223 - circle of friends

D and I spent Friday night together. ok spent part of Friday night together. Not the whole thing. I got off work and rushed home for a quick shower, walked and played with the dogs and just got things done so I can be out for the night. The apt is cleaned and tidy, nothing embarrassing and personal lying around that other people might see. Those are all stored in a safe and secret and totally unguessable place :)

He calls me and lets me know hes coming soon and asks me where I am. I tell him that I'm home and he says hes on his way. He gives me a couple of options as to what we can do. Either stay in or go out for drinks. If were staying in he can pick up a few things and be over as soon as he can or we could find a patio and have drinks there.

We christen my bathroom a couple of times and that's the something new he was talking about. Or is it? Ill leave it to your imagination. No, no hints :)

We decide to go to a bar that I hadn't been to before. That could be the something new.. I know you're wondering now :) I was happy either way to stay in or go out, I wanted to stay in because of the fabulous job my AC was doing, but I also wanted to go sit on a patio and have drinks with him. Ill suffer the humidity :)

I wear a jean skirt and a t-shirt that says busy being single in front. He laughs at that shirt and I do too. It wasnt as awkward as I thought it would be, but it was different. I just went with it and enjoyed myself and him and the night.

The bar isn't very crowded. We sit at a table and order drinks. We decide to go for doubles after the first round as the waitress doesn't come by very often. We talk, flirt and talk some more. As glasses are emptied and more come by. Our topics get more personal.

There was a lot of kissing a lot of hugging and at one point I told him I wanted to get on his lap for some fun. He thought about it and told me to hold that thought for later that night. He looked around at the crowd and said that it might start something...

I laughed and we continued to drink. He talked about his family and his friends. How he feels about them and basically shared that hes passionate about friends and family. Awesome.

We also talked about fidelity and marriage, we see eye to eye on that though he might be a bit more open about things that I thought I was. But its easier said than done, for much in life right?

I did something stupid. I laugh at myself for the sheer stupidity of it but I thought what the hell. I told him I liked him and then I found out that its just going to be a friends with benefits thing. Until the fun runs out and then nothing. I don't even think that I meant to tell him that I liked him. I mean I knew I did, but like him as a person. I know who tells people these things? I do. So anyway I got that answer. He gave me a hug after that and said a few things that I didn't hear. all I heard was laughter in my head at how silly I was.

So there. I know what this is. I went through the usual.. whats wrong with me.. and didn't come up with an answer to that so... I'm all right :) Actually even better as things are clear. I'm no longer confused. Kind of bummed but all in all, much better. The amount of alcohol stunted any negative reactions to that :)

I like him as a person, hes great in bed. An all around good guy and if something happened later on then something happens. Its one of those things that I think will be a great .. friendship. No matter how things go. Were both pretty laid back and I think Ive just added a lifer to my circle of friends.

Now onto other things. The Little One is still with me. Plans changed and the Vet asked if I would be OK to rebook for tonight. I said that's no problem. I get to spend more time with her. The weekend was great we went to the park and I gave her a haircut, trimmed her nails and fed her like shes a Queen. The Big One was a tad jealous. But she was treated as well.

So its on for tonight, after work. Then my sister is taking me out for some heavy drinking or as much as I need. Might just be a glass of wine to toast the Little One. I think I'm just scared that I'M doing the wrong thing. That it wont be whats right. Arg.

Shes pretty darn cute though and she still looks the part of a puppy. Shell always be a puppy to me which is why its hard to let her go. Well, Ill leave it at that.

221 - hat and heels

A hard hat was handed to me last week and I was told that I needed to wear it not necessarily at my desk but when I leave the office and out into the main building.

Hard hats Ive learned dont do anything for me that I think is physically pleasing to the eye. The construction workers and the other people (men) that I work with in different departments and other buildings. Apparently a big turn on. Comments range from...

- I hope you are able to bring that home with you.. (CW)

- You look really good in a hard hat (Construction worker)

- In my dreams you've got the hat, your heels and moving around a pole (CW)

- You know that's a huge turn on for me. Women in hard hats...

So if all else fails ladies.. get a hard hat. Mine was white to represent my purity. (smiles sweetly) I didn't get a choice. we all got brand spanking new, never been work hard hats.

