forty three - eating out

I have been bored lately. As in, there hasnt been much going on aside from work and a few other things. I was thinking... is that why people want a partner? So they have someone to do things with? If no one else is available the said girl/boyfriend becomes the go to person to do something with?

I dont know. I know that people want to find a connection with someone and hope that the feelings are reciprocated and both want similar things yet have their own differences. I kinda just want to find someone to spend some time with me doing various things.

I guess heres where it sounds like I am selfish. I dont want a boyfriend. I like my space. I like my freedom , I like my independance. Not even sure I am good at relationships. I just want to enjoy the perks of one without the hassles. Can I be saying all this? Do I actually believe it? Maybe I wont go there yet, the thoughts havent fully materialized in my mind and I am just letting my fingers do all the talking here lol.

I went and had dinner by myself last night. I brought a book with me. I had a rum and coke and chicken with salad and rice. I drank, read and took my time. Enjoyed my food and drink, got lost in my book for a while. I watched people and wondered about them and the lives they lead. I wasnt self conscious about being out alone. I wasnt self conscious about reading in public. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

At one point when I wasnt engrossed in the book I looked up and just let my mind wander... I created a fantasy... 'imagined a man asking if he could join me, I said yes and he sat, we had great conversation, talked about a lot of things... Intrigued each other, catching coy looks and flirty hair tosses. Knees brushing against each other underneath the table. Drinks ordered. Drank slowly, appreciated...'

When I got to my car after staying longer than some people who dine out on their own. I thought, it was pleasant and that I would do that again. I also thought about how it would also be nice to have someone there to enjoy those things with. Enjoying the food, drink, discussing and wondering together about people and their lives. Discussing anything really. Timing is everything I guess lol That was not the right time for company... maybe.

It doesnt have to be a boyfriend. It doesnt matter who it is. Male. female. Just someone who appreciates life. I think it comes down to not wanting to be alone maybe? Even if the person didnt say a word to me and we didnt talk. I think Id be ok with someone just to tag along with on various errands... say even sitting at a park reading a book, or watching people. I cant concentrate anymore on this, im not making sense or theres too much going on in my mind that I cant focus on one thing to sound intelligent here.