103 - Halloween

Just wanted to wish everyone a Safe and Happy Halloween!!

Make sure to give out premium candy.
Always give out more to the cutest/ best dressed at the door.
Costumes are optional. (when giving out candy) Trick or treaters, costumes a must!!
Fruits and vegetables are not a good idea to be given out.
Money is ok LOL
Tell the kiddies that they look very scary/cute/ scary and or pretty.
Make sure to check your childrens candy, take some for yourself. You deserve a cut :) lol
Portion out their candy intake, sugar highs will keep them up.
Make sure they eat healthy to balance out the sugar.

Im not sure how many children will come to my door. But just in case. Im going to get some Snickers bars, bags of peanut M&M's and boxes of Smarties and a few other goodies :)

I cant be held responsible for the fate of leftovers.

what I think of when...

...I hear these songs

Dirty babe, you see these shackles baby im your slave.
Ill let you whip me if I misbehave
Its just that no one makes me feel this way...
- Justin Timberlake "Sexyback"

There she goes, shaking that ass on the floor
Bumpin and grindin that pole
The way she's grindin that pole
I think I'm losing control
-Eminem "Shake That" (feat. Nate Dogg)

Promiscuous girl
Wherever you are
I’m all alone
And it's you that I want
Promiscuous boy
You already know
That I’m all yours
What you waiting for?
Promiscuous girl
You're teasing me
You know what I want
And I got what you need
Promiscuous boy
Let's get to the point
Cause we're on a roll
Are you ready?
- Nelly Furtado "Promiscuous" (feat. Timbaland)

Theres something about certain songs that makes me think of hot, wild sex. Under the sheets, under the sun, under the moon, anywhere. So yes, when I hear these songs on the radio or in someones car, at a club or anywhere. I think of sex. These are just some examples of which songs.

I thought it would be very fun to share 'what I think of when.... '

... more to come!

On...

On money. Who doesnt want more? We all do. Weve all thought of hitting it big in the lottery. We dont let it go to our heads though. Were grounded enough to realize that we should be happy with what we have. Doesnt make us bad when we think of... the possibilities :) Just make sure to share... its good for your karma... and you can share your karma with meeeeee...

kidding!! Ahem!

On sex. I like it, think its healthy, im not a prude. I do more than enjoy it. There are times when I crave it. Some times Im in charge, other times I am happy letting someone else take charge. I know Ill find 'le petit mort' on my own if need be. I want someone adventurous, fun, patient, considerate, open, honest and sensual. Those dont just apply to one part of the package.

On sharing. Ive often said, caring is sharing. I am a care bear lol someone uses that as a nickname lol Its only things. Ill share what I have. Its a circle that will eventually come around to me :) Maybe not today, tomorrow, next week, month or year. Maybe it will be a few years. Im not in a rush. As long it comes around. The same goes for being selfish. If I am selfish. I know that it will come around to bite me in the tush (RP doesnt count) Usually when I least expect it.

On learning. Always want to be with someone that stimulates the mind. Alone or together. The brain is a mucsle. Use it, excercise it. Challenge it. I know! What are YOU waiting for! Our minds are always going. Even in sleep. Feed it.

On family. You only have one. Cherish the time you spend together. Work on building bridges instead of breaking them. If a bridge is broken... be like tarzan or Jane and swing over. Pick your battles. Its not as important as you think it is sometimes. If you will die because you wont get something or wont get your way... and only if you will die is it worth it to fight. If not, then.. its not that important and you should realize that if you arent willing to die for the cause then you should just let it go.

On friends. Love and cherish them too for they are your second family. When you need to talk about your family lol its them you go to lol They are what holds you up in times of need. They are the pillows of your suffering and the elevator up to your spirits.

On pets. What a great way to share your love then to have a pet. To have your cat/dog etc look to you for nourishment and excercise. Its a great feeling to be able to take care of a pet. Such responsibilty. So much love to be shared.

On laughing. Do it out of the blue, do it in public, do it when your naked, do it when your alone, do it anytime of day, in the rain or in the water. Do it to make your heart light.Do it to share the joy, do it to show others that not everything is serious and that there are moments of great enjoyment. Just do it.