Ive got to lug this thing around on my head or in my hand for a total of 6 weeks here at work. Lovely. It takes up space and isn't very pretty. I wanted to white Princess in front but that wouldn't have gotten old at some point and I would want to erase it and write Priestess...Your Highness or maybe something a bit less intimidating :)

Ive talked to most of the construction workers and a few colleagues have mentioned that I shouldn't flirt with them so much. I told them that I was being friendly. They were flirting. Maybe if I flirt they'll get the job done faster. Doubt it. I don't have that much influence.

Its been hot then cold in the office here. The lights have been on and off and I keep sending mental messages to them to accidentally cut a major source of power so that none of the computers work and therefore I don't have to work. I guess bed isn't the only place I'm selfish.

The amount of noise here is unreal and not made by me or the other people I work with. Construction noise is loud. I'm kind of annoyed by it. Only because it isn't very professional to be dealing with people on the phone when you have to scream and yell at each other and ask them to repeat themselves numerous times.

They've decided to leave my department here in the building right by where all the renos will be done because it would have been too much of a hassle to move all the computers and such to another location. Not nice.

So just to see what I would look like in just the hat and heels. I stripped in front of the mirror at home last week and fully clothed, the hat does nothing for me. Naked, with only the hard hat and heels, kind of sexy. OK a lot sexy. But that could just be because I think its sexy to be naked with heels on. Men in heels not so much. Women in heels. Much.

K called me last night we had a short talk about things that we have been up to and I'm confused about how to approach him about something. Cant say what it is outright but it may never come out in conversation. So ill just let things go on as they are. We might be meeting this weekend. Not sure yet

Oh, Ill be seeing M this Thursday. I figure Ill have an earlier night with M than if I went to work bartending. I know Ill be really tired and will want to sleep. I know it might seem like I'm picking the more boring of the 2 and I don't usually, but this time I am.

All in the name of preservation. I want to make sure that I am OK for the following days and not dead on my feet or frustrated for some reason or another. This way, this option is the best in the long run... or until it proves otherwise lol

Ive just been hit with a bad case of the sleepies. I need a nap. I think Ill go take one for about an hour.

216 - faking it

Lost the hockey game against the Ducks last night. I didn't watch it. I stayed home and spent some time with the little dog. Took pictures and just had a lazy evening. All this, of course after D comes over. We tried to take a nap. As he sent a text earlier that day asking if it was OK if he took a nap, he was exhausted. I thought it was a joke and said of course. I even told him Id wear something so I wouldn't distract him.

So he came over and we got into bed. As promised I had on something to not distract him. I was however distracted by the tent he was pitching and decided to investigate and see what all the fuss was about. The fuss took an hour and change of my time but we got all the details out and into the open.

We did end up taking nap and even though I wasn't wearing anything it was nice. Kind of strange at first as it usually is when its the first time ever that you're resting/sleeping/letting yourself sleep with someone new. Yes that's right. This would be the first time ever that he slept here... with me. The first time ever that Ive had someone else sleep in my bed in my apartment.

We didn't fall asleep right away, I couldn't. I was still kind of in a haze of details that was just uncovered by the investigation that involved teamwork. Still stimulated, I felt a little uncomfortable about sleeping with him. I wonder if he felt the same way?

I hate to admit it but I faked it. I hate to say that Ive never done that before. Faked it I mean. I'm usually all for it, get in there and take what you can get. Its not always that you have time in the middle of the day to do something like it and its always nice when you have someone else there. I mean Ive done it by myself often and for many years, I come out all satisfied, energized and wanting more, some days more than once or twice. I'm a big fan of making sure its done at least once a day, if you can get it. Its also nice if it lasts more than 15 minutes and if you go deep. If you can make it last for 30 minutes then personally that's just wonderful.

I wasn't sure how to position myself. Do I just pretend hes not here and take up the whole bed? Sprawl out or be take the lest amount of room possible. Do I snuggle against him? Does he even like that? Lean my head on his shoulder? No I didn't do that it was too hot. Not the air but our body temperature. That would just make my cheek stick to his chest. Not attractive.

Do I spoon with him? Should I be the outside or the inside of the spoon? I didn't know. So in the end I just turned away from him and to my side. I thought maybe ill just see what he does. No spooning. Just as well. I didn't want to start dissecting reasons for why or why nots.

I think turning away from him was the signal for conversation to wane and he eventually fell asleep. How could I tell? His breathing and the hand against my back was still and not moving. I mean... thinking about it now... for all I know, he could have been faking it too. I doubt it.

