My Inbox

A sample of an email I might find in my inbox...
Warning- very descriptive.
I apologize if this offends anyone.

Continue with caution...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

You come across as a facinating and sexy woman. I'm sure you're getting a lot of attention from men! So, why should you give the time of day to me?

I'm not Brad Pitt, but what I am is a stable, mature professional with a goofy sense of humour and a conviction that the very best thing in life is driving women wild with ecstacy.

If you're looking for a man who can devote himself to pleasing you, and I can do that, and more. If you want and idea of how....well this gets a bit explicit, and I hope you're not offended nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Firstly, I'd love to look deeply into your brown eyes, then, I'd like to kiss you - softly, not rushing, tasting you. Then perhaps stand behind you so that I could send warm kisses down your neck while my hands start to wander over your body - cupping your breasts, squeezing your ass, fingertips dancing over your exposed skin. I'd like to take your clothes off one at a time, my warm mouth greeting every part of you that is revealed.

I'd run my hands over your exposed skin - my fingertips lightly brushing your lips, your belly, the small of your back, my knuckles grazing over your pussy, my hands feeling the strength in your legs. Perhaps I'd take your breasts in my mouth, sucking strongly, but gently too, my tongue flicking over your nipples, while my hand slides down between your legs - my palm against your clit while my two middle fingers curl and uncurl inside of you, so that the vibrations travel up my hand, through my palm and back into you.

Perhaps I'd flip you onto your belly, so that my hands could stroke, a bit more firmly now, down every part of you, from the nape of your neck to your legs. And after teasing and tickling your feet, and sucking on your toes, I'd go down on you - I LOVE doing that to my women! How though??? Perhaps licking your pussy like a cat with cream, strokes from top to bottom? Or covering your with my warm mouth, so that my tongue can vibrate against your clit while two fingers corkscrew in-and-out of you? I don't know - what do you think????

And while I'm doing all of this, I'd probably be telling you how much I love it, how much it turns me on, the feel, and taste, and warmth of you. Not that I'd need to tell you - as I move on and around you, you'd feel my cock brushing you occasionally - hard as a rock, pulsing with desire for you, but willing to wait while your every need is fulfilled. You see, there is NOTHING more erotic in the world to me than turning a woman on, hearing her breathing get deeper, then ragged, feeling the little involuntary muscle moves that come as she slowly, deliciously loses control, as pure pleasure floods her senses and sweeps her away. I know that I'm going to have a great time, so my question is how to please her!

Don't get me wrong - I'd be vibrating with desire for you - I'd want to find out how you like to be taken, in what rhythm, whether you like to be surprised, how much control you want or how out of control you want to feel. Perhaps I'd lie you flat on your stomach, my legs around yours, so I could slide in from behind, deep, powerfully, with a slow rythmic fuck, accelerating, getting wilder.... or perhaps have you ride me, or take me in your warm mouth after you've found your own heights of pleasure. But whether your mouth or your pussy, I would want to get totally lost in the wonderful warmth of you...

So that's what I offer, and what I want. I hope this is appeals to you - try me and you won't be disappointed!

Hope to hear back from you soon...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Interesting...

323 - randomness

So I'm getting used to the Mac Book. Its slow going but I'm getting to learn my way around it. It mostly sits there pretty in white. I figured black was slimming but the white one would be classier. I just now need a case to bring it around with me. That has yet to happen. Bringing it with me. But I will. One day. When I know how to use it and when I know Ill be able to get the Internet wherever I am.

The LegMatic is a great 13 minute workout that hurts in the best way possible. No pain no gain when working out right? I don't know if Ive shared this but I cancelled my membership to the gym and I am continuing my work out at home. Not as religiously as I should but as usual its a work in progress.

Ive also gotten a couple of new DVDs to use for working out. It will all come together. I will become the girl in my head.

There are mirrors and artwork that still have to be put up which I haven't done yet. The things that have gone up haven't been put up by yours truly. They have been put up by my brother and my sisters boyfriend. February will mark my one year anniversary in this apartment and I look around and there are still things in boxes in the storage room, I have an empty bedroom and there are things that still have to find a home and be installed.

There are different time zones in my apartment. My room and the living room have clocks that don't keep the same time. The oven clock and microwave aren't set for the same time. Actually now that I think about it, even my cell phones don't have the right time.

I use that to trick myself. Get to work or anywhere on time. I'm not a chronic latecomer. I'm usually early for things and I credit it to the screwed up way all my clocks are ahead. Even when I think its 20 minutes ahead I find out I'm still early by 15 minutes.

Its funny but I think I should set the clocks and phones to the right time and see how that works for me. If it doesn't work out then I can always move them all ahead by odd times. Soon the time will come.

