder if that will be something government will try to implement. I know. Its probably something that needs to be on the table.. or better yet somewhere in the near vicinity of the table to be considered.

Oh well. I hope they know that I and I am sure many out there would be happy with a 4 day week. Someone was telling me that they used to have 4 day weeks then someone had a bright idea to make it 5. I wonder who that little brown noser was?

This week hasn't been too exciting though I can breath a little easier as My appointment Thursday morning has come and gone. I'm not sure how the results will turn out. I should hear back from them Mid October or so they say. I will give them a call in a couple of weeks to let them know I am anxious to hear from them.

Change is good. Keeping this hush hush at work is a bit difficult. Can doctors appointment really take the whole morning and part of the afternoon? I'm sure in some cases it can happen. The question is... will they believe me if these appointments I supposedly have take a whole morning or afternoon? I wonder how long it will take for them to catch on.

Change is often difficult. I find if its something that happens right away and I have no say then its a bit disconcerning. If I know in advance that there will be a change then its a bit of a panic as I want to make sure I am prepared and that my life wont feel the change too harshly. Not a big fan of being inconvenienced when I could have prevented it from happening.

Which brings me to where I am now. How to tiptoe around certain people at work while trying to make changes in my life.

I'm sad to say sometimes I do have to think of myself and be selfish. Things need to happen otherwise life just coasts. I just coast. So Ive decided to try something new. It wont be soon that this change will happen but I'm hoping that someone is watching over me and thinking.

Its her time. This is the right path for her. Make it so.

254 - willing to admit

D - You are quiet today

Darling - :) wasn't sure if you were sleeping and didn't want to wake you if you were. That and I'm feeling great and I might have ended up telling you I think of you entirely way too much.

D - Wow

Darling - I know I know TMI.. I care so I share. Not meant to freak you out or anything. It is what is it The truth and don't feel put on the spot unless its a good one for you.

D - Not sure how to respond to that hmm

Darling - lol you don't have to in any way. Sometimes I share things that I should keep to myself. Maybe this was one of them.

D - Not on the spot but just not aware

Darling - Now you are and its OK. Nothings changed..at least on my end... really should censor myself more... If you're not cool with it.

D - No at least I know and that is a good thing

Darling - you knowing? or what I sent?

D - Me knowing

Darling - K the good thing is you'll always end up getting the scoop on where I'm coming from and while I'm shooting myself in the foot.. I do like you... enough to flat out say it. I also like things the way they are. Anyway don't think about it too much. Its all good. lol That's it for now. Ill stop

Being on the receiving end of someones affections is always harder than being the one to show affection.

Its easier to do the liking and telling because then its out in the open and out of my hands. The truth is out there and really. The truth shall set you free. Theres a big sigh of relief and the calm settles. Now whether its the calm before the storm or the calm after the world has righted itself is another story.

I just know that I can sleep really well during my nap time this afternoon. I wont be all giggly because I like someone. I wont be all anxious trying to figure out what will happen later. Whatever happens happens. I wont be questioning myself and my actions.

As long as I remain true. As long as you remain true to who you are then it cant be wrong.

I could have kept it to myself but I figured why not?

If he turns tail and runs then it shows a few things.l If he sticks it out then cool. It shows other things. Its a risk that I'm willing to take. I mean it still could happen that what I just did really isn't cool with him and that things will become D-less after a while.

Which I know is OK as my life will continue on and someone else may be the focus of all my goodness. But for now. Ill enjoy what Ive got.

In all honesty. I'm kind of a hypocrite. Someone within the past month told me he was ind of crazy about me a little bit. But because I wasn't interested I told him he was crazy and haven't talked to that person in a long time. Hes a coworker. Not my type, but nice guy. For someone else. Not me. We move, talk and live on a whole different set of speed and I only have so much patience per person at one time.

So If I get that same fate then Its just karma coming around to give me my due. But That's not to say the other things that are coming around full circle aren't also coming around at the time.

Had a conversation with D after my mid afternoon nap and basically... he wants to make sure that I don't get too attached. He doesn't want anyone to get hurt. Well he doesn't want me to get hurt because he sees me getting more and more attached. I said that was nice and I also made sure he knew that he would be the first to know if he should be worried.

I thought ...

First. That there really wont be anywhere that this goes.

Second. I'm glad I have a good healthy appetite for Soup.

Third. I'm not getting all girly about being told indirectly that its not going to go there for him.

Fourth. I'm OK with it.

Fifth. I should call K and let him know tonight would be a good night for him to come over.

Sixth. Remind myself that I should stop writing plots and subplots that may never happen.

Seventh. I'm still happy about sharing. Ill never stop. Its who I am. Open and honest.

Eighth... I think I'm finally willing to admit things i'll keep to myself for now.

He said he didn't want to see me get hurt. I said that I'm not that attached. I like him but I am talking to other people, meeting them and not banking on a relationship with him. The reasons to meet other people and go out have yet to be determined. But I am meeting them.

Even though its not the greatest conversation to have its one of the best in that its honest and we both know where we both stand.

The girl in me needs a hug. The woman in me is relieved that I'm still loose in a noose of my own making. The man in me wants to take some names and kick some ass.

----------------------------------

Happy Friday to all of you. I love long weekends. I don't have anything planned aside from work at J3. I'm sure something will come up. Oh and next weekend on Sunday to be exact I'll be serving drinks for the afternoon for a family reunion being held by my former employer.

Roughly 40+ people, there will be a performance by Elvis... yes thats right Elvis, a DJ and 2 BBQ's for meats and kebabs. Should be fun. There's also the pool to which I've been invited to use as well. We shall see.

I've also managed to bring one of my Gf's to serve with me so it should be fun. She's looking forward to some extra cash so it should be a great ol' time

I've been to the casino and forgot to mention that I won :) :) :) All 3 times that I went :)

1? (has no name yet) sounds like fun. More to come on 1? next week.

lol Im having a fantastic day I hope everyone is as well.

Oh and Tuxbaby... Im working on it. Im finding it a tad difficult... but it will be done :)

251 - Memory

Hmmm does anyone else forget the last time they were in coitus?

The last time I had sex was early Monday morning. Remember? I didn't. I should consult this blog more often to see what Ive been up to. D and I were texting and it seems like its been a while since we had sex and I mentioned that to him and he asked me if I forgot about Monday. I did forget... until he reminded me of it.

Now in my defence. I was extremely sleepy while this exchange was happening and felt all sorts of lazy and had an overall want to be outside and not working.

How could I forget about sex with D Monday at 4:30am? easy. I was half asleep then.. and I was half asleep at the time I needed to remember it. Which adds to memory malfunction.

I do feel bad about not being able to recall it. I did however tell him in detail what happened on that early morning rendezvous. How he pulled the blankets over us both, gathered me close so our bodies were flushed and how he teased me with his fingers until he thought I was ready enough for him to slip himself...

I just wanted to let him know that I didn't forget :) So I reminded him.

He doesn't buy it though he still thinks I forgot. How do I make it up to him? I don't really need to make it up to him I just want to so he can have his way with me sexually. That way we both win. Always look for win win situation. Remember that everyone! Never withhold sex in any relationship. That's wrong and that means no one gets any.