He got out of bed to get his phone when it rang and he told whoever was on the other line he'd meet them at 7pm and came back to bed. This time we spooned. Me on the outside. Bodies were flushed against each other as it was the first time and I'm just shy sometimes when it comes to things like this. Sex all for it. Spooning? Have no clue.

When his alarm went off, he took a quick shower and then put the glass he used in the sink. Thoughtful. I like! He played with the little dog for a few minutes while I played with the big dog. Cute, he knows that the dogs time is coming and I'm glad that he spent some time with her.

While changing the sheets I was thinking about earlier with D. It made me kind of giggle that Ive never faked it before.. I wonder if he noticed that I wasn't napping.

212 - cool

The need for an air conditioning unit is high. I'm on the top floor of an apartment building with sun streaming in from sunrise until about 4pm. It doesn't cool until the sun goes down. If there is a breeze I hope its a cool breeze and not just shuffling around heavy humid air.

Last night I get a phone call letting me know that there is a sale on at Future Shop on one particular AC unit. I debate on whether I want to go and try to get my sister to come with me. She has plans already made and cant get out of it to come with me. That's OK, maybe Ill wait though I'm told that at the price they were advertising them at might mean that there wouldn't be any left when I do go to see them.

I get a call from my brother who has no plans and I ask if he wants to go with me and soon we off to get my first ever AC unit.

We see a few models and as I have no idea about ACs other than they make your house colder. I read the features on the boxes and at how they are 3 in 1s now, fan, dehumidifier and ac unit. Fancy. I'm looking at a portable unit as I'm against unsightly things sticking out of my window. Ranging from 250-499. I get a crash course on how much space a 5000 BTU unit would cool. A room apparently, that wouldn't be fit to do a whole apartment. Next one up I look at looks promising. 9000 BTUs, able to cool a bigger space, this one at 499$ The price is not appealing.

I look around and compare between models and sizes. One of the managers comes up to me and lets me know that he has available only for today, a sale on the last box of a 10000 BTU unit. I smiled and asked him what was wrong with it. He laughed and said that nothing was wrong with it. He told me about it. I asked questions about the unit, warranty, installation and other things.

I told him I didn't know anything about ACs and that I appreciate the time that hes spent with me. I told him I would discuss a few thing with my brother and would find him with a decision. I walked around a few minutes with my brother and did the pros and cons with him. More pros than cons. Big con was I wasn't doing any comparisons. I told him Id fix that and called 2 people who have some knowledge of ACs.

Both phone calls resulted in me purchasing the AC. I was grateful to have people to call and talk to about what I was about to do. Made it seem like I wasn't getting ripped off completely.

So I saved 200$. I was thinking, even if they were lying to me about it being on sale as it wasn't on the floor or anything. Just up on the rafters collecting dust. For the size of it and the amount of BTUs its still a good price. Other models that only had 9000BTUs were priced at 499$. This one seemed like a good deal to me even without talking to other people about it.

When I got home I had my brother set it up for me and I couldn't turn it on right away as I had to let the Freon settle. Once he had things arranged he took off and I spent some time getting things organized, nothing exciting. Though it was all done in the nude. If you find that kind of thing exciting :)

Where we had it made it stick out and look like an eyesore as it didn't match with anything that I owned. So I took it apart and moved it to the other corner where it wouldn't be such an eyesore. Heavy bugger. It made it and more importantly, I made it.

I turned it on and sweet cold air. If you're picturing it. I'm standing in front of the unit sans apparel and the air is blowing right at me, you guessed it.

D came over earlier than usual and he took a look at how I put everything together to make sure I didn't miss anything. I didn't. He didn't think it was an eyesore but he did say it didn't match anything I owned. I told him that he should have seen it before I moved it to where it currently is.

He showed me a couple of things about how it worked and then we went into my room and we both smiled because we knew what was coming ahead. A lot of kissing, licking and stroking were some of the things that were on the list.

Its still new and exciting. I wonder if the sex will ever get unexciting. I mean there are still things to try with each other. I think mid March or so is when we started to copiously couple. I think last night might be the first night hes been privy to seeing my hands on my breasts.

So, saying that, Its fun. I'm not in a rush to whip out my sexual resume in front of him to let him know what I have done but its fun to let things come naturally (pun intended) Even if its something as having my hands on my own body.

204 - matching set A

Darling - Where are we going?

Date - Its a surprise

Inside the club, there is a stage. Inside the club there are tables and people sitting around them. Inside the club there are men and women. All different ages, races and backgrounds I could only imagine.

