310 - Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.

I'm flying out tomorrow morning. I'm scared of being late and missing my flight. I'm thinking of inviting someone over for the night just for that matter. I just hope I don't tire them out so they sleep through the alarm. That wouldn't be a great idea. Ill just have me to blame. How about I have someone over and then tease them but not let them orgasm and send them home so they call me every hour... no that wouldn't work either. I do want some sleep.

I think Ill just have to get it done. One way or another. Sleep at the airport tonight. Nah not as comfortable as my bed.

I'm going to ask D if he will me me. How girly is that? I haven't decided. Its just a thought that's been flying through my head. I tell myself that he will miss me. That seems to quiet that voice.

He came over last night. We had a few drinks. I wore my Christmas outfit. A matching red bra and g-string set. with white fur around the tops of the cups and on the front of the gstring. That seemed to go over well. Right away. I'm sure that the pictures I sent him helped bring it along.

We played on my laptop for a while and he showed me a few websites that should be cleared off my cache afterwards so as to hide any evidence that I was ever on those sites Other people go on my laptop when they come over and it just wont do for anyone else to know that I watch ... certain things for certain... pleasures.

And oh it was fun... so much fun that I stayed up after D was gone and the battery for my laptop dies. I plugged her back in and went back for more oh so enjoying moments of Darling VS Darling. Tie game. Lots of cleanup. Will rethink this game.

So he showed me his POF account and I showed him my SS account. Kind of weird but very honest. I didn't get to nose around who hes been chatting with and all that and he didn't get that pleasure either. But I was super nosy and wanted to poke my nose in a few places to see ... just to see.

It was a good time. My dining room table/chairs/ floor have now been introduced to some pretty amazing sex. I probably shouldn't mention this but then again I don't think you will be coming over anytime soon and you wont be at my place wondering which chairs I was bent over or kneeling on and where on the floor the deed/s were done.

He made some popcorn which was really good. I hadn't had any in such a long time. Plus someone else made it for me in my new microwave :) And it wasn't my idea. Fantastic.

I gave him his Christmas B presents. Some really nice chocolates that I know he'll like and a massager. A mini one that he can use. it runs on batteries and vibrates when engaged. He saw the one I had and he really liked it so I thought that would be neat. There's also a gift in his goody bag for his son. A toy car.

So that was the big thing that I wasn't ready to share about D and that was his major reason for not committing to a relationship. He has a son. Who I like and don't mind and think of and talk about with him and other people.

Ive always been a bit wary when I meet people who have children. Its different with D and his son. I like the fact that he has little D. That's part of the attraction.

When we first met. Ill be honest and say that I put him in The Soup right away and not for anything more than that. I mean he lived in Toronto for goodness sakes. I wasn't planning on having a long distance kind of relationship so it was great if he came to Ottawa every so often and was part of The Soup.

Boy did it bite me right back and make things go not according to plan. Ive told him this and we've laughed about it and Little D isn't the only thing that's holding things back but that's going to be a while longer before I share that. I don't know why I didn't figure it out sooner, that I would like him. His voice is already a plus. Turns me on hearing it... and since I'm on the shes a nut roll. I even like it when he says certain words. It tugs at something in me. Hot hot hot.

No hes not married.

I still like him. Specially knowing about Little D. So that is one reason hes not able to 'do more' with/for me. Another one along those lines are that he doesn't want to introduce anyone to Little D unless he knows its something serious. Doesn't want a revolving door of women in and out of Little D's life confusing him and complicating things for Little D. He wants to find someone that will be serious and for good.

Ive already met Little D once a long time ago and spoken to him on the phone. Well me talking and making noises to hear him laugh and baby talk back to me.

I don't want to rush things as that just wont help the situation. Little D is gorgeous. Cute like his Daddy. If it happens it happens and Ill just have to go through the motions. If not then It would have been a great learning experience.

I have to mention D is the first person Ive ever been with who has a child. Thats a new thing, unexpected but quite enjoyable. Its a big plus.

Anyway. His trip with Little D is planned for Jan 16th to the 21st. Ill be back by then and will continue to see how things work out.

Soup Time.

B2 called with Holiday wishes and fond flashbacks and was quite complimentary.

Actually most of the guys in The Soup have all gotten in touch with me in some way to say hi and let me know that they have something for me and want to get together sometime. In the new year is my reply and I tell them that we'll keep in touch when I get back to make some plans.

Christmas Dinner at my place on Saturday went really well and much fun was had. Lots of laughter, good food and good wine. Lots of ripped up wrapping paper. I'm happy everyone had a great time and specially that its over.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy Happy New Year. Be safe, be warm, be happy.

See you in 2008!

