396 - sulky

The frustration continues. As much as I know how to take care of myself its just... not the same. Theres the element that's missing and it lays a big part in feeling satisfied.

D came over for 20 minutes. Usually not long enough but if applied properly and with the way that I have been feeling I'm sure it wouldn't have taken long to get me off.

He took a look at my deck and no deck is not another word I use for naked body. My actual deck which I have been having issues with. So we talked about what else might be done to make sure the leak does not reoccur.

We kissed a few times but I wasnt able to lure/tempt him to helping me out. Which leaves me unsatisfied and disappointed. Bummed really. I wasnt able to seduce him and I am still left with no orgasm to ease this rising beast of a libido.

So not only am I sexless I conclude that my feminine wiles are lacking. Excuse me while I take the embarrassment in sulky silence.

395 - junkie

Sexually frustrated in Ottawa. Blunt yes. Its a cycle like anything else I think. Ive been good though and haven't been getting around like I used to... in a nice sense. I know that doesn't sound healthy but It sounds worse than it is.

I'm just saying that D isn't able to fulfill my needs all the time. As much as Id like and as often as Id like. So its frustrating. D and I are just friends BTW. Theres no ties between us. But I still feels the sting of guilt. This is a problem and this is why I am frustrated.

I feel like I'm in a monogamous relationship when I in fact am not in such a thing. I cant say how he feels and I don't think Ill be asking him again anytime soon. I tend to ask questions, lots of them.

So I remain sexually frustrated and find myself fantasizing about guys I shouldn't be fantasizing about just to up the titillating meter so that in the event of a self induced orgasm the POW will be even more satisfying. Junkie much? Oh yes.

394 - Leave it be?

T. Im in lust. Im not allowed anything but flirting but oh do I want more than that. The flirting is arousing and stimulating. I know he's married, he knows I know and we used to work together a few years ago and we've remained friends throughout my career change.

We recently found ourselves alone and there was plenty of flirting as usual but this time there was something a little physical. He touched me in a sexual way. I also think there were a couple of moments when the hugs lasted a little longer and another time when his lips were drawn to mine.

We didn't end up kissing but i wanted to. But I didn't know if he wanted to or not. So it didn't happen.

Hes told me that if he wasnt married hed be all over me. I told him that if he wasn't married Id be all over him. We laughed but i was a little sad because of it. Im sure it would be dynamite. but Im not willing to make things different. Its nice the way things are. Me questioning myself and keeping myself in check not just for his sake but for mine. So I can be strong in respecting myself and him as well.

I will have to share that I do have fantasies about him and he and I talk about them in general, nothing specific. He's a nice guy who has a great life and I have no intention of changing any of that for him just to satisfy my libido.

Ive entertained thoughts of what it would be like to just make out with him. To kiss and have our tongues stroking against each other. I've thought of keeping up my skills in massage on him... clothed of course. I've also thought of just having him as a cuddle buddy, someone to share the sofa with while watching a movie at home.

I don't think he'd quite take to the ideas above, to be the provider of gratuitous sexual tension minus the sex.. without the guilt. Selfish of me yes I know.

I wonder what he would say if all I wanted to do was to use him so perfect, practice and perform feminine seductions without going through with it. Kind of like... I cant explain it... its in my mind. I can picture how it would play out but I cant explain it. Im sorry. It sounds selfish... but I figure... if he agrees and knows then why not. But Im too chicken to even bring it up.

So maybe this thing with T will be just that. Something that will never be. And that all right :)

393 - dealing with insurance companies

Its been a really long time since Ive been here to post. Lots of things have been happening. Some worthy to be written about and others not so much.

Ive had to call my insurance company when the neighbour sent me a letter saying they had water leak into their hall closet, their closet happens to be below the deck off of my kitchen.

Not knowing what to do as far as process goes I called some friends and asked what to do in this situation, they all advised me to call my insurance company. I took their advise. I never realized what a long process it is to get them to do anything. Ive had to call them to get information after I made the claim. I have to admit though that my adjuster sounds like a dream on the phone so its no hardship to talk to him.

I'm just frustrated that the time that's gone by. It hasn't been a month but I wanted this to be taken cared of as soon as possible. The insurance company sent a general contractor to take a look at the origin of the leak and to assess the cost of repair.

It has been a week and a half since the contractor came and took pictures and measurements. I just heard from them and he told me that hes trying to get in touch with a couple of roofing companies so they can come take a look at the deck and get an estimate made. Hearing that made me frustrated and I'm sure he felt my agitation but I kept my cool and just asked him to call me as soon as he heard from those he was waiting on.

Ive had to make a statement to a liability officer from the insurance company. The leak from my deck isn't something that I could have predicted to happen and ignored. The leak came from squirrels who decided to make a nest and eat through the weak spot.

Because the leak was made by squirrels my insurance wont cover the repair on my deck. As they have informed me that I was not negligible I am also not on the hook for the damage in the unit below. Kind of a good news bad news deal but the better news is that it doesn't count as a claim against me. I am still claims free. There will be a note that there was a claim open and the case was closed it was opened to investigate and it was found that the claim didn't get carried.

Its been a little roller coaster because I'm clueless when it comes to knowing what to do or what to expect but Ive tried to get some information from friends and they've all told me to be patient and just wait to hear from my adjuster. When I cant be patient I end up making a call to my adjuster and he goes through what to expect next and its a lot of waiting to see or waiting to hear from someone else.