I walk closely behind him and try to look like it isn't my first time. I try not to fidget in my clothes. I look people straight in the eyes as I walk by and see that its not so bad. Not so different. Its like walking by people on the street. Strangers. Who I may never see again.

We gather with another couple and navigate our way through the crowd and manage to get a table. I wonder at my clothes. Why did I decide to wear this? I feel out of place. I sit and see that someone, a stranger is looking at me and what I am wearing. I turn away. I wonder if he knows what I'm wearing underneath.

A round has been ordered for us and in front of me is a tall glass . I can barely taste the alcohol yet continue to sip on the straw. Music is blaring all around us and I make small talk with the other girl who looks like shes been to a place like this before.

I wonder at my inexperience. There is a passing thought that I must be a prude. A song that I recognize comes on that makes me smile. Its new called 'Last Night'. I look up on stage and there is this tanned dancer with breasts that are covered with a baby blue bra and pantie set. White boots with large buckles on the side.

I lean in and whisper in his ear, I think I have that same set but in pink. His hand on my knee squeezes and he whispers back telling me that he'd like me to model it for him some time and nibbles on my ear a little before we both look at the dancers body swaying left to right.

TBC

201 - bed

I have a bed. I forgot to tell you. Its 2 parts box spring and one part mattress and it comes up about mid thigh to me. If I want to sit on my bed. I have to hop on. Its fabulous. Ive already had a near fall off the side of the bed one morning. Now I sleep in the middle of the bed and really spread myself out.

Ive been sleeping in my bedroom since the bed arrived and its been different. Good different. I miss sleeping in the living room in that there is so much light and obviously more room there. But the bedroom is more private.

There is the issue of the second bedroom that remains empty. I'm contemplating getting a roommate but someone that's never there and pays rent. I think Ill pass, those kinds of roomies are hard to find I hear. I'm undecided on whether to make it a spare room, office or a mini gym. Maybe Ill put a bed, dresser, desk and a treadmill in there to satisfy it all. Maybe. For now though, it remains an empty room with only a lamp to light it.

I still have nothing hanging on the walls though there are a few things to be hung. I'm in no rush and quite like the simpleness of it all. White walls that I was thinking of painting. Maybe Ill choose to paint one wall to accent the space. There is a fleeting moment of 'wouldn't it be nice if I had someone to choose paint colors with and to share the painting with'. As quick as it comes its out of my head. With only this post as evidence of its existence.

Brand new bedsheets, pillowcases coupled with my smooth, freshly scrubbed self makes for sweet dreams :) Now for a warm body beside me... maybe in my dreams....

200 - recharge

D has a surprise for me. Had things gone like they should have I would have been able to tell you what that surprise is. Things didn't work out for this past weekend. So, out there somewhere is a surprise for me, just waiting for me :) weeeeeee

Have I told you that I love surprises? Well there you have it I just did. Its so much fun to try to figure out what it is. I have no idea what it could be. None at all. A book? Lingerie? Coasters? Shoes?? As much as I tell him to tell me what it is, he knows its all part of the build up and anticipation that drives me to distraction when someone says they have a surprise for me.

So needless to say, he hasn't even given me a hint. What a tease.

I think Ill be seeing him this Thursday ok maybe Wed night? I'm not 100% positive. We'll see.

Last night was a lot of fun. It went from me wanting to go out, to trying to find people to go out with that I hadn't seen in a while. This includes girlfriends and people that I used to work with. I didn't have much luck there and was contemplating ordering something from the soup menu. I went home and took the dogs on their walk and after laying around the park napping and playing with them things came together.

My brother came by to walk the dogs for me and seeing I was out at the park came over to join the game of fetch with the dogs. I got a call from my sister and TADA plans were made. Her and her boyfriend were coming to watch the hockey game somewhere to eat laugh and be merry.

Lots of laughing, eating and drinking was had by all. Loud and sometimes too loud, we had a blast. Got home late and talked to D on the phone for a while. Tried to figure out what the surprise was and after not getting anywhere with that we talked about how men and women were different. Actually it was more how we were somewhat alike but I try to deny it as much as possible which he laughs at.

B is coming over tonight. Were having drinks and listening to some music that he thinks Id like. I told him I had other plans for later that evening and hes OK with coming over for a little while until I have to leave. Great but that cuts into my getting ready time which I enjoy.

So I might have to be a bit more creative with my time later today.