309 -

Ive yet to start packing. I have ideas of what Id like to pack but Its just a matter of me doing it. Some things came up yesterday and I didn't come to work at all.

Every things OK.

I did want to share that I did get my passport. I failed to mention it earlier this week as I did get it on Monday. YAY! The trip continues!!

I just have to pack. I'm some ways I feel like not packing anything maybe a carry-on of the essentials. That's it, that's all, nothing more to complicate things.

Its starting to hit me that I have to pack. But even before I pack, I have to cook Christmas dinner this Saturday which means getting up early to have it all ready for the evening.

I'm looking forward to the New Year where so far it looks like not a lot of things are planned. So far. I can feel it. Its going to be a great year!! :) I know there will be ups and downs but I'm still pretty excited about it all.

I haven't yet used the microwave. It sits on my kitchen counter bright and white and brings a smile to my face when I look at it. Then of course I roll my eyes which makes me laugh out loud. Those are the best gifts. The ones that keep you going long after you get it. I think the microwave will be one of those things.

Its funny as now Ill be getting something for him. Well Ill be getting something else for him. I got him a radio/flashlight with its own generator that you wind up if you don't want to use the batteries.

When I gave it to him I could tell he wasn't expecting anything. He even told me that we weren't going to do Christmas presents for each other. But I had already gotten it for him. So a bit put off. I didn't wrap it or do anything special. I just took it out and handed it to him while we were getting dressed after dancing the Mambo at my apartment.

I said. I know you didn't want to do Christmas presents. Its not wrapped and Christmas isn't even close. I know you were looking for one for the longest time and I found one. I thought you might like it. Kind of very HA! I heard what you said but I'm giving this to you anyway So There!

I handed it to him and finished getting dressed. But out of the corner of my eye I could see him looking at it in his hands and smiling. One of those stupid smiles that you cant get rid of if you tried. Just a happy smile. Which made me feel better for getting it for him.

That's when I thought it wouldn't matter if I got anything. It was just nice to see him smile that way. On our way down the elevator I could see him testing it out and still have the smile on.

The reason I'm getting him something else is that he no longer has that gift. Its been lost. I don't think he would have done it intentionally. These things happen. When someone has something new its not something they think of to take with them when they go.

Just like my ear muffs. Another post on that one.

So Ill be getting him something else. Nothing too out there or too personal. Just something that I think he needs and will use and hopefully not lose. Though if it does happen again :) lol Ill tie a string around his finger to remind him.

To pack, I have Sunday and Monday to do so. I have my passport now so I an fly anywhere and if anyone wants to send me a plane ticket somewhere hot, that would be much appreciated. Unexpected but much appreciated.

There's something else I want to share but I cant think of it at the moment.

ARG!

Have a great weekend!

308 - The Big Dog

The Big Dog got her annual shots this past weekend. She's been doing well since I've had her with them. No reaction that I can tell other than being a little on the less energetic side. This time it all went seemingly well. I had papers drawn up for licensing and registering her with The City of Ottawa. There's a time crunch since shes a special breed. I'm not quite sure about the details of the time crunch but I'm sure I'm on the late side of things. I just hope I get it all done in time. Maybe time is on my side. Maybe not. We shall see. Ill get more information and see what that is all about.

9 am on Saturday is when we went to the vet to get her shots. I readied the back seat and let her in. She's always excited about car rides. Something about sticking her nose far out of the window to catch a plethora of scents that I cant even imagine. Then again I'm sure there are some that Id rather not be witness to. We went out for a walk before the car ride and again just before going into the animal clinic. Its better she get her energy spent outside than inside with other animals.

She's a good dog but she gets excitable easy. That's what happens when you get a really friendly dog. The only problem is when you have a friendly dog to which people are a little wary of. Maybe a bit more cautious around. Its always nice to see peoples reaction when they see her walk closer to them. There's a hesitation. A straightening of the back and a careful eye kept on her. To see if she will attack or do anything not normal for a dog you would instantly coo over.

She'll wag her tail long before she gets to you. Shell sniff from your toes to your fingers. I'm lucky that shes not a crotch sniffer like some other dogs. After the initial hackles being raised on the persons side. Once they see shes friendly and really quite sweet. There's a melting process. A smile. A chuckle at how silly they were. A comment about how friendly/cute she is. Then there's the kisses that The Big Dog dispenses without any thought. Me on the other hand? I'm a little pickier about who gets to share my kisses.

I wont go into detail as Ill just be running my mouth and don't want to insult people or offend anyone. I just want to point out that its any dog that has the capability of biting. Not just this breed. This breed just has more strength.