On tears. Do it out of the blue, do it in public, do it when your naked, do it when your alone, do it anytime of day, in the rain or in the water. Do it to make your heart light. Dont be ashamed of it. When there are no words to express your feelings, when theres an overabundance of emotion and words cannot explain Tears will.

On Beauty. We all enjoy something different. We all want something different. We may not be number one on everyones list. But be sure to know that youre number one in someones list. Find something beautiful in a person and youll see them in a different light. Look past what you see and find something that touches you. That will be the beauty you seek. Were all beautiful. Believe it!

On winning. Play to win, but play fair. Push yourself for top prize just know that no matter where you end up youre a winner. You didnt work that hard, you didnt challenge yourself, sacrifice your time and effort to feel bad when you arent at the top of the podium. Keep challenging yourself, learn from ever game/meet or slope.

You determine where you are at any given moment. That does apply to current standing or sitting location. To your position at work, to your current relationship, to your level of fitness and to your level of personal growth. Know that!

Just some thoughts. Take what you need and use them, share them and enjoy them.

102 - plane

Im thinking of hot places again. I want to go to a loto f places. Ill always love flying for some reason. Vacations and trips!!

Theres nothing stopping me from thinking of the Bahamas, Brazil, Greece etc etc. They are all on my list of places to visit. I think Id like to travel for a living.

If theres anyone out there with the means to satisfy this deep need of mine to travel (in style) and have me stay for a certain amount to be able to enjoy what splendors the world has to offer. I would very much appreciate it :)

*sigh*... If only...

If you had a chance to be anywhere, where would you be? If money was no object time not a factor, family and friends to join you at your discretion. Where would you go? what would you do and who would you bring?

I love flying, I remember wanting to learn how to fly a plane. I still may learn. Why not? But I love airports, watching the planes take off and planes as they land. I enev enjoy being inside the plane more than watching them. I like taking off the runway. I like the feel of speed the palne takes. I like how my stomach does these flips and rights itself once were high off the ground. I like the way my stomach jumps up and down when the plane dips in to land.

Oh to be on a plane right now!

101 - venues

My girlfriends and I are going to a singles meet and greet ... gathering. I don't know what else to call them. Its being held downtown and I hear there are about 120 people that are signed up for it already.

Ive never done anything like it before and really have no expectations which is the best way to go into things like this. Just go with the mindset that I may meet interesting people. I'm thinking of the part of the brain that holds topics of conversation in the small talk dept. It should be interesting and fun! :) Something new!

I think Ill be looking at it more as an observer and not a participant. Its new to me so Ill want to look and see whats happening. I don't want to miss anything.

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Ok so It was 5$ Martini night as well. At the end of the night and minus 120$ I'm glad I didn't pay for all the drinks I had otherwise Id have been more than nicely buzzed and minus a bit more that 120$ lol Id say the night was a success. We had a few drinks on the house due to some flirting with the right bartenders and some fashion tips traded with our waitress. I enjoyed the people I went with and the people that I met. Well.. it was nice that they made my martini strong. I wasn't wasted, I was nicely buzzed. :) In a feel good way. I didn't do anything outlandish or forward like flash anyone (I know you guys are disappointed!) Maybe another time.

It was interesting because I think I was one of the youngest people there. I was so into watching everyone that I think people misunderstood my gaze for.. well.. interest. That was fine. It just gave them an opening to come up to me and say 'hi' and ask me questions about what was on the list. They had given us this list as conversation starters. I felt silly walking around with it so I just went around and said hi to the wallflowers because well... why not? Most of the people I talked to were older so I didn't feel uncomfortable.

It was interesting to see how people handled themselves. I was interested in how I was handling myself LOL I went with 2 of my girlfriends and it was fun, they enjoyed themselves. I didn't really meet anyone that I just had to had to meet again so I went around talking up my friend which I hope didn't hurt anything.

I would go again. I wouldn't go alone though... or maybe.. I will.. why not? So our next plan is to check out those speed dating places/sites. Ill of course let you know what happens at that time.

I think its a lot of fun to try now and different venues of meeting people. I don't go expecting to meet Mr Forever. Maybe not even Mr Right Now. Sometimes its nice to just meet someone period. No expectations for anything.

So don't go saying no to new and uncharted ideas and venues to meet people. Take a chance!