Which brings me to this next issue. Is my memory really that bad? I know I hit my head that one time but I didn't think it would affect anything. The Big Dog and I were playing and she felt the need to swing her hammer head right on the side of my head about 2-3 inches from my left temple. I had a headache for a few minutes and couldn't comfortably open my mouth for about 10-15 minutes.

Thoughts that went through my mind at that time goes as follows.

I hope this doesn't cause any damage as I shake my head and say 'ow'.
Gosh this must be what a migraine feels like. Or a bad headache anyway.
I wonder if that's the one spot that really vulnerable? I hope not
Silly dog
Silly me for that matter.
If I'm not able to open my mouth... ill lose weight because I wont eat so much
If I'm not able to open my mouth... Ill never perform oral sex again
I hope the pain goes away soon...

It did go away... and came back about a week ago when... I was walking the Big Dog and I had my hands full when a lucky mofer of a mosquito bit me an inch or so from my hairline on the left side causing the exact same feeling to occur. Minus the headache which means not quite exactly but close. It was the difficulty opening my mouth widely. You know for a good satisfying... yawn.

It eventually went away as did the identifying bump of the flying nuisance and for your information I continue to eat :)

OK so I don't ordinarily forget when the last time I had sex was. I really was sleepy. So I'm asking... if you were sleeping with someone and you realized they forgot the last time you were physically together. What would you think?

243 - Rose

D - Good thing I jerked off today since we cant meet for lunch

Darling - What about me? I haven't yet today :( Unless its more fun on your own..

D - Ya not so much, always better with you

Darling - :) ahh so you do remember what its like!! JK I love how you make me cum just so you know..

D - That makes me feel good

Darling - It should (never got to send this text, I'm interrupted with him sending)

D - And I love watching you cum

Darling - You should watch more often hint hint :)

D - Its never enough is it

Darling - Enough fo (never got to send this text, I'm interrupted with him sending)

D - Never enough for you

Darling - (I send a blank text by accident Its appropriate as my tummy ins't feeling well. I'm not liking where this is going)

D - It just never seems to be enough

Darling - Its really great, I think the sex is fantastic when were together. I just want more.. when you get me going its like a snowball effe.. (I don't get to send this text as I'm interrupted with him sending)

D - Starting to think you need someone new

I don't know what to think. So I stop and don't think about it prior to dialing his number

D - hello

Darling - Whats with all that nonsense?

D -----

Darling - Is everything OK?

D - I just don't think I can satisfy you

Darling - You do though

D - It seems like its not enough. I know were not together all the time and I know that you're satisfied when we are together but the times when were not together... I know you are always wanting...

Darling - When were together its great. You're right. When were together its fantastic. You get me going and I don't want to stop. But you do stop... because you have to go. I can keep going... but its not the same without you. So I want more. If we had more time together when we do get together and you didn't have to leave right away...

D - I just don't think I'm enough to satisfy you. I think I'm getting a complex or something because of it.

Darling - Is it no longer fun for you?

D - that's not it.

Darling - oh OK (I know... hes told me when its no longer fun then it'll stop)

D - We'll talk about it more another time

Darling - OK, well... have a great day at work

D - thanks


I cant talk to my sister about this. I cant really talk to anyone about this. Its strange. What would I say? I'm seeing this guy who might want out because of my high sex drive. People would either think I am crazy and wonder what kind of high sex drive I have or think he is crazy for wanting to possibly end things with a girl who has a high sex drive.

Thoughts...

He mentioned me going with a boyfriend and I said I didn't have one of those.. did he want me to say he was my boyfriend.. or bite on that one? Nahhh that would have just scared him and I know hes not looking for anything like that.

He didn't invite me to go to Vegas with him when I put it out there. So I got the feeling hes not wanting to have more with me. I don't know, I just wanted to go to Vegas LOL

Is it even my sex drive that's an issue? I don't even know.

I probably shouldn't even continue thinking about it until we talk more about it. How can I not? ARG!! I wonder if hes thinking about what just happened at all? Or if its just my mind going a mile a minute.

I feel like calling him.

Asking him if that was his way of getting an out.

I want to tell him that I do like him but I know hes not looking for a relationship. I'm OK with that because I don't know how to be in one. I just know how to do what it is that I do. Maybe its time for relationship diarrhea? Get it all out there and see what happens.

We talked and I told him its because I am very satisfied with him sexually that I want to have sex with him often. Not that I am not satisfied. Its that I just want to be in coitus and feel that satisfied ... often.

My goodness are you reading this??? Doesn't paint a very flattering picture of me does it? (sigh) Makes me look like a horny rose. (I didn't want to be toad hence the rose)

I told him that he shouldn't feel bad. He has his own life and has things to take care of and cant be at my sexual beck and call, though it would be nice if he were. I also told him that I'm just going through withdrawals. We went from 4-5 times a week to twice a week. Give a girl a break. You cant just cut it off cold turkey and expect me not to be on the edge.

The feel good sexual feelings I have are great but they are clouding other parts of my brain and I need to put an end to that so I don't screw up what I have at the moment. Its not conventional relationship but whatever it is I don't want to yuck it up. Worse case scenario is that we never speak to each other at all. I don't know if I could handle it if there were no sex involved...

Who am I kidding... of course I could handle it. Theres always someone waiting to be the next quasi relationship right? Thank goodness I'm picky.

Hes the main ingredient at the moment. So it seems like a bigger than I make it out to be. Ive got to remind myself that I am still doing my own thing. Making plans with friends, family and I'm also meeting new people :)

Life is good.

Happy Friday the 13th :)

240 - better

I don't know why I didn't just ask him. He did.

D - So do you miss me?
Darling - Well if I say yes too many times when you ask I might inflate your ego a bit.
D - laughs
Darling - This time? just a bit... :)

We've been on a bit of an off schedule you see. His schedule for work doesn't allow for repeated/consecutive midnight rendezvous or afternoon delights. Ive been spoiled and I'm feeling it. He feels it too and we've both mentioned how its affecting our sex lives.

The line when its good, its good. When its bad, its bad comes to mind. Unfortunately.

So he knows I miss him and does he mirror that at all? I don't know as I didn't ask. Silly me. I was shy about asking that and I was thinking that it sounded too much like ... something I don't want to describe.

So I leave it... until I send him a text 30 minutes later saying

Darling - I didn't hear if you said you missed me or not... :)
D - You didn't ask
Darling - OK smarty pants, consider this me asking... and??

10 minutes of no reply... like he does to me when I don't reply right away I send him a...

Darling - Wow not even a little bit? :)

45 minutes later.... 45 minutes of me thinking...

- hes so playing with me right now
- is he kidding me right now
- now is not the time to not have a fully charged cell phone
- did I send that to the right person?
- he must not know I hate waiting
- sigh

I'm thinking those thoughts and I'm not having a freak out girly moment. I'm just cool. Thinking but not over thinking. Smiling and laughing at myself really. I have to laugh, if I don't I might do something that would make this post not as much fun to read. I realize that he must have missed me to call and ask me that question. right? right? right?? yessssssssss

So my thoughts went this way...