Back to the point of this post. At the clinic. The Big Dog usually gets 3 shots. She's never been boarded for any reason since I've had her but I still get them to give her the vaccine for one called kennel cough. Usually its 3 shots that she gets. This year she got 2 by way of needle and the third one was given to her by way of drops. In her nose. Which I thought was strange. I wasn't sure if this was something new they were doing or if it was just something that had the option of being given.

I've heard that they were supposed to have phased that way of administering kennel cough vaccines last year. So I thought that maybe they were getting rid of old stock? Or maybe the vet made a judgment call and decided to go that route instead. I asked him after he gave The Big Dog he drops what it was that he gave her as it was news to me. He told me what it was and I mentioned that was new to me as shes always gotten it as an injection. He said it was better absorbed into the system that way. Which puzzles me because the fastest way to get into any kind of system is to put it right in the system. Right? I mean I'm not a vet but that to me seems simple enough.

I didn't think of that again I trust this vet though it wasn't The Big Dogs regular vet. After paying the just 100 fee for the shots and the consultation The Big Dog was given treats by the staff and got some comments form the Vet who gave her her shots, the staff and some other people at the clinic waiting. They all commented on her demeanor and her friendliness. How its unusual to see a dog of her type so calm and serene.

Which made me think that the owners who have dogs that may have less than attractive manners don't usually take time out of their day to go to a clinic and get shots and take time to socialize their dog with other dogs. Those owners keep out of the public eye and keep to themselves. Those are the dogs that you hear about on the news reporting an unfortunate incident about bites and confrontations. .

OK tangent again. Back to the point of this. The Big Dog and I had a regular evening. I returned from an outing and noticed that she wasn't as eager to go out and walk. That she wasn't as energetic as usual. I thought maybe it was because I woke her up and she was a bit off. So I didn't think much of it.

The next day I slept in and The snow came. We went out and she took care of what she needed to take care of and wanted to come back inside as soon as possible. That's odd as shes usually the one who wants to go go go. I noticed that she was favoring her right hind leg when doing anything. I asked her to sit while waiting for the elevators and I could see her understanding of the command and I saw her try to lower her bottom half but would do so about an inch or two and then lift back up to stand.

I thought she was just being stubborn and I tried again, repeating myself a little stern. More oomph. I got the same reaction. Lower an inch or two and then back up. She wasn't doing anything else just looking at me and I let her stand. I was just puzzled. Inside the apartment I removed her leash and collar and brought out a treat that she likes. She followed me to the kitchen and I held it out and said 'sit' She did the same thing. Lower an inch or two then straightened back up. I was looking at her straight on and that's when I noticed she was favoring her rear left side to stand on. So I checked her nails maybe I had to trim her nails? No that wasn't it. Maybe it was the road salt on her paws? No that wasn't it.

By accident I touched the are that she got a hot. She whined and moved my hand away with her nose. I thought OK maybe a bruised area? That's what it seemed. I thought of the vet and rolled my eyes. her muscle looked a little soft on that leg. she didn't want me to touch it. It was obviously not comfortable when it was touched even softly with the back of my fingers.

She was more and more lethargic than I expected. To the point of her just lying in the middle of the living room floor watching with her eyes only me walking by. I stopped to watch her for a moment and noticed that her breathing was off. shallow inhalation and a slow exhale. The inhale was broken and Id never seen her so out of it. I checked her food and water. Not touched since our walk. Strange, she always eats and drinks after a walk. Refuel.

I checked her gums and it was pale pink/whitish. I was a bit worried and I tried to get her to stand up and move around. I tried to get her to sit but she still wouldn't do it. I called the vet who is not open on Sundays. They had a number for an animal hospital on their voicemail. I called them instead. I told them what shots she just had how long ago and what I thought was important, like the sore area, the lethargic behaviour and the pale color of her gums.

There is a 24 watch for side effects of the shots that she recently got. Id never seen her react to them so it was strange to me and I told her that if she didn't get better in a couple of hours that I would bring her in. I kept an eye on her and took her out to see if she would do anything outside. It was good to see her moving around as well.

It was good that I noticed the changes in her attitude. I worried myself and thought of a lot of things that could happen. The Big Dog just needed to rest and get her energy back. The Vet must have hit a muscle which made her sore and uncomfortable doing normal things like sitting.

She's fine now. Her appetite has returned with a vengeance. She's back to her usual playful energetic self.

She gave me a scare that's for sure. I've been told that her breed doesn't live to the late teens like smaller dogs do. I'm still not sure how long Ill have her in my life and I don't like to think about that so Ill just continue to enjoy the time we have. Time flies and there's no better time to enjoy the present than now.

Note to self. Don't forget to get her registered. I'm debating on if I want her to get micro chipped. We shall see.