100 - water

I drink a lot of water throughout the day. While I am at work I have about 2 Litres of water. When I am at home I do another 1.5-2. When I go to the gym, for the time I am there I drink a litre of water. I have a bottle of water by my bed and if I wake up in the middle of the night I take a swig!

I think people should drink more water. Other berverages like coffee and tea are fine however I notice that some people like to drink it often. I dont mind what other people put in their bodies but Id like to see them add water to their day. It will help the body and it will help make you look younger and more youthful. I think LOL Who am I? Not a doctor or a dermatologist. I just know that I look healthy and hydrated. Ok so maybe I am young and maybe I am healthy, I drink a lot of water. lol

I have a water filtration system at home and change the filter when its time. I cook with filtered water if it calls for use of water. I know its not possible to always drink that kind of water which is fine. I just prefer it thats all. If I cant have that then bottled water is it.

They have flavoured water as well, I try the Aquafina brand with Cirtrus flavor if I feel like something different. Ive only ever tried that once. I liked it. If I was ever bored of simple water I would pick up a bottle of that.

Another tip for you. When at home and you prefer to drink cold water, squeeze some lime into your water and enjoy. Its refreshing and gives it some flavor. I remembered that from long ago when I was a wee little one at a restaurant with my family. Thinking they didnt clean their dishes well. I whispered to my dad after tugging on his sleeve that my glass was dirty, and told him I could taste something else. He smiled down at me and said that it was water with freshly squeezed lime. I instantly recognized the taste and was sheepish. He said he was glad that I would tell something was different. I felt like a smarty pants after he said that like I did it on purpose and made t seem like I knew all that!

Drink more water. Even if its an extra glass or two. You do have time to drink water. If its the taste, they have flavored water now. If its the fat content, dont be silly.

It will help make you feel better. Wash way the things the body doesnt need, rebuild your cells and will make you feel better in the long run.

Try it. Let me know how you feel after a few days of added water to your diet :)


PS.. YAY for my 100th post!! :)

99 - ratios

I get a voicemail from one of my girlfriends.

"Darling, I know you said you couldnt make it out tonight for some reason. If you arent out with a man and arent already in coitus I would love for you to come meet us, (in a lower voice) There are 3 women and 30 men here, you would have a ball!!! I told them all about you. Do the math! Call me!!

The ratio is appealing. Even if it were cut in half. Im sure there would have been a couple whose company I would have enjoyed.

I wonder what she would have told them about me.. interesting!! :)

I wasnt able to meet with them that night. I was otherwise occupied...

dream, fantasy, truth or fiction

Being chased into a bathroom the door closes behind him, he walks to her and pulls her hard against him for a long deep kiss. her pressed her up against the sink and spread her legs to push himself flush against her sex. She moans and feels his hands on her breasts, squeezing her nipples.

He pulls away and pulls the tshirt up over her breasts, pulls her bra up revealing her large breasts. His hands fondle, pinch and squeeze. One of his hands sneaking his way in between them he lifts the skirt up and rubs her where she is starting to moisten. She bites her lip and secretly wants more. He moves his fingers inside her panties and rubs her sweet center.

He slips a finger inside her and starts to move it in and out. Her breathing quickens, her eyes start to close. She tells him she wants more and he adds a second finger. She inhales through clenched teeth and spreads her legs wider.

She looks at the door and asks him if he locked the door. He says he doesnt know and her eyes widen both at the thought of someone walking in finding them together seeing what they are doing and at the way he was pulling her closer to where he wanted her. To the edge.

Pushing him away she runs to the door and turns the lock. 'God' she thought 'that would have been sooo bad'. He pushes her against the door and reaches back in between her legs. A shudder runs through her body and she waits for his expert fingers to continue its sweet torture. He doesnt let her down and his hands are in between her legs, pressing up deep inside her.

Hes whispering things to her thats making her louder. He reminds her that there are people outside that might hear her. She quiets down a little even though shes so turned on by that. His fingers sliding in and out smoothy, coated with her essence. She starts to whisper back to him, telling him to go faster which he does and finding herself close she reaches down and rubs herself, feeling hersef tighten around his fingers. He knows shes close he tells her to cum and to soak his fingers.