I'm meeting my sister and one of our girlfriends and were playing pool. I'm sure this will bring about much laughter as it usually does no matter what my sister and I are doing. Much fun I can tell you. The drinks will flow, pool cues will be aligned and balls will be pocketed.

I haven't talked to K. I think Ill send him a text sometime this week to touch base with him and see if he is OK.

G sent me an email.

'mind, imagination wandering to forbidden places
thinking of your small hands
and how sexy you look when...'

Such a sweet man. I enjoy his emails. Great reminders and always makes me smile.

So update on M. Kind of a cad. Very sneaky, wants more than he bargained for and just an overall sneaky person. Ill see him again. Not because anything will happen, but because I get to expose myself to his kind and get tough if you will. Its not often that I get to be around people who are sneaky and obvious. But I could be wrong and might have just been off in regards to the vibes I was getting? We shall see.

I saw him on Saturday and that was a bit of an event, brand new to me which was interesting. Maybe that's why I thought things were a bit off, because it was new to me. He called me Sunday night to see if we could get together again and I told him it was a bit last minute and I wasn't able to meet with him. Plus I needed to recharge my batteries :)

199 - wondering

I wonder if those thrown in the soup mind that they are in my blog. I feel a little unfair when I blog about them as its not nice to talk about people behind their back. Though I have no issues when writing about them and the things that come with them in my diary. Which... this is a form of.

I also wonder about the men that I don't include in the soup. I hope they aren't insulted that I don't write about them. In time... in time. Ill have to think about the reasons for not writing about them might be more personal?

I also wonder if anyone of them have a blog of their own and if I have made it in there somehow. I wonder if my sister has a blog for that matter. I know my brother has one which I have never been on to see. Aside from me and you, no one else knows that I blog. OH wait... that male coworker I wrote about previously. Hopefully he has smoked that memory away :)

I was talking to D and we somehow got to talking abut what guys share with each other. A lot, apparently about their sexual escapades with women... UNLESS its a special woman. Then they don't want to share because of this reason and that. So if it was with someone that wasn't special or someone temporary as in a one or or two night stand then its a story to tell the guys.

Its things like this that my mind decides to pick apart for a while. I guess what it all boils down to is I wonder if they think of me when we aren't together. Though there is no guarantee that they are thinking of me when we are in fact together.

I'm in a mood to hear what they have to say about me as I'm a sucker for constructive criticism. There is always room for improvement I guess.

-------------------------------------------------------

Adding to the soup is M, still in the waaaaaaaay early stages of anything. I'm seeing him this Saturday early afternoon. First time meeting. Spoken on the phone exactly, twice. Second phone call was to make sure I was ok with meeting on Saturday. Considerate. Now usually I don't rush into meeting anyone so soon and only after one conversation, but I was feeling daring and a bit out of sorts and wanted something to happen. So I made something happen.

Seems simple. Nothing happening? Make something happen. TADA

We talked for about 30-45 minutes and I find out hes in his early 30's, lives with a roommate in the west end. Works evenings mostly and has dark hair, brown eyes. He is also 5'9 feet tall. He has 2 dogs and we have one breed in common. He is a car guy and drives a Jeep or a Camaro, depending on the weather/season. He does not work out at the same gym that I go to nor does he own a jacket with the logo on it, however he does have a dryfit shirt with the logo on it. He has an older sister who went to the same HS as I did. I don't know her as she is about 10 years older than I am. He was born in Ottawa and has a bit of an accent... french, which he isn't and speaks a little of. Go figure. Seems normal so far but then again maybe I didn't give him enough time to turn into a toad.

No idea what will happen. A massage was brief topic discussed...

193 - clarity

Moments of clarity, comes when you accept things as they are. Things seem a bit brighter. The trees seems to wave as you walk by. The wind urging you along down a path of the unknown. All with the comfort of knowing that no matter what is happening in the world, in other peoples lives. On the other end of the planet. Things are happening that I have no control over.

War will continue to dig its nails into people who have nothing else to do. Fruits will continue to grow and ripen. Companies will continue their race to be number one. People will continue with their days. As will I.

No matter how much Id like to change things for the better. Sometimes all I can do it just let things happen on their own. No matter how things may fall.

I am not the keeper of all that is good as I'm not all good. I just want good things for people. I want you to be able to take that trip. I want you to be able to wear those boots you've always wanted. I want you to find that person who will knock you on your ass and have you smiling through it all. I want to take away the worries of what may come if you were to stop taking them cold turkey. I want to see you live your life without having to worry about those other people. I want to see you share your passion with the world. I want you to be seen and heard by millions of people, you're that good. Believe it!