Ill have to do it in the new year. Darn.

307 - appliances

I know that most women would not appreciate certain things for a present whether it be for Christmas a Birthday or Valentines day etc.

Unless someone has a need for one and you know that it would help.

I know its not the most romantic of gifts, the most expressive or the most thrilling.

I'm wondering if a neck massager is considered an appliance or is it considered something else?

It wasn't a neck massager :)

On the phone D and I were discussing our plans to meet for lunch and I let him decide where we will go. He also adds in that he would like to go to my place afterwards. This takes me by surprise as we don't usually have time to do both. Eat and do the horizontal mambo.. consecutively.

We have lunch and we have a great time, talking, laughing and eating. For some strange reason we both didn't have dinner the night before or have breakfast this morning. So we really enjoyed our lunch.

Outside I check the time and I have roughly 10 minutes until I need to be at work and that wouldn't be enough time. Its never enough time when it comes to the Mambo :) So I broke the news to him and he looked around and then told me that I needed to pull my car up by his.

Confused for a moment and I didn't know what to say so I just did. I pulled up behind his car and he opened his car door and nods inside. I laughed out loud and tilted my head at him and said in the most girliest voice Ive ever heard myself in say 'really?'

Its his turn to laugh at me and he tells me to 'come on.' I wonder if I should leave my car running is the thought that flits through my mind. I let it run and I open my door and take a quick peek around to parking lot. In the middle of the day. I must be crazy. D must be crazy. But I'm horny and D must be horny. So I walk over to the door and he nods towards the back seat.

I keep eye contact with him and hes smiling away. He must be looking forward to this. I'm still a bit taken aback and then I look inside the car and in his back seat is sitting a big box that I'm not sure how he got inside his car.

I realize what it is and I burst out in laughter. Laughter for a couple of reasons.

1 I cant believe he got me that
2 I cant believe that I thought he wanted to have sex in the restaurants parking lot.
3 That I reacted the say I did
4 That I lead myself on the way I did.
5 I'm such a tease to myself.

That was more than a couple but I'm still laughing about it all. He transfers it into my backseat and I marvel at how it actually fit into the backseat. Its a huge box.

D - I wanted to wrap it for you but I was running late to meet you here and I didn't want to keep you waiting.

Darling - That's OK Its got bows on it.

D - That's not all it comes with..

He bends inside his car and pulls out a little basket of goodies. Popcorn, chocolates and more chocolate covered sweets. I laugh some more. Genuinely of course. I never expected it. To be honest I wasn't expecting anything because well.. that's another post.

Darling - I wasn't expecting anything, I think this is really sweet. Out of the blue but really sweet. You'll have to come over some time and share this popcorn with me sometime...

D - Of course

I wasn't expecting anything from him at all and if I was to think of something it would have been something like something. I cant think of anything at the moment. Go figure. OK I lied I was expecting something. But nothing like what he did get. I was expecting some chocolate spread that he would use my body as a canvas.

So I'm still smiling about it. We kiss. We hug. I want to take him home with me but I don't. I get in my car. Roll down my window and say something about women getting appliances for presents.. He laughs and tells me that I need it.

Funnily enough, getting a microwave was something that I was debating on getting for 2008. I told him that when he calls me 2 minutes later. There's laughter in my voice and I want to tell him hes a nut but a good nut. I keep that to myself. Why? because I think I put my foot in my mouth about the women getting appliances as presents comment might have been taken badly.

It wasn't, but still. We talk while were both on our way to work and we laugh about this and that and its all good. I'm happy and for some reason. Really happy.

Over a microwave, sweets and popcorn.

306 - calling

Darling - OK Im bringing it up. This thing that were doing. When I start working with you.. What will happen between us and our situation?

D - That's up to you.

I wonder how its up to me because hes the one that told me that he doesn't mix his work life with his sex life. That he doesn't date co-workers.. and that's exactly what I will be in the hopefully early new year. A co-worker that is.

Darling - That's the thing though how can it be up to me when you're the one who said that you don't do that. I mean don't you think that would be weird?

D - Well that's what you said. That it would be weird.

Darling - Not for the same reasons as you're thinking. I just think it would be weird to all of a sudden stop. If I was already working there and we met there then it wouldn't happen. But since we met prior to me starting there. Don't you think it would be weird to just turn it off, cut it off cold turkey, that's it that's all you've had your fun move on to the next one?

D - I'm OK with it if we continue on.

This confuses me as now hes going back on what he said before? That or hes realizing what it is he'll be giving up? Or have I just not been paying attention and we've both been thinking the same of the other. That the other person wanted to end the arrangement after I start there. Deep down I think that's what this is. A matter of both of us not wanting it to end and thinking that the other person did.

