135 - last day
Today is my last day at the house. It feels strange to be leaving. I'm not sure why I feel like the world is about to end. I know it wont. It will continue no matter what happens.
I guess I'm just in a melancholy state. Some things have to come to an end. This is just one of them.
On the bright side. A start usually comes after an end. I'm looking forward to it and what happens next. My life is a bit of a mess or so it feels like.
I still haven't found and secured a place. I'm being picky I guess. I need something that fits me the best. fits my life the best and fits the dogs life the best. So Ill be a guest at my sisters for a while. The dogs and I will be apart for some time. I feel bad about that. They are my responsibility after all. I hate to think that something will happen while were apart. The little one isn't in the best of health. I prefer not to inconvenience anyone. A small voice in my head says to let other people help. I guess in this case I have to.
The things I worry and think about lately...
If I sign a lease for an apt. I know I will be moving again one day. Ive become a professional mover. My sister and I have become that. It feels like I am throwing away money as its not an investment in a house like I want. Ill be paying rent so I can temporarily call this place home. I will have not invested any money into a home. Signing a one year lease feels like a huge commitment.
A friend of mine said that it might not be an investment in a house. But its an investment in me, I can learn things on my own and enjoy being on my own. It made a lot of sense. Thank you.
If I buy a house. Its an even bigger commitment. One that I am torn about. I want one but I'm scared to grow old still paying for the mortgage. Standard terms are for 25 years? I talked to the bank and they have raised it to 30 so I have the choice. Ill be in my 50s by the time I will have paid it off. Barring a large sum of winnings via lottery... but we all know that's a pipe dream :)
I don't want to be stuck with something like that. What happens if I want to go to school for something? Travel for a long period of time? Someone has to make those payments for the house, not to mention utility bills. That someone will most likely be me.
Is it worth it? To have that around only to have worked just to pay it off after 25-30 years? What kind of enjoyment is there? Arg. I know. Its yours. Something to call your own, something you can share with your family and friends. A place to call home. Something to pass on to your children. Security.
So I am thinking if I am scared of a one year lease... I have no business thinking of a house. Yet. I'm not sure I think its my unrealistic dreams of traveling, of being someone that goes to places and needs to be on the go all the time. Jet setting around the world to learn about other people, culture and lands. Share the wonderful me to all the people , places and things that I can be a part of.
How about an RV? A moving home? I can go anywhere and I would be home. How would I get mail? Ive yet to think it all through but its seems like an interesting idea to follow up on.
BAH. Wake up Darling! Its time to put away these thoughts and get on with it. Life waits for no one.
I guess I'm just in a melancholy state. Some things have to come to an end. This is just one of them.
On the bright side. A start usually comes after an end. I'm looking forward to it and what happens next. My life is a bit of a mess or so it feels like.
I still haven't found and secured a place. I'm being picky I guess. I need something that fits me the best. fits my life the best and fits the dogs life the best. So Ill be a guest at my sisters for a while. The dogs and I will be apart for some time. I feel bad about that. They are my responsibility after all. I hate to think that something will happen while were apart. The little one isn't in the best of health. I prefer not to inconvenience anyone. A small voice in my head says to let other people help. I guess in this case I have to.
The things I worry and think about lately...
If I sign a lease for an apt. I know I will be moving again one day. Ive become a professional mover. My sister and I have become that. It feels like I am throwing away money as its not an investment in a house like I want. Ill be paying rent so I can temporarily call this place home. I will have not invested any money into a home. Signing a one year lease feels like a huge commitment.
A friend of mine said that it might not be an investment in a house. But its an investment in me, I can learn things on my own and enjoy being on my own. It made a lot of sense. Thank you.
If I buy a house. Its an even bigger commitment. One that I am torn about. I want one but I'm scared to grow old still paying for the mortgage. Standard terms are for 25 years? I talked to the bank and they have raised it to 30 so I have the choice. Ill be in my 50s by the time I will have paid it off. Barring a large sum of winnings via lottery... but we all know that's a pipe dream :)
I don't want to be stuck with something like that. What happens if I want to go to school for something? Travel for a long period of time? Someone has to make those payments for the house, not to mention utility bills. That someone will most likely be me.
Is it worth it? To have that around only to have worked just to pay it off after 25-30 years? What kind of enjoyment is there? Arg. I know. Its yours. Something to call your own, something you can share with your family and friends. A place to call home. Something to pass on to your children. Security.
So I am thinking if I am scared of a one year lease... I have no business thinking of a house. Yet. I'm not sure I think its my unrealistic dreams of traveling, of being someone that goes to places and needs to be on the go all the time. Jet setting around the world to learn about other people, culture and lands. Share the wonderful me to all the people , places and things that I can be a part of.
How about an RV? A moving home? I can go anywhere and I would be home. How would I get mail? Ive yet to think it all through but its seems like an interesting idea to follow up on.
BAH. Wake up Darling! Its time to put away these thoughts and get on with it. Life waits for no one.
Labels: Me
posted by darling @ 10:13 AM
4 Comments:
At January 07, 2007 5:00 PM,
Unknown said…
Good luck with the move Darling. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end.
You'd be in the majority with a 25 year mortgage and paying it off in your 50's so don't worry about that. Its just the way the world is. At least you get the satisfaction of knowing that you're slowly chipping away and you will own it one day.
If you decide to rent more, then it buys you time to decide about travelling and many other things. So what have you lost ?
Either way - its having your own space that counts, somewhere that's your home. Who owns the bricks is irrelevant.
Hope it all goes well.
Paul.
At January 07, 2007 5:32 PM,
Tony said…
Buying a house seems overwhelming, but if you ask most people, they'll tell you it was one of the easiest things to do. And if you decide to move in a year, you'll be no further behind. It can always be sold. Most likely, you'll find that as time goes on, your mortgage will remain the same but income and affordablitiy goes up, so you'll most likely be able to pay it off early.
Most importantly, there is a very satisfying feeling of worth when you own your own home.
Whatever you choose to do, good luck and don't worry, be happy.
At January 07, 2007 8:42 PM,
George said…
Darling ... you are assuming you'll be alone for the rest of your life. Once you meet the one ... you'll have 2 incomes to pay off a house quicker. I am in my mid 50ies and set out on my own 3 years ago ... bought a house in 2005 and I'll be paying it off until I am 79. Who cares ... at least in a house you don't have to worry when you walk down the hall naked.
Hang in there Darling.
At January 12, 2007 7:00 PM,
darling said…
Hello Paul,
Having my own space... yes. Forgive me if I want to stomp my foot and say I want to be different.
Its all in timing I guess... things happen for a reason isnt that right?
Hi Anthony,
Thank you for your calming words. I think its wanting to make sure that its perfect. Timing, Location Price etc Not to mention my mind lol
Hi George,
Ahhh the man shall come and make it easier? :) One day maybe :)
Ohhhh you walk down the hall naked? Or are you hoping I will in my apt/house??
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