60 - armed
A public place where I thought I would remain anonymous until I was ready to be revealed. A place where I would modify, improve and familiarize myself (with myself). Somewhere where I do not care about anyone else, because I do not know anyone else there.
It all made sense in my mind, it was going according to plan and I was just another face, another person looking for betterment of mind and body. It was working, I insinuated myself into the daily workings of the establishment and I carried myself without any worries, paranoia or discomfort.
I now know someone there. Someone from my past, a friend. I wasnt ready to have anyone that I personally knew see me... until I was modified, improved and familiarized. I guess I can bang my fist on the table and with gritted teeth, mumble 'foiled again'!!
It was awkward, I was awkward (I hid it well) and the moment has passed. I can accept it and have been infor... 'warned' that there are other people that I know that might bump into me under the same circumstances. This is not what he said but what I was understood from him. Outwardly I exuded anticipation and happiness to seeing more people of his ilk. Inwardly I was faltering, stumbling over things Ive yet to tamp down.
Im nervous as I have yet to be where I want to be, on a few levels and this new development might set me back a little bit. BUT only if I let it. So begins the start of mentally strong-arming the negative roots of doubt and self consciousness into submission.
I can always learn from any future happenings so this is just something that had to happen sometime, better sooner than later. Nothing I cant handle... well.. we shall see. Really though, Mind over matter. I can handle anything and anyone.
In a way I am excited by the situation that I am in and I look forward to handling it. There is nothing like going into something unknown... armed only with a determination to come out on top!! I dont see why I wouldnt enjoy myself. I am there for a reason and I do what accomplish to do.
I just hope that I can still enjoy going to the gym like I have been*smile*
I know, I know... what struggles I have im my life *rolls eyes*
It all made sense in my mind, it was going according to plan and I was just another face, another person looking for betterment of mind and body. It was working, I insinuated myself into the daily workings of the establishment and I carried myself without any worries, paranoia or discomfort.
I now know someone there. Someone from my past, a friend. I wasnt ready to have anyone that I personally knew see me... until I was modified, improved and familiarized. I guess I can bang my fist on the table and with gritted teeth, mumble 'foiled again'!!
It was awkward, I was awkward (I hid it well) and the moment has passed. I can accept it and have been infor... 'warned' that there are other people that I know that might bump into me under the same circumstances. This is not what he said but what I was understood from him. Outwardly I exuded anticipation and happiness to seeing more people of his ilk. Inwardly I was faltering, stumbling over things Ive yet to tamp down.
Im nervous as I have yet to be where I want to be, on a few levels and this new development might set me back a little bit. BUT only if I let it. So begins the start of mentally strong-arming the negative roots of doubt and self consciousness into submission.
I can always learn from any future happenings so this is just something that had to happen sometime, better sooner than later. Nothing I cant handle... well.. we shall see. Really though, Mind over matter. I can handle anything and anyone.
In a way I am excited by the situation that I am in and I look forward to handling it. There is nothing like going into something unknown... armed only with a determination to come out on top!! I dont see why I wouldnt enjoy myself. I am there for a reason and I do what accomplish to do.
I just hope that I can still enjoy going to the gym like I have been*smile*
I know, I know... what struggles I have im my life *rolls eyes*
posted by darling @ 10:10 AM
6 Comments:
At August 27, 2006 7:03 PM,
Tony said…
It's always disappointing when we lose our anonymity, but I think there is a liberating feeling that comes of it at the same time. Hope it doesn't act as a deterent for you. Enjoy.
At August 28, 2006 8:09 AM,
Matthew Marquis said…
I thought you were going to say that you bumped into someone you knew at a mental institution. Or at a Narcissist Pedophiles Coming To Terms With Alien Abduction Instigated Tri-Sexuality Conference in Bombay, Nevada. And that it was your boss or boyfriend or, egad, your mother who's wearing a strap-on and asking why you haven't returned her calls. Now that's awkward. Believe me. I know.
At August 28, 2006 9:12 AM,
darling said…
Anthony,
Im at the point where nothing is going to deter me from going.. unless its a big giant Cheesecake, since we all know there is no such thing that exists... Ill be enjoying my awkward, unprepared experience when they happen upon me as I look my very best in the latest in gymwear LOL :)
Matthew...my goodness youve had an exciting life havent you? I have yet to see those experiences in your blog. I must search for them now and find out how to handle such chance encounters :)
Yeah... Ive got some big issues in my life. Thats one of them :) Theres more lol THey will all come out in time...
dun dun dunnnnn..
At August 28, 2006 9:46 AM,
Matthew Marquis said…
Actually, darling, in the town of Birsa in northern Italy in November 1973 a cheesecake weighing in at 2731.8 pounds was crafted using old grape-pressing vats and the elderly to manage the gooey mixture. It was chilled outside where the air temperature was a steady 28 degrees celsius (You're on the metric system aren't you? Maybe you can let me know what that is in farenheit.). Anyway, initially it was weighed at 2855.3 but when the town mayor made the first ceremonial cut bisecting the cake it was discovered that Luigi and Masonni, both ten and best friends since the first grade got caught in the cake and suffocated. The town celebrates the event annually by swapping stories of the two kids - mostly legends now, and eating sticks of butter.
At August 28, 2006 9:37 PM,
George said…
Darling ... thank you for the kind posts you left on mu blog ... they are truly appreciated. Mine is simply a personal journey of recovery ... yours looks interesting and I looke forward to reading it.
At August 29, 2006 4:08 PM,
darling said…
Matthew are you saying that the thing that will deter me is real? Well..was real :)
28 degree Celsius = 82.4 degree Fahrenheit.
Being suffocated by all things giant and tempting is exactly what I am trying to avoid. (no disrespect to those who have fallen that way)
*shudder at the thought of eating sticks of butter*
George,
I love reading about personal journeys of recovery! Likewise on the interesting and future reading.
Arent we all on some kind of journey and recovery of some sort?
Have a wonderful day everyone :)
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