Darling - OK, so... we'll just continue on and keep it going.

D- We'll continue on.

This isn't the end of that conversation. Ill have to ask him a few other things just because I'm too nosy to keep it to myself. Right now I cant really recall what else I wanted to bring up :) Silly me.

Before we had that conversation hes mentioned things like when I start working there Ill have a lot of men asking me out. It wont just be the guys I work with he says, it will also be clients. Ill have my pick of whoever I want. Upon hearing that I would make glib comments and change the topic to something similar.

I cant decide if its because he wants me to start looking for someone new. Or if he wants to see what my reaction will be and if I bite on the idea of having men thrown themselves at me. Highly unlikely for those of you who are wondering. For men to be throwing themselves at me that is.

Hes reacted on a few occasions when Ive mentioned people I have to go see or have dinners with. I mentioned going to Toronto to visit a friend of mine sometime and Ive mentioned meeting a friend who lives in Chicago and this guy and that guy. Never mentioning what kind of relationship it is. Just that they are friends. Most times I wont even say whether its a guy or not just a general friend. Could be female.

So his reactions have been interesting, like. Who are you going to visit this time? Or who is coming to visit you? There's been mention of dates Ive gone on with that hmmm knowing tone that someone uses when they don't really know. Cute really.

There's nothing wrong with his reactions. Its human to react. Maybe its a good thing that hes reacting otherwise the alternative would be no reaction and that he doesn't care? :) AHA!

D is working extra hours as hes trying to get his trip to be completely paid off. Hes planning on going to Florida in January sometime. No he hasn't asked me if I would like to go with him. Hes going with a couple of guys that he works with and I know that hell have his hands full. I'm not worried about the normal things. I'm just worried that I wont have my daily fix of D.

As much as I think about going with them I know Ill be in the midst of hopefully... training for the job. That or my life. It should be good.

Another thought I had was this trip to San Diego and how Ill be able to keep in touch with D. I feel like a geek thinking about that but I will miss talking to him. One of two things will happen. Distance makes the heart grow fonder or distance will make the heart go wander.

I'm hoping for fonder but we shall see. I might be able to count on one hand the days in which we didn't speak for the whole day. By no means were the days consecutive. My vacation is putting me in a spot where its making me think like a girl.

Must stop that. Ill still have a cell phone with me so I wont be completely cut off. You never know who will be calling.

305 - ugh

36 cm of snow in one day

Dream, Fantasy, Truth or Fiction

I'm sitting in the passenger side seat while he goes inside. Were parked in a dark area of the parking lot. Lots of shadows around. The weather is nice. A shiver runs down my spine. I look around and see nothing out of the ordinary.

There are some houses around just past the parking lot. All looks safe. I lean my head against the headrest. I close my eyes for a moment and open them when I hear footsteps. I look at the passenger side rear view mirror and see someone walking up.

Its not him, its her. Shes not what I thought she looked like. All sorts of thoughts go through my mind. What do I say. What does she know. Why is she coming to see me here. What did he tell her. I really had no clue what she looked like. Where is he and is this actually happening.

She comes to the car and I smile and say 'hi'. She knows something, I can tell. She looks shifty and I don't feel safe. She asks me questions like how long Ive known him, how often we see each other, where we go and other questions like that.

I answered as vaguely as I could as I wasn't sure what hes told her and I cant lie. She hasn't asked me outright if we have slept together. I'm thinking 'I hope she doesn't ask me that question'. Luckily she doesn't. Though I'm sure if she had the time she would ask that and more.

We both hear footsteps and we both turn to see 2 little girls walking to the car. The are shy and walk to her and I smile at them to make them comfortable. They smile back. They are both really pretty girls. I think 'they cant be related'. She doesn't like that they returned my smile and tells them in a harsh tone that they should be inside.

The little girls hold hands and follow her back into the house. She turns around and gives me a heated glare. Almost vicious.

I sigh in relief and wonder what is happening. I lean my head back again and suddenly feel very tired. Drained. Some time passes and I hear footsteps again. Please let it be him. I wonder what is taking him. I look and there she is and I see something shiny in her hand. My pulse quickens.

My hair is draped over the side of the car and she walks to the side and I see what it is in her hand, a pair of scissors. A feeling of dread washes over me. She comments on my hair. That its really pretty. She likes how it hangs down straight and how it shines with health.

I thank her and not wanting her to touch me or to come close to me I try to lean up and move away but before I can she lunges forward and tries to cut my hair off. We struggle and I cry out for help, I fear for my life. How far is she going to go. Deep inside I know she wants my hair to see if its me. Proof for something for what? I'm not sure but I know I don't want her to have it.