She turns her face and sees an image in the mirror, she watches the woman against the door writhing against it. His body covering her back while his hands reach in between her legs. Watching that image makes her legs buckle and slump into the door while he holds her up, feeling the waves her body is making.

They put themselves together and open the door and merge with the crowd.

98 - book list

Heres a list of the books that I borrowed. Ive been a bit busy lately and havent found the time to finish even one. Hopefully I can get through a couple this weekend. I think it will have to be done as I look at them where they sit and think of reading them cover to cover LOL

Wish me luck!

1 Back to the bedroom / by Janet Evanovich.
2 The book of true desires / by Betina Krahn.
3 Broken / by Kelley Armstrong.
4 Captive moon / by Cathy Clamp and C.T. Adams.
5 Charming Jo / by Laura Drewry.
6 Code name: Blondie / by Christina Skye.
7 Crazy kisses / by Tara Janzen.
8 Dead end dating / by Kimberly Raye.
9 Deborah's story / by Ann Burton.
10 Delicious / by Susan Mallery.
11The devil's knight / by Lucy Blue.
12 Divine madness / by Melanie Jackson.
13 Ghost hunter / by Jayne Castle.
14 Just for kicks / by Susan Andersen.
15 Just one of those flings / by Candice Hern.
16 Keep me forever / by Rosemary Laurey.
17 Kill me twice / by Roxanne St. Claire.
18 Kitty goes to Washington / by Carrie Vaughn.
19 Megan's mark / by Lora Leigh.
20 Midnight moon / by Lori Handeland.
21 A moonlit knight / by Jocelyn Kelley.
22 My favorite witch / by Annette Blair.
23 Mysteria / by MaryJanice Davidson ... [et.al.].
24 Nerds like it hot / by Vicki Lewis Thompson.
25 Primal heat / by Susan Sizemore.
26 Dates from hell / by Kim Harrison ... [et al.]
27 Radiant / by Taylor Jones.
28 The red heart of jade / by Marjorie M. Liu.
29 Smitten / by Janet Evanovich.
30 Spell of the Highlander / by Karen Marie Moning.
31 Too wicked to wed / by Cheryl Holt.
32 Touch a dark wolf / by Jennifer St. Giles.
33 Undead and unappreciated / by MaryJanice Davidson.
34 Undressed / by Kristina Cook.
35 The untamed one / by Ronda Thompson.
36 Wolf at the door / by Christine Warren.
37 You slay me / by Katie MacAlister.

97 - kryptonite

Have you ever felt so mad you wanted to physically let loose? I dont always feel this way. The feeling comes with a sense of desperation of lack of understand or compromise on the other persons end. Like dealing with a brick wall

When dealing with someone that is selfish and inconsiderate, its hard to get anywhere. No matter how well your wishes may be, what kind of compromise youve thought of that benefits both parties. Its not enough, its not right or good enough. Basically... it wasnt their idea so its not possible to suggest anything.

Frustrating. Ive reached this point. With the same person, numerous times. Nothing is ever good enough. Things are always to be done a certain way. There will be no arguement because what they say is gold and to be taken seriously as they are never ever in a position to be less than perfect.

HA!

I wanted to go to the gym and work out this extra energy.. turn something negative into something positive. I got dressed in my gymwear, got in my car and drove. Seething. Tearing up and trying not to go down a dark path of destruction. (Think Godzilla but a pissed off determinded unfairly treated woman)

Well... as I was driving I started to calm down some and knew that getting rid of the aggression this way was a smart idea. Only to get to the gym and see the lights turned off and no one in the building.

I wanted to scream. I didnt want to do it out in public at about 10:30 at night. So I did some deep breathing exercises. That seemed to help. i reminded myself that I am a better person and should remember to pick my battles.

I hope to never become like this person. Not even close. I strongly dislike this person. So strong is my dislike its involves an H and the number 8. More than annoys, more than bothers, more than disturbs, more than wanting them hurt. I just want to care about this person. I want to delete them from my life. Remove them. Ban. My life would be better without this poor excuse of a human being.

Be careful kryptonite... you dont want to wake the bitch within. No one has seen that side and even I am afraid of what will happen.