Moments of clarity comes when I accept things as they are. I cant make things happen for you like I want for you. I'm sorry. Id like to, but I can only help so much. If you would let me. I would help in any way that I can. I tried snapping my fingers and that seems all out of juice. I tried crossing my arms with a nod and a blink, that seems to be out of service. I tried to wave this wand and all it gave me was whiplash.

I cant do it for you. I can only help guide. I cant make it for you I can only stand watch. If you want it, need it or even care for it. A supply of never ending support.

Pay no attention. Keep on going. Just as you are. Just let me be a part of it even in a small way. You'll never know how it will affect me, to see you go through with it and find out your own moments of clarity. To succeed, The times that you smile. The times that you laugh, the times when you open your arms wide and breathe in a deep breath of life. I fall a little more. I want a little more and its a want for great things for you. If I cant have you, then I want to be a part of the greatness. You'll never know what it does for me, how it affects me and how it propels me to want to do more for you and other people who need someone.

The world will keep on going. Even with both feet pressing hard on the brake pedal with a desire to stop, slow down. It will continue.

Moments of clarity comes when I accept things as they are. Try to not be blindsided with things that are not there. Try to ignore the whispers of temptations. Try to steer clear from fleeting moments that will cause much confusion.

Steps become lighter with each moment of clarity. Shoulders becomes less tense as expectations are removed. Breathing is steady as I accept that clarity is in the moment.

162 - dawning

Ok so I met someone Ill call him R and we hit it off. I always hit it off. Im easy to get along with. I like good conversation and I like to learn about people. Which I guess people enjoy as most people like to talk... and I like to listen. Imagine that?!

So we talked about general things and the things that we both enjoy. Most of things we talked about went over well with each other. When things start to get a bit on the edge of something new and different. I always wonder at the best way to approach things. This time I think I did it right.

Its a case by case thing. No one situation is similar as each person is different. So youve got to think of personalilties, temperments and all sorts of things.

So here. With R, we were being quite open and frank. I remained Darling and he remained R :)So when he gave me a situation and asked how comfortable I would be I paused and answered as I always do, honestly and simply(aim for simple but it doesnt always end up that way). I said that its an idea that I would be interested in looking into, depending on how things progress, that it may be a possibility however if theres one thing that would definately turn me off would be if I was rushed.

I aslo said that 'I hope that gives you an insight of my personality' That seemed to be the right thing to say as he wanted to make sure that I was aware that he doesnt want to rush into anything as well.

I very well cant just lay everything out right away. It would make some people run away, for those that dont run, they would flock around me. Have to be careful... though his idea was kind of interesting...

Good, glad that settled that. Bring on the next thing :)

So not sure where this will go. Maybe nowhere. Maybe somewhere. Wherever it goes. Im sure that Ill learn a few things. We shall see.

I started this post last week sometime and wanted to look it over again before posting it. For a moment I couldnt remember who I was talking about here. Then it dawned on me... and well. So far its gone nowhere. Thats no bother though as Ive been quite busy :)

150 - New place

Moving is 99% complete, I need only bring myself, a couple of suitcases that I have been living out of for the past little while as well as the 2 dogs with me. (I'm late in posting this. I am now in the apt)

Ive made a large dent in unpacking since I signed the lease for Feb 1st. The living room/dining room are 80% set up. The kitchen is just waiting for a microwave and more importantly, groceries... if anyone would like to star as the cook of my kitchen, email me.

The bathroom needs a shower curtain, I know its something easy that I can pick up anywhere but I like ones that make you think and wonder. Something reflective (other than the literal term) I think Id like to enjoy something other than the reflections of those that are in the process of ... as nice as that is to see. Something soothing and pleasant will have to do.

My bedroom requires some work. As this is where I will be relaxing and coming home to at night with or without a partner. Id like to be functional, sensual and and and. How to find a balance between all the things that I want in this room? I'm not sure. So in an effort to stall any decisions that need to be made. I am going through the boxes and boxes that I have to find things that I can donate and or give to other people.

Clothes that I haven't worn in a while and that I cant incorporate into my wardrobe. Gone! Shoes that just remind me of an occasion or event and just not my style anymore? Gone. Paper work that's no longer needed for proof of something or another. Shredder! Documents that might be needed at some point. File!