Shes not able to get at my hair but in our struggle she cuts my wrist with the sharp scissors. She screams at me menacingly that I cant get away with it and that she'll have her proof.

Tears coming down my face because I don't understand how things got to this point. I look down at my wrist and blood covers my hand and is dripping on top of my clothes.

304 - my mistake

I was talking to my sister yesterday and I mentioned one of my ex's, MDR. He lives in San Jose. We were together for a little over 3 years. I haven't talked to him in longer than that. He said it just hurt too much to continue anything.

Heading back to California made me think of him and I had a thought to call him up. Then I thought OK call and say what exactly? After 'hello' of course.

I wouldn't be uncomfortable. I'm just thinking that he might find it strange and there's nothing worse than knowing I make someone else uncomfortable. The exception of course is when its the sexual kind of discomfort that is followed up by good sexual tension which leads to well. you get the idea.

At the moment I'm not planning on getting in touch with him as I don't even know if I have the number around. Much less remember it I know the area code is 408... and I'm not even 100% sure of that.

I guess I'm just curious about a lot of things.

So a little bit of a panic to be thrown into todays post. I called the passport office to inquire about the status of my application. It was supposed to be mailed out for delivery on Dec 11th. I am hopeful that I will get the passport prior to leaving as it is essential that I have it otherwise I wont be able to fly due to the new rules to fly into and through the US.

It has yet to be printed as far as D knows. This is what they told him about his passport. He went a week ahead of me which doesn't bode well for me. His is already 5 days late in being sent out and I hope... that's all I can do is hope.

I know its my own fault that this is happening. I really wasn't planning a trip at this time and it only came about after I sent my application in. I know that it might all work out and I will just be worried about nothing... though it could be something huge as I wont be able to

A- Enjoy the take off and landing
B- Fly with my sister
C- See my Dad
D- Get away from the cold winter
E- Meet new people.
F- Just get away from 'my so called life'
G- Have a possible make out session at my layover in Chicago. With J
I - Have my imagination run away with total strangers at the airport
J- Leave it all behind
K- See my Dad
L- Be a part of the scenic view at the nude beach
M- get my money back for the flight
O- Do any type of shopping

There are more things that I will miss but I didn't want to think of the rest as that would just be helping me down the rabbit hole.

I'm debating now whether to even pack. I eventually will... just in case. There's no point in beating myself up now if I don't know what will happen so Ill just prepare. Either way I will make a trip to the airport Either I'm flying out or Ill be driving my sister so she can fly out.

Expect the worse hope for the best?

Cross your fingers!

303 - last night/plans

My sister and I went out and I spent some time together catching up and sharing juicy tidbits of whats been happening since our last meeting. I shared the juicy tidbits and she listened and then it was my turn to listen to her tidbits involving fights and disagreements with her boyfriend.

Listening to her stories made me sigh in relief that I'm single. I shared that thought with her and we shared a laugh. I'm sure it would be great to have someone in my life if it were the right person. Oh well, until that time comes, Ill be enjoying my life as it is :)

We did some shopping and while we were, we debated logging in some time to fake and bake once or twice so when we hit the beach for the day we wont be lobsters. We have really great skin if I should say so myself. We don't burn easily. Its mostly tan and go but after not being exposed were thinking of taking the plunge into a bed of lights. Just in case.

We had some frozen yogurt while we walked around the mall, seeing if there was anything we just had to have. I wasn't planning on spending any money on myself as that would be very counter productive and really not helping getting anything crossed off my list.

Boxing day, Dec 26th is a huge shopping day here and the malls are full and the people are pushy. Unless there is something electronic that I must have and would get a great deal on. That's when Ill fight the crowds. Though I don't think I would be able to leave my bed at an insane hour to wait in line for them to open.

Its just nice to imagine getting the fantastic deal. Ill settle for my what ifs scenarios. I'm never disappointed and my bank account remains safe.

We went and played pool as well and had a great time. No drinks. Just water. Serious playing with the injected BS shot of which we both made contributions.

We talked about what we would do on vacation in San Diego. I'm sure we'll do the usual, beaches, amusement rides, the higher the G force the better. I instantly thought of a ride that hit the G spot... I don't think they would have that for all to see though in a more private setting most likely not in an amusement park either...

We'll do some shopping and I told her that I don't have anything crazy planned and it would be a nice relaxing week. I mean its during the Holiday so I don't think people plan on getting too crazy at that time.

Sounds boring I know. Though I never know what will happen. We shall see.

Personally I'm OK with talking to my sister about things that I have done, inviting her to join my madness is something that I don't think Ill be doing anytime soon. If she asks me questions and wants to discuss things then great but I wont try to get her to do what I do.