- he must like me ... even a little
- SUCCESS!!!! (arms up and a big smile on my face)
- no one would ask that question if they thought the answer would be a no.
- no one likes to be told no :) So he knew it was a yes
- because no one likes to hear the word no and ask questions that gets a no :)
- yipee!!

about 15 -20 minutes later the sweet chime of my cell phone letting me know that I have a text reading...

D - of course I miss you
Darling - Its about time! You could give a girl a complex making a girl wait that long. But its nice to know... :)

Hes got plans for Saturday which I has my pinky toe crossed to see if he would ask me to join him. Not happening but that's OK. Ive got things to do that I need to catch up on so I'm glad that were not getting together on Saturday.

I asked him when we would see each other again as its been a while. Last Sunday morning... well its been since last Sunday since I have had... with him. And Tuesday since we've seen each other... for lunch.

He says he wants to try to get together for Sunday but cant promise anything. I'm not bummed or anything its nice to hear that he wants to. If we don't get together that's OK. I still know that he wants to and right now... that's whats important to me. Plus I get to take care of what I need to in other parts of my life :)

I'm such a girl.

Hes such a boy.

Its so good to be where I am at the moment :)

FIFA tonight I think its Brazil against USA. It should be a good game and I'm bringing my flirt on. As usual :) A CW of mine also wants to bar tend FIFA I forgot to call her. Ooops. I will try to hook her up with it. We shall see.

No plans for the weekend. Something might come up as it usually does. Maybe relax on a patio on a nice cool night after work. I plan on getting out of my shell a little bit and always working on becoming better...

237 - meeting friends

This weekend was great. I worked FIFA U-20 on Saturday and it was great. Lots of fun, lots of people, lots of them drinking and coming back for more. Tips that night were great and I have pocket money for the next week. Which incidentally is also a 4 day week :) Love it when that happens!

Saturday night after working FIFA. D and I start texting right away and he tells me hes out with the boys for a night out and really wants to get together with me afterwards. Yeah its been a while. I know this, he knows this and as of now and what I shared on my post on Friday so do you. I want to get together with him too. I go home about midnight, shower then slip into a nightie and check the lighting and atmosphere. I don't spend much time doing that as its always primed and ready for .. action. My apartment that is... Me on the other hand... well.. that's another story. Or is it?

After a few more texts I become Ds DD for the night. Ill pick him up later on and take him home mu hu ha ha! My home that is. What Ill do with him when I get him there is well... I'm sure you all have an idea or few :)

10 minutes later change of plans. If I want to... I can meet up with him now and meet him at the bar where he and his friends are. Who I have never met. ARG! I kind of have a mind bomb.

I'm really shy you see. I'm pretty shy. I'm very shy. I'm quiet, kind of reserved sometimes and very private. OK I have moments of all the above. It doesn't always happen that they all happen all at the same time. A mind bomb is when it all happens at the same time. When I fell really shy, quiet, reserved and private... add insecure to the mix and there you have a mind bomb.

It lasted long enough for my libido to diffuse the mind bomb which got me into... after much debate on what to wear... into a little black skirt with a little black tank top, sexy heels and and a black sweater. The shyness got through and pulled the sweater on before I left the apartment. Its good to be shy sometimes... it ended up a little chilly and it was perfect for the night. I was dressed.. sexy smart :)

I find parking and bump into a tall man on the street who asks me where I am headed and I let him know I'm heading to the bar. He walks me there a block and a half down and kisses my hand. Sweet. I ring D and he comes out and talks to the doorman who lets me in no questions.

Did I mention I was a little nervous? I'm meeting his friends who hes known since he was 5 years old and one of them an investment banker who tore down a 6 figure home and had another built for 1.5 billion dollars? Another is a paramedic from Calgary. The last one? Never did find out :)

Met his friend R first and got along great from the get go. Phew! He said he loved the way I smelled and asked me if it was my perfume, shampoo or what? I told him it was natural. He laughed and said that could get addicting. I laughed with him and asked him how drunk D was and he said the appropriate thing. Not at all. Good friend. I knew D was there and have been for a while. I'm glad hes a happy drunk. Makes for a good time.

D orders a round for everyone and we carry drinks to the boys on the patio and may I say that I was greeted warmly. Kisses and hugs and laughter. What more could I have asked for? Of yes that's right. Flattery. R for the scent I had on. H for how I looked. G for wondering if they were real or not.

So light banter was exchanged and I gave as good as I got. I saw these men chat up a couple of blond 21 year olds and I felt a little like chopped liver. What can I say? Tall blond leggy ladies always seem to ... well.. that's another post. Anyway. I enjoyed the entertainment. 2 young TBLs who didn't have a clue how to handle the attentions of 3-4 (I say 3-4 because D was there but not paying 'much' attention to them like the rest were) OK so I watched them all and heard the conversation and the subject of ages came up. The ladies aren't into older men. Pity. More for me :)

They didn't know how to handle them. From what I could tell. Did I mention they were all good looking? Anyway... the ladies left and when they did... I heard how they really felt. One had a huge ass. Nice hair, not so nice face. But all in all. Bad attitude. I threw in that 'you guys are awful with women!' Which got me the explanation that their attitudes were awful. So being hot means nothing if the attitude isn't there.

Which brought the conversation to me. Somehow. I wasn't trying to fish and they started to talk about me, right in front of me. It was a little discerning but also quite intriguing. Of course I stayed and held my breath because if I heard anything negative I would have been swallowed by the ground with embarrassment.

Great attitude, no BS, flirty without going over the top. Great body, good looking and can handle being alone with 4 guys who are talking about her. We all laugh and its an all around great night. I don't plan on drinking but have a 3 glasses of rum and diet coke. I spend some time with H and great guy. Hes the one from Calgary. One of D's oldest friends. Who apparently has a memory like an elephant. I test this and tell him my first, middle and last name once. He should before we part for the night recall it for me.

He asked me how D and I met. I blushed and told him that Id let D tell him the story. I wasn't even sure how I feel about how I met D. I don't even think Ive blogged about it. Oh well. I'm not about to now :) dun dun dunnnn...

I get some alone time with D. The boys all look at each other and one comes up with a reason to go in. The rest follow. It looks like it was done on purpose. So D and I make out. Actually I fix my mouth on his and we kiss. He had no choice. Well he did. He just chose to go along with it :) Weeeee!!

The boys come back with more drinks in hand. I haven't finished mine and they tell me to hurry up and catch up. I tell them if I were to catch up I think Id need a whole bottle and a few shots to get where they are. They said that could be arranged and I laughed and told them to be good.

The subject returned to younger women and older men and I kept quiet and listened to them go on about how its much better to be with an older man. I smiled inwardly thinking its nothing I haven't learned before on my own but it was nice to hear. Quite endearing. Its all about finding someone that thinks the same way. Some will. Some wont.

