52 - alone

In light of my recent forays into this fabulous world gloriously alone. As in dining alone, going shopping alone, going to coffee shops alone, reading my book at the beach alone.. doing anything alone. Without anyone, any friend, family member or significant other.

I have come to realize and I think ive known it for a while is that I like being alone. Being in my own company isnt bad. It never was. I was ok with it before but never have I accepted it like I have recently.I still have my moments of insecurity, but everyone has those. So I dont get too down on myself for that. I try not to think of those too much or too long. I want to give good thoughts power, not negative thoughts power. That seems to help.

Ive figured out that I need an attitude of indifference at times. That at other times I need a laisez faire type of attitude and others an eye to eye I have nothing to hide attitude... helpful on the days where I brave the world wearing a bikini and when the top is balled on my stomach, half a bikini. What can I say? Tans lines are pesky.

I remind myself that everyone has their preferences, I might not be the preference of the masses. Theres a very select lucky few where I would be theirs. Thats what I tell myself. But in the end. I dont really care who prefers who. I just want to be me and not feel anything less than I am. If someone is out there that makes me fell more than me like... say.. uber me... Im sure that guy would be a keeper lol

Its made me look within myself and have made me 'really' look. Ive asked myself some questions to which Ive finally just let go and promised to do something instead of leaving things as they are.I dont want to be a hermit. lol I still see my friends. I still am interested in having a relationship should one be lucky enough to figure out how to get inside. (lol its not hard btw) Im not THAT complicated (or so Id like to think) Im not sure if Im ready for an actual relationship. I might even wander into the casual relationships life seems to offer.

Its time that I explored other things in life that I might not have before. Or for a lack of a better word... experiment. Ill always be careful. Ill always be smart. I wont do drugs, I wont become an alocoholic. Hard truths.