My plants are doing well. Really well. I have roses on my dining room table every week. They are pretty in the vase they are in. I have to get a CD case for all the old Cd's I have I don't listen to. I think I only have about 50 Cd's. Ill go through them all and toss out the ones that I'm not a fan of. Don't ask how they ended up there. Ill send them to Sally Ann as well

Ill have to get another Rubbermaid container thingy for DVDs that Ive accumulate. Not having cable TV makes me a DVD fan. Watch it at my leisure.

The Big Dog seems happier and she doesn't seem so down. I think the weather might have been part of the problem. It affects everyone even the pets. The snow here has melted with the rain that came down. Its now getting back to cold wintery weather. I almost think its a tease to have had a mini break from the cold. I'm undecided about having a warm spell in the middle of winter.

Oh and to clarify the T-shirts that D brought over. We've roll them up diagonally and tied knots at both ends and that becomes a toy for The Big Dog.

A coworker was meeting someone near my apartment building and I offered to drive her since were off work at the same time, she doesn't drive but takes the bus. I asked her if she wanted to meet The Big Dog as she likes dogs and has four of her own. Yes that's right four of them... and she wants more. I told her to be careful as she will soon be known as the crazy dog lady.

I gave her a tour of my apartment after she played with The Big Dog for a while and she was really surprised about how gentle The Big Dog was for her breed. After a little while I had to take The Big Dog for her walk and mentioned that we could walk her to where she needed to go as that it was really on the way.

There was a moment where I felt weird having her at my place. Why? You ask? Well it didn't dawn on me to recall this at the time I was offering her a ride or to come over to my place. She told me about her dream. Her dream had her and I together at her place for some drinks and then in bed... together. She didn't elaborate on anything else but that. Interesting I say.

My sister and I left notes on post it notes at my Dads place. We put them in places we knew he would eventually go to and hopefully find. We also wrote him lengthy letters. I don't remember much about what I write but I remember crying while I write it. He called to tell me he cried while he was reading it. Cheesy I know. But I don't mind it.

He still calls every other day to let us know that he found another post it. It makes us all laugh. My sister and I used his digital camera to take silly pictures of us around the apartment. Were not sure if he has seen them yet. I'm still waiting to see pictures that were taken while we were there. Other than those on my cell phone of course. My sister and I have been meaning to get together again so we can trade things. She needs her boots and I need my memory stick. Pictures to come should I figure out how to do it.

I haven't talked to my brother in a while and I think I might have said something to him that wasn't so nice. Ill have to apologize to make nice. I'm not sure if its the reason for why I think hes been avoiding coming over but I think it is.

Remember the guy who lost my cell number and found me by calling company after company in the phone book looking for me? Well he called me on my cell last night asking me how I've been. He also asked if we could get together. I wasn't sure and didn't feel it at the moment so I told him that I wasn't able to but told him to keep in touch for sure.

322 - soup and snow

I haven't seen D as much as I would have liked since his return, we've both been busy. Ive seen him once and that was yesterday and it went well. I'm nervous about seeing him again though.

I either want to blow his mind, just take control and have my way with him. Or I want it slow and sweet and still blow his mind of course. Its me not him. I feel shy like meeting someone new. That kind of shyness. I guess its just uncertainty. But I think that this time its normal as we had a serious conversation.

Ive got a new matching pink lacy bra that I need some feedback on. Ill try it out with him next time...

J called me and I wasn't expecting his call. I almost didn't recognize his voice. We talked for a bit and he apologized for calling earlier than he said he was going to. He wanted to call to let me know he wouldn't be able to call when he said he would because of something important coming up at work. I liked that he did that and we'll see each other this Saturday. We still haven't decided where we would meet but that's OK.

A called me and we talked for a little bit. There's a lot of teasing that happens when were on the phone but how that translates when were together face to face isn't the same. I'm almost hesitant with him. Kind of unsure. I think that's because he is very vague with things and how he answers questions isn't really answering them but deflective almost. I can live with it but it makes things a little intriguing in a way that might not be favorable for him. We shall see.


I spoke to G2 and its been over a year since we last spoke. He has a new girlfriend which is nice. Hes kicked the ex out of his place. Who was a girl he was starting to see when I met him. Hes an interesting guy. Really smart. Works with radioactive beams for medical machines. Interesting. I think. Anyway. I think.. that working with all those radioactive beams might have you know altered him you know. And I don't think he is spider man. Hes a cutie.


I let The Big Dog off her leash last night. I rarely do that. We were in the middle of a field and the show was high enough to get in my boots. (My dog walking boots) I let her off leash and she had a blast running at top speed. It was a lot of fun. We chased each other and against the moonlit snow I thought she was beautiful. The Big Dog in her black shiny coat running with the wind in her face. There was no mistaking where she was. Even when she was crouching down I could tell where she was hiding from me.


