157 - antisocial??

Sometimes I feel very antisocial. It doesn't happen often or for long periods of time (I think/hope)

Say on a Monday afternoon after anything that possibly might turn out badly does go wrong such as a run in my stocking, a heel caught on the track at the front door, losing one of my silver rings, not being able to find my lip gloss, forgetting my water bottle, STILL looking at the reminder to get an oil change... at the end of that working day I don't feel much like socializing with someone who just wants to be seen with me. I know this is true as hes always looking around for people who might see him with me. I see the winks that traded back and forth between his 'buddies' I see the 'OK' sign hes giving his buddies that hes got me hot for him as I am supposedly pulled by his personality.

Um no.

I'm polite and spend the few minutes of idle chit chat with him, thinking loudly in my mind, hopefully loud enough that he gets blasted with it. (wishful thinking) What runs through my mind you wonder?

Let me share.

'I need to be somewhere 5 minutes ago, why doesn't he talk to me another time? Cant he tell I'm in a rush? Does he not notice how I'm weighed down by all the things that I am carrying? Maybe if I smile and nod he'll get to the point faster. Answer his questions with one word or a hmm. Do not do anything to encourage more conversation. Oh Darling, dont be a bitch. The world will not end.'

In the meantime, I pull my keys out of my pocket, jingling them around enough and actually drop them on purpose to show how I am not paying attention (You might think I am being rude, after having a day like I did I think I handled it pretty well, no ones head was found rolling around) I'm really just not encouraging any conversation not for the lack of trying but I really didn't know anyone who worked where he did which happens to be back in 1986 as at the time I was 7 years old and was happily running around being a child.

In the middle of a sentence I am saved. My cell phone rings. I don't care who it is. I make apologizing gestures and whisper that Ill see him around. Wave my fingers that aren't used to hold the cell phone and whisper 'toodles'. I turn and walk away. Flip open my cell phone and start to speak 'Hello Darling speaking... yes Ill be there, I apologize... I am on my way... No more than 5 minutes... I'm terribly sorry...' I hate being late.

I look back on that day and feel antisocial. It wasn't all a bad day. I just failed to mention the good things that happened. Like lunch that someone made for me. They came in and said they were in the area and wanted to spend some time with me and knew I was busy... So we commandeered the conference room. Love thoughtful surprises. Must think of a new way to say thank you.

I did have another pair of stockings in my car which didn't run. I was able to go home and relax in one of my most favorite ways (blush) Not until the wee hours of the night of course after things were crossed of my lists and obligations met.

Though I tend to kick myself for feeling antisocial. I don't want to be a hermit. People of the world. I invite you to socialize with me :) and each other of course.