383- feminine wiles

Ive been accused of using the powers of feminine wiles to further my… home improvements, among other things.

This comment comes from SE who I believe doesn't hold my self to any sort of esteem. This hasn’t been the first in this line of thinking.

Which makes me feel a little odd. One it makes me think that I might actually be taking advantage of men? Two, that I might be one of those pretty girls who gets what she asks for by fluttering my eyelashes? Three, that SE has a really low opinion of me and that deserves some deductions in points for SE.

It bothers me that someone thinks I am taking advantage of other people whether it be male or female. To me I would be the last person to take advantage of someone. Then again… isn’t that something anyone would say about themselves?

Is that me just making excuses and generalizing? Making things normal when they arent?

The interlock stones have been put down in my back yard and it all looks super duper fantabulous. I didn’t hire a crew to install it. I had a friend help me with ideas and the how to, as well as the elbow grease.

I didn’t want to miss the experience of working on a project from the first shovel of dirt to the laying of the stones.

So it took 8 days to turn my back yard into a page out of a magazine, it would have been done in 4-5 if the weather had co-operated but some needed rain came down.

I am very happy with how it all turned out and once Ive finished with making it just right I might take pictures and post them to show off .

There are still a few things to add to the backyard but it will all come together in time. The seeds I planted are starting to grow and its going to look really good. I cant wait. Heres to a sunny summer so we cal all enjoy.

382 - waxing soup

So I have an issue with A, he wants something I dont. He wants to have a relationship with me but Im not so keen on that.

If I were to have a relationship with someone Id have to be able to talk to them often, see them often and go out at different times during the day if possible. Not all on the same day but you know what I mean. If its planned and all that and it works out.

The thing is, with A, it very difficult to get a hold of him when I do return his calls. Its even worse when we try to see each other. Plans will change and then the plan is nixed. Dont ask me what he does because even he hasnt been that upfront with me. Which leads me to take what he says with a grain of salt.

When someone says they are going to do something, I have no reason to think they wont do it. But when they dont follow through and they prove consistent in not following through It puts me in a difficult position. it makes me think.

Think of telling him to be a man and man up. Do what you say youre going to do and make sure youre able to back it up. If not then you come out looking like a fool and then makes me feel like one for believing it.

With all the stories he tells its disappointing that he isnt able to come through when he says something. Ive been told Im too nice and I believe it with A because now Im in a spot where I want out and he wants me to say I miss him when he leaves. He asks me when I want him to come back when he goes away.

I heard from SL and hes asking to see how I am since its been a while since we last were together. I know he wants us to get together again but Im not so sure. With him it was a timing thing and I need the guy to be able to compromise as much as I am willing to (if it works for me)

I have to admit that my memory of him are a little fuzzy so it might clear it up to get together with him again but there isnt a pressing need so I can put that one on hold for now. There was this day at a hotel that I remember with him...

SQ is someone I havent mentioned before and I should give him a call and see where we can take things. Ive been a little on the cautious side because its a small world and I would hate for worlds to collide.

R has called and has been a sweetheart. I really should make time for him when he is in town next. I cant promise him anything and I say that to all of the people I meet and I also dont discount that something wont happen. its a play it by ear and see how things work out kind of deal.

SE is off my list as he is in line for a baby. Friends for sure but as for anything else.. its a no go. That doesnt mean he wont try, he is a healthy mle after all but I dont want to distract from the huge responsibility that will be coming his way in the next fesw months.

I cant help but feel a twinge of regret that I wont be able to find out where things could have gone with SE. Hes pretty :) Im not too worried though there was enough there to know that it might not have worked out. So I can put him in my spank bank :)

D and I are still doing our thing and well. Its OK. I havent had a moment where Ive gone all girly on him and asked why? in a why cant we be together kind of way. Instead I just enjoy what it is we do. Not to say that it wont happen again but for now things are going smoothly.

381 - the woman comes out

Ive been a victim of my own making. There I am a single woman who enjoys life, is friendly and if I say so myself... quite a catch. I wont go into detail in this post about why I think I'm a catch but I might at another time. When I'm feeling no fear or modesty.

So there I was all decked out to the nines and I have my butterfly wings all a flutter making everyone else's stomach flutter. My partner for the evening is pleasant and has piqued my interest and has managed to have me keep him in my periphery vision.

