58 - no reason

I cant seem to make much sense of things these days. It all computes in my mind, I take everything in but any response that I come up with doesnt seem enough. Doesnt seem worthy even. Do I think that about myself? that I myself am not worthy? No.

Its almost as if I am unsure. Im not sure if I am being proper, fair, or even cohesive. I dont even know why I am continuing this post. Its part in parcel what I have been thinking of. Its not right , not proper, not thought out, not formulated or expressed with the proper amount of intelligence.

Is there something wrong with my mind? The way it processes things. Lapse in an area affecting the rest? Synapses not functioning as they should. Is it rotting?? That saying 'If you dont use it, you lose it' That doesnt just apply to peoples pleasure centers? My mind is going? Is it?

I feel like I am in the middle of something that I cannot foresee. In the middle of something greater than I can imagine. Im so horribly unprepared for it that there is such a sadness inside me and when it is set free, there will be tears to which knows no reason.