Which brings their next question to me. How old was I? I laugh and ask them how old they think I am. I get kind of nervous and think is there an age where I shouldn't ask this anymore as they might actually think I'm older than I am? Which means that my looks show that I am older than I really am and that wouldn't be good. Who wants to look older than they are? Not me that's for sure.

I get 22 from G, 23-24 from R and '2 and 7' from H. H wins a hug from me and I wonder a couple of things. D heads inside to get another round and leaves me with these guys to which I protest jokingly telling him I might not be safe with these guys. To which the said guys all laugh. Flattery goes both ways. Nothing I cant handle. I am woman watch me flirt.

I wonder if D told H how old I was? I wonder if guys purposely spout a number they know to be less than what they actually think/know to flatter someone. I wonder if I should censor myself before asking that last I wonder above.

With that out in the open. They say no, not at all. Oh well. That answer works for me. D returns and I do my duty telling G and H that smoking is bad for them. I find them a light and do my duty as the volunteer wing girl to try to hook them up with available ladies.

The ladies notice how nice I am and all that. Which brings the boys attentions back to me. I'm not trying to get the attention. Its just happening, Its times like these that I am happy in the shadows. I walk to D and I whisper that I cant wait to get him home. He laughs and nibbles on my ear. YUM.

I get pulled away by H who tells D to share. I raise my eyebrow and H says that we should go dance. We head inside and the sweater comes off and eyes take in what was previously covered. The question of whether they were real or not comes back up and I told them they were fake. Mouths dropped open which were helped closed by the next guy and laughter was heard.

They all wanted to feel and I laughed. D however felt the need to exert his presence and reach over to feel a breast. Real he says but the guys are all wanting to feel now too and I laugh it off. R asks how D gets to touch and I look at him and said something along the lines of us having been intimate and like a lightning bolt I hear well we can do that too. He got me there. I laugh that one off too.

After an offer of a hotel room being rented for their viewing pleasure was dutifully declined by yours truly. I promptly took D away, but not after being the social butterfly and making sure they all knew that I enjoyed their company. I did have a lot of fun. It was good to go out and meet some more of his friends. More on that thought later.

Hours later at home and quite a mess later... details aren't really needed are they? (smile) I drove D home. I got back home to my bed about 430am.

Get a wake up call on Sunday at 7am. Misery sure does love company. Thanks for interrupting my dream D. Thanks.

236 - funky thought process

I'm agitated. I'm irritated and I'm more bummed than mad.

D - 'you're mad aren't you?'
Darling - 'no I'm not mad... I'm just not happy'
D - 'ourrrrghh'
Darling - 'Ive been waiting for a long time and I've been looking forward to it... I'm just bummed its not happening.'

Hes been waiting the exact amount of time but it doesn't seem to bother him as much and here is where ill go all funky thought process..

-Hes having sex with someone else which is why it doesn't bother him as much that we aren't having sex.(last night only lol)
-Hes no longer interested in sex... with me.
-He thinks I'm a fat cow and wants to have sex with someone else.
-I'm boring in bed and he wants someone that isn't.

I warned you about the funky thought process! That lasted about 5 minutes so you know. I feel better this morning and a bit silly at how I reacted. Kind of childish as it was a pout and stomp my foot moment.

Actual reason we didn't have sex last night. He had to go. Responsibilities, hes keeping his promises.

I cant really fault him for that. It shows that his word is gold. When he says something its done. Unless it involves sex with me. That's something that can be just be put on the side if something should come up. So far there hasn't been a reason that I don't agree with.

I should really apply some sort of qualification or standard when it comes to getting together with him. I should practice saying no...is that what it sounds like I meant in the previous line? Makes it sound like I never say no and that I am easy doesn't it? Think whatever you want to. I know I'm not having the amount of sex that I clearly want.

Call me a prude I have standards and I wont just jump into bed with just anyone. But when I find someone that I want to jump in bed with you can bet that its often that I want the bed jumping to happen.

Ive said it before. The more sex I have the more sex I want. Its a never ending cycle. Well that's not true. If I stop having sex then Ill still want more sex. just not as much as I would if I were already having sex.

I don't take it all personally. I know that he has things he has to do and cant always take care of me like Id like him to. If he were able to he would he says. That helps make me feel better, but you know what would really make me feel better? Having sex with him.

Its not all about sex but I cant explain it. I want to be able to but I cant. Maybe one day Ill try just for fun and just to be able to work my thoughts out into the open to see if I really am kind of twisted or just plain clueless. Other options to how it will all turn out is available and highly possible.

So no sex for me last night. Though the bartender taking care of us sure was giving me all the right signals. There were winks, secret looks down my body, kisses blown my way and I was with 2 guys. That's balls. Which I of course was highly entertained by.

On the way out. He had parked his car right in front of the pub and I around the corner. No kiss goodbye. No hug. I asked if he was coming over, he looked at his cell and said no time. I wanted to at least have a kiss and I didn't get it. Not even a peck. So when his friend was walking down to us, I just turned around and walked towards my car.

I didn't look back, I didn't care. I just wanted to scream. I couldn't out loud, so I had a mental one instead. I was all geared for sex, ready for it and wasn't getting any encouragement from him. I got in my car and looked at my cell phone thinking who should I call?

I drive and pass them on the road. I don't stop, I just wave when they see me and I keep driving. Why stop? I'm not going to get any. I'm frustrated, irritated and feel like Ive just been rejected.

Enter feeling like a cow. Short skirt I have on with heels and I know they were eyeing other ladies. I don't mind this, look all you want. Just have sex with me after, specially if we've been wanting to get together for a few days. I know I look good and don't really look like a cow otherwise I wouldn't have attracted any attention like I did when I walked into the bar. Its just one of those strange women things that come over us. Really if I could I would rather not feel that way.

My week sexually?

Sex Monday at lunch.
Tuesday, a friend spent the night. Who is the first to ever sleep over the whole night :)
Wednesday I was the recipient of some fantastic oral sex and body massage.
Thursday night held possibilities which did not materialize.
Today being Friday D asked if we could get together for lunch. I don't think it will happen. But its still early.

Weekend plan for sex? If it happens great if not then... There's always next week.

Upcoming plans? Bartending FIFA games. I caught part of the Argentina team practicing and the talent is inspiring and they looked like they were having fun which makes it all so much more appealing.

I had a fleeting thought of Hmmm Athletes. Then I reminded myself that it was FIFA Under 20. which made me laugh at myself.

Canada Day Celebrations this weekend. Long weekend, lots of get togethers, BBQs, much love, hugs and well wishes to go around. Lots of red and white to be worn. No work Monday. Hopefully some patriotic sex to finish off the celebrations :)

Happy Canada Day Everyone!!

235 - until we meet again

Thank you Darling


Please don't take this personally. I can't fall for anyone again as I felt I was for you. Just hurts too much so I have to walk away sorry.


P2

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


Is it wrong to be sad that I wont have P2 in my life.
Is it wrong to be glad that I wont have P2 in my life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know I'm good for him. On the other hand I know I'm bad for him.