I felt happy letting her run in the snow. She looked happy and we played tug of war with her leash. She would have stayed out there for hours more if she had her way. I took her in after an hour or so.

It doesn't take much to make me happy.

321 - not quite the end

Earlier today, I gave in my two weeks. My last day here T J1 is Feb 7th.
I was a bit nervous but once I started I felt better and better.
Honesty is the best policy.
Never burn bridges, you'll never know when you'll need them in the future.
I was told that I will be welcomed back if I decide that the new job isn't for me.
I feel a little less weighed down having given J1 notice.
I have one whole week before training where I wont be at J1
If I work it out right. I might go on a trip.
The trip to Florida w M3 might be postponed... indefinitely.
Taking a week off with nothing planned (for the moment) scares me
I might enjoy it too much and decide I never want to work.
Ill start looking for ways to maintain my lifestyle without actually working :)
Any ideas?
I know that wont ever happen but its easy to get lazy about these things.
I don't like being lazy for long periods of time.
D and I got together at my place this afternoon.
We celebrated.
It was long overdue and yes it was a lot of fun.

I'm tired and feel like taking a nap now.
I'm going out tonight with my brother, sister and her boyfriend.
I'm breaking the news about the new job.
More celebrations.

My next two weeks will be full of celebratory lunches and drinks.
Drinks after work and at the end most probably cake and a card from my coworkers.
I'm happy to be making this change.
I'm going to miss the people the most.
Now I feel like crying.

This chapter is almost over.

320 - honest

I'm really nervous about the new job. Its something I don't know and its something that is new to me. I'm scared that Ill fail. That I wouldn't have made enough preparations if maybe I might not succeed with the program.

The future in the new job would bump me up to a new level a, different plane. Of someplace that Ive never been and wasn't quite sure that I would achieve. Monetarily and I guess if I'm being honest there's a security there that Ive never had with any company.

Which is why I'm nervous.

The other hand of complacency is telling me that I'm scared of leaving what I do have. I don't ask for a lot and I am OK with how my life is. There's always room for improvements. You can only stay so long in one place before moving on.

Like anything in life. Sometimes its time to move on.

Its scary. Yes. Its unknown. Yes.

Will I do it. Yes. In the name of life and living it, I will.

The above made me think of some of the things that I don't shy away from. Meeting someone new for coffee, dressing up provocatively for dinner. Attending parties where I don't know anyone and have to make great first impressions over and over and over. With every new person that greets me, that I come across, that strikes up a conversation. I'm always there making sure first impressions of myself go well.

I get a little bit nervous at the beginning but I do relax after the world continues to turn and I'm no longer waiting for it as I'm already there. In the middle of it. Living it. Instead of worrying about what it will be like.

Even if its something that unknown to me. Once I'm in it. I'm in it. Once I'm in the situation there's no going back, I just have to work through it and hope for the best.

:)

319 - Sexapalooza

Spoke with R and asked about family and we talked about the times we were together. Hes interested in coming to see me but isn't sure when. Its been a long time since Ive seen him and he still tells me that he thinks of me often and looks forward to seeing me again for more pleasurable times. Maybe not in those exact words but those sound much more PG than what he sounded like.

J is new and in a situation that I haven't heard of before. I wont share yet but Ill be hearing from him tomorrow afternoon to see when we can go for a quick beverage this coming weekend.

This is where you would have found me this weekend http://www.sexapalooza.ca/ottawa.html

I brought home goodies to not only taste but wear, I picked up things to watch and of course other things... to play with. Ill leave it to your perusal of the site to wonder what I brought home. I did get something that Ive always wanted and wasn't sure where to find it.

There were a lot of people there and knowing the bartenders I was sufficiently topped up with alcoholic beverages. I bumped into co workers from J1 and directed them to where my videos should have been. I told them there must have been a delay in shipping. HA! :) We laughed and went on our way shortly after.

My inbox was full of surprising things and Ill share a couple another day. But I did get a call from The New Job and I have an info session on Feb 8th in the morning. My training date is set for Feb 18th.

Now Ill have to work a plan to see how I can keep J1 as a backup JIC things don't work out but I think this time Ill have to do it without a backup. Reason? To propel me ahead and up the drive to want the job. Kind of using the fact that I don't have J1 to fall back on will make me get through the training and get the offer. At the start of training Ill get a conditional offer of employment. If I get through training and I guess pass the final exam they have then Ill get the job. If for some reason I don't pass the offer will be revoked. Phooey!

