398 - DIY

Oh my goodness, I cried when they finally did my roof. I guess I imagined what would be done and how it would be. It was not what was actually done. It was just a lay these things over the current roof and torch it down to seal it.

I though they were going to rip up everything and leave what was there that was structural. Boy I was wrong. I really thought I was going to see right through into the unit below because thats what i would have done. Whether my way would have been the right way or not is another question.

So they didnt take anything off other than my nice wooden deck off of the top of the flat roof. It was in good shape and was there so my feet dont burn in the summer time when the sun beats down on it. They took it away and that made me sad.

They also took the railing away. I didnt realize that they were going to do that but they took it away and well now I have to pay extra to have a railing put in. Oh AND did I mention that they arent even going to buy new wood? So that makes me sad.

At the point I was running on empty. My nerves were shot and I just didnt care anymore. I just wanted something to be done and I wanted it over. I dont imagine i will enjoy that deck as much as I did before.

I did cry because I honestly think I could have done a better job with the help of a friend who knows about roofs. It wouldnt have cost me as much as it did and I would know that it would have been done right.

The only reason I didnt do it myself was the fact that Im not a roofer and should there ever be a leak it would be myself that would be responsible. Not to say that anything would have happened if I did the work but the 'What if' question popped up in my head. So i went with the safer option which now I am regretting.

Its too late to do anything about it and I cant turn back time so all I can do now is to try to forget the whole negative ordeal and make positive things happen out in that area.

In some cases, not all... if you want something done right, do it yourself.

397- hands off

I invited T over to take advantage of my offer to give him a massage. Just a massage. Purely for relaxation purposes for him and to not lose my technique. I was a little nervous as I am attracted to him and have had him star in some fantasies.

So I think that because of the fact that I am attracted to him and had him wearing only his boxer briefs, on my bed with my hands all over him. I was concentrating more on making sure that the massage was super fantastic. Makes sense? Not even in my head does it makes sense though I try to figure it out.

Id like him to come back for another massage. Its a great test to my ... control to have someone that I'm attracted to be half naked on my bed while my hands roam all over their body and NOT end up going where things usually go when one finds a half naked attractive person on their bed.

It was nice. It was challenging. It was tempting as all get out but I am happy to say that I did not take advantage of him. Or he I. I have too much respect for his wife to do anything to cross the line. Im not even sure if Im allowed to touch him in my usual way when Im with my guy friends. I usually do lots of touching, drape my arm around their waist, tickle the back of their neck by running my nails back and forth, if its not the back of their neck maybe their arm or leg. Just very touchy feely and not always sexual. Just friendly.

Guys love it. Their girlfriends not so much but after a while they see that its not meant to challenge their position in the guys life and they are ok with it and see that its just me being me= friendly. It just takes some time for everyone to adjust. So every time they get a new girlfriend theres always an adjustment period for everyone.

So anyway, T came over we talked, I told him to get undressed and I started on him shoulders and back, then he took off more clothes which left my eyes in merriment. I have to say that He is in good shape. I know he used to go to the gym much more than he used to but he had an injury thats kept him away and hes slowly getting back to going more often like he used to.

I also wanted to share with you in case you were wondering, that I kept my clothes on. I did have a sweater that I removed once I got into the massage. So Ive decided that since nothing of the sexual sort involving T and I being naked together will likely happen... unless some sort of something occurs. But as of how things stand its looking like its just a big tease.

Which I have come to enjoy with T. So I have full disclosure with him and we both know where we stand. So we flirt like crazy and tease each other to distraction and still its a matter of not crossing the line and well for me. I find I can push the limits and see what happens... even though I know that it wont end up where we might both have thought of in the dark. Its been fun.

If anything should happen Ill make sure to share.