thirty five - attraction

I lay in bed the other night over clean sheets and had a light blanket over me. I was fresh from the shower. It was a long day and found that I could not fall asleep. My mind was busy thinking. Thinking of what? I honestly cannot say I thought of one subject in particular. So many thoughts that werent focused or detailed. So many events that have taken place and have yet to take place. Relationships with my family, friends and coworkers. How they came to be, how things currently are and what will happen in the future. Really, my mind was all over the place.

I was almost tempted to write about it, then. Whether to post about it right away in here, in the moment, let my fingers fly over the keyboard, or in my notebook. Try to capture the different thoughts and ideas zooming around in my head. What stopped me from doing just that? The fact that I wanted to sleep. I dislike playing catch up with sleep and wasnt on planning on getting behind on it. I have a nagging feeling that I should have let my fingers fly and let my fingers decide what to capture. Like catching fireflies, jumping in the air, clapping hands together, trapping it gently in between cupped palms and to be deposited into a jar, the post.

Have you ever had that feeling that you have taken on more than you can handle? I focused on that. I am single. I currently dont have a steady relationship. I did up until the end of last year. (not sure that would qualify as a relationship) *shudder* I prefer it this way, being single. For now.I am just dating, not seeing anyone seriously. Just meting new people for coffees, drinks, lunch dinner or movies. There seems to be a number of them. Some I see more than others some have nowhere to go. Theres nothing to look forward to so I dont see them again.

I have other things that I would liketo enjoy. Such as the other fish in the sea. Anyone familiar with that movie called Love potion #9? With Sandra Bullock? LOL There is some similarity to what I feel is happening. Like the movie it was by choice that she was garnering attention from men. Albeit with the use of a potion. I on the other hand just have myself, sans potion. Which is pretty powerful on its own. Being a woman.

My choice to attract men. I dress to attract. I prefer dressing my body in what is flattering for me. Which in turn enhances my confidence because of the fact that I like how I look and know that other people notice me. Sometimes I dont even realie it but thats ok. Great fabulous cycle!! Cant hurt to feed the ego sometimes. Though there are other times no matter how impeccably I am dressed, Im feeling down. Oh well, such is life. Its true though. Look good, feel good. Aside from looking good and feeling comfortable and confident in your own clothes. Personality plays a large role in attraction and I admit that I like the way I interact with people, not to mention the response I get. Never in malice, always polite and courtious. Always interested and very animated in conversation.

When asked what it is I am looking for by anyone. I cant say what it is because I dont know. Which is an honest answer like all my answers are.

Ill have to think on that some more.

I always wonder sometimes what else I could do for the person I am with to make myelf more attractive in their eyes. Barring surgery. I mean maybe adding a pair of thigh highs? wearing glasses? Lets clear something up here. I dont ask that question in vain. I ask because I enjoy it when I know that something that I do or say or wear turns someone on. Or gives them that, wow, just that on you or when you say that its excited and sexy. I do enjoy pleasing someone even if it something as simple as wearing say, stilletos lol which I also enjoy. lol

Point is when I am with someone. I dont mind dressing to impress. Ill always be me inside. Its the 'act' that I dont mind putting on for him to make the experience that much more, intimate. (sometimes it isnt even an act) It just works out that way.

LOL Im not sure if im making sense anymore.