Very fitting. Ive started to call this person kryptonite.

dream, fantasy, truth or fiction

The girl looks up at the house not knowing that awaits inside, her hands adjusts her collar wondering if this was a good idea. It must it was hers or 'was it?' She doesnt know anymore. She can always turn around and go. Pretend it never happened. No, she always followed through. Something she was brought up with, always follow through.

Letting out a deep breath, she steadied her nerves and walked up the steps. Thinking 'I hope its not awful' Ringing on the doorbell, she waits. Getting a smile ready she lifts her chin looking comfortable, while her nails dig into her palms. The door opens wide and a man stands there. She knows him, theyve spoken in length. Only this time things are different.

He smiles and politely asks her to 'please come inside' she walks by him through the doorway, making sure that not to bump into him. In the foyer she takes in her surrounding. Noticing the pale blue color of the paint on the wall. The mirror hanging and the closet doors partially open. Through the foyer he leads her once her long coat has been hung. Self conscious without her long coat she accepts the offer to relax on the sofa. A drink poured into highball glasses. Nervously holding the glass in front of her he asks her questions.

Politely, trying not to show nerves she answers and after a while she relaxes. Talking makes her relaxed. As long as she continues shes fine. She also asks him questions and soon thay are talking about things that seem interesting. She thinks that 'im not interested in that but were all different'.

Looking at the time on the stereo system while he pours a glass of water at her request she notices that its been a couple of hours. She wonders how she can politely say her goodbyes. He returns and theres a silence that lasts a while. No one is in a rush to fill it and she lean back on the sofa and he sits closer to her. Soon he asks her if he can kiss her. She doesnt say anything but moves her head closer. His mouth opens wide over hers and she tightens her eyes at the unfamiliar feel of lips on hers.

The kiss is different and she thinks of why shes there, what to do and how to do it. Hands are now on her body and they are moving to her breasts, over her clothes she feels herself respond. Her own hands still beside her, not moving or participating. His hands continue to roam and soon they start to remove her clothes. She is wondering if this is what she wants. It must... shes not rejecting anything.

They continue to kiss. 'He seems so much more into it' she thinks. 'Why arent I as excited?' Pushing herself she continues on, pushing aside those thoughts of second guessing. Her blouse has been removed and her pants join the rest of her clothing. He removes his own clothing and his mouth kisses down her body. He looks down at her and wonders at how lucky he is, he was so nervous as well.

She makes a decision and moves him to a sitting position on the sofa. Kneeling in between his legs she strokes him slowly, studying his reactions, finding out what he likes. She uses her mouth on him, licks him with her tongue. Tastes his excitement. He wants to pull her up to him but she refuses to move from between his legs. This is what she wants, what she is allowing herself to do.

Taking him in her mouth he gasps and spreads his legs wider. Her hands grips his thighs and let him watch her take him inside her mouth. Watch her take him deeper and deeper. She doesnt know how much she can take and she tries still to take more. Tears fill her eyes and she pulls away slowly, as she pulls away she sees a trail from her mouth to him. She flicks her tongue out and follows the trail back he moans and praises her, telling her that shes so sexy.

That spurs her on more and she continues to tighten and vary her movement. After she feels his legs tighten she stops and uses her hand to hold him tight. The wetness from her mouth soaking her hands as she moves her hand up and down. She watches his hips thrusting up as she moves her hand and she leans her head down to take the tip into her mouth. Only to tghten her lips and suck while hands are still working him.

His hands on the back of her head, he tells her just how he likes it, tells her that he likes it deep and fast. She opens her mouth wider and feels tears pool in her eyes again. 'It cant be long now she thinks'. Shes excited that hes enjoying himself. His hands a reminder that he is looking for the end.

She wants to be there to meet him at the end. She pulls away from him and tears fall down her face, her nose feels runny. She cant be looking her best. But hes so turned on all hes focusing on is the trail from her mouth leading to where he wants her again.

Her hands make quick work of him. Making him harder. Squeezing him tight in her hands. She reaches for her nipple with her other hand and his gaze follows like a hawk. she pinches a nipple and lets out a slow moan. In her hand she feels him harden even more and she smiles at him knowing that hes going to explode in her hand or in her mouth.

She leans in and uses her tongue while her head moves up and down, the faster she moves the more vocal he gets and soon he holds her head in his hands as he empties himself in her mouth. Her mouth full of him she lets it spill out back onto him and then lifts her head.

