224 - chicken a la moi

My sister calls it chickening out. I dont know what I would call it. Difficult is what I thought of. I couldnt go through with it. Putting the Little One down.

You should have seen her while we were at the vet. She was romping around, looking like she owns the place smiling away, clueless of the reason we were there.

Everyone there gave her a rub, scratch or a pat on the head. Shes so well behaved. No limping. No coughing and no little accidents while we were inside. Even my sister commented on her youthful appearance and demeanor.

We decided that she was faking it for she must have realized what was happening. Smart dog, how could I think of going through with this? My sister hands me tissues from her purse and tells me to hold on to these I might need it. That makes me tear up a bit more.

The vet and I go through whats been happening and how she has been as of late and she recommended that we try a couple of things and if they dont improve then we can go ahead and follow through with it. She said its my decision and she would support whatever it is 100%.

Ill have to put drops in her eyes every 12 hours and squeeze ointment in her ear. Ill also have to get a urine sample to the vet to check how her kidneys are doing. Any ideas??

My thoughts on it? Im glad shes still around. I feel strange that she might not have been here this morning. Its not a big deal for me to give her drops and do this and that to see if things improve. I have to try right? One day ill have to go through this and actually have to...

I didnt think I would cry. I thougth I prepared myself for it as every day I would think about it and her and see her and spend time with her.trying to find someglimmer of understanding on her part that would let me know that shes ok or not ok. I never got that. All I got was her usual pant for, treat? food or walk? expectancy look.

D calls me a couple of times during the night asking how I am. He knows I must be feeling off. Nice guy.

So were still all together. My dad called during dinner and we told him that The Little One is still around. He was happy though sounded exhausted. My sister and I wish we could win the lottery so we can give my dad the option of retiring. Hes works so hard and I know he loves what he does, but I want him to be healthy, happy and rested.

My sister bought lottery tickets last night. Were planning on getting a few from different places around the city. I know. I wont get my hopes up too high, enough to make me kick myself though but thats about all :) Thats minor compared to other things happening.

Come on, 37 million? Doesnt hurt to try, right?

Oh yes, I almost forgot. Im leaving early today and Im meeting someone from the soup category M who visits me every so often for a delectable afternoon. Hes got something new to try too. If its suitable, I just might end up blogging about it...