299 - being insecure

I was looking forward to seeing D and doing things to D that are only described in books that have a covers of a half naked men who have wind blown hair and is standing on a shipwreck...

After working at J3 and coming home, tired with achy feet. I took a bath to relax. Walked The Big Dog and put on some music. I thought of taking a nap so I'm that much more energized but that didn't happen.

D calls during one of his breaks and we talk about this and that. I asked him teasingly what his plans were after work and he said home to bed. Seriously. I knew then he wasn't planning on coming over. We talked for a few more minutes but I was already bummed and just wanted to get off the phone.

He asked me if I was getting sleepy as I was being quiet. I said 'yes I was' and that I was going to go to bed soon. I really wasnt but knew that I should get some rest. Plus I was bummed. He had to pause at that as usually I stay up and have energy until hes done or close to him being done because we talk and text each other about everything and nothing which seems like everything.

He tells me if I'm still up later and feel like talking to call him. I say OK but don't really plan on it at all. I feel a bit angry, mad and sad at the same time. More than that I felt a little defeated and insecure. All because he wasn't coming over.. If there were other things I wasnt paying attention I was just focusing on the fact that he wasn't coming over when he said he was.

In bed. Trying to figure out why I was getting teary over this. I wasn't going to call him. No. I was thinking of turning my phone off for the night but I need my alarm so I leave it on.

I lay in bed wondering all sorts of things and

The texts and conversations of the night...

D - Friday lunch at your place if you want

I don't reply back to that.

D - Wow no reply

Darling - Just bummed. Don't worry about Fri at lunch. I know you've got things to do you're working also on Sat. No worries I'm good.

D - I'm disappointed :( :( :(

Darling - I don't see why, but don't be.

D - R U cutting me off?

I don't reply to that as I wasn't thinking of that at all. Which makes me wonder if hes thought of that. I guess I didn't try hard enough not to reply or answer calls. Its just not me to ignore someone that I like. Ive no problem if it was someone that I didnt want

D - Really no lunch on Friday?

D - Really no lunch on Friday?

Darling - Cutting you off?

I wanted to know if he thought I would cut him off? Maybe one day ...aybe.. but it wasnt that time.

D - Really no lunch on Friday?

Darling - Why do you want to do lunch on Friday

D - If you don't want to its OK

Darling Not that I don't want to. I just don't want to feel like you're throwing me a bone. I also know usually do things on Friday. U probably feel a bit bad about not telling me sooner that you're not coming over tonight...

Darling - I don't know why you though I was cutting you off

Darling I'm usually the one who is throwing myself at you and being turned down. Should I be asking you that question?? I need a hug

This is where he calls me...

D - Hi, how are you?

Darling - (after a pause) OK ( I don't sound OK but I'm trying. I'm just sad)

We talk about him thinking I was going to cut him off as he thought I was just brushing him off about meeting him on Friday. I told him it was interesting as that was the first time I said no and that's the conclusion that he came to.

After a while of me thinking that cannot be the only time Ive ever said no to sex. I got a bit down and felt like bawling and didnt say much but I think he could hear me sniffling a little bit.

D - Are you going to bed?

Darling - (after another even longer pause) yes

D - (pausing) well... OK... umm... good night...

Darling - (whispers) bye

Back to text messages....

D - I don't want you to be sad

Darling - I know you don't. Its OK Ill bounce back in a bit. I'm good like that. Just a bit confused about all these texts.

D - Really

Darling - Kinda U?

D - Ya not sure whats happening, confused

Darling - R U just saying that? At least its not just me

This is where he calls me again and we talk. I tell him I'm sorry for being a downer. I was looking forward to seeing him that night. He explained why he wasn't able to. Not that he didn't want to. He does, there are other things to think of like sleep and energy for the next day and other things. Fine that's OK. I wont tell him what staying up until past midnight does to me. Its my choice to do that and I shouldn't bring that up.

I tell him I don't want to be monopolizing his time or be annoying. He tells me that he really likes spending time with me and that I'm not at all annoying. I tell him that I feel a bit insecure, he tells me I shouldn't.

He tells me that he was worried that I wanted to end things with him and he didn't want that at all. I told him I wasn't thinking that and I was wondering if he was trying to do the same. No. We both weren't. Though...??

He apologized about not being able to come over that night. I told him I was bummed because I had things.. planned. He said he was sorry for not telling me sooner and that he wasn't sure about the plans to come over that night. Which is where I reminded him of his selective memory to which I repeated almost word for word the conversation we had about plans for that night. He felt bad about me feeling bad.

All too cutesy. Which made me smile and feel better.

I ended it with these texts...

Darling - I'm restless now and I cant sleep anymore.

Darling - Sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to

This is where he calls me...

'Hi, I cant talk long. I just wanted to make a suggestion...'

