317 - Soup and friends

D's friend F has been in Florida since last Thursday and hell be back in town this Saturday evening. He had met this girl a while back, I don't have all the details but they reconnected after some time and when he mentioned he was going on vacation, she offered to go with him. She paid for her trip and tada shes there with him.

D has met her and says shes young and gorgeous. That brought out the little green devil in me and I was a bit hmmph about it. But that's OK. These things happen. I did feel better when he followed that up with and there's something wrong with her mentally.

I did mini hooray - silent of course and then he went on to tell me why he said what he did. I now also know that F and this girl aren't having sex or any major or minor petting. Kissing I asked? Nothing.

Her plan for going to Florida was to get some work done. I'm not sure what kind of work but some kind of plastic surgery. Which led me to think that If this girl is gorgeous then I don't know what someone would want to get any work done. Granted Ive never seen what she looks like but I mean. If someone can be described as that then I just find it strange that that person would want to change something on the outside.

Which confirms my thought that everyone has something that they are self conscious about. Or, maybe in her case, someone else was going to foot the bill? Which yes, in her case someone else was going to foot the bill. Not D or F. Someone twice her age who lives thousands of miles away from her.

Anyway. It made me think. Of what he thinks of me. I know I'm not a model and I tell that to people all the time. I'm not. I'm just me, normal. I just had a slew of thoughts go through my mind about beauty and outward appearances. Maybe it was just the moment. Maybe its the truth maybe its just a sliver of time when I felt that I was just something that faded into the background. Insignificant in this big bad world of glamour and glitz.

I wondered how in the world I was supposed to get noticed when those that people think are gorgeous get things done. How does a person stand out in a crowd and turn heads without any enhancements.

So yeah, a little jealous over here. He also mentioned these 2 girls he saw at the Casino. Really good looking girls. Well put together and stunning was the word he used.

I think I'm feeling a bit ummm insecure the past couple of days. I haven't talked to him about it and I'm not sure I will. Full disclosure? Sometimes I edit whats disclosed so now I guess its called the edited disclosure.

I mean, would it be weird to talk about issues of insecurity with someone that I'm sleeping with? Id like to ask questions which might make him uncomfortable and I don't want to make it seem like I'm grilling him... or boring him for that matter.

I guess I miss K. He was really good for those kinds of conversations. He loved hearing about my rambles. I would talk about something for 10 minutes straight asking hypothetical questions and actual ones as well. In the end we would laugh about it all.

I should send him an email.

I got what I thought was a random phone call where they didn't leave a message and I didn't recognize the phone number. Wrong number maybe? When my cell rang again with the same number I picked up and it was A. Unbelievable. But it was good to hear from him. I was worried and rightly so. He was in the hospital for a while and hes better now. Hes changed phone numbers which is why I didn't recognize the number.

We got caught up on whats been happening and we would try to work our schedules out so we could get together sometime.

I didn't expect to get a call from P when he said he would call so that worked out well. Its all on his schedule. I know hes got a full plate and he does a lot of travelling which makes trying to work something out a bit difficult. I just hope hes OK.

I haven't heard from M2 which is fine. I think he'll go to the wood chipper... if I haven't already thrown him in there, it will happen again.

I'm meeting with AR tonight. Nothing fancy so don't get your hopes up for anything juicy.