153 - measures

I think I have too much on my plate again OR I don't have enough to do...OR the things that I'm doing aren't satisfying something in me that needs it. Which might explain the darker posts that have come lately. The Out of control feelings? Maybe I need to take control of something..

I'm not sure what to do. I don't know what I want and I don't know what I don't want anymore. Its time to reorganize... again. Every so often it needs to be done. Ill be OK. Don't worry too much. My highs are high and my lows aren't often.

I wonder if I want to know any of the above. I imagine going through life in bliss. Not being aware. Is ignorance really bliss. For a moment maybe, but for life? I'm not quite sure.

I would try it out but I'm too aware to ever be really ignorant. Even when I don't want to be. Its there. I guess we all are at some times and in regards to certain things, sometimes on purpose other times.. clueless.

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I appreciate them. It helps a little to be able to just get something as simple as writing it out and getting it out of my mind this way.. even if its relief for a moment.

Today I need a hug... OK I need more than a hug. I was trying to keep it at just a hug. But it wont be enough, I still feel the need to rip off clothes and feel hot skin against my own. How slutty is that. My weakness... sex. Is that possible? Why cant anything be simple?!?

I don't smoke, drink excessively or participate in drugs. Maybe I should? Think of it as a trade off. But really. I think if I had to choose of any of the above I might have to stick with what I already have.

The dark side of Darling rises. Why am I sharing? I don't know. Maybe Ill regret it later, maybe not. I'm honest and you get the good with the bad right. Don't worry there is more good than bad :)

I just want something that I cant name, that I cant describe, that I cant reach out and touch. Maybe one day ill reach out and something will be there. Ive got plenty of time... I think? Oh well Whatever will happen whenever it will happen. I hope I'm around to witness it :)

As is the Darling way. Ill do whatever needs to be done (blush) The whatever Ill leave to your imagination. Sometimes its just a good nights sleep. Others... well.. other measures are taken.

Regular reading pleasure soon to return. Stay tuned.

Feeling much better as things get worked out of my system. Like anything, I like to do things thoroughly... its like feeding an ever hungry beast... selfish and hungry with a one track mind. Interested in one thing. OK maybe a few things but all closely related to each other somehow.