So now my thoughts are on the trip to Florida and how that might not happen with M. Darn. Well maybe if I tell him that I can go before the 18th and not after. How to delicately try to keep J1 out of the loop and how to go about it without losing the job. Do I give 2 weeks notice? Give 1 weeks notice and take a week off to go on a Holiday down south? Take vacation and then give 2 weeks?... or or or or or!! The taking vacation down south also needs thinking as I need to make sure that I can bankroll the trip or talk to A about him taking me down as hes been wanting to do that for a while... for...

The thing I am worried about is I have savings to cover my training period. I do get paid for training but its about 50% of what I will be making once I finish. The thing is I wont get a pay cheque from The New Job for 3 weeks once I start and that's at that rate. So I should be OK. Just a bit worried about it as I'm usually on the ball when it comes to finances so I'm a bit rattled by the uncertainty of it as I still don't have the job secured 100%.

I have the job if I get through the training period. I am doubting myself. If there are other people that have gone through it and were successful why not me? Why not me. I just have the usual doing something new jitters. I hope my brain hasn't atrophied.

Just got a text from D asking me if I missed him. I couldn't reply right away and he sent another one right after saying that he missed me. When I had a moment I sent him one saying that I missed him before he left.

Maybe a shift will happen as far as me taking a step back instead of forward with D. There's no point in going forward if there's no reason to. The other thing I am worried about it how big a step back will it be. Even if its one step it the size that matters. Enough to turn off the feel good times that I share with him or can I keep the physical separated from the mental. Or just enough to keep things light. I dont want to take a step that will take me to the place where I might resent him for not wanting to be with me. Or be in the place where I think I need to change things that I think will make someone want me.

I wont of course. Change for someone else. If its for anyone it will be for me. That's something to look forward to. We shall see.

318 - sinking in.. Florida

D and I talked before he left. I felt a little out of sorts talking about it as I wasn't sure what I could and couldn't talk to him about. In the end I let it all out and he was OK with it all. He understood. He felt bad that there were things that he couldn't help with but he would try to see what he could do.

I told him that it was good enough that he listened. That I wasn't sure who I could talk to about any of that seeing that it had to do with the both of us. I asked him silly things like if there was anything between us. If there was anything between us that would last. If in a few years we would be something more than what we are now.

I told him that I miss sleeping with someone. Not sex. Just someone to lie in bed with sometimes. I miss the closeness I guess, the intimacy with him. We have other moments together Its just not all the moments. I told him I knew that he wouldn't be able to. I told him I knew that it was important for him to be there when Little D gets up in the morning. I told him that it was part of the attraction for me that he had Little D and that I find him a fantastic Dad.

I told him that I knew he wouldn't be able to spend the night because of that and I understood. I just wanted to know if he thought about it... and in my mind I thought Id be pleased if the least he said was yes hes thought about it and if he was able to he would. Just hearing him say it would make me feel better.

My question to him was. If you could would you want to? I got from him, 'I completely understand where you're coming from and its not out there that you have been thinking about it. I knew this issue would come up sometime but I wasn't sure when. You don't know how much I want to and there will be times with this schedule that I will be able to stay until the wee hours of the morning. I will be leaving to be home for when Little D gets up. That's important to me too.'

Throughout the conversation I cried. I cried because it was nice to talk to him about it. It felt good. I cried because of his answers and how much I needed to hear him say things that I only thought of. I cried because I didn't have to hide it.

I asked him if thought I was totally out of line asking these questions and even if he thought they were he said 'no not at all. I'm glad you talk to me about these things it helps us work it out together and keeps it all on the table.'

We somehow went to talking about arrangements like these and I asked him if this is how it usually goes. He didn't know how to answer that and I asked him how what we have is different from the others that he has had. He told me that they don't usually last this long. That they usually don't understand that Little D is his #1 and that it doesn't usually last past a month or so.

He said he would understand if I didn't want to continue the arrangement that we have and if I wanted to just be friends then that's OK with him. He says that's not what he would do but he would understand. He said hes happy with how things are between us and he wants to make sure that I am OK and comfortable with it all. If not then we can just.. be friends.

He said that what we have is new to him too. Its nice to know that its uncharted territory for the both of us. In the end I admitted that the realization that there might not be a future between us was sinking in. I cried, he listened.

It wasn't the greatest conversation but it was one that felt liberating. I don't know how things will be when he gets back. I do miss him. I miss his voice. The phone calls to and from each other. I miss his body. I miss what he does to mine.

I'm cant make a commitment to someone that cant do the same for me. I do have feelings for him and I don't think that will change. I do need to continue on. Ill always be there for as long as he wants me in his life. Hell be in mine as long as he wants to. I don't see myself throwing a friendship away.