Well I was all for his suggestion and had a darn good time going through with it. There are only a couple of things that can get rid of the restlessness...

This morning after he called me I sent him a text message letting him know that if its still on the table to meet for lunch, that I would meet him. I also made some sexy comment to go along with it and that made him cal me to let me know that we would be getting together for sure.

I also sent him another one after that call letting him know to be gentle as I'm shy. My way of tell him him that I still...

295 - hope

This morning I woke up a little bit frustrated. I remember going to bed frustrated. I went out with BC last night. Nice guy. 35 yrs old, single and a Doctor. Cute and very attentive. Curious and inquisitive.

Its interesting to meet someone just as curious as I am. We started with some wine which loosened tongues. Which eventually turned to some slight kissing. I was a little undecided about what to do as far as how far I wanted to take it. The kissing part I could handle.

Kissing is something that I enjoy and I always feel like I'm out of practice. Its always different when kissing a new person as I'm not sure how they kiss. What kind of style they have and if it all fits with the way I like to kiss and be kissed. Of course there are many different ways to do it and there's always making the kiss unique to both people.

I'm a little curious to find out what people are thinking as they kiss. What do I think as I'm lip locked? Well last night my thoughts goes as follows and in no particular order... actually the first was the first thought. After that there's no order. I think.

How do you get yourself in these situations Darling.
Hmmmmm
Soft lips.
Warm lips.
Wet tongue.
Soft tongue.
I hope he doesn't slobber on me.
I wonder how long I have to kiss someone to get lock jaw?
Hmmm this is nice.
There's no rush
Enjoy
I wonder how long were going to kiss before his hands roam
Kissing is nice
I feel like I'm out of practice
Tongues are playful
There goes the hand roaming.
Nice hands
Warm hands
respectful hands.
I wonder if he would enjoy it if i sucked on his tongue a bit
Oh he does.
He really does.
Soft lips
No slobber.
I wonder if he thinks ill be sucking on other body parts.

On and on the thoughts went as the kissing went on and on. My blouse somehow becomes unbuttoned, due I'm sure to his roaming hands. My breasts seem to getting much attention lately. As lips, tongue and finger play with my breasts. Thoughts that go through my mind goes as follow and again no particular order other than the first which happens to be again. The first.

How do you get yourself into these situations Darling.
Soft lips.
Soft tongue.
Wet tongue.
I'm not naked.
Why didn't I wear a bra?
Wearing what I was wearing didn't require a bra.
Silly
Plus I like the lace.
Sexy
Its nice looking down and watching someone.
Pleasure me.

We move things to the bed and its oh so comfortable. I just want to lay back, close my eyes and fall into the softness until I'm refreshed and ready to get up for the next day. It might be a bit insulting if I mention that I would rather sleep than have sex. As much as I wanted to him to take me I wanted the bed to take me instead. Both would have been satisfying in different ways.

He mentions that he would be happy with kissing as he thinks I'm a great kisser. I tease him and ask him what made him think that there would be anything more. He stammers for a moment and says that he could only hope...

216 - faking it

Lost the hockey game against the Ducks last night. I didn't watch it. I stayed home and spent some time with the little dog. Took pictures and just had a lazy evening. All this, of course after D comes over. We tried to take a nap. As he sent a text earlier that day asking if it was OK if he took a nap, he was exhausted. I thought it was a joke and said of course. I even told him Id wear something so I wouldn't distract him.

So he came over and we got into bed. As promised I had on something to not distract him. I was however distracted by the tent he was pitching and decided to investigate and see what all the fuss was about. The fuss took an hour and change of my time but we got all the details out and into the open.

We did end up taking nap and even though I wasn't wearing anything it was nice. Kind of strange at first as it usually is when its the first time ever that you're resting/sleeping/letting yourself sleep with someone new. Yes that's right. This would be the first time ever that he slept here... with me. The first time ever that Ive had someone else sleep in my bed in my apartment.

We didn't fall asleep right away, I couldn't. I was still kind of in a haze of details that was just uncovered by the investigation that involved teamwork. Still stimulated, I felt a little uncomfortable about sleeping with him. I wonder if he felt the same way?

I hate to admit it but I faked it. I hate to say that Ive never done that before. Faked it I mean. I'm usually all for it, get in there and take what you can get. Its not always that you have time in the middle of the day to do something like it and its always nice when you have someone else there. I mean Ive done it by myself often and for many years, I come out all satisfied, energized and wanting more, some days more than once or twice. I'm a big fan of making sure its done at least once a day, if you can get it. Its also nice if it lasts more than 15 minutes and if you go deep. If you can make it last for 30 minutes then personally that's just wonderful.

