thirteen

My aunt is in the hospital. She has Cancer and I love her. I just dont like to go visit for a purely selfish reasons. I dont deal well with sick people/weak people. Its not her fault she has cancer. I just dont deal well with sickness. I dont know, is it the weakness that I cant handle? Maybe its the not knowing how to help in situations that im wary of. I havent seen her in about a week. If I do go see her, I am awkward. Make idle chit chat. Nothing important. I go for her, cz I know she'll feel better, not so alone and away from the world that isnt the hospital.

I dont want to talk to her about my issues, first sharing with family other than my sister seems like giving people arsenal to one day use against me. Second, im awkward. Third if one knows about it Ill hear it from other members of the family. There is no privacy. The only one that knows things ... some things lol would be my sister.

I mean Id rather not have to share some of the stupid things ive done lol but some of it is amusing.. maybe not at the time but give it some time and I usually end up laughing about it :) If you cant laugh at yourself, then what fun is that?

* Flashback
I used to think I had man hands when I was younger. So I used to hide my hands a lot or didnt really pay them any mind. After a while of hanging out with guys... after their growth spurt lol My hands are now in the tiny category I cant palm a basketball. I dont know if many people can, women anyway .. who arent in the WNBA. I guess thats generalizing lol

Crap... here I was thinking that Id be able to sleep early tonight to catch up on sleep... I just checked my planner and Ive got to work the Cirque du Soleil tonight. No im not a performer lol I bartend there.

times like these I wish I drank coffee... I wont start of course.. itll stunt my growth lol I need all the height I can get, dont want to lose any :) lol