He sent a few text messages yesterday and that was nice. I told him to have fun and not to do anything I would do and his reply was really? I can do all that?

Cheeky huh? LOL

In continuing on. I will be going to Florida sometime in early February with M3 for a couple of days if our schedule works out. We will meet each other there.

Cheesecake with AR last night went really well. Hope to see more of each other in the near future.

Got a phone call from Brazil who was in New Brunswick visiting his parents. He was in Ottawa but didn't have my phone number so he wasn't able to find me. He doesn't know where I live either. It was nice to hear from him and to know that Ive been on his mind a lot. He is thinking of moving back but isn't sure of when.

Things are looking up. D will be back Monday. We'll see how things go.

317 - Soup and friends

D's friend F has been in Florida since last Thursday and hell be back in town this Saturday evening. He had met this girl a while back, I don't have all the details but they reconnected after some time and when he mentioned he was going on vacation, she offered to go with him. She paid for her trip and tada shes there with him.

D has met her and says shes young and gorgeous. That brought out the little green devil in me and I was a bit hmmph about it. But that's OK. These things happen. I did feel better when he followed that up with and there's something wrong with her mentally.

I did mini hooray - silent of course and then he went on to tell me why he said what he did. I now also know that F and this girl aren't having sex or any major or minor petting. Kissing I asked? Nothing.

Her plan for going to Florida was to get some work done. I'm not sure what kind of work but some kind of plastic surgery. Which led me to think that If this girl is gorgeous then I don't know what someone would want to get any work done. Granted Ive never seen what she looks like but I mean. If someone can be described as that then I just find it strange that that person would want to change something on the outside.

Which confirms my thought that everyone has something that they are self conscious about. Or, maybe in her case, someone else was going to foot the bill? Which yes, in her case someone else was going to foot the bill. Not D or F. Someone twice her age who lives thousands of miles away from her.

Anyway. It made me think. Of what he thinks of me. I know I'm not a model and I tell that to people all the time. I'm not. I'm just me, normal. I just had a slew of thoughts go through my mind about beauty and outward appearances. Maybe it was just the moment. Maybe its the truth maybe its just a sliver of time when I felt that I was just something that faded into the background. Insignificant in this big bad world of glamour and glitz.

I wondered how in the world I was supposed to get noticed when those that people think are gorgeous get things done. How does a person stand out in a crowd and turn heads without any enhancements.

So yeah, a little jealous over here. He also mentioned these 2 girls he saw at the Casino. Really good looking girls. Well put together and stunning was the word he used.

I think I'm feeling a bit ummm insecure the past couple of days. I haven't talked to him about it and I'm not sure I will. Full disclosure? Sometimes I edit whats disclosed so now I guess its called the edited disclosure.

I mean, would it be weird to talk about issues of insecurity with someone that I'm sleeping with? Id like to ask questions which might make him uncomfortable and I don't want to make it seem like I'm grilling him... or boring him for that matter.

I guess I miss K. He was really good for those kinds of conversations. He loved hearing about my rambles. I would talk about something for 10 minutes straight asking hypothetical questions and actual ones as well. In the end we would laugh about it all.

I should send him an email.

I got what I thought was a random phone call where they didn't leave a message and I didn't recognize the phone number. Wrong number maybe? When my cell rang again with the same number I picked up and it was A. Unbelievable. But it was good to hear from him. I was worried and rightly so. He was in the hospital for a while and hes better now. Hes changed phone numbers which is why I didn't recognize the number.

We got caught up on whats been happening and we would try to work our schedules out so we could get together sometime.

I didn't expect to get a call from P when he said he would call so that worked out well. Its all on his schedule. I know hes got a full plate and he does a lot of travelling which makes trying to work something out a bit difficult. I just hope hes OK.

I haven't heard from M2 which is fine. I think he'll go to the wood chipper... if I haven't already thrown him in there, it will happen again.

I'm meeting with AR tonight. Nothing fancy so don't get your hopes up for anything juicy.

Dream, Fantasy, Truth or Fiction

We sit at a table and there are people all around us. We talk, we laugh and we inch closer and closer to each other. Our knees touch and a few minutes later our thighs. I lean towards him and rest my head on his shoulder. He flips over the pages and I follow as he makes comments on various things.

I see something in the magazine that catches my eye and I take over with the page flipping. I make comments and we laugh. He leans his head close to me and nuzzles my neck. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation. I feel his tongue playfully flicker over my skin.

My thoughts go from commenting on the magazine to other places where I can feel his tongue flicker. Soon those thoughts carry me to a place where my hands pull him tight against me while I stroke the back of his neck.

