For you

You didn't hear me when I said it. At least I don't think you did. You might have heard me and decided it was better not to deal with it then. I don't think you heard me. I said ' I think I'm falling in love with you'. I wanted you' to hear me say it. I couldn't say it again out loud and instead what came out was tears. I chickened out and was scared of your reaction.

You pulled me close and wrapped your arms around me and told me that its ok. Is it? What is.

It might not be the best thing for you to be told at the moment.. much less read about it.

I don't know when, I don't know how. I don't know why. It just really feels good when you're near. I would hope that you feel a little of that too but I know that its very unlikely.

You not feeling the same way is OK. There are so many things that I cant control. Feeling this way feels like it should fall under that category. Sad to say that you are'nt able to control it either.

Im stuck in the middle of wanting and not wanting. This may or not make sense. I want you for many reasons. I dont want you for the reasons you don't want me to.

Maybe in another life we were together and theres something that calls me to you. I cant explain it. Theres nothing about you that I don't like. Maybe there is something... I just havent come across it.

Sometimes I feel like an inexperienced child around you. You've helped me in ways you dont even realize.

Thank you.

This isn't made to make you feel uncomfortable, not meant to make you run away from me, not meant to have you reciprocate anything that I am feeling. Its just meant to share with you.

Youve become one of my closest friends. Other than my sister, you know so much about me that no one else knows.

Maybe I love you as a friend. I already know I do. I love you as a person. Ive told you before I think you are one of the best people I know.

Sometimes I'm too honest and open but I dont know how else to be.

I dont expect anything to change because of what youre currently reading. In fact Im not even thinking it wil personally help me in any way... If anything I might even be shooting myself in the foot.

Maybe you are my fantasy which happens to be someone elses reality. If so whatever this is. Im enjoying it. As it is.

I know Im not a priority in your life. I thoroughly enjoy that you share what you do with me. I wish I could be involved in your life more than I am now but know that its not possible.

I love spending time with you. On the phone, going out together, sharing a bed and any other way I can get you.

I'm not expecting more than how things are right now. For now. I also don't want you to feel bad that I feel the way I do. I certainly don't feel bad. Its just not in the cards. It is what it is.

Just know that you are someone special in my life and that having feeling for you comes as unexpected as you reading about it here.

Theres a part of me that loves you... the rest of me knows that I cant have you.