ten

I cant sleep. Emotions running high. Feel like I need to leave, go and BE.
Be what? not me, not live this life. Do something different? How different?
Someone else. Someone more.

I feel like I need a break. Someone do something. Be there. Change the tide. How do I get rid of this? I need to cry. Let it out. Im so tired of doing it on my own. With only my arms around me holding myself tight

I want strong arms around me, a shoulder to cry on. Warmth and comfort. A sense of coming home. Safe. Cherished. Loved. I want nothing that I wouldnt be able to return.

I was reading a book that brought me to this state. Powerful book, made me think and look inside and made me think of what I want out of life. Its not all outlined for me but change is a must. For the better of course.

Funny. I looked over my posts and it all seems very 'woe is me' Not sure if thats what I intended the post to come across.

Ever just want to share yourself? Be open and honest? I want to be that always. Its why I asked b4 if that might be intense for some. I might be quiet and shy with some people. Because im not sure how people will take that openness and honesty.

Will it get me anywhere? being open and honest? Some would say that being guarded and conniving would get me further. Im at the edge. I know that I am being true to myself when im open and honest, but im intrigued by the rest. Looking at what could be.

It calls to me, tempting me, whispering that pleasures and joys are easily within my grasp. At what price? my soul. The knowing, that I chose immediate gratification. At the sake of who? of what? Others? Id have to live with myself daily with knowing that my decision my selfishness, my action caused a ripple of devastation for others.

No, Ill stay my shy and quiet self. Safe in the knowing that the ripples that I do make are ones that might disturb but not devastate.

Ill just have to ... I dont know. Do right not wrong. Help others and not be a burden. Be strong not weak.

We all have out battles to fight.