twenty-lost post

Trying to recreate the lost post lol It will never be as good I know it, I feel it (theres a reason everyone wants to be first!! duplicates/recreations/copies arent the same) How awful. I cant even recall how it began and it felt soooo right at the time. Maybe its not the right time for me to post this, ooohhhhhh stop the madness!!!!

OK in essence, it was uplifting, energizing and pure. There was no editing, no censorship, just raw thoughts, feelings and enlightenments (pretty word huh??) No ifs, ands or buts. Be tough!

Youll never know unless you try, never know unless you ask. I dont want to look back thinking I should have... or I could have... and why didnt I... ?? I want to look back and think of the moments where I put myself out there, took a chance, took a risk, made the first move. Good or bad outcomes, I can look back and not feel like I missed out on something.

I spoke with The man, he explained what happened. Doesnt excuse him from not calling. I had all this mad inside me that wanted to come out and lash out, to hurt him somehow, or maybe to show him how hurt I was by his.. inaction. All that mad came out in the form of tears, not the hysterical, sputtering, inaudible kind but the silent falling of tears with the slight hitch of breath and lips pressed together tightly. He knew. He apologized. Said nice things. Was I crying because he didnt think enough of me to be strong, or was I crying because Im hurt and want him to make me feel better? I dunno... both? I dont like being left out of someones life after youve shared so much already... felt like someone cut of a part of my life and i didnt know what was happening. ... fear of the unknown.. thats another post :) lol

He told me what kept him away. Do I buy it? I dont know. Id say yes, and think im an idiot for saying yes. Id say No and think he had a big ordeal, I cant be an itchbay. Will I take him back with open arms? No, Ill take him back with an outstretched arm and an open mind. If not then ill look back and think .. what if.?

I have no more mad left in me.

Where do I take things from here? One day at a time. Ill enjoy the good with the bad, for the bad makes the good all the more pleasureable.
Enjoy the moment.
Do things with total conviction.
Take chances.
Be seen.
Live life.
Be happy.