401 - Man and Woman

Very new development with AS. Hes witty which I enjoy. Hes tall which makes me feel delicate. Hes patient which I appreciate. Hes persistent which makes me smirk. Hes sweet which makes me smile. Hes cute which makes me blush. Hes on the ball which impresses me. Hes tenacious which reels me in. Hes ambitious which arouses me. Hes attached both makes me glad and sad.

Let me just say that I am attracted to someone that is confident. I mean who wouldnt be in any interaction. He has it in spades but in a way thats not in your face. Its very subtle but very grounded. In the time that we have known each other he has been patient with me which I cannot say how much it helps in going at my own pace. Theres no sense of rushing to get to a certain point. Everything has been so fluid. So effortless which makes it feel so natural.

Ive met people that have come and gone in my life that have been able to trade witty barbs, can banter with ease, exchange witty repartees. None of them have been able to put it all together and keep it going. Keep it fresh and not only that.. but also call me on things that no one else would have. He actually doesnt let me off the hook. For example, sometimes if theres a question I dont want to go into at the moment for whatever reason. I will find a way to answer a similar in spirit but not in actuality question. He would call me out on it in a very polite way with a zany comment which makes me accountable.

Folks let me tell you... my mind was seduced. There was going to be no way my body was not going to follow him. Seduce my mind and my body will follow. I quoted that to him at one of our very first meets. He listens. He did it right.

So right that I was fighting myself on what to do with him. I have to decide in what capacity I want him in my life. FWB NSA? Friend, Lover?...?? Im in a pickle.

Theres so much about him that does it for me. Gads! Even his voice turns me on. When our eyes catch, he looks intense and it pulls me in. He thinks before he speaks. So what comes out is aimed directly at the part of my head that needed to hear the answer. His hands are what I like mens hands to be like :)

All I know.... its exciting to be in a place of unknown. Its exciting to not know what will happen, theres so many possibilities. Its arousing to imagine letting my body follow what my mind has imagined. Its confusing to wonder if there is anything reciprocated on his part.

It is refreshing to find a man to my woman. Ladies and gentlemen, I have found someone that makes me feel like a special delicate feminine woman.

Dream, Fantasy, Truth or Fiction

Inside his car on our way on our road trip. I feel shy. I'm happy to be there with him. It feels new even though Ive known him for a while. There is an excitement in the air.

The weather is nice. There is a breeze outside that's cold and crisp. Our windows stay closed. Its very comfortable in the car. We are quiet for a moment and I wonder if I should reach out and put my hand on his knee. I also wonder if we will be holding hands.

I look over at him and we smile. We made idle conversation. I can tell there is something on his mind. Something he wants to talk about. I put my hand on his knee and that makes him uncomfortable. Something inside me is screaming that I shouldn't have done that. I close my eyes and sigh. A little rejected and a little disappointed, I whisper an apology.

I lift my hand off his knee and start to pull it away, when I feel his hand over mine, pressing it down back to his knee. His fingers wrap around mine and gives me a slight squeeze for some reassurance. I feel a little confused and look at him. Hes looking at me and tells me that its nothing that I did, there is something that he wants to talk about.

I remain silent and just nod my head in acceptance. He takes a couple of deep breaths and tells me that he has been thinking of this for a while and wasn't sure when the right time for it would be. He wants me to meet with his whole family, he wants us both to be in front of them to show that we have decided to be together.

I smile and tell him that I'm happy with that idea. I put my head on his shoulder and feel wrapped in warmth and soon drift off.

A First

A first. I accidentally exposed this blog to a good friend of mine. A GOOD FRIEND My reaction was that I freaked out at myself. I was in shock that in all the years I've been able to keep the existence a secret to those in my family, my inner circle of friends, to all of a sudden a slight snafu on my part made worlds collide.

The dangers of technology. With one click of a button worlds collided. The stars blinked out, time stopped, cats and dogs got along. In that one instant I was bared naked for my friend to see, to wonder, to judge, to know.

After that click of a button how long did I think it would take him to figure it out. A nano second, no less than that. The thought so fluid from "click" to "what have I just done!!??" just... fluid. There was no time. To bring it down, shut it down, activate any kind of self destruct procedure so that nothing can be salvaged, seen or committed to memory. The few clicks it would have taken to do anything was too late. In the next breath I resigned myself to reality.

He is really fast on the uptake. I can only imagine how quick he was on the uptake. A few clicks and voilà. Two identities melding into one. Worlds colliding with every second that passed, triumph, recognition, victory of solving the puzzle. Meanwhile on my end a sense of shock covers me in a haze. My brain is not functioning. All I can reply to his texts of success in figuring it out was OMG... after a few more OMG replies he realizes this is big.

After reading a post he tells me that I am a very good writer. This pleases me amidst the shock. It makes me smile and I know that he is a true friend when he offers to not read anything else. My shock is telling and after a few deep breathes and accepting that... one, things happen for a reason, two, I cannot turn back time. (only Superman can do that), three, along the previous line, I cannot change what occurred.

I told him that whether he decides to continue or not. That I am ok. We are friends.

Now I sit here wondering. Ive been telling myself that I should get back to posting more as there's a long gap from the last post. I shall try to post more frequently.

I want to describe how I felt. Its like jumping off the edge of a cliff. You take a deep breath and release it with the thought 'here goes nothing'

Its like being at your limit, being at the point of no return, because if you take one more step or do one more thing it will never be the same. Its going into unknown territory. Its going to a battle and not being armed.

Its taking that leap of faith, that moving forward will be just that. Moving forward.

Here's to 2014.

To you the reader. All the best for this year. May you experience life, love and happiness.

Darling