I know she likes to live vicariously through me though she has her moments where shes surprises me.

We talked about the men in my life and the man in hers. We laughed and called people names but in the end we are where we are because we choose to be.

302 - odds and ends

My Financial Horoscope as per MSN

Libra September 23 - October 22

It goes against the canon of good savings, but sometimes the best investment is a good tactical spend. As usual, the challenge is to get your Libra scales in balance. Yes, it's critical for your success that you are productive, and set aside significant savings to build your future financial security. On the other hand, staying productive means avoiding burnout, staleness, and falling into ruts. That means that you'll need to regularly invest in rest and recreation to renew you. If you plan them well, vacations are free. It's not that they won't cost any money - it's that the money they cost is more than offset by the money you'll save by staying healthy, balanced, and focused on your long-term success. Burnout is expensive to every area of your life, Libra. Take care of yourself.

The timing for the trip at the end of the month couldn't have come up at a better time. It will be refreshing, relaxing and really fun.

In my inbox someone who read my plans about going to San Diego mentioned a nude beach that I might be interested in. They also made a mention of hangliding near the nude beach. That seems interesting and will fulfill my nude beach agenda for 2007 nicely.

Though I think this will have to be a visit done with only a bottle of sunblock. I hope it will be hot enough to need sunblock. I can only hope.

So to make amends with those who will be left behind here in Ottawa. I am hosting turkey dinner on Sat Dec 22nd.

On the menu and in no particular order..

- Cheese and crackers
- Chips and dip
- Veggie plate
- Stuffed mushroom caps
- Turkey
- Pineapple Ham
- Mashed potatoes
- Glazed baby carrots
- Steamed vegetable medley
- Stuffing
- Pancit (Philippine noodle dish)

For desert I'm trying something new. Involving orange sherbet inside an orange shell. Ill also be making some Christmas Candy for which I'm not sure if I make properly or not. People seem to enjoy it so that says something.

I'm hoping there wont be that many leftovers as Ill be gone the week after. Ill make sure everyone takes something to take home so that I don't return to a fridge full of whatsis?

Shopping for gifts has been slow going and my sister and I are getting together tonight for dinner, some shopping then some pool sharking at the pool hall. I think I'm getting better or maybe shes not on top of her game. Either way its a good feeling to win.

D and I got together this afternoon and I did a little scientific observation.

Darling plays with herself X amount of times without having an orgasm/release over the span of 3 days will create what?

This afternoon proved to be note worthy as a little work with one of his fingers had me clenching my fists begging him to be gentle. Adding another started the trickle, continuing on with me on top brought waves upon waves of ocean crashing over him.

There was no way to hide the evidence of what transpired on that bed. You know how sometimes when you're with someone and there's a wet spot on one side of the bed? and no one really wants to sleep on it?

I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.

Heh. Me and my lovely experiments...

301 - patience

D an I met for drinks Saturday night after we were both done with work. We were supposed to meet his friend as well but he was a no show. Had to see about a girl he said. That was fine its nice to get him all alone sometimes.


Its interesting to see how things play out sometimes. One thing to remember is you'll never know if you never ask. So I ask. Will you be coming over later on? Id like to say to hang out and watch a movie but I really mean will you be coming over for sex.


Usually the answer is no and I'm starting to think that its not me that's in control of the sex situation. I mean I can always decline when its on the table but it never makes it to the table as were already in bed and by then its too late.


Oh well its OK. Its all a learning process and other parts of my life isn't affected. If it were then I would seriously have to assess the worth it has in my life. So saying that its been a plus having D in my life which is nice.


If you were wondering. No D and I didn't have sex that night. I did however managed to play with myself for a while. If I cant have cake. Ill have cupcakes... as many as I please thank you very much :)


I wont say I wasn't disappointed. There's always the risk of asking and getting a reply that I wont like. I guess I just have to prepare myself better for the answer that wont make me orgasm. I try not to make it too obvious that the answer left me feeling a bit down.


Some people would have just left it at that and not brought it up again but on my way home D calls me to let me know that hes sorry for not being able to come over. I tell him its fine, I do understand and I even told him that if I was annoying him about anything that I ask often to let me know and that I would stop.


I don't see a problem with that. If I was bothering someone about something and they didn't tell me then I wouldn't know. But if they were to mention it then I would make an effort not to bother them unless it was something silly like my presence.


We talked about how it was a little frustrating for the both of us as we both want to spend more time together. There are just things that get in the way. Mainly life. Responsibilities. He shared his frustrations about how he would like to spend more time with me and had more time to make sure I was sexually satisfied. Compared to what he has on his plate. My plate looks sparse.