His head against the back of the sofa, she leans back on her legs and he says one word 'wow'

96 -library

I went to the library to return 3 books and I wasnt planning on browsing... I had the time... so I decided to browse. (power of choice) Thought I would find a couple of books to have something on hand if I felt like reading something.

So I started to look through the shelves, thinking that its been about a month since I last went into the library. There were plenty of books that I didnt sign out at that time so there should be a lot of books that I will want to borrow.

Shelf after shelf I went through. I dont know how long I was there for. I dont know what happened in the world while I was looking at covers, flipping through the book to try and get a feel of whether I would like it or not.

I remember walking to the table where I parked my purse and surrounding my purse with books so that if someone were to try to walk away with it people would surely notice the books scattering all over the place when they would try to pull it away. Now if they just unzipped my purse to remove my wallet.. then... the alarm system I had built would not be sufficient. :)

So at one point I counted the number of books I had around my purse. 24. I thought 'Darling, dont overdo it, youll have to manage your time very well if you add anymore to that pile.' I tell myself to check out one more shelf then call it quits.

5 shelves later... I find myself walking to the counter to sign them all out. Im a little embarrassed about the 2 trips I make to the counter. Two because after she scans every. single. book. I look at the slip she hands over and scroll alllll the way down to the bottom and see the Total = 37 (gulp)

OK so why the Library? well... If I were to buy each book at a low cost of 5.00$ this trip to the bookstore would have had me weighing $185.00 less. Multiply that by the number of times I visit the library. I would be a waif and no one wants that most of all me. If I read something that really moves me in many ways or just plain gets me all aflutter. I will buy it at the bookstore.

I guess I went a bit overboard. How was I supposed to know that the last 5 shelves would have books that caught my eye, attention or curiousity!? Yes I will read them all. yes Ill enjoy them all. No I wont lose any and yes I might even talk about a few of them. Maybe find new authors that I must must must start to follow.

I have to say, that every time I picked up a book to add to the pile, I was giddy. Its exciting. Im excited by reading. I like it. No Love it. Im thankful for all the creative people in the world who share their stories. I mean those of you who shared your stories with me (smile) and those authors who I may never meet in any way, shape or form in this life.

I appreciate all your hard work, your dedication, your relentless pursuit of spellchecks. Thank you for taking me away to a place that youve created, for making me feel like I was a part of the adventure. Please know that your words have taken me places that I may never experience in my life, its nice to have a glimpse of that place.

Now hurry and finish writing another book so I can read it (smiling patiently)

95 - cards

When a man comments almost daily ok daily about the things I wear. What does that mean? His comments so far.

'you look great today'
'you must have the best wardrobe, you always look good in so many things you wear'
'i like your shoes' .... uh oh?!!? lol
'whats the occasion today? you look absolutely phenomenal'
'you have the best taste in clothes'
'always so put together'
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DS some of us were ordering food I saw you walk by and wanted to ask if you wanted anything
D247 Hmmm no thank you I think Im all right
DS well, I saw you and wanted to stop you to ask
D247 that was nice of you, what are you ordering
DS I think they want to order Chinese
D247 hmmm neat I think im good
DS You sure?
D247 yes... well... Ive had lunch, what are you having for desert?
DS (looks at me) then around him and back me, smiles winks and walks away

Ill admit to not knowing much about men :) I wont assume that I do. I always go in thinking Im clueless and just know basic human nature. I enjoy the differences between men and women. There are some things that I know and a lot of things that I dont.

These are just some things that happen to me that I think are interesting and make me wonder. Like I said before. Im the last person to find out that someone is interested in me. I know people are nice to those they like. BUT I think I am nice to everyone, whether I like them or not. So to me its hard to distinguish when people are nice because they are showing an interest. Or just plain being nice.

I think there should be a policy. If people are intrested in other people they should have a sign or a card, saying I am interested. So the niceness isnt confused with interest. I propose this for all men and women. Just tell them.

Now the hard part would be the reaction and tact thats involved with delivering the reaction. That will be easier and more delicate than handing out a card.. lol more thought needs to be put into how to deal with fragile egos.

Maybe I dont know as much as I thought I did.