I wasn't sure how to position myself. Do I just pretend hes not here and take up the whole bed? Sprawl out or be take the lest amount of room possible. Do I snuggle against him? Does he even like that? Lean my head on his shoulder? No I didn't do that it was too hot. Not the air but our body temperature. That would just make my cheek stick to his chest. Not attractive.

Do I spoon with him? Should I be the outside or the inside of the spoon? I didn't know. So in the end I just turned away from him and to my side. I thought maybe ill just see what he does. No spooning. Just as well. I didn't want to start dissecting reasons for why or why nots.

I think turning away from him was the signal for conversation to wane and he eventually fell asleep. How could I tell? His breathing and the hand against my back was still and not moving. I mean... thinking about it now... for all I know, he could have been faking it too. I doubt it.

He got out of bed to get his phone when it rang and he told whoever was on the other line he'd meet them at 7pm and came back to bed. This time we spooned. Me on the outside. Bodies were flushed against each other as it was the first time and I'm just shy sometimes when it comes to things like this. Sex all for it. Spooning? Have no clue.

When his alarm went off, he took a quick shower and then put the glass he used in the sink. Thoughtful. I like! He played with the little dog for a few minutes while I played with the big dog. Cute, he knows that the dogs time is coming and I'm glad that he spent some time with her.

While changing the sheets I was thinking about earlier with D. It made me kind of giggle that Ive never faked it before.. I wonder if he noticed that I wasn't napping.

206 - Choose Darlings Adventure

Its that time again. Choose Darlings Adventure.

The following options are possibilities of the highlights/low lights of the long weekend. In no particular order...

FRIDAY

Option A
Was it spent watching movies, fruity drink at hand while at the same time cooking a feast, doing laundry and making plans for the next week with those in the soup

Option B
Was it spent practicing how to dance provocatively for future audiences of one or more. Pole imagined and considered as an extravagant purchase of the sometime in the future.

Option C
Was it spent in a hot bubbly bath followed by a pampering of self by self and then snuggling into bed wrapped in warmth to catch up on much needed rest and relaxation.

Saturday

Option A
Was it spent lazing around topless at the local beach volleyball venue. Lazing around as in napping, listening to music with the occasional flip to my stomach even out the sun exposure

Option B
Was it spent purchasing shoes, dresses, skirts and unmentionables with a lovely and talented relative. Also known as Darlings little sister.

Option C
Was it spent moving boxes from one storage room to another in hopes of freeing up space in a much needed area. All the while rushing to get to the grocery store to fill empty kitchen cupboards.

Sunday

Option A
Was it spent doing groceries, napping, cleaning out the fridge and other unexciting things.

Option B
Was it spent not regretting the night before celebrations of a long night of practicing to be perfect in many different clandestine ways with a man of mystery

Option C
Was it spent at another dark place where women seduce with their bodies, where drinks continue to arrive without a word, where men are tempted and fall to their knees with want for the possibility of...

Monday

Option A
Was it spent spending making brunch with one man to fuel bodies for an afternoon delight.

Option B
Was it spent sleeping in, in the morning, and walking around in newly acquired shoes and dress while making arrangements with someone to come and visit for a much needed romp that the living room hasn't seen in a while.

Option C
Was is spent being surprised with an early evening out of town visitor for a couple of hours of very selfish oral pleasure that which I was the beneficiary.

:) Now to find out what you all thought I was up to :)

----------------------------

My goodness this post took me all day to write. Work really gets in the way!

204 - matching set A

Darling - Where are we going?

Date - Its a surprise

Inside the club, there is a stage. Inside the club there are tables and people sitting around them. Inside the club there are men and women. All different ages, races and backgrounds I could only imagine.

I walk closely behind him and try to look like it isn't my first time. I try not to fidget in my clothes. I look people straight in the eyes as I walk by and see that its not so bad. Not so different. Its like walking by people on the street. Strangers. Who I may never see again.

We gather with another couple and navigate our way through the crowd and manage to get a table. I wonder at my clothes. Why did I decide to wear this? I feel out of place. I sit and see that someone, a stranger is looking at me and what I am wearing. I turn away. I wonder if he knows what I'm wearing underneath.

A round has been ordered for us and in front of me is a tall glass . I can barely taste the alcohol yet continue to sip on the straw. Music is blaring all around us and I make small talk with the other girl who looks like shes been to a place like this before.

I wonder at my inexperience. There is a passing thought that I must be a prude. A song that I recognize comes on that makes me smile. Its new called 'Last Night'. I look up on stage and there is this tanned dancer with breasts that are covered with a baby blue bra and pantie set. White boots with large buckles on the side.

I lean in and whisper in his ear, I think I have that same set but in pink. His hand on my knee squeezes and he whispers back telling me that he'd like me to model it for him some time and nibbles on my ear a little before we both look at the dancers body swaying left to right.

TBC