I moan a little and squeeze his neck. I pull away and press my lips against his. I imagine his lips on other parts of my body. That thought coupled with tongues playing makes me moan again and the want to be alone with him was great.

We pull away and I let him see my eyes. His own smoldered with heat. Sexual and intense. I slid my hand over his thigh and used my nails to gently press down on him. His nostrils flare and he pushes up against me. I smile into his shoulder and gently give him a little bite in encouragement.

Our faces lean in closer again for more kisses when we hear a yoo hoo in the background. We both turn where the holler came from and we see two people hurrying over to us. I smile and he stands and hugs them both. He introduces us and its his parents. We talk for a few minutes and they say their goodbyes and were left alone.

We decide to leave and I tell him that I only have a few minutes left before I need to be back at work. So we walked to the truck and before I got in I felt myself being lifted and pushed against the truck. Lips pressing hard against mine making me open my mouth to feel his wet tongue enter my mouth. My arms wrapped around him and I felt him push against me.

He rubbed himself back and forth on me and I push back against him. The want was there. The kisses hot and our bodies agreed with each other and that's where we heard the horn blaring right by the truck.

We jumped apart and laughed as the group of people in the car driving by waved at us. He held the door open for me and soon we were off on our way. Feeling a little bit amorous still, I asked him if he saw what I had on underneath. He said no there wasn't time inside. When he looked over at me I was slowly lifting my skirt and pulling it up over my thighs.

The tops of my garter was showing and I played with the edge a little bit. His eyes kept darting back and forth from the road to my legs. I smiled and thought of the things that could be done inside the truck. On the truck and anywhere else around the truck.

We heard another honk and again our eyes followed the sound and there the truck was hugging both lanes. I bit my lip from smiling and he cleared his throat. I gave a little cough and we looked at each other and laughed.

We drove by the turn off for my work and had to make a detour. In keeping with continuing our lives I just snuggled in tightly close to him and he pulled me in with his arm. I looked up at him and nuzzled his neck which led me to rubbing my lips against him. My tongue made little circles against him and I could feel a shudder run through him.

There was a low growl that I felt on his throat and I smiled and pulled away from him. When we stopped he pulled me in for a scorching kiss that took my breath away. His tongue rubbing sensually against mine.

I moaned and squeezed my eyes tighter and thought, I wish I didn't have to go to work.

316 - Birthday ideas

With D's vacation creeping up on me I find myself feeling a little bit confused. I am happy to have time to myself and time to do anything really. But I'm also going to be sad that I wont be able to have the same kind of connection with him that we've had over the last little while. Hes also my wake up call since hes started his new schedule a couple of weeks ago. Its been really handy to have him call me in the morning as I don't really want to get up to go to work that early anymore. I would have been very content to sleep in and prance around my apartment for the whole day.

Every so often and I think the time is soon. Most likely when he returns, or a little after he returns I know we'll have a pow wow about whats going on and where things are and all that jazz. Just to keep me in check and I can admit that because I think I like him more and more and want to find out if I need to do anything more or less and if there are things that I can improve on.

I'm not sure Ill ask everything because I'm not sure if its proper to or not. I'm also a bit worried about some of the replies that Ill get and might rethink things a bit. Just to clear the air and refocus on things that need it. I often wonder about what its like to be on the other end of those conversations. Whether I come across as someone that's just too much of one thing or another.

S wants to get together soon. We haven't seen each other in a while and I know he'll be hell to deal with when I do see him, only because he'll have all this energy and excitement. Which can be fun but hes a bit on the rough side. Ill have to figure that out as well. Maybe something very low key and very public so he keeps himself in check and I don't have that responsibility of having to thwart any/ more advances than I would.

A friends SO's 30th birthday is coming up and shes asked me to come up with ideas for what to do to celebrate. That's always a bit nerve wracking for me as I'm very bad with these things. Coming up with ideas to celebrate someones birthday who I don't really know all too well as hes very shy and quiet when I am around, is difficult.

I don't really know his likes and dislikes so its that much harder for me. I mean if it was for my sister I wouldn't know what to do either. I'm a very bad planner when it comes to these things. Now for one on one ideas involving things on the sexier and more seductive nights, Ive got a few ideas but I think she would be impressed with the ideas though I know Ill be asked questions about how, where and whens. I will definitely give her a few ideas on what to do when they are alone.

So other than the generic ideas that people would come up with. I have nothing. I wonder if this is something I should be worried about. It doesn't seem like I'm very creative. Though I would be able to impress you with what I can do with other things. Very strange how I am wired. Even Ill admit to that. Interesting though as its a constant evaluation and comparison with what is supposed to be 'normal'. All done in a healthy way of course.