94 - attentions

me So what do you have planned for tonight?
him Depends on what you had planned for tonight.
me not much, catching up on some readinghim well me toome neat, what are you reading?
him Catcher in the Rye
me how do you like it so far?
him I started reading it a while back and just recently found it again
me oh ok
him Hey, have you ever been go carting?
me yes once a log time ago
him well we should go sometime... im sure I can beat you
me you wish

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him so what are you doing this weekend?
me catching up on errands, might go out with the girls. you?
him im going out to this bar downtown, you should come... if you want.
me maybe. thanks ill keep it in mind.

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him so what are you doing for lunch today?
me what did you have in mind?
him well I wasnt sure if there was a rule about going out for lunch together.
me I have my lunch thank you... raincheck?
him yes ok

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him im going out for a smoke
me that stuff will kill you
him yeah... so want to join me outside... not to smoke but to just come outside with me
me dont tell me youre one of those who has to have an entourage?
him no way im perfectly ok going alone
ne have fun

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So.... im not the greatest when it comes to figuring out things.. but from the above... I need some feedback on what you guys think. It could very well be nothing. Ill have to admit I am the last person to figure things out when it comes to anothers attentions directed at me. I dont know what that means. I think Ill delve into that some time later.

My thoughts. Hes too young for me. Nice guy. Just not on the same level playing field. Id probably scare him with some things LOL Interesting to talk to, seems a bit too comfortable with .. liberties. Physically? so so. I mean Im sure he'll fill out but ... hes more my sisters type LOL Tall and lanky is her type. My type?... depends LOL Hes not my usual type... but he plays the guitar. LOL

Anyway. I dont think anything will happen.. why? because I dont want anything to happen. We work together so thats an immediate no. Have I thought about it? Yes, butnot with him. Were human. I think its a great fantasy :) Why not use what you can. lol

93 - flirt

Who do you flirt with?I flirt with men that I find interesting. That interest me, if they keep me interested then the flirting continues. I wasnt able to think this out thoroughly so you may get lost in the reading. I apologize in advance.

I flirt with men that I find physically appealing. I like to flirt with men who dress well and exude confidence not of arrogance but of self assurance. I like a man comfortable in their own skin. Someone who wears the clothes and doesnt rely on the clothes to define who they are. Whether its an Armani suit or a basic suit and tie. Better yet, jeans and a t-shirt.

My shoes can look intimidating. It takes a certain confidence to be able to wear them and pull them off. I make them look good, not the other way around. Thats the kind of confidence I am attracted to. lol

Who do you flirt with? a certain type of man? woman? I want to know. I always wonder about what makes other people flirt, their reasons, and attractions. It would be interesting to know. Maybe I am doing something wrong or maybe I am doing something right. What makes your gaze zero in on someone, what makes you want to hear more about themand hear their voice. Do you notice their aura? body? voice first? If something doesnt meet your criteria, do you continue to find out if something else about them compensates for it?

We often look at people and size them up to see where we stand on the equality level and I want someone thats mentally with me. Capable to keep up with my thoughts, lifestyle and ... habits..

I dont flirt with men who look like they just crawled out of the bottom of the barrel. I admit I like to look good with who I am with. I wont flirt with someone that is overly interested in me while im not feeling it for him. Its not nice to lead anyone on.

Well. .. go on, get your flirt on!

92 - phone call

darling- Hello darling speaking.
I use my professional tone of voice :)

mystery man- hello how are you?
Very polite gentleman... the voice sounds familiar...

darling- Im great thank you and yourself?
Its never good business to tell them what you really think if its anything less that fabulous

mm- Im better now that I have found you.
How silly. Of course hes found me he knew where to call me!!

darling- Yes you have! What can I do for you?
Hmmm is this someone playing a prank on me? hmmm

mm- I was wondering if you were free tonight?
huh? Me free tonight?

darling- ...............................................
thats dead air for anyone wondering.

mm- I was wondering if we could meet.
ok this HAS to be a joke!!... the voice is familiar... hmmmmmmmm

darling- what did you have in mind?
ill play along.. why not?!

mm- Im playing golf until 6 let meet then
hmmm who do I know crazy enough to play golf in the rain??? no name is coming up

darling- ok where shall we meet?
what am I doing? maybe this guy has the wrong number??? hmmft!