In going through the boxes I get to eliminate things that I don't need, want or care for any longer. It lets me see what kinds of things that I have that I might need in the future. Did you know I have a box full of perfumes that Ive yet to use? These are all ones that I love and enjoy and cant wait to use. They range from your pharmacy variety to the haughty department store brands. No I don't save them for a special occasion. Ive learned that every day is special. I just have extras, other than what I currently use.

My bedroom, covered in boxes. Ill need a few days to clear it all up and store the things that I want but wont use yet as there isn't any place for them.

The second bedroom so far? Housing empty boxes after I have arranged the contents around the apartment.

I'm on the top floor and managed to get a unit at the end. I don't have to worry about the people upstairs running around and stomping their way around their home. I'm not heavy footed so the people downstairs wont have an issue with that from me. They and the people beside me might hear other things in the middle of the night or in some cases in the middle of the day. Ill have to be careful not to attract too much attention to the goings on inside my bedroom, living room, dining room and any of the other rooms for that matter.

I have no blinds up which is nice as its very bright. I do have them. I'm just enjoying the brightness of it all.

Ive done it. It feels good. Now for the next project. Bed and bedroom!

147 - top me oops stop me

Someone stop me. Really, find a way to stop me in a way that Id enjoy ... please :)

Ok so far. I work full time during the day J1. Within J1s company I also work in a different department filling in for one of the girls. Ill call that one J1.5 Im there about twice a week as well. Now I am also employed elsewhere, J2, where its casual work, which I agree to come in depending on my schedule and I have told them to put me on an 'Ill call you when Im ready to come back' status. During the time that I havent worked there. I went and found myself another job, J3, working 2 nights a week. Now... I noticed they (J3) were also looking to fill another position in a different department. Im planning on adding a J3.5 to the whole deal of my working life. (Since I started this post, J3.5s hours wouldnt work with the rest of my schedule... PLUS a girl has to have some time to herself for ... this that and the other)

When do you ask so I have time to relax? Now here comes my evil laugh (mu ha ha ha haa) I'm lucky in that the work I do isn't strenuous physically. It is somewhat strenuous mentally. Always on my toes catching details that don't belong or adding details to documents that do.

Always looking out for the best interests of the clients and always looking to put myself on top. Its a great combination. How to have a win win situation for myself and the client without making them feel like I am taking them for a ride and making sure I can look myself in eye when faced with my reflection at night.

OK well. When do I relax? I'm always relaxed, unless I am dealing with Kryptonite. I don't get stressed out (very rarely). Things happen and I cant change them nor do I have the power to make things un-happen. Go with the flow, very laid back naturally.

I feed myself when I can. I don't want you to think that I don't have time to eat. I do. Its a pleasure to have a great meal. Knowing that I am always on the go lately I make sure that I eat well and I eat healthy. Ive got a drawer full of healthy snacks to deter me from grabbing something from the vending machine or ordering out with some of my colleagues. (OK I need to do groceries since I have move but I do eat healthy, as much as I can. Anyone up to keep me company for the shopping trip?)

Lunches are made and prepared the night before to give me more time in bed in the early mornings. Thought sometimes its left there as I am in a mad rush or just plain forget. Breakfast is kept in the fridge at work, soy milk and cereal or fruits and yogurt.

I guess I make sure that I take pleasure in everything that I do because so much of my time is taken up by something or another. I think more people should learn this. Take pleasure in the things that you do and in the people and things around you. Take pleasure in having a shower or a bath. Some chocolate :) Take pleasure in coming home and seeing your family/pets even if it looks chaotic. Take pleasure when you're in your car, relish in the peace and quiet in there. Take pleasure in the music you listen to. Sitting down with your eyes closed even for 5 minutes. Just be selfish and suck in the goodness that the world offers should we relax and want it. Its there. Take it.

Rejuvenate yourself when you can and not only when you are at home in bed at night. Close your eyes for a few minutes if that's what you need in the middle of the day or find a quiet area/office/space and put your head down and nap if that's what it takes. Just take pleasure and rejuvenate yourself somehow.

Tangent much?

OK so for my social life? I am in touch and see my family almost on a daily basis. Via email, phone and yes there is even face time, usually in the evenings. My friends have become voices on my cell phone, those that are heard but not seen. This has to change. I miss them and they miss me. Its high time for us to have a Girls Night Out. Together, that is. So Ive spoken to them as recent as 5 minutes ago (OK now that its being posted about a week ago) and we have something scheduled for the end of the month as that's when I am able to fit something in.

