236 - funky thought process

I'm agitated. I'm irritated and I'm more bummed than mad.

D - 'you're mad aren't you?'
Darling - 'no I'm not mad... I'm just not happy'
D - 'ourrrrghh'
Darling - 'Ive been waiting for a long time and I've been looking forward to it... I'm just bummed its not happening.'

Hes been waiting the exact amount of time but it doesn't seem to bother him as much and here is where ill go all funky thought process..

-Hes having sex with someone else which is why it doesn't bother him as much that we aren't having sex.(last night only lol)
-Hes no longer interested in sex... with me.
-He thinks I'm a fat cow and wants to have sex with someone else.
-I'm boring in bed and he wants someone that isn't.

I warned you about the funky thought process! That lasted about 5 minutes so you know. I feel better this morning and a bit silly at how I reacted. Kind of childish as it was a pout and stomp my foot moment.

Actual reason we didn't have sex last night. He had to go. Responsibilities, hes keeping his promises.

I cant really fault him for that. It shows that his word is gold. When he says something its done. Unless it involves sex with me. That's something that can be just be put on the side if something should come up. So far there hasn't been a reason that I don't agree with.

I should really apply some sort of qualification or standard when it comes to getting together with him. I should practice saying no...is that what it sounds like I meant in the previous line? Makes it sound like I never say no and that I am easy doesn't it? Think whatever you want to. I know I'm not having the amount of sex that I clearly want.

Call me a prude I have standards and I wont just jump into bed with just anyone. But when I find someone that I want to jump in bed with you can bet that its often that I want the bed jumping to happen.

Ive said it before. The more sex I have the more sex I want. Its a never ending cycle. Well that's not true. If I stop having sex then Ill still want more sex. just not as much as I would if I were already having sex.

I don't take it all personally. I know that he has things he has to do and cant always take care of me like Id like him to. If he were able to he would he says. That helps make me feel better, but you know what would really make me feel better? Having sex with him.

Its not all about sex but I cant explain it. I want to be able to but I cant. Maybe one day Ill try just for fun and just to be able to work my thoughts out into the open to see if I really am kind of twisted or just plain clueless. Other options to how it will all turn out is available and highly possible.

So no sex for me last night. Though the bartender taking care of us sure was giving me all the right signals. There were winks, secret looks down my body, kisses blown my way and I was with 2 guys. That's balls. Which I of course was highly entertained by.

On the way out. He had parked his car right in front of the pub and I around the corner. No kiss goodbye. No hug. I asked if he was coming over, he looked at his cell and said no time. I wanted to at least have a kiss and I didn't get it. Not even a peck. So when his friend was walking down to us, I just turned around and walked towards my car.

I didn't look back, I didn't care. I just wanted to scream. I couldn't out loud, so I had a mental one instead. I was all geared for sex, ready for it and wasn't getting any encouragement from him. I got in my car and looked at my cell phone thinking who should I call?

I drive and pass them on the road. I don't stop, I just wave when they see me and I keep driving. Why stop? I'm not going to get any. I'm frustrated, irritated and feel like Ive just been rejected.

Enter feeling like a cow. Short skirt I have on with heels and I know they were eyeing other ladies. I don't mind this, look all you want. Just have sex with me after, specially if we've been wanting to get together for a few days. I know I look good and don't really look like a cow otherwise I wouldn't have attracted any attention like I did when I walked into the bar. Its just one of those strange women things that come over us. Really if I could I would rather not feel that way.

My week sexually?

Sex Monday at lunch.
Tuesday, a friend spent the night. Who is the first to ever sleep over the whole night :)
Wednesday I was the recipient of some fantastic oral sex and body massage.
Thursday night held possibilities which did not materialize.
Today being Friday D asked if we could get together for lunch. I don't think it will happen. But its still early.

Weekend plan for sex? If it happens great if not then... There's always next week.

Upcoming plans? Bartending FIFA games. I caught part of the Argentina team practicing and the talent is inspiring and they looked like they were having fun which makes it all so much more appealing.

I had a fleeting thought of Hmmm Athletes. Then I reminded myself that it was FIFA Under 20. which made me laugh at myself.

Canada Day Celebrations this weekend. Long weekend, lots of get togethers, BBQs, much love, hugs and well wishes to go around. Lots of red and white to be worn. No work Monday. Hopefully some patriotic sex to finish off the celebrations :)

Happy Canada Day Everyone!!