That was nice to hear. Sometimes its takes the pressure off when you hear that. Its not that they don't want to. Its because they have so much going on. I know I'm not his number one priority so I accept that and we work at getting together when both our schedules allow.


I know someone might think that he may just be saying that hes busy. I mean Ive thought of that as well. But Ive learned that he actually is busy. Hes really honest with his schedule, the where he will be and what he'll be doing. Hes given me an open invitation to visit him when hes at work. When hes not at work were on the phone and I'm giving him my 2 cents about this and that.


There's plenty of time spent on the phone. Which is great but it also overflows into the time spent together. A nice cycle. Nothing like how it was with JB. Great on the phone but I had the feeling saying that it would be ruined and it wouldn't be so great after meeting in person. I was right about that.


Though thinking about JB. I'm not so sure he would have been happy with an only phone friendship. LOL He just wasn't patient enough to reap the rewards.

More to come. Lots of things happening. Darn work gets in the way. Oh and being stealthy about non work related Internet activities :)

300 - l word

'OK so remind me again what this is. I just have to ask to make sure its cemented and to stop anything more ... feelings... to develop.'

I look at him and he smiles at me.

I stammer a bit more and look away, look at him and repeat myself again. This time with an explanation. I should learn to wait after I ask a question I might actually get an answer that way.

'You know, Its just so I know whats happening so I don't, you know...'

I look at him again and hes still smiling and then starts to laugh. Which makes me laugh. I walk over to him and press my lips against his. After we kiss he looks at me and tells me he 'doesn't know what this is.'

A little part of me wanted him to say it was just sex. The other part wanted to hear that it was something special. Now that I think about it I think maybe he gave me the one answer that wouldn't make me run in either direction.

Maybe that's just what it is. special sex. Really good sex with someone that you didn't expect. With someone that you get along with.

I'm being too much of a woman. I'm getting too analytical. I should like Ive mentioned before just enjoy it for what it is.

I guess maybe I want to hear it from him to know that its this or that. So I can adjust how I feel and act and am around him. Its a neat experience this whole girl likes boy, does boy like girl situation.

Texts messages for the day.

Ill always like you no matter what happens./ The worse thing you could be is a friend. Well other than not being in my life at all. This thing between us now is a bonus.

I love you... (Don't be scared or turned off) ... You are one of the best people I know.

Ive got J2 tonight and J3 all weekend. Ill have to make a list of things to do before my trip to San Diego :)

Guess what I had for lunch today?

299 - being insecure

I was looking forward to seeing D and doing things to D that are only described in books that have a covers of a half naked men who have wind blown hair and is standing on a shipwreck...

After working at J3 and coming home, tired with achy feet. I took a bath to relax. Walked The Big Dog and put on some music. I thought of taking a nap so I'm that much more energized but that didn't happen.

D calls during one of his breaks and we talk about this and that. I asked him teasingly what his plans were after work and he said home to bed. Seriously. I knew then he wasn't planning on coming over. We talked for a few more minutes but I was already bummed and just wanted to get off the phone.

He asked me if I was getting sleepy as I was being quiet. I said 'yes I was' and that I was going to go to bed soon. I really wasnt but knew that I should get some rest. Plus I was bummed. He had to pause at that as usually I stay up and have energy until hes done or close to him being done because we talk and text each other about everything and nothing which seems like everything.

He tells me if I'm still up later and feel like talking to call him. I say OK but don't really plan on it at all. I feel a bit angry, mad and sad at the same time. More than that I felt a little defeated and insecure. All because he wasn't coming over.. If there were other things I wasnt paying attention I was just focusing on the fact that he wasn't coming over when he said he was.

In bed. Trying to figure out why I was getting teary over this. I wasn't going to call him. No. I was thinking of turning my phone off for the night but I need my alarm so I leave it on.

I lay in bed wondering all sorts of things and

The texts and conversations of the night...

D - Friday lunch at your place if you want

I don't reply back to that.

D - Wow no reply

Darling - Just bummed. Don't worry about Fri at lunch. I know you've got things to do you're working also on Sat. No worries I'm good.

D - I'm disappointed :( :( :(

Darling - I don't see why, but don't be.

D - R U cutting me off?

I don't reply to that as I wasn't thinking of that at all. Which makes me wonder if hes thought of that. I guess I didn't try hard enough not to reply or answer calls. Its just not me to ignore someone that I like. Ive no problem if it was someone that I didnt want

D - Really no lunch on Friday?

D - Really no lunch on Friday?

Darling - Cutting you off?

I wanted to know if he thought I would cut him off? Maybe one day ...aybe.. but it wasnt that time.

D - Really no lunch on Friday?

Darling - Why do you want to do lunch on Friday

D - If