This is what its been reduced to, pencilling in my friends and family as I have a shopping date with my sister tonight. Multitask and efficiency. Do 2 things at once :)

I'm still in the middle of "The Move" it deserves quotations as it has now become the longest move of my life and as such, warrants the attention " " gets :) No excuses for not being social and being a part of normal society. Tell me, has anything changed? Is there something I shouldn't do in public that would be 'frowned upon' since I was last out? I'm still able to wear leather in public? LOL

Sex life as of late? Yes and check. I know you want details, or maybe not... I know I would want details about it if it involved what it did. Just kidding... or am I?

As far as "The Move" is going. Its getting done, I am almost finished with things. There are the things that are in question as to whether or not I can take them or not. Those items are TBD as to who it will go to.

I sleep well and get needed rest at night. Nothing seems to take that away. When I sleep, I sleep. There is no disturbing me unless its a little dog that needs to get off the bed. Well... there are some things that would wake me up, that's a more personal matter that may come out sooner or later, he he.

So in summary. I'm rested, well fed, sexed, under socialized, working a heck of a lot and on my way to being 100% living on my own.

On the go, would I want it any other way??

138 - acquisitions

I bought a pair of boots. They are nice. You would all like them I think. Black. Leather. Knee high. Shiny. Pointy at the toes and pointy at the heels. Shiny black leather, even shinier metal heel. Your imagination might say painful if used incorrectly for unsuspecting body parts, if my heel were to meet with your... say... toes? (ouch)

Ive worn them for a few days and have had several compliments and numnerous innuendos under the sexual category, involving poles and gryations and such. Its been fun so far. They look mighty sexy, I cant fault people for immediately thinking that way. Its where my mind went when I spied the boots in its glass case at the shoe store.

I even debated asking to work there just so I can get paid in shoes. Imagine? (ha ha ha) Though that idea has something to it. Who knows. Maybe ill propose that idea to him just to see what happens. Ill need storage space if that ever happens :) Maybe not that extreme... maybe.

So far, I have referred 3 ladies to that shoe store, I really should get a referral fee from the owner as I told him people would ask me about them and I would have to tell them where I got them from and his business would increase. He gave me a discount when I mentioned this increase in traffic in his store :)

Ive got to figure out how to put pictures up with posts. I know I have mentioned that before. Lets see if I can get that mastered sometime soon.

Oh and these shoes leave the cutest imprint on the snow.

twenty four- Sexy shoes

So far today, I look sexy lol and its all thanks to the shoes im wearing, they are great, I can walk in them and I feel comfy and most importantly..I feel sexy in them. Like instant confidence in a pair of shoes. These are black, strappy and attaches around my ankle.. showing nice small ankles and the sexy arch of my foot. (Those with foot fetishes drool away lol)No fellas... easy.... I am not JUST wearing the shoes. Though that would be EXTRA sexy .. nothing but these shoes...maybe a matching set of br...sorry ... Tangent. Yeah lol Ill have to spring that look on some unsuspecting target of a man. Ok so the restof me is covered in black.. yes.. every piece of clothing is black. I match :) Black warpparound top, low cut and very revealing, black a-line fitted skirt, and yes the undergarments are matching... and finally the shoes, oh the shoes!!! It almost makes me want to walk up to a man and have my way with him. lol

I dont feel sexy with every pair of shoes and I think NOW I understand why some women have shoe madness. Because they feel the sexy confidence that comes with a hot pair of shoes. Which in turn makes me, who is currently attached to said pair of hot sexy shoes, want to shop in a shoe store and buy similar kinds of shoes that brings out this hot sexy feeling of confidence. Which will gimme that all consumming feeling of sex appeal, which will make me want to get another pai... Oh the cycle!!! Do I want to break the cycle? No.. but ... the sane reasonable voice of my Visa statement is screaming that If I buy one more pair of shoes ill break the bank. (not really but thats what I tell myself to sway me from buying new shoes lol)

Now is NOT the time for me to FULLY appreciate the value of a good pair of shoes. Oh to work where shoes are free lol Timing is everything I guess.

Theres my shoe diary entry lol (not sure how often Ill have a shoe entry... whenever one entices some strong emotion im sure) sex in a shoe lmao not enough space but packs a punch :)

Next time you see a woman with great shoes on, make sure to comment on them.. watch how she smiles and they might even have a silly smile on their face. Shes thinking of how sexy they make her feel and of the things the shoes want her to do that she might not ordinarily do.