seven

Im back in Ottawa. Feeling reckless. Like I want to go out drinking which will justify doing something really stupid, which might lead me to someone.. which will lead to... you know. Tempting lol as that might sound I think Ill pass. Ill just wallow a bit and then sleep it off and immerse myself in some project or another. No worries, there are plenty of things for me to do. Some more tedious than others.. ok they all are pretty tedious lol

Anyone want to come and help me with any of them? thought id ask anyway lol

The 5 hour bus ride home was not eventful. I finished reading a book which I shall have comment on later when ive ranted long and hard about all this. I took naps on and off during the bus ride. Didnt really think about much cz I didnt want to. Makes it more real if I do. Maybe I can forget about it and go on. Eventually, thats what will happen.

Heres what I wrote that night in the hotel by myself. Ill point form it all so its not too long.

Friday May 19th 2006 Travelodge Hotel
I think I finally get it. I think hes just not into me (I stole that one) lol
Have I turned a blind eye to one too many things? Maybe. Probably.
I called b4 I left, called an hour b4 reached my destination, when I got there, again after 20 min of my phone being silent. Called when I was at the hotel. Checked my email and... nothing.
Ever get that feeling of impending doom? Well I got it, got it in a bad way. I got that feeling at the hour prior to arrival call.

It was raining and the soft sniffling sounds I was making was masked by the sound or rain coming down and cars driving fast over wet raods. Thank goodness my friend didnt notice and asked me what was wrong cz I wouldnt have been able to keep it together. Which incidently was my mantra for a little while there. 'Keep it together' 'keep it together' 'keep it together'

lol dont think it worked too well in the keeping it together part. But considering... I think I did well.

Got to Swiss Chalet and almost lost it in front of the bartender inside. I ask him to recommend a hotel or 3 with reasonable rates in the area (HA! like hed know rates, he doesnt stay in a hotel in the city he lives in!!) I also ask him to call a cab for me.. Look at me... all uneasy, teary, lost and confused and Im making demands on strangers. I cant be that far gone now can I? lol
He calls one for me and while im waiting go in the ladies room and look in the mirror , yup. Looking good with no one to share it with... minus the red eyes, flushed skin and puffy lips. Yeah my lips looked puffy or is it thats darker? oh well. another day and id say hot, that time?? easily seduced lol

I get out and see the cab pull up and I wave to the bartender goodbye and say thanks, turn, walk out and slide into the leather seats of the cab. If it werent raining and overcast, I was foolishly considering sitting out on a park bench all night star gazing and mentally kicking my ass since that isnt possible. Is it?? Luckily, it was raining and overcast.

Went to the first Hotel. The travelodge. Had the cab wait while I went in to check rates. I knew hed keep the meter running. Talked to the Front Desk Agent named Evelyn... who happens to be from the Phillippines... like meeeeeeeeee. Maybe Id catch a break. I asked her how much it was for a night, over a hundred. UNTIL... dun dun dunnnn she asked me if I was Philippino. I smiled and replied yes... in the end I paid 97$ taxes in for one night. She had reserved theroom in case I wanted to stay for 2 nights to hold that same rate. Ill have to pay that forward. My cab was about 20 inc the tip.

OH about the accent... I totally forgot about doing it. So ... ill save that for another day.