I'm curious about him and want to see him in action so to speak. See how he moves, how he interacts with people that I know and people that I don't know for that matter. He looks good all dressed up and I think we make a great looking couple fr the evening.

That thought is followed by wondering how we would look like without the clothes and wearing each other instead. I excuse myself from the current conversation and move along to be in his view.

He sees me and makes his own excuses and walks over to me. We make our way around together and after dinner and drinks we make our way home....

The next day I drive myself crazy wondering why he didn't say anything about how I looked that night. I looked fabulous. Other people mentioned that I looked fantastic, looked healthy and all that great stuff that's always nice to hear. I just wonder why he didn't say anything.

Welcome to the mind of a woman. Well my mind anyway, I'm not so sure if all other women think the same way. I know for a fact that on certain topics I'm a little off. Or vice versa :)

So I wonder and wonder and start to question peoples taste then worse than that I start to question my own taste. So then I get a little cranky and I'm not so open to his advances and I mention how I felt about what happened or what didn't happen on his part.

His way of apologizing was to mention that I looked particularly ravishing in what I was currently wearing and that made me if possible a little more upset about the whole situation because I myself didn't find myself looking particularly ravishing in what he thought was.

I knew he was trying to make up for something he didn't think was important to I couldn't really get mad at him for something he didn't find a big deal so I just said he had bad timing and thanked him.

I few days later I was thinking about what happened and how I let myself go a little nutty over what had happened. I might have talked about everyone needing attention at some point in this blog and its true we all need attention and we all need to be acknowledged and we also need someone to validate us.

Sad as it is sometimes we look for validation. Sometimes its for a good reason other times not so good. I was looking for someone to tell me I was pretty and I looked good.

I should also share that at the time I was having moments of uncertainty with how I looked. So it just played into the whole thing and didn't help the fact that I was unsure of myself. So Ive reminded myself that though I might not be a supermodel gracing magazines, I manage to turns heads wherever I go. That has to count for something right? It does to me.

I forget that sometimes and my actions remind me that I am pretty. I am OK. Nothing more nothing less. I am me and I am happy with me. Even with wanting to lose a few pounds I am happy where I am and its never a bad thing to want to improve oneself. But as long as I'm happy now I know that other peoples comments are just that.

So lesson learned. I have moments where I am weak and find myself needing to hear compliments when I cant seem to hear my own.

380 -Anticipation

The lotions I smooth over my body, the powders I brush over my collarbone and flick over my nipples, the gloss over my lips. Letting my imagination run wild with how things might happen, different scenarios. Wondering if my outfit will entice, arouse and stimulate.

I slip on the smallest black gstring and do a full turn in front of the mirror. I take in the small dip in my lower back, see the two dimples, the curve of my ass and I'm satisfied with how it wraps around me and disappears in between.

A glass of wine, a taste of strawberry. Teasing myself for whats to come.

I slip my arms through the straps, my breasts cupped snugly, pushed up and together, I fasten it behind me and watch the sway of material move back and forth against me.

The sight in the mirror turns me on. I feel a gush of heat through me. I can see through the material, there is space in between what is hanging. Like tassels but longer. From beneath my breasts to the tops of my thighs, like a curtain that doesn't hide anything.

I turn around again and look over my shoulder and see my back is equally arousing to me as the front. A two inch gap with no material shows my spine all the way down to the dip where my gstring disappears.

I smile, I cant wait to see his reaction.

Disappointment

My phone rings. I see who it is and answer in a voice close to breathless. ‘I'm ready’ A small chuckle is heard and a question is asked. ‘For..?’ A hesitation in my answer ‘For.. you..?’

My arousal drops, my shoulders sag and there are no words except ‘OK’ as I hear the story. I think ‘all for nothing’

Frustrated with myself for putting so much into it. For looking forward to something. For letting myself imagine that it would work out. I look down at myself after I say ‘see you later’ in a defeated voice and I am no longer aroused. Instead I'm sad.

So I sit here in nothing my the gstring. Skin so soft and smooth and think. It wont be the same when I do it all over again for the next time. Ill always have this in the back of my mind. That it didn't work out.

Maybe it will though. Maybe it will next time and that’s what makes me continue to use the lotions, lip gloss and powders...

The anticipation begins...