246 - Life is Precious

Saturday


Woke up with The Little One curled up by my side. I take deep breaths and calm myself. We lay in bed together for a while until she walks to the edge of the bed wanting off. I pick her up and walk her to the bathroom where she watches me brush my teeth, wash my face and put on clothes for the walk.

Both dogs are with me outside. The Little One is sitting on the grass, nose up in the air, eyes squinted up at the sun. The Big Dog and I walk further and further away. She continues to sit. I tear up a little bit and wipe them off with the back of my hand.

We return to where she sits and I lay back staring up at the sky. I look at her and memories from when we first brought her home came to mind. Memories of her not being able to jump on the sidewalk came to mind. Playing tug of war. So many memories. I shed a few more tears and shes there beside me comforting me. Still.

I trim her nails and give her a haircut a a quick bath. I dry her off and take a quick shower myself. I get dressed all the while shes on my bed. I think this is the only time Ive ever let her sleep with me since Ive moved out to this apt. I'm glad to have had a night with her.

I make a few phone calls and head out. I bring The Little One with me. Shes on my lap her head out the window. I hope she enjoys it. I try to take the long way to get her to enjoy it as long as she can. Its her last car ride.

I meet my sister there and I go in to let them know we've arrived. The clerk asks if I want to take care of payment before. I say yes. I feel numb. I seem to be blinking a little faster. Keeping the tears away. We get her weight. Shes one pound less than the last time we came in a few weeks ago. She stays seated on the weight pad where we've placed her. She doesn't want to stand up or cant very well at this point.

My sisters dog comes to her and The Little One doesn't care much for her. She looks at me and I smile, tell her shes a good girl.

A catheter is put in one of her legs. The vet comes in and asks if we have any questions. I cant speak for fear of losing it. I shake my head. Tears are flowing now and I stay quiet. We spend some time with her. Petting her and talking out loud. To her, about her. How...

We knock on the door and the vet returns with a needle. She asks us if we are ready and want to stay. I nod my head and still cant speak for the lump in my throat wont allow it. The Little One is looking up at me and the vet injects the contents into her blood stream.

Her body sways and falls into the vets hand and shes gently laid down on her side. I still cant speak, the tears are non stop. I can barely see clearly out of them I blink the tears away. I don't have a voice. But I mouth out. I love you. One day we'll all be together. I'm sorry.

Were left alone for a few minutes with her and we all let the tears come and I have a paw in my hand. We say a prayer and wish her a safe journey.

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In an effort not to have me alone. They take me out for lunch and some retail therapy. I'm thankful for it and I am only reminded of what happened when I return home. Where I look at The Little Ones things and toys.

I go off to work, thankful that Im kept busy for another few hours. Theres a part of me that feels bad about making the decision. The other part knows that it was time and that it was the right thing to do.

Life is precious.