Hes good for me period. Because hes involved in a small part of my life and not my whole life. Somewhat selfish of me but that's how this relationship works. Its not perfect when I say its good for me. Its just good for me because I don't dwell on the things that I cant control.

If anything hes been trying to break off ties for a while. Scared of falling in love with me. I told him if he does that's OK. Love is a wonderful thing. Would we do anything about it? I'm not so sure as there are circumstances and distances to cross and I don't want to sound odd... but I love him on a whole different level than he does me.

I cant explain his love. Mine can be explained by... loving someone from afar. Knowing that there can never be anything between us. That the beauty of it comes from that. The fantasy of us being together is so beautiful you cant help fall in love.

P2 will always have a piece of me. Hes been in my corner encouraging and guiding me. Its all so appreciated and hes been so helpful.

Whatever you do, whoever you meet, I wish you all the best P2. That's all I ever wanted was the best for you.

228 - Choose Darlings Adventure

Have I told you how much I enjoy D and the extra curricular activities we partake in? Its pretty fantastic as its a turn on for him to see me have as many petit morts as possible when were together. Me wanting to please.. die a little.. a lot with him.

I cant really say anything bad about this thing that we have. I just miss falling asleep after a night of much passion.

He got off work early last night.

Did we...

Option A Go out for drinks, get loaded and somehow didn't have enough energy for sex.

Option B stay in for sex and made such a mess that I slept on the futon in the living room.

Option C talked on the phone and went to our respective beds without any physical contact.

Ive got a long night ahead of me and its not even close to being over. Ill be working the annual Beaver Boxing Fundraiser tonight. I think last year when I worked the event I ended early in the morning. I know Ill be exhausted. I'm tired now and its midday. I need an energy boost at some point later. Hmm I wonder what I am thinking of that will give me that boost... any guesses?

I know I'm tired now and Ill be exhausted later and I'm wondering about my sex life and if I can fit it in somehow. Yes after I get off work. Maybe...I'm sure Ill think of something to make it all happen the way I want it to.

Tonight at the Beaver Boxing Fundraiser.

Will I be...

Option A walking around the inside of the ring in between rounds holding a sign high above my head wearing something tight black and very leg showcasing not to mention showing off everything else... letting everyone know what round is coming up.

Option B Wearing a short skirt to maneuver around closely placed tables to promote this that or the other.

Option C Flirting with those who stand in front of me waiting for drinks that will tickle their throat which will make them more relaxed, open and a bit more bold when it comes to getting womens attentions.

Job #2 I haven't been to in a while. Ill be working there 4 out of 5 days next week. From J1 straight to J2. The start of my day is at 6am or so. Those days Ill be finished my working day at 9pm. Again I'm wondering about when I'll be able to work in sex, those in soup and other recreational sports.

Maybe Ill have to be a bit less social next week. Make mad money that week and then be able to blow it all the week after. Maybe. Or I could have my cake and eat it too... me likey this train of thought listen up...

My goal for next week and I have to start preparing now. OK tomorrow as today isn't a good day as its full of other things. My goal is to make sure I eat well and healthy to keep me going daily and to plan things in detail as far as my travel/arrival time, groceries/food prep, sleep and of course the social and sexual activities that I don't want to miss out on.

Ill need some time off to recoup and relax I think. Maybe Ill take some time off when I don't have so much going on. We shall see.

Oh maybe late July is when Ill take some time off as FIFA is in Ottawa and Ive been requested to work those events.

Lunch time :)

225 - room service

You know when you have a bad feeling? When there's a little bell ringing telling you something is up? A tingle up your spine letting you know to be alert?

I felt that last night after being with M. I had the room to myself and felt frustrated as I usually do after spending time with him. I cant decide if its a good fristration or not. Thats for another post. He had to get something in his car he says. He took his things and was off.

Here comes the start of the tug of something not right. Takes everything he brought with him. He even asked me if I wanted anything and I just mentioned a bottle of water would be nice. Usually hell have things with him and have drinks poured. Not this time. He calls me from his car as he was driving back. Apologizing, letting me know that he had to take care of something and was important.

My Lie Radar went off and I didn't say anything on the phone for a minute and surprisingly I was pretty calm. Imagined his nether regions spontaneously combusting, that made me feel better. First time I thought of that and it made me smile and have a mental giggle. I didn't share that with him though. I just listened to his half arsed excuses and looked around the room and enjoyed the view. Fabulous view.

He throws out that he might be back in about 30 minutes and if I am hungry to order something from room service. Oh you bet Ill order something from room service. @$$..

I know the following will make me look like a complete witch but I didn't put out all the details of what happened and you don't need to know. It hasn't registered as funny to me so Ill save it until it does seem funny.. then its OK for me to share. Deal?

Here's what I had for dinner.


CRAB RILLETTE / RILLETTE DE CRABE
Smoked Salmon Blinis, Tarragon Pesto
blinis au salmon fumé, pistou à l’estragon


BABY GREEN PANACHE / PANACHE DE MINI LAITUE
Oven Roasted Cherry Tomatoes,
Preserved Cucumber, Carrot Ribbons
& Chardonnay Vinaigrette
tomates cerises rôties au four, concombre


OVEN ROASTED PORK TENDERLOIN / FILET DE PORC AU FOUR
Wrapped in Bayonnaise Ham with a Brie Melt,
Roasted Garlic Whipped Potato Pan Jus Reduction
enroulé de jambon de Bayonne avec une fondue au fromage Brie,
purée de pomme de terre à l’ail rôti avec réduction de vin rouge


WHITE CHOCOLATE PARFAIT / PARFAIT DE CHOCOLAT BLANC
With Seasonal Berries
avec baies en saison

I can tell you that room service was excellent, food was excellent and I had a fantastic time enjoying the 22nd floor view of the Parliament buildings and of The Supreme Court etc, which I dutifully enjoyed au naturel. Walking around in a robe was great and even more decadent was walking around the hotel room naked with all the blinds pulled open.

The balcony, spacious and clean made for a great place to enjoy dinner.

Now, I know hell get the bill soon enough. Ill feel guilty over it later on. I know, how can I sleep at night? Like a baby. Maybe an addition to the woodchipper...

219 - exhausted

I worked 11 hours bartending. On my feet in a short skirt, black boots and no bathroom break. Drank lots of water and I was almost in hopping tears when I got home. The only good thing? I had the sweetest relief of that kind ever. Angels sang and everything in the world seemed right for the few moments that I had to alleviate the pressure.

I could have gone but...

1- it was too busy to leave my bar
2- the line to the washroom was longer than the line ups for beer
3- I'm not a big fan of portables (I was working in the main tent outside)
4- I was having too much fun flirting with the hockey fans.

Major lactic acid buildup in my legs. Not comfortable. I didn't know how else to help myself other than lay on the floor/bed with my legs against the wall pointing up. I ended up doing that in the early morning when I got home on Sunday but only after taking the dogs out for a walk. If I didn't take them out after I using the bathroom I would have left their walk until the morning. That wouldn't be fair, I just had my moment of pleasure, they should have theirs too.

I slept like a baby. I plugged the phone to charge, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Did my wall thing for my legs and then lay down in bed and got in some much needed shut eye.

