378 - What is it about a man

What is it about a man?

What is it about a man that I look at? What makes me decide that I want him? and what is it that I want him for if he doesn't make the grade? How bad is that? That if he doesn't make the cut... I wonder how I can somehow fit him into my life.

This post might be enlightening. For you? A little degrading for me. But honest.

When I meet a man. I always look forward to the best possibility. Who knows what that possibility could be. Just the best. Who doesn't want the best?

At first glance. At first meeting. Its an interview of sorts. Its true within a few minutes I can have a general sense of where it might go. If it will go anywhere or not. Ill find out if I am attracted to them physically. Though sometimes its difficult to tell because of all the clothes he has on.

Don't you ever wonder what the other person looks like naked before you get to that point? Just so you know if there is anything that might be a turn off or off putting or a deal breaker? I mean sometimes I want to see what Ill be getting before I get there to make sure that Its actually something I want to ... do.

So in my head I wonder what they look like naked. I also want to know all their bad habits. Their pet peeves and what ticks them off. Their deal breakers, annoying habits and anything that people might not like about them. Because I just want to know and get that out of the way.

As far as the good things about them, the funny quirks, the endearing habitual movements I can wait on because that's what I want to get to know in time. Like little surprises. The rest I want to know up front and at the beginning of a courtship if I can call it that so I know if there is something that I really wouldn't be able to handle then it can be dealt with without any awkward moments of thinking you've lead someone on, that you've become something special to them and so on.

Also at the beginning of a courtship as Ill call it from now on even though it sounds more romantic than I'm making it out to be. I also want to find out what it is they really are looking for. What kind of woman they are looking for because I want to know if what they are looking for is... well. Me.

If I can decide that they are looking for someone or something that I cannot provide or offer then there is no point in continuing this... courtship. So better luck next time and hope you find what you're looking for.

Why do I want that? Well because I know me best and I know what I can offer and If I am a match to their description then we move along.

I'm not saying someone will one day describe me to the T but if its somewhere in the vicinity then why wouldn't I think it would be a good match and why not continue with this person because he seems to be looking for someone... something like ... me.

Now that I think about it. it feels a little like I'm cheating, stacking the odds? But don't most people do something of the like? Maybe not as out and open as I do it but don't most people do that? Some people do mass dating, serial dating to some but its all to get closer to finding that one person.

Maybe I'm just in a loopy mood tonight. Introspective is the word I'm looking for.

Take SE. Pretty boy. Can make me think naughty thoughts and all hes wearing is a pair of rip away pants and white shirt. The thing is... once hes naked... it doesn't illicit the same naughty thoughts as when hes fully clothed. Strange? I am.

D? Can fill out a pair of jeans and long sleeve vneck and have me wanting to touch him even if its me squeezing his arm for a moment. Naughty thoughts well at warp speed. Then naked it takes it to a whole new level and I wonder how I can have my mouth in more the one place on his body at the same time.

With A who I have yet to take to second base I don't know if I could handle it going that far. Not for me but because for him it would take this to a whole new world of courtship. Did I mention that A has offered to ' take care of me'? I hope you are no longer wondering why I haven't let it go further.

SJ is new and is a little amorous because of his ummm preference for women with ample... assets. Not that I think mine are anything to talk about in the locker room but he seems very interested in getting together due to the many different things he would be able to... do.

C has made a return. I have yet to decide what Id like to do with him but I know for certain that it wont be how it was when we were together briefly. Ive grown a little bit and know what I want more than I did before so I hope that hell be receptive of how Ive become a little.... less submissive.

SB came for a visit last week and it was nice. Hes got some ideas that I am not sure of as it will tip the balance of who is in control... and I'm a girl who likes the reins. Even when it looks like I don't its only because I let them think I don't have it

Spring is fast approaching and so The Soup seem to realize this and are aware that spring brings out a new season and.... wardrobe :) Not only those in The Soup are aware of this. So are those not included.

People will be feeling more... amorous and well... I hope to take advantage and be right in the thick of things.

352 - reading into

D - 2:06 where are you?

D - 2:06 where are you?

D - 2:07 where are you?

D - 2:08 I think Im heading home

D - 2:08 Tell me youre close

D - 2:09 K, goodnight... I guess

D - 2:09 Where are you?

D - 2:09 Last call

This was a night I had to work late and he finished earlier than I did. We had seen each other for breakfast and lunch. Spoke to each other on the phone in between and in between phone calls and meeting each other. Text messaging each other.

I was running late and couldnt hurry any more than I was and didnt actually get above messages until the next day due to my inbox being full. So with that information its no surprise that I didnt get to go out and have drinks with him.

