254 - willing to admit

D - You are quiet today

Darling - :) wasn't sure if you were sleeping and didn't want to wake you if you were. That and I'm feeling great and I might have ended up telling you I think of you entirely way too much.

D - Wow

Darling - I know I know TMI.. I care so I share. Not meant to freak you out or anything. It is what is it The truth and don't feel put on the spot unless its a good one for you.

D - Not sure how to respond to that hmm

Darling - lol you don't have to in any way. Sometimes I share things that I should keep to myself. Maybe this was one of them.

D - Not on the spot but just not aware

Darling - Now you are and its OK. Nothings changed..at least on my end... really should censor myself more... If you're not cool with it.

D - No at least I know and that is a good thing

Darling - you knowing? or what I sent?

D - Me knowing

Darling - K the good thing is you'll always end up getting the scoop on where I'm coming from and while I'm shooting myself in the foot.. I do like you... enough to flat out say it. I also like things the way they are. Anyway don't think about it too much. Its all good. lol That's it for now. Ill stop

Being on the receiving end of someones affections is always harder than being the one to show affection.

Its easier to do the liking and telling because then its out in the open and out of my hands. The truth is out there and really. The truth shall set you free. Theres a big sigh of relief and the calm settles. Now whether its the calm before the storm or the calm after the world has righted itself is another story.

I just know that I can sleep really well during my nap time this afternoon. I wont be all giggly because I like someone. I wont be all anxious trying to figure out what will happen later. Whatever happens happens. I wont be questioning myself and my actions.

As long as I remain true. As long as you remain true to who you are then it cant be wrong.

I could have kept it to myself but I figured why not?

If he turns tail and runs then it shows a few things.l If he sticks it out then cool. It shows other things. Its a risk that I'm willing to take. I mean it still could happen that what I just did really isn't cool with him and that things will become D-less after a while.

Which I know is OK as my life will continue on and someone else may be the focus of all my goodness. But for now. Ill enjoy what Ive got.

In all honesty. I'm kind of a hypocrite. Someone within the past month told me he was ind of crazy about me a little bit. But because I wasn't interested I told him he was crazy and haven't talked to that person in a long time. Hes a coworker. Not my type, but nice guy. For someone else. Not me. We move, talk and live on a whole different set of speed and I only have so much patience per person at one time.

So If I get that same fate then Its just karma coming around to give me my due. But That's not to say the other things that are coming around full circle aren't also coming around at the time.

Had a conversation with D after my mid afternoon nap and basically... he wants to make sure that I don't get too attached. He doesn't want anyone to get hurt. Well he doesn't want me to get hurt because he sees me getting more and more attached. I said that was nice and I also made sure he knew that he would be the first to know if he should be worried.

I thought ...

First. That there really wont be anywhere that this goes.

Second. I'm glad I have a good healthy appetite for Soup.

Third. I'm not getting all girly about being told indirectly that its not going to go there for him.

Fourth. I'm OK with it.

Fifth. I should call K and let him know tonight would be a good night for him to come over.

Sixth. Remind myself that I should stop writing plots and subplots that may never happen.

Seventh. I'm still happy about sharing. Ill never stop. Its who I am. Open and honest.

Eighth... I think I'm finally willing to admit things i'll keep to myself for now.

He said he didn't want to see me get hurt. I said that I'm not that attached. I like him but I am talking to other people, meeting them and not banking on a relationship with him. The reasons to meet other people and go out have yet to be determined. But I am meeting them.

Even though its not the greatest conversation to have its one of the best in that its honest and we both know where we both stand.

The girl in me needs a hug. The woman in me is relieved that I'm still loose in a noose of my own making. The man in me wants to take some names and kick some ass.

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Happy Friday to all of you. I love long weekends. I don't have anything planned aside from work at J3. I'm sure something will come up. Oh and next weekend on Sunday to be exact I'll be serving drinks for the afternoon for a family reunion being held by my former employer.

Roughly 40+ people, there will be a performance by Elvis... yes thats right Elvis, a DJ and 2 BBQ's for meats and kebabs. Should be fun. There's also the pool to which I've been invited to use as well. We shall see.

I've also managed to bring one of my Gf's to serve with me so it should be fun. She's looking forward to some extra cash so it should be a great ol' time

I've been to the casino and forgot to mention that I won :) :) :) All 3 times that I went :)

1? (has no name yet) sounds like fun. More to come on 1? next week.

lol Im having a fantastic day I hope everyone is as well.

Oh and Tuxbaby... Im working on it. Im finding it a tad difficult... but it will be done :)