My phone rings early on Sunday morning, about 730am. I think Oh my goodness I'm late. For what I'm not so sure. I search for the phone and knock over my bottle of water, thank goodness its capped.

Its D calling. I answer and hes telling me hes heading out for breakfast.. and I wait and there's not offer to get me breakfast. Oh well I cant win them all. I ask him where hes going and hes not too far away. He says 'well I thought Id give you a call and see if you were up for a visitor at this time.' I reply without thinking. 'You woke me up and I'm exhausted.'

We continue to chat for a bit and I'm starting to wake up and I ask him if hes coming over and he says 'you just told me you're tired.' I answered back that I had just woken up and am just then getting my mind thinking straight and I could use some morning sex.'

He turns the car around and 10 minutes later he comes in and I have to say that I getting that kind of wake up. Not the phone call but the sex part of my morning. He comes over and have quick intense orgasms. I know hes on his way somewhere but I don't remember where hes heading and we talk and laugh for a few minutes and we get dressed. Ive got a brunch date that calls me at 11:30 to let me know hes not going to make it. Its OK. I'm good with that and I can use the time to sleep instead of entertaining. But under any other circumstances I hate it when people cancel on me. GRR!!

I take a nap and wake up whenever the phone rings. Have unintelligible conversations until they give up and tell me that they'll call me later when my brain returns. I wake up and take the dogs out. Feel like the bottom of someones shoe and head off to work... in what I had on to take the dogs out. A beige tennis skirt, a tank top and a light white sweater. Feel like a bum but I wasn't feeling stellar. No one noticed. They all said I looked good. Phew! Fooled them this time didn't I?
Work was uneventful but someone was smiling down on me and my situation and made everything go smoothly. Even had time to talk to D for about 20 minutes in the middle of it all. Ill inject some insanity here (I think he likes me) Insert maniacal laughter as that's just crazy talk :) (shrugs)

Went home a bit early as I usually do. Took the dogs out, fed them and took a shower, made sure the alarm on my cell was enabled and went to bed with drops of water still on my body.

Still kind of sleepy Monday afternoon and I'm bartending at some pharmacist thingy tonight until who knows when then meeting D. Hopefully early enough to watch the end of the hockey game with him and have a few drinks, or for some serious feel good moments of laughter and pleasure.

M2 was coming into town but I had to let him know that next week would be better and hes able to juggle his schedule for me which was nice. Phew! Should make for a fun time. Hes not in town for long but when he is, its a very fun afternoon.

K and I will be meeting sometime this week, most probably the end of the week. If our schedules work out.

My work day here at J1 is almost over. I'm not ecstatic as I have another long night ahead of me at J2. They want me there for 5:30 and because I'm so Darling they said that I could come in whenever I could make it in. Either they are desperate or they know that I'm Gold :) HA!

The only thing that I am thinking of iS... what time Ill get off tonight...

218 - mistext

I know that Ive brought it up before. This thing with D and I. I don't know what it is. At the middle of the game Saturday night while I was bartending game 3 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I get a text message that was not at all meant for me.

'If she is wearing underwear they are see through cz I can see everything I don't think shes shy'

It was meant for his friend, one of his friends. Not me. I don't know if he knew this girl or not but I have to wonder if he sends anyone else anything about me and the things that Ive done. I just wonder that's all.

I kind of chuckle at the text that was sent to me by accident and I imagine him with eyes wide open, swearing up a storm at how dumb his accidental mistext was. I could have sent him a text letting him know that he sent it to the wrong person but I just left it. I had much more imortant things to do. Flirt with the hockey fans. That... and I wanted him to stew and come up with a story to go with it LOL

I also think about whether this thing, such as it is, will go anywhere as far as well, the future goes (any kind of future, short/long?) I have no idea. I haven't started thinking of couple things with him other than going out for meals and having sex. OK that's a lie. I have thought of going on a vacation with him somewhere hot but... I've also just pictured us only having sex and ordering room service. I do need sustenance to keep up with the sexual demands of my libido. HA!

Its simple this thing we have and I really don't want to complicate things. Which I will by having any sort of conversation about us that involves more than sex and whats involved in the sex we are planning on having.

No, its not all about sex. It cant be when we keep in touch throughout the day. For a few moments I thought it was so he could make sure I wasn't out gallivanting about with other men. Ive gotten the occasional 'be good tonight' or ' no hooking up tonight' text from him.

I smile at his texts and continue with my nights. When the mood is right, I let cards fall where they may. If I cant meet him for some reason or he asks about my plans for a night when we aren't together. Ill be honest and let him know if I have a dinner date or what not with someone. I can never tell what his reaction is. Unless its what happened last time I told him I was meeting someone before he was coming over. That was obvious. Well obvious as in he wasn't having any part of it but that could be because he wants to be the first one to be with me that night. He assumed that's what was happening with the other guy. Silly.

Anyway. Its all just a little bit in the air as I want but I don't want. I'm too much of a chicken to say anything at this time but some one day I might just screw it all up and say things I'm not supposed to say in order to figure something out. I'm hoping though, that Ill just keep doing what I'm doing now even if I have the occasional inner conflict and doubt. That I'm used to :)

My sister and I have talked about it and we both agree that I have no idea how to go about having a normal relationship. But what is a normal relationship? I'm sure this can be argued til the cows come home. That's a big part of it I think. I haven't had a normal relationship and I don't know 'The Rules' if there are any. I know there have been books written about the rules of what to do and what not to do.

Going though it and living it seems much more my thing. I prefer to talk to people about it and go with trial and error. I also prefer to have it all bang around my head every so often. Hey.. as far as problems go? This is one of my biggest in my life at the moment. I'm not really complaining. Ill take this over many other things that people have going on in their lives.

So to sum it all up, I'm confused but sexually satisfied with whats happening.

217 - June already

M called asking me if I was free to meet with him on Wed or Thurs next week. I said I would prefer Thurs. He said he'd call back to confirm that.

I called to let the bar know that I could bar tend at some banquet Monday night and while I was on the phone with him he also booked work for me for 2 other nights. One of them happens to be on the Thurs I told M I would meet him. Darn!

Maybe Ill be able to tell him that I can meet with him on Wed night instead. So I can work Thurs night and wear a jean skirt with a black top for some good ole country ho down. (I was told that's what I needed to wear) Which means Ill have to change Girls Night for that week.

I know Ill want to see D at some point. Ill have to see what his schedule is like. Get this, his schedule is changing and hell be working from say 1-9 or so. So I wont have anymore midnight callers. Well, midnight calls from him I should say. So I'm a bit confused at my reaction to his new schedule. I was glad that he didn't have to finish so late, but I was worried that things between us would get uhhh more than what it is. What? Me? Chicken? kinda yeah.

Even though he thinks we have similar outlooks, even though he thinks I'm sexy, even though etc etc... I don't know if any of this is anything other than something physical. He enjoys pleasing me and making sure that I'm satisfied. Likewise of course :) I shouldn't really think about it too much. But I do.

