198 - always meet

Now I know this will go against the last post I just wrote. Before meeting people/men I usually try to have repeated contact via phone, texts and emails or a variety/combinations of all of them to get a feel for someone, be able to feel comfortable with them and have them feel.. comfortable? This is if the method of meeting was face to face. (Its been known that I don't follow anything that I mention below.. lately OK in the past as well)

That's just a way to make sure...

1. They aren't flakes, weirdos or anything that I wouldn't want to spend time with.
2. That there is some form of interest on both ends as contact is a must when trying to feel the other person out.
3. Certain things are out in the open like what were both looking for or not looking for.
4. There is a want to know more about the person.
5. They are independent and employed and not wasting their life away. etc...

Sometimes this takes some time. Some longer than others depending on the interest that is generated between both parties. Lately though? I find myself taking less and less time doing the above.. taking my time that is. Why? I'm not quite sure.

I think Ive cut the length of time because...

1. I don't want to waste time, theirs... and more importantly my own
2. The investment of time and the things my mind can do in that time is amazing and highly inappropriate which leads to expectations with leads to letdowns and unwanted self evaluations
3. Its also difficult to become someones imagined version of me that they have conjured in their minds. Its me...all the good things ME, just maybe not the physical shell of me that they want.
4. I cant think of anything else but if I do Ill add them.

So lately Ive cut the pre meeting conversations shorter and have gone into planning a meet and greet with these men.

I don't know if I do it because...

1. I want them to know what I look like before there is any sort of unrealistic version of me that can be fabricated in their minds.
2. I have nothing else to do some days or nights other than go out with them
3. I'm looking for someone to add to my circle of friends.

Maybe I am too picky? Maybe its not that I wasn't TBL enough for JB. Or Kinky enough for R. Or girl next door enough for XYZ. Maybe, maybe not. There are some things I have control over and other things I don't. I cant control what people like but I can control... certainly something.

SO back to the point of the post. I'm just meeting more people sooner that I usually do. There really is no real time frame that I stick to. Its more of an internal thing. When something in me is satisfied knowing that neither of us will run screaming in opposite directions. That's when its OK to meet them in person. Now that's not the only reason but one of them.

Another reason is that everything seems to be falling into place such as it was with JB. It all went well. And the one thing that I couldn't control was the one thing that didn't allow for anything to happen. Him and his expectations.

Oh well. Sometimes its hard to compete with someones imagination. I'm sure we've all been in those shoes. Maybe not patent leather stilettos. But you have other shoes to fill.

Well, so far its a nice post I think. Well thought out, informative if a bit personal in sharing what my thought process is like. I just happened to forget the point of it. Blast!

Does that happen to anyone else? Please tell me it does... losing the point that is :)

Ok I remembered it finally... M, the reason for this post, decided to meet with him after a short phone conversation. Not my usual thing to do as I want to do and find out all sorts of things about them before I do that.

I find I'm too open sometimes with people. Take for instance D who knows things about me that not many people do. Only after about 3 weeks or so? When did I meet D? EEK I'm supposed to remember these things right??

So point is. I'm a bit wary that Ill spill the news with M about a whole bunch of things that do not need to be shared a this point. Someone help me censor myself.

Maybe its more of me just wanting it all to be there in the open so there is nothing hidden? Maybe?

So as much as I know sometimes its best left to my imagination, there will always be a strong pull for me to want to meet them in person. 99.9 % of the time I will if I am able to. It just brings me down when after things initially go so well and they end up in the wood chipper for some reason.

In the end, Ill meet them and find out for myself whats happening. If not, then I wouldn't be putting myself out there on the playing field called life.