We'll be getting together on the 16th for a GNO and trying to figure out what to do. Shes a bit late with planning this so that's why I think shes enlisted me in the committee. His big 3-0 is Sat Jan 30th. Oh that's nice 30 on the 30th :)

Ill be getting those pictures soon I hope. Something keeps coming up.

315 - And the winner is....

I know you're all wondering if they called me this morning. I know you all want to know that Ill be sashaying around in my string bikini. I know that you are wondering if ill have my hair blowing in the wind, across my face, as I walk ankle deep in the ocean. Laying on the sand, soaking in the sun with Umberto replenishing fruity drinks topped with cherries and little umbrellas.

After all the hoping
After Ive prematurely asked someone
After I deluded myself
After thinking of the perfect travel companion.

They didn't call me. Instead they called this girl named Shannon. Cheryl. Shhh something. I instantly didn't like her or her fiancee whom she was planning on bringing. Guess where they will be going for their honeymoon? That's right Cayo Santa Maria, Cuba.

:) As bummed as I am about it, it was a long shot. So I'm not so bummed after all. It was neat to be entered in the first place. Now for the wishful thinking part and the fun part of this. Had they called me. I was thinking of who the best person to accompany would be.

Now I do have requirements that must be met for optimal enjoyment of the experience. Now if I shared them with everyone (the requirements that is) some would make sense others wont. Some would seem selfish and others would seem just out of place.

Its always a little, OK very difficult and a little insane to make lists like this when it involves well being picky.

I thought about it for a little bit and thought that it might have been a mistake to ask D to come with me. I mean we've never actually spent a night together here at my place or his. Come to think about it Ive never been inside his place. Don't start on how that means something big. I know that already.

If hes never stayed overnight and we've never seen each other the morning after then I don't know. I don't know how I can just take someone along with me for a week to spend somewhere where there would be no home to go to. That place is it. I didn't even think of what kind of awkward that would bring. What kind of shyness and hesitation that might bring.

So I'm thinking it just might be a series/string of hooking up and not anything else other than that. It can be something other than that but the rest is all mental. So bit by bit I'm either trying to convince myself that there's nothing there on his side which will help me work out that there's nothing there to look forward to in the future except what is happening now, though (I hope) the friendship will always be there.

I also thought about bringing my sister whom I'm sure would have been a great person to bring. As its always fun when were together. I thought of those nights where I might want to have the place to myself because I just met this guy who I want to play with. I wouldn't feel comfortable. And that's just not something you want to feel when you're off on vacation.

Finding the perfect companion is posing a little more challenging. But I'm sure when the time is right. It will happen.

314 - good news bad news

What have I been doing with myself lately since I'm not blogging away?

Enjoying my dining room chairs. Its been interesting and the good news bad news about it is...

Good news. I'm having my fill of sex and its all so very good and satisfying. I want more. When I'm not in the act I'm thinking of the act and the different ways to play it out.

Bad news. The male lead for these acts will be off on vacation sans moi next week and I know Ill be going through some withdrawals.

My thoughts are I should probably not be having as much sex as I have been so I don't miss it as much and go nutty over the fact that I wont have that kind sex for a while. With the same person. Sex with D is different I don't know if its one of those girly things that happens when theres a chemical that's released making me want to bond with him and only him? only him?

I read something to that effect in some article somewhere. I'm getting all shy and girly again when it comes to him. I'm not sure why it happens every so often. It does. It keeps me on my toes and makes it feel like new.

I don't want to sound all wishy washy or too girly but Ive never had this feeling so often with the same person. Yes I have felt the occasional shyness with other men but not this many times. I'm not really sure why it happens but it does.

He brought over some clothes and left it at my place. Before you all think this is some kind of domestic sharing of anything its not. He brought over Tshirts for The Big Dog. Which was nice of him. I did have a thought to let him know if he wanted to leave a change of clothes at my place I wouldn't be turned off by the idea. I left it at a thought. I don't want to step over any kind of line.

Plus there are other things Id like to talk about before that. You know, some to get feedback, others to clarify and the rest is to just let it be known.

So if you have a lingering something that youre not sure how to get rid of. I recommend sex. I highly recommend sex. Does it cure the cold? Come on. No, it doesnt, but it feels great!

313 - stumbling, raffles and ideas

There are moments where I stumble and fall over myself. Not love at first sight but I stumble and fall because what I want to convey isn't coming out as my mind has imagined.


Like asking someone if they want to go on a trip with me. A trip which I have not yet won. Wishful thinking on my part and Too soon in asking him on my part. Again all this is all on me. I didn't have to mention that I was entered into a draw. I didn't have to ask him. I could have just waited to see but I wanted to share the exciting news of ... the possibility. The Idea. The Fantasy. The Dream.


