54 - gym membership

I did it, I signed up for a gym membership. So far, I am taking advantage of it. Im going every day until I figure out a proper schedule. Some might say the time I am putting in isnt healthy. I think I am doing ok. My body hasnt defected lol

I find myself at the gym at strange hours. A couple of 6am workouts.. then I shower and then off to work, those same days I also go right after work or later in the evening. More than once I have shown up at the gym twice in a day.

Im serious about this. Working out, getting healthy, looking good, feeling good.

The selfish part of me knows that men are visual creatures, I want to enhance that visual stimulus. I want to look good. To walk somewhere, anywhere and have gazes on me starting at the top of my head to the tips of my toes thinking... (enter complimentary thought)

Now mind you, I think about it and my thought... what makes me think that no one does that now? With the way that I am. Right. This. Minute. Wouldnt it be nice to know?

I think its the attitude that carries through to people even though im not the typical female that most men drool over. I think I leave certain men thinking and leave them with a hunger for more. As much as I want a physical connection I enjoy a mental connection far more... sometimes.

Yes I admit I have my shallow moments when I want to be looked at and thought Goddess! Other moments I want to watch the reactions when other Goddesses are present. Im strange like that.

Am I only doing it for that reason? To be better eye candy? No. I want to do it because it is good for me, my health and well being. Because my discipline in going to the gym will transfer on to other parts of my life that need better or more discipline.

I want to be a good person who not only cares about other people but about themselves. Im known to put others before me and some things in that regards are going to change. I matter too.

Im not scared of hard work. Ive been doing that for a while. So now I decide that im working for me . The payoff will be an overall betterness for me.

The lazy part of me thinks. OMG how many hours are you thinking of doing this for daily? weekly? monthly? Why wasnt I born with a great predetermined body which men will fall all over and be silly for? God what else can I do instead of going to work out in the gym?

Theres nothing productive that I could be doing at that time. I wont divulge my laziness. Im sure in time all will be revealed. Its a good thing I thought of it and really. Its a good thing that Im replacing what I used to do with working out. Ok.. I know you want to know what I did instead of working out. I read. Book after book after book.

So now I get books on CD, transfer it all over to my MP3 player and listen to that.. or music whichever I am in the mood for that day and work my body to glistening satisfaction. So I dont feel so bad about that anymore. I find it a bit self conscious though when Im on the treadmill or the stationary bike, my legs moving, my arms swinging, my heart pumping to be tearing up because of what someone is reading to me. I dont miss a stride. My breathing fluctuates a bit but settles down after my episode. In the end. I am amused that through all that activity. My emotions are still in tune to me.

The financial part of me thinks that if I slack off thats 60$/ mth down the drain and Id have no one to blame but myself. As I am not a made of money (yet) and I dont make the kind of money that I can just let this slide. I have only myself to hold accountable.

Im happy about my decision to hoin the gym.

CONFESSION. I think its a good thing. I dont have much of a life. So I can really sink my teeth into working out. Ill keep updates on this new adventure.