So I was a bit bummed as now I wont be able to have lunches et al with him. But.. I do get to see him in the evening and I will be able to get to sleep at a decent hour instead of 2 or so in the morning. Unless were going out and coming home at that time. lol

To make me feel better he said that he'd make time for me. Gee thanks. That makes me feel like a winner. Like everything else in my life. Enjoy it while you have it. You might not have it the next day.

He hasn't been feeling well. I think he has the flu... again. I told him he might need vitamins. He said he was taking those one-a-day vitamin pills... he thought about it a moment and then said he might need to take 2. Silly, but it made me laugh. Hes going to see his doctor this afternoon to find out whats happening. I hope I don't catch whatever it is. Who wants to have the flu in the summer?? Not I!

One of my girlfriends is coming back from Mexico this Saturday. Shes returning from a much needed week long vacation with her boyfriend. I can just imagine what shes doing now. A whole lot of relaxing in the sun. Not worrying about anything here at home. I'm jealous! She knows it and promised to bring back a few bottles that have worms in them. HA!

Tuesday night might be open as my sister and I might not see each other if we don't decide what we want to do other than play pool. If we end up not deciding what we both want to do then Ill sleep. I know ill need whatever sleep I can get for next week.

-----------------------------------------------------

A lot on the strange side. A coworker was thirsty, had an empty cup. Grabbed a bottle of water and poured herself a nice tall glass of H2O. I bet it was refreshing. I know it was. It was my bottle of water. It bothered me.

Have a great weekend... Where did May go? and welcome to June!

216 - night alone

A night alone, no plans with those in the soup bowl. Kind of nice. A lot unnerving. Why unnerving? Just that it feels different not having plans. A good different of course. As much as I love getting ready to go out or have someone over. There is something to be said about

1 walking around in a pair of boy cut panties and a tank top with a pair of flip flops.
2 dancing around to a good song pretending I'm a stripper to continue the night without the tank top, panties or flip flops.
3 putting on a pair of sweatpants and a sweater to play with the dogs in the park
4 letting my phone ring and not answering it

I have to admit it was nice. It was nice to be alone and just not bother about things like my hair, nails or what I'm wearing. It was great to run around with the big dog while the little one sniffed around the trees. We would run back to her and bring her to a new spot to explore while the big dog and I ran around again.

Running around reminded me to go back to the gym. I'm not in bad shape, just need to get in better shape. Better is always better. Its either 5:30am or after work. I prefer to go in the morning but I only get to fit in an hour and a half. If I go in the afternoon I'm there for 2-3 hours. Once I get going its go go go.

So that's on my list of things to get back on track on. The gym. Id also like to say that Id like to get on track with reading again. Its been a while. I'm a bit wary though as it may turn me into a temporary recluse. Ill gobble up books one after the other and still be hungry for more. What I have been doing to satisfy my reading hunger. Is pick a book and read a chapter or 2 at a time instead of the whole book in one sitting. Its OK but I feel like I've forgotten the start of the book.

I might just go on a book binge sometime. Though usually and I might be mistaken. Ill read when nothing interesting is happening in my life. Could that be true? Maybe, possibly. Who knows. But if nothings happening in my life. I could possibly read a book and I could always get ideas. Some good others not so much. Some very very good :) Its all turned out well so far.

Tomorrow is my brothers Birthday. He'll be 30. Tomorrow is also the Sens game which I will be working from 2 in the afternoon until who knows when. Ive got Sunday morning to myself but that times already been earmarked for things like groceries, laundry, cooking etc.

So my night alone made me think of whats been happening with the alphabet soup.

D, not quite sure what we are. Maybe friends with benefits. But I'm not an expert on these types of relationships but we text and talk to each other often throughout the day. Id like to know whats on his mind about us but I'm hoping that its something I'm OK with and something that wont make me run... and vice versa. Don't want to make him run as its pretty good how things are. We'll see each other in the middle of the day for lunch and or for something more.

K, is eager to spend more time with me, but with August on its way, I have to keep in mind I don't want to.. complicate things... more than they are. Sex is good though. Were still in that stage where its brand new, its all full of tentative touches until you find that reaction you're looking for. Still curious about him and his life and love talking while sharing a bottle of wine.

G2, calls me once every few days to touch base and see how I am doing. Hes still wanting me to go visit him and I'm not sure if I will or not. Doubt that I will. He called me 3 times yesterday while I was on phone strike. Ive yet to listen to his messages and the other messages on my voicemail. Oh and he just called me again and it was good to catch up with him. Didn't talk long. Had to turn down the invite for this weekend. I'm working the tailgate party for the Sens game here on Saturday. I might not be home until well after the game ends... well.. depending how much people are partying.

G, has fallen off my radar but he always pops back every so often. Hes trying to plan a trip to TO and I think as soon as he knows the details then he'll get in touch with me. Hes got a lot on his plate. Ill fire off an email to him to see how hes doing. I might not have a 'normal' relationship with him but I do generally care about how he is. As I do with everyone. Just more so with the people that I am actually involved in as there is a personal connection there.

T, I'm not sure if Ive mentioned. Is in Chicago doing research for...?... something medical. I wasn't sure if it was something he could talk about so I didn't ask details. Hes been there for a while and he hails from TO. Haven't heard from him in a while. I hope hes OK. I should send him an email as well.

M2, called me yesterday while I was at work. He always says that I could have a job in the phone sex industry if that was something I wanted to get into some day. I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted. I just laugh and shake my head at that. Hes an interesting character, every so often when its convenient for him he gets in touch with me for something or another.

S, left me a couple of messages that I wasn't able to return. But we did connect this morning and he wants to get together some time and he wants to take me to a 'special place' I don't know about you but If someone tells you its a special place it can either mean that hes someone special to me and knows the kind of things I like. Or its special to him because hes hoping to get some. So... thinking that, Ive only had dinner with him once and now he wants to take me to somewhere special. I think Ill be vetoing that and picking a special place that I choose. In this case a coffee shop in a public area sounds about perfect.

P, is super focused about getting together. More to come when things develop.

I know it might look bad. The alphabet soup that Ive got going on. Its not, at least I don't think it is. All our schedules are different and it works out that I do have time for myself and its nice to be organised enough to make sure that I see them every so often. When schedules work out of course. Makes for a lot of fun and keeps me busy and on my toes. Not to mention needing to look good which makes me feel good... the cycle continues :)

I'm young and healthy not to mention safe. It wont always be like this. I know that. At some point things will change and I wont have soup. Instead Ill have.. something... or nothing and Ill starve. It all about trying new things, meeting new people and living life to the fullest. I should probably focus some of the energy elsewhere in my life... theres an idea. Maybe my work life will be as fullfilling as my sex life. HA!

I'm only 27 once in my life.. for 364 days. Imagine the possibilities! I have no idea what will happen for most of those days but I know that I have some control over what happens with some. Enjoy what you can. 28 is coming and its eager for its chance to live it up :)

215 - boys night out

Last night, pool with my sister, roses and martinis. Also a gift certificate for $100.00 to a store that I cant recall. Hmmm Oh well. Guilt free spending? Count me in.

