thirty four - update
Update on the weekend man.
We are talking again, not as much as we used to. I am holding him at arms length. He knows it and feels it. I have been very honest with him. I am not waiting for him to change, I dont want him to. I just want him. Want his arms around me, bodies touching, playing and just be together. Ok that was my libido talking. NOTE: I want him for other reasons that doesnt just involve my libido.
I have been honest with him and have told him that I am going out and meeting people. He had a feeling I would have. He knows I have .. needs and said that I am young and beautiful, that I am sensual and didnt have a claim on me.
NOTE: I am not a model. Men say things when they are in trouble.. or very aroused :) lol
*** Does that mean he does want a claim? OR... is that his way of saying that I can do what I want to seeing as we are not together? LOL I am so naive. *** Oh well back to doing my thing.
The thing is. I think he gets off knowing that Ive been with other men. It turns him on to no end. I dont know how I feel about this. He wants to know the details of what transpires in my night spent with them. I have talked to him about it and felt a little embarrassed and yet I know that it is helping me to be bolder and more confident when talking about subjects with a sexual nature. (im shy... so I need the help in talking about it) lol
Which brings me to the question. Am I telling him because I know he gets turned on by it? or because I know im learning from it? maybe both. Why not both? OR could there be other reasons? hmmmm things to think about.
Now like I said were not talking as much as before. I dont mind that anymore. I am still doing as I please. Seeing other people for this and that. It is a wait and see for me. I will not be idle and wait. I have my own adventures to create. It is all a learning experience for me. I have my doubts and fears but I also have the want for more, more what? Why limit myself to certain things. More of everything.
We are talking again, not as much as we used to. I am holding him at arms length. He knows it and feels it. I have been very honest with him. I am not waiting for him to change, I dont want him to. I just want him. Want his arms around me, bodies touching, playing and just be together. Ok that was my libido talking. NOTE: I want him for other reasons that doesnt just involve my libido.
I have been honest with him and have told him that I am going out and meeting people. He had a feeling I would have. He knows I have .. needs and said that I am young and beautiful, that I am sensual and didnt have a claim on me.
NOTE: I am not a model. Men say things when they are in trouble.. or very aroused :) lol
*** Does that mean he does want a claim? OR... is that his way of saying that I can do what I want to seeing as we are not together? LOL I am so naive. *** Oh well back to doing my thing.
The thing is. I think he gets off knowing that Ive been with other men. It turns him on to no end. I dont know how I feel about this. He wants to know the details of what transpires in my night spent with them. I have talked to him about it and felt a little embarrassed and yet I know that it is helping me to be bolder and more confident when talking about subjects with a sexual nature. (im shy... so I need the help in talking about it) lol
Which brings me to the question. Am I telling him because I know he gets turned on by it? or because I know im learning from it? maybe both. Why not both? OR could there be other reasons? hmmmm things to think about.
Now like I said were not talking as much as before. I dont mind that anymore. I am still doing as I please. Seeing other people for this and that. It is a wait and see for me. I will not be idle and wait. I have my own adventures to create. It is all a learning experience for me. I have my doubts and fears but I also have the want for more, more what? Why limit myself to certain things. More of everything.
posted by darling @ 6:16 PM
6 Comments:
At June 23, 2006 5:01 AM,
afrobev said…
A bit strange that he gets turned on by you being with other men isn't it? I know it takes all sorts but it's obvious he's not long term if he likes you with being with other men. Okay if it's just a sexual thing but not if you actually want committment out of this bloke.
He sounds like a bit of a self destructive guy to me (and a bit of a prat!) and he will probably take you down that destructive twisted path of his too. If he's not quite sure then I say don't waste your time on him. He's obviously just playing and messing you around. You deserve better than that and if he's not willing to act normal then sod him.
Obviously just an opinion though Darling.
At June 23, 2006 5:02 AM,
afrobev said…
P.S Where is your A-Z? It's got to be done.
At June 23, 2006 9:00 AM,
darling said…
Thank you for your thoughts.
Ive been thinking on it and realize he cant be 100% genuine. Instead of cutting off ties, I am choosing to continue the acquaintance and learn about myself and how I deal with certain situations. I have prepared myself and have hardened a little towards him.
Purely selfish now. Theres no better teacher than experience right? I want to know what I am made of and I need him for that.
I am very careful when it comes to myself, my mind, my body. Only I can hurt them. Thats the power that I dont give anyone. (so idlike to think? lol)
I am not focusing all my attention on him. I have other interests that keep me occupied.
At June 23, 2006 9:03 AM,
darling said…
LOL My A-Z has been put on hold but will make an appearance.
P for Patience :)
G for Get started lol
At June 23, 2006 8:24 PM,
Brewster said…
I would be careful if I were you. Most men do not get turned on by that. Quite the contrary, they get jealous and mad. Anyway, best wishes and proceed with care.
At June 25, 2006 9:25 PM,
Unknown said…
Dump him if he isn't committed enough to you to want to be in a one to one exclusive relationship.
A real man doesn't want to possess or just be turned on by his mate, but be a partner, an devoted and attentive partner. Don't let yourself be drawn into that web of confusion. The man you want will respect your body and your soul.
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