106 - which is it?
Why is it at some point I think my life is so simple, so cut and dried, so very black and so very white. Everything has a place and everything makes sense.
Of course there are other times when Im stuck in a grey area where I cant decide what is happening in my life and things are just continuing on without me, scaring me, astonishing me and a whole plethora of other emotions that I am left to reel over.
Other times my life resembles something someone decided to toss together with what they left in their fridge. Chaos. Hopefully something good comes out of the mix. Always hoping for the best and hoping that nothing gets thrown out in the trash or worse, regurgitated.
Sometimes I think that my life is dull and boring. That isnt me. I think that I need to spice things up, that I need to do something, go somewhere and just do something so out of the blue and so off the course to remind myself that.. what? Im alive? What am I even trying to tell myself by doing the things I do.
I dont know.
Other times I think I cant possibly handle everything that is going on in my life. That I should just drop everything and pick things up when I feel like it. That doesnt sound very responsible does it? That isnt me either.
I need to be constantly on the go, on the move, always have to have something happening. AND in case that something happening of mine falls through I calways have something else to fall back on.
Always be prepared.
Sometimes I want to be surrounded by people. Any kind of people, interesting people where I can learn something, fun people where I can laugh, serious people where I can press my eyebrows together in concentration. Anyone.
Other times I like to be alone, to be on my own and relax the only way I know will make it oh so gooood :) To do whatever I want to. When I want to why? Just because I can. I like to be alone in public places, and alone when I am home. Sounds hermit-like? Maybe. But I understand the value of time by myself without having to think of other people. Putting myself first for a little while and indulging in pleasures that I selfishly 100% take for myself. LOL
When youre used to being surrounded by people you appreciate the time you have to yourself. It makes it more meaningful to be alone. The hard part is not to feel lonely. That feeling creeps up on you. Sometimes even in a crowd of thousands, or sitting on your kitchen table having a cup of tea.
It strikes without warning.
What is my life? dull and boring? or fun and exciting. Im thinking both. If I run away from one. The other just calls to me. If I forget about one the other finds ways to break free and encase me in its arms.
Ive got to embrace it all. I have to organize my time properly so that I have the proper balance of it all. Maybe then I will placate myself. Maybe.
Welcome to my self talk....its all in perspective darling. Keep it together. You have a plan. Follow through. Youre strong, tough and full of life. Keep it going... what do you have to lose?!
Of course there are other times when Im stuck in a grey area where I cant decide what is happening in my life and things are just continuing on without me, scaring me, astonishing me and a whole plethora of other emotions that I am left to reel over.
Other times my life resembles something someone decided to toss together with what they left in their fridge. Chaos. Hopefully something good comes out of the mix. Always hoping for the best and hoping that nothing gets thrown out in the trash or worse, regurgitated.
Sometimes I think that my life is dull and boring. That isnt me. I think that I need to spice things up, that I need to do something, go somewhere and just do something so out of the blue and so off the course to remind myself that.. what? Im alive? What am I even trying to tell myself by doing the things I do.
I dont know.
Other times I think I cant possibly handle everything that is going on in my life. That I should just drop everything and pick things up when I feel like it. That doesnt sound very responsible does it? That isnt me either.
I need to be constantly on the go, on the move, always have to have something happening. AND in case that something happening of mine falls through I calways have something else to fall back on.
Always be prepared.
Sometimes I want to be surrounded by people. Any kind of people, interesting people where I can learn something, fun people where I can laugh, serious people where I can press my eyebrows together in concentration. Anyone.
Other times I like to be alone, to be on my own and relax the only way I know will make it oh so gooood :) To do whatever I want to. When I want to why? Just because I can. I like to be alone in public places, and alone when I am home. Sounds hermit-like? Maybe. But I understand the value of time by myself without having to think of other people. Putting myself first for a little while and indulging in pleasures that I selfishly 100% take for myself. LOL
When youre used to being surrounded by people you appreciate the time you have to yourself. It makes it more meaningful to be alone. The hard part is not to feel lonely. That feeling creeps up on you. Sometimes even in a crowd of thousands, or sitting on your kitchen table having a cup of tea.
It strikes without warning.
What is my life? dull and boring? or fun and exciting. Im thinking both. If I run away from one. The other just calls to me. If I forget about one the other finds ways to break free and encase me in its arms.
Ive got to embrace it all. I have to organize my time properly so that I have the proper balance of it all. Maybe then I will placate myself. Maybe.
Welcome to my self talk....its all in perspective darling. Keep it together. You have a plan. Follow through. Youre strong, tough and full of life. Keep it going... what do you have to lose?!
posted by darling @ 11:51 AM
3 Comments:
At November 07, 2006 12:27 PM,
George said…
I think you have a normal life like the rest of us. Yes, sometimes it is boring and it can also be exciting. Sometimes it is lonely and other times it is too crowded. Sometimes you go with the plans you have while other times you go with the flow.
I don't think you should try to regulate your time to specific areas like you are saying. Just try to keep it balanced as best you can and stay near the middle of the balance much of the time ... that will make the exciting times more enjoyable and the painful time not as painful. You don't necessarily want extremes do you?
At November 08, 2006 6:43 PM,
Brewster said…
Darling, from what I have seen in the past your life is all of the above. I think that is true in all of our lives. We have good and then bad. Everything in nature has an opposite, so...have fun with it.
At November 09, 2006 10:50 AM,
darling said…
HI George,
I think for the last little while Its either one end or the other. Im trying towork on being balanced. Harder than it sounds LOL
Its all in perspective really.
Hello Brewster,
You make sense as well. Might as well enjoy it while I can. Silly roller coaster!! :)
Be good!
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