So I hope I win but I'm prepared to shrug it off if I don't happen to be the one jumping up and down and screaming incoherent things into the phone after they call me. Yeah I'm prepared. I can always just close my eyes and imagine. Who am I kidding Of course I can imagine but it wouldn't be better than actually being there. But c'est la vie!


As a girl. My thoughts are...


Ive told him about the trip and that's its for 2.

Hes mentioned that it shouldn't be that hard for me to find someone to go with

Does that mean he thinks I'm seeing a lot of other people IE, The Soup?

Or does that mean he should be the easy choice in who to bring?

Honestly he was the first person I thought of.

Then I thought of my sister beating me up because I didn't ask her.

Its one or the other. If D cant come then my sister will come.

Or... someone... anyone


I know he has Little D and I meant to say if he was able to get time off of work organize sitters and have everything squared away to be able to come, then it would be OK. I was going to mention that Little D could come but I also know about his ideas about not wanting to have a revolving door of women in front of D so I didn't mention it. Plus I figured it should be his decision when he wants to go through that door.


He sent me a text telling me that I'm a sweetheart and that he would love to go with me and hes glad that I thought of him. He also said he'd try his best to get everything taken cared of so he could go.

Of course all this is IF my cell phone rings at 7:15am this Friday.

Other ideas? I know Scotty wants the guest ticket to be raffled off. Or hinting at it lol

Oh how I want very much to be the winner... I wonder if it comes with a sash and tiara? :)

312 - Introducing the third person

Still not 100% but better than I was at my last post.

Waiting for pictures taken from various cameras. Debating posting a couple. If I can figure it out :)

Other than that. D and I are still doing our thing. He was the last guy I slept with last year and the first guy I slept with in 2008.

I'm debating making a resolution but doubt I will. Just continue to do good I think. Always room for improvement. I know nothing earth shattering or all that helpful.

The holidays were a bit more expensive than I thought and I seem to now be looking at how Ive managed to spend that kind of money. Puzzling I tell you.

The Big Dog, while I was away seems to have grown more white hairs and her eyelashes which were all black PV (Pre Vacation) are now all white. Very obvious now when you look at her but it makes her look even prettier than she was. Ill see if I can get a picture of her.

I bumped into a friend of one of my ex's and that went well. We both had no idea what the ex was up to and we just got caught up on things and he left me his email addy. Hes engaged which is great. Nice guy, surprising that he was friends with the ex as there were a few questionable endeavors then. I didn't write it down but its an easy email. I wouldn't know what to write after hello.

My aunt and I are on non speaking terms when it comes to religion. She is very... pushy and I don't appreciate that. I told her in nicer words and tried to explain my views but she seemed blinded by her own righteous ways that mine were not correct as it wasn't going by the good book and because I declined to hear mass on a Sunday.

Apparently a good Christian should live life by the bible and go to mass on Sunday mornings.

Darling had other thoughts and decided to share those thoughts which resulted in Darling being called combative. Darling told the aunt that if her goal was to push Darling away from the Religion as well as having a relationship with the aunt then she should continue on her path that she has chosen.

I reminded her that if people want to try to encourage other people it should be done without the 'Or Else' at the end of a sentence. That's just a turn off. The or else is silent of course. Never spoken but implied.

This Friday at 7:15am I hope that my cell phone rings with someone telling me that my name has been picked for a trip for an all inclusive trip for 2 to Cayo Santa Maria, Cuba where I and my TBD guest will stay at the Melia Las Dunas Hotel.

311 - Lost in transition.

I'm home. Just not feeling very well. Ive caught something and I cant shake it off. Time and rest will help. I think Ill make soup for dinner. Mmm Mmm Good. Better if someone else made it for me.

I had a great time in San Diego. Didn't get to do a lot of things I wanted to but there's nothing like spending time with family so I don't really mind.

I'm in transition from holiday to back to my life. Id like to go back to Holiday. My life doesn't look so appealing. Well I shouldn't say my life. I should say the weather here doesn't look so appealing and it makes me want to stay in and do nothing. -30 degree weather just screams of get me out of here, or at least come over and keep me warm.

Which I will admit to be doing since my return. Nothing that is. I haven't opened any mail. The Soup is calling my name, voicemail and emails and I haven't replied. Just feeling unwell and I need to get better.

Ive declined offers to go out and so far this year. I haven't been out at night. That's disturbing. I'm missing out on prime nights to go out. The first few nights of the year where peoples spirits are high and continues to fill the glasses of many :)

Even worse news is that my Mac Book is out of commission for some R&R. I'm not happy with that so I wont go into it now. One thing at a time. First my health.