Needless to say I was really bummed about not seeing him. I was in a mood to just see him. Be with him. Hang out. I think I was really looking forward to going out with anyone. Seeing as it was 2am Most of the people I knew were in bed or heading home.

D was up and well an opportunity unable to be taken by me. Thats all. But it was cute the way he sent those texts. I called him afterI was finished and he was just leaving the bar. He waited for me for an hour. I felt bad that he did but it made me feel nice to know that he would wait.

Its the little things that get to me. Its the little things that confuse me. Its the little things that make me twist myself in a knot. Well, that and all the rest really.

Other messages to and from each other... because I know you are all curious and want to know :)

Darling - It feels like I havent seen you in a while. Looking forward to it soon...

On a night I was out on a dinner date with someone other than D he pulled a little bit of a suck and I sent the following.

Darling - You know I would rather be out with you right? Youre my first choice even when I know Im not yours.

So sometimes theres something that D and I dont do a lot. Sometimes. When were in the midst of sex its very good its very ... orgasmic. Sometimes we dont do a whole lot of kissing. Im almost a little embarrassed to say that.

So I asked him about it and he sends me a text message.

D - I know why we dont kiss.

Darling - Do I want to know?

Darling - Im scared its me

And I was scared there was something that I did and continually do to make him not want to kiss me.

Darling - OK tell me already. Im on pins and needles. Its me isnt it?

Darling - Wait was that text even for me?

Maybe it was meant for someone else that he wasnt kissing? Maybe hes just not into kissing me or anyone else. I didnt want to focus on the fact that there could be others that hes with and not kissing though I take some solace in the fact that if there were others he isnt kissing them either. My mind is twisted. I hope you were able to follow the above.

Darling - Youre pulling my panties arent you?

All these texts while Im working and Im thinking about it and hoping its not me and that he tells me why it is we dont kiss as much as I would like.

D - You are always on top.

I call him for clarification and he thinks its because I seem to really enjoy being on top which means that Im sitting astride and well if I do lean down its usually to fill his mouth with my nipple, left or right. Not always in that order :)

So that gives me something to work on. I dont mind working on these things. Practice makes perfect no?

332 - Go Sens Go :)

Darling 'I have a question.'

D - OK...

Darling Well, ...............(silence on my end)..... Um Never mind

D - ok...

Darling - Its just that it will sound vain and shallow...

D - If you have a question just ask. Its ok.

Darling changes the topic and we both laugh at something funny and as hes laughing... I ask very softly...

Darling - Do you think I'm pretty?

D - Do I think you're pretty? I know I'm not very giving when it comes to that kind of thing... but wait a sec do you think I would be sleeping with you if you weren't.

Darling - Well... Im sure it happens out there to some people. I...

D - I think you're really pretty.

Snippets of conversations from last night with D.

D - Guys at work will fall over themselves over you. You will love the attention. I know this.

Darling - Oh yeah? says who? You know... I think its already happening and I'm only in training. They were trying to convince me to buy a house and if I needed my driveway cleared of snow, they were sure they could have a list of guys who would love to help me out in that area... besides... I like the attention that I get from you.

D - (smiles and gives me a kiss)

I hadn't seen him in more than a week and it was getting to the point where we were both getting frustrated about that. So he came over last night after work and we had sex. It was great. I cant even write about it. Yet :)

My body still living in the memory of last night and is doing all very good things at the moment. TMI.. sorry.

D - Did I tell you about my new budget?

Darling - (laughs) another one? What happened to the previous one?

D - I didn't have a previous one.

Darling - Yes you did... (and I went into detail about what it was and he agreed with me.)

D - OK well this one is a bit different.

We talk about it and Its very doable. He mentioned that he will keep the budget until I'm done training as then it will have to be upped as we'll see each other more. As we wont see each other or go out as much in the next 5 weeks because of me still being in training. I told him to enjoy the savings as it will change when I'm on the priority list in 5 weeks.

I do expect to be on some kind of priority list when I a finished training.

He told me what he made on his lat pay cheque and in my head I wowed but thats OK, Ill make that same amount.. not for 2 years but thats OK. Time flies does it not? He asked how I was with my finances and I told him I wasn't worried about it as I wasn't thinking about it.

I mean I haven't changed any of my habits. I still go shopping and pick up things that I know I might not need and end up giving away. If I don't end up making dinner for myself then I eat something easy like soup and sammies.

Ive been eating really healthy and am continuing the daily use of the treadmill which helps when I come home from training.

Training is fun though I think thats just my personal way of putting a spin on what some people call intense and difficult. Its all in how you look at things.

More to come and I'm trying to find time to finish posts and reply to comments. Ive got a USB thingy that I can use to start and work on posts so its a matter of just getting the internet to hook it all up with. I'm looking forward to it and Go Sens Go!

:)