mm- meet me at the Fairmont Chateau Laurier at 6
ohhh check out where he camps! ok so hes from out of town... oh my god.. could it be?

darling- oh, moving up in the world are we?
im fishing... I think I know who it is?!

mm-they couldnt fit me at the westin, it was all booked.
interesting.

darling- ok ill meet you there... question... why didnt you call me on my cell??
really... no one knows my work number. Who gives out their work number?!?!?!?

mm- oh......
not as dead air

darling- you lost my number didnt you?
Im giving him an out so he doesnt have to explain.

mm- yes darling I did. Im sorry
...fishing again

darling- So thats why I havent heard from you. I thought you werent interested.
I did think that

mm- Oh ive thought about you a lot. Im very interested
rolls my eyes :)

darling- uh huhhhh...

mm- I had to find you so I remembered what you told me and I looked in the phone book and called all these places to find you.
..............!!!!.........!!!!........!!!!.....

darling- oh really?? thats... you called... how many... thats neat... im glad you found me
HE WHAT?! How odd, how sweet, how determined, how strange, how stalkerlike!!

mm- yes darling ive found you and Im so happy.
I bet! Imagine the odds?!?!?!

darling- yes so tonight 6pm How long are you in town for?
Just wondering...

mm- Saturday. Is tonight ok? did you have plans?
I wonder how long hes been trying to find me??

darling- ill call you and let you know if anything comes up on my end.

click.

Do these things only happen to me??

91 - bounce

Ive been feeling a bit out of sorts for the past few days. No real reason. I think the ltitle things are adding up and soon the damn will break. Its one of those moments where you know its not the greatest day. The sun might be out and the birds chirping and all that, but inside theres something dying.

There really is not one specific thing I can think of that is causing this death. If I did know I wonder if I would be able to give it back some life. Like a flower thats been kept in the shade without sun. Thats what it feels like. Needing something so bad that without it the end will come. That without that something, without being moved to it, without it coming to me there will be an end.

Sounds dark. Feels dark. Im hoping its as easy as opening a window to shine some light in. I think some things are meant to wither away, I cant tell what it is. Why cant I pinpoint this flower and bring it back?

Maybe its meant to happen this way. Maybe its a lesson of some kind. Is it that there is darkness in me that nothing living can grow and live? Is it that things are meant to come and go. That we should appreciate what we have and not take things for granted? Is it a reminder to stop and smell the roses. Is it to remind me that with life comes death?

Why cant I keep things together? Why cant things stay seperate? Things that arent meant to happen are happening.

If I cant stop the eventuallity Ill accept it, embrace it and look around and work on the others. Help, nurish and feed.

Enjoy every moment , good or bad, its another to add to the memory banks. I probably sound like a broken record. 'think positive, be nice, keep busy and take care of yourself'

Oh well, its my life, my thoughts, welcome.

... like a bouncing ball.. Ill bounce back...

90 - partner

Ive told someone that I was bad at relationships. Then it went on to not being good at relationships. Then to not having had a successful relationship. Then finally to maybe I dont have a problem at all.

Why would I say something like that to someone? I picked my brain. I found out im scared and insecure. It was an honest comment. Im not comfortable in a relationship because I havent had one that... lasted? That made it? Im not sure why I feel that way.

I think I would make a great partner for someone. I wont go into the reasons why. I started and it seemed like I was putting up an advert to convince those of the opposite sex that I was a gem, that they have been missing out all this time and that they should jump and find me.

Reasons for being a good partner for someone has to be balanced. Someone cant be too this or that, too shallow/vain or too timid/modest, too in your face with wanting attention to a solitary mouse, from too frigid and cold to...well you understand. But I guess when you fall in love with someone it happens and it doesnt matter that they are too this or that because theres something in that person that just... calls to you.Im not holding my breath or anything, but I wonder if someone out there has my number.. and if someone should happen to have it, would I have theirs?

Its not only finding the right balance within oneself but finding the right balance with each other. Maybe my past relationships werent balanced. I know that it was the right decision that I am no longer in those relationships. For everyone.

Oh well. Im not sitting around and waiting for it. Ive got my life to live. People to see and things to do. Or is that the other way around??