160 -open

I think I'm losing it. Just for the moment though. I don't think it will last long. I do know that this wont be the last time that I feel this way. Meaning Ill have another segregated moment of feeling like this. A moment where I'm hit with this greatness.

I was writing an email and I'm hit with intense feeling of something I cant describe. Maybe If I tried I could. Maybe if I wanted to try to explain it I could. I wont as its too intense to think of and ill just tear up again. Good tears. Cleansing ones. Felt like cleansing ones anyway. Almost one big sigh of rightness.

It felt good so I have a thank you to send out to this person. Though I'm sure I should probably keep my insane thoughts and neurosis to myself on this one. The thing is, I didn't. Not that I don't care about what other people think of me. I do. Really, sometimes too a point that is silly. Oh, don't tell me I'm the only one. I know I'm not :) But on certain things when it comes to matters of importance. I like to think that I'm pretty open and able to share.

I also know that I'm pretty fragile sometimes and always hope for the best and realize that what I have done can always turn around and slap me in the face. Not all things work out which I also know. I'm not thaaaat naive.

'Expect the worse... hope for the best.' Some people might like that saying or like to think that way. I can see how it can seem a bit negative, it isn't, plus its always good to be on your toes.It works for me. Kind of always makes me aware of possible things that might happen. The good and the bad. The ugly can stay where they are :)

So anyway. Sometimes Ill gather enough courage to do something that I wouldn't ordinarily do. Like actually go up to someone and give them my phone number (I should probably think of asking for their number.. that would be a first lol) or send an email. So I bring those two up because last night I didn't give my number to someone. I wasn't sure if they would have used it or not. But now I know he will never use it. I made it happen by my lack of courage. Darn! Nothing ventured nothing gained :)

The email I sent. That was more of a sharing than anything, I shared what I was thinking and thought why not send it. It was going to go into the folder that contains random things, letters, lists and the like so I decided to just let it out and share it.

I decided to just send it. LOL with some apprehension and some dread on how things would be taken. I just decided to send it just to send it and share the things on my mind. Why not? The only person it would hurt if anything would be me. If that. So .. minimal losses, though I don't think that will happen (crosses fingers lol) I know that some people aren't comfortable with other peoples thoughts, mindsets and feelings. I just hope that its not misinterpreted.

I'm just that open to tell someone that I really like them but not as a forever thing. Maybe... maybe it is... as a forever thing.. like I want you in my life forever, in any way that you are comfortable being in my life. Like as a friend/lover/confidante.. anything. Just as a general I like you as a person and think you are wonderful. I'm glad to have been included in your life/mind/ party/ wedding. blah blah blah. I don't know if people would generally take it that way. I hope its not taken in a way that would remove them from mt life. I hope they don't read anything more into it that it was meant to, more of a sharing and a way to just express myself as I am just that open.

So as you've noticed on some posts here I am open, I do talk about things that are happening. There are more things that I don't talk about but that's for another time, when the time is right. But I share and I feel there's no reason to hold anything back. Things will happen as they do and if there is something that I say to someone that isn't taken well. Its not out of malice, its out of 100% genuine Darling :)

Anyhoo, its just a matter of life going on and doing different things. Doing things outside the box. doing things outside my comfort zone for what else will make me learn and grow.

We are all on our own personal journey. I just happen to be more open about mine sometimes.