My sister and I think we need to drink more as were getting pretty good. Good by our standards. Meaning we can actually have a decent game that doesn't involve balls jumping off the table and hiding under tables. Yes Ive had to crawl underneath for one, my lovely and talented sister refused to do it. I know you're wondering if I wore panties that day...

I think were going to skip pool next week. Try something different but for sure return to it.

Its always a blast being out with her and just talking, being open and laughing about it all even if its not great news. There is always a silver lining and we help each other find it.

-------------------------------------------------------

Mid day today...

D - I have good new and bad news, which would you like first.

Darling - Ill take the bad news first...

D - OK well...

Darling - No wait, Ill take the good news first.

D - You sure?

Darling - Yes good then bad please.

I have no idea whats coming up but at least its good and bad not just bad. Though good-no bad would have been great. Oh well. I wait. I never know which is better to hear first good or bad. If you were given the option which would you choose and why? I think I was supposed to take the bad news first and then end it with good news. Though sometimes its not really great news its more condescending than anything. But I could be mistaken which is highly likely.

D - Ive gotten cornered by the guys and they want tonight to be a guys night.

Darling - Oh OK. That's fine

Of course its fine. Ive got girls nights where I don't have him around, so its only fair that he gets his nights. Though really I would like to go and do the Darling while I'm out with them. Hey what can I say? I'm a great addition to any party :)

Though on the other hand this would have been the first night that we see each other earlier than midnight. It would have been nice to have an actual 'night out' with him. But I'm OK with it. Its not the end of the world and Ill see him another day... I mean night.

D - You sure? I mean I feel bad but its just that I haven't had a night out with the boys since I moved here..

Darling - Its OK really.

D - I can come over after the game, meet you somewhere if you go out...

Darling - Sure give me a call and ill see where I am and if we can get together.

An hour later...

D - Hey are you busy?

Darling - I'm on the other line

D - Call me when you're free

30 min later...

Darling - Whats changed?

I know somethings has.. just a feeling.

D - Nothings changed...

Darling - OK... whats... new?

D - Well... I was thinking... I could come over to see you before I meet with the guys.

Darling - Hmmm I might have a few things to do but maybe we'll get there at the same time.

D - Ill be there around 5:30

It will be good to see him. I haven't seen him since Saturday night for drinks. More importantly I haven't had sex since last Thursday. Id really like to make you guys guess at what might happen tonight. But I don't think I can. I need to get things taken cared of and by that I mean I need to make sure that the tension is released. I'm off kilter and need to be straightened out and I think this will fix it.

If not... well then maybe a few more orgasms are needed. Ill keep you posted.

I'm in the mood to think and the topic is D and I. What is this? That's what Ill be thinking of and eventually the question... Do I want to have that conversation with him? The answer... Not if I don't know how to answer any of his questions or answer some that I may ask him. So in the end it turns out, there is no need to change. Keep things as they are.

Why do I like to freak myself out? Keep me on my toes and so on.. just like how certain things needs to be done every so often like defrosting your freezer. That's just good maintenance :)

That and I'm kind of sadistic.

214 - self defence

My sister and I were early for the self defence class that was scheduled for last night. We watched some hockey in different arenas and then walked into the room the class was being held and we in the way only we as sisters could create silliness. Made up a dance routine. Much like our synchronized swim routine we choreographed years ago.

Legs kicking, arms curving in the air, chests out and laughter that you couldn't resist joining. We laughed for a good solid 30 minutes. There was a wall of mirrors so that we could really work with it and on the opposite wall from the mirrors were windows to view one hockey arena. I talked her into doing the routing on front of the mirrors. What a hoot!

We did handstands cartwheels and all this with laughter. Mostly at memories of us doing that on the front lawn of the house when we were younger and cars honking at us.

Good times.

We sat for a bit and walked around a bit when we both got tired. All that laughing, dancing and having a great time really takes a lot out of you. We sat and talked about how great it would be to nap. When the self defence instructor arrived.

We were a bit bummed that he came at all because we were tired but happy that we would learn something, hopefully new. Which we did!

The giggles continued on to the warm up portion. Hes got the funniest work out and made us wiggle, twist and shake which made me not want to look at my sister for fear of bursting into wild laughter. She and I made sure not to have eye contact during warm up. It was for the best. Kind of reminded me of how things were when we went to Church years ago with the whole family. Giggle fits.

What we learned. Various way to strike, knees to the solar plexus, what I like to call a closed fisted backhand to the face. Side kicks and an elbow.. blow :) UFC like.

My own terminology here, so I apologize to my self defence instructor for butchering what they are actually called but If it does the trick then its all right.

We also did take downs, hip throws which my sister and I kept doing to each other throughout the class. Much fun and very effective in a dark and crowded dance flow to thwart off unwanted attention from men. Or if you just feel like taking down someone and jumping on top of them... this would be very effective.

We also learned how to regain control if someone somehow got us on our back, either pressing on our shoulders or if they have us in a choke hold.. either leaning over us from one side and the other was over us straddling our bodies. Very easy and effective methods. Of course if they have me in any of these situation in real life. I would hope that my brain thinks quick and recalls what to do.

After the class we went to a bar and watched the the first hockey game of the Stanley Cup finals. Ottawa VS Anaheim. Ottawa lost 2-3. My sister and I were still touched with the giggles and had a grand Ole time laughing away at people, places and things around us.

I'm sure people were wondering what we were laughing at certain parts of the game. When things weren't looking good for Ottawa. We were laughing at someone stumbling on the ice and falling. Mature? No not really. But a lot of fun. So much laughter that we had sore cheeks from the amount that we did laugh.

At the end of the game, we were both tired and exhausted. I got home and talked to D for a bit about our days and to share in anything interesting and exciting. At the same time I got things ready for a shower and ended up falling asleep instead.

I woke up about 30 minutes later and was kind of sad that I was alone. I called D and asked him if he wanted to come over after work. I told him we didn't have to have sex. I just wanted to be with someone for a while. (After the phone call I thought myself all sorts of silly. Who would jump at the chance to come over and lie with a most probably naked me..) He said he would love to but he had just finished working a d 17 hour day... We made plans for lunch the next day (now today) instead.

I could use a pick me up :)

I left the shower until the morning and more to come on the hard hat and high heels...

Other things.
Have my physical planned for this afternoon. Hmm stirrups.
Got results back from blood work.
Need to renew birth control pills from the dear Dr.
Had an unfortunate incident involving me, my car and a steel post.
(I'm OK... my pride? not so much)
Playing pool tonight with my sister and maybe other people.
Looking for a new cell phone. Super glue will no longer hold it together.
Today is the first day Ive worn panties in a week. Save on laundry! TMI?... sorry
Need to get in touch with soup
Might have a trip planned for TO with a friend in the next few weeks. We shall see.
Brothers BDay is coming this weekend.
Taking lots of pictures of the dogs
Aunts BDay is also coming up.. sometime after brothers BDay
Donating blood end of June.
Spending lots of time with the Little dog. Lots of attention/pampering.
The Big dog is a bit jealous.