152 - glasses
Why does no one see. Am I that good of an actress that no one sees me? The real me. The one thats calling for help. Help to get me out of this whatever you want to call it. Hell.
I dont ask for help. Ive never done it before. OK, maybe I have but its rare. Ive been able to take care of myself. Its strange this time as I dont know what this is. Where its coming from. Why its happening.
Maybe they are in the same hell I am in. Thats why they dont see, because they are in the same place. Feel the same thing. Lost, helpless and I hate to say it alone. Fleeting as the moment is sometimes, its hell to get rid of.
I wonder who will notice. Who will care, who will help. I smile and wave and my body moves normally. One foot in front of the other, a slight curve of my lip in a smile. My eyes plead with someone to save me. I turn away every so often to brush a stray tear that seems to have pooled in my eye.
Theres less and less eye contact I find. Some people wont look you in the eye when they talk to other people. It is too personal? Too direct or is it that they cant just focus? Maybe its always been like this, why havent I noticed before.
Maybe thats why they dont know, they havent seen my eyes.
I have to get new sunglasses. I think these are crooked...
PS, Im working things out of my system. Still feeling the crunch of it, but soon ill be right as rain. This too shall pass...
I dont ask for help. Ive never done it before. OK, maybe I have but its rare. Ive been able to take care of myself. Its strange this time as I dont know what this is. Where its coming from. Why its happening.
Maybe they are in the same hell I am in. Thats why they dont see, because they are in the same place. Feel the same thing. Lost, helpless and I hate to say it alone. Fleeting as the moment is sometimes, its hell to get rid of.
I wonder who will notice. Who will care, who will help. I smile and wave and my body moves normally. One foot in front of the other, a slight curve of my lip in a smile. My eyes plead with someone to save me. I turn away every so often to brush a stray tear that seems to have pooled in my eye.
Theres less and less eye contact I find. Some people wont look you in the eye when they talk to other people. It is too personal? Too direct or is it that they cant just focus? Maybe its always been like this, why havent I noticed before.
Maybe thats why they dont know, they havent seen my eyes.
I have to get new sunglasses. I think these are crooked...
PS, Im working things out of my system. Still feeling the crunch of it, but soon ill be right as rain. This too shall pass...
posted by darling @ 8:20 AM
4 Comments:
At March 05, 2007 1:29 PM,
Liza said…
Oh, Darling - I think a hug would do you a world of good right now:
(((((((hug))))))))
If I could, I'd bring you a box of cupcakes and a bunch of cute guys to play spin-the-bottle with, but for now, I'm going to try some virtual empathy and appreciation for what you are going through, since it's the best I can do.
You just moved, you're settling into a whole bunch of new responsibilities, and things seem to be settling into a good, but more long-term and steady direction.
You aren't being ungrateful, or petulant, or even bored, but there's a lot to comprehend and give meaning to. And for whatever reason(s), you're overwhelmed to the point that nothing makes much sense. You probably even have a few people who depend on you to be the same wonderful, cheery, confident and sexy Darling you always are.
But damnit, even beautiful people have days when they are stuck in a rut. And I know that there's probably a lot more that you don't write about here, because even in cyberspace someone may still be able to put the details together and realize who you are in the day to day world.
You are your best advisor when you say that this too, shall pass. There is no magic wand to make the pain go away, but a pain shared is a pain halved, and many people really do care about you. There is nothing false, fake, or otherwise insincere about who you are or what you are going through.
I don't pretend to know exactly what you are experiencing or to say that "I was once there too." But I do know that you are obviously hurting and possibly would like some reassurance that you are worthy of having someone say, "it'll be okay."
It will be okay.
Liza
PS - sorry for the long comments - I'll reply directly, or not at all, if preferred...
At March 05, 2007 7:25 PM,
Brewster said…
Darling, Sorry to hear things are still rough for you right now. See, I am originally from New York, where it is custom not to look at anyone in the streets, but when you are talking with someone, it was always polite to look them in the eyes. Again, we are here to help, so if you want to talk, you know where to find us. Do take care of yourself. As Liza said, consider yourself hugged.
At March 06, 2007 1:36 PM,
darling said…
Hi Liza,
Cupcakes AND cute guys?! :) I can dream! lol
I agree, we all have off days. Mine doesnt happen often and so I think when they do come around its intense like a mack truck would hit :)
Thank you Liza.. It will be ok :) I appreciate your thoughts and comments no matter the length.
Hi Brewster,
I appreciate the concern. It helps to voice/type it out and just get it out of my mind for a moment.
Hugs are good :) Thank you.
You take care of yourself too.
At March 06, 2007 2:05 PM,
Frank Nemecek said…
I'm just jealous that Liza has never offered bring over cute girls for me to play spin-the-bottle with.
Love & laugther,
Frank
Post a Comment
<< Home