A First

A first. I accidentally exposed this blog to a good friend of mine. A GOOD FRIEND My reaction was that I freaked out at myself. I was in shock that in all the years I've been able to keep the existence a secret to those in my family, my inner circle of friends, to all of a sudden a slight snafu on my part made worlds collide.

The dangers of technology. With one click of a button worlds collided. The stars blinked out, time stopped, cats and dogs got along. In that one instant I was bared naked for my friend to see, to wonder, to judge, to know.

After that click of a button how long did I think it would take him to figure it out. A nano second, no less than that. The thought so fluid from "click" to "what have I just done!!??" just... fluid. There was no time. To bring it down, shut it down, activate any kind of self destruct procedure so that nothing can be salvaged, seen or committed to memory. The few clicks it would have taken to do anything was too late. In the next breath I resigned myself to reality.

He is really fast on the uptake. I can only imagine how quick he was on the uptake. A few clicks and voilà. Two identities melding into one. Worlds colliding with every second that passed, triumph, recognition, victory of solving the puzzle. Meanwhile on my end a sense of shock covers me in a haze. My brain is not functioning. All I can reply to his texts of success in figuring it out was OMG... after a few more OMG replies he realizes this is big.

After reading a post he tells me that I am a very good writer. This pleases me amidst the shock. It makes me smile and I know that he is a true friend when he offers to not read anything else. My shock is telling and after a few deep breathes and accepting that... one, things happen for a reason, two, I cannot turn back time. (only Superman can do that), three, along the previous line, I cannot change what occurred.

I told him that whether he decides to continue or not. That I am ok. We are friends.

Now I sit here wondering. Ive been telling myself that I should get back to posting more as there's a long gap from the last post. I shall try to post more frequently.

I want to describe how I felt. Its like jumping off the edge of a cliff. You take a deep breath and release it with the thought 'here goes nothing'

Its like being at your limit, being at the point of no return, because if you take one more step or do one more thing it will never be the same. Its going into unknown territory. Its going to a battle and not being armed.

Its taking that leap of faith, that moving forward will be just that. Moving forward.

Here's to 2014.

To you the reader. All the best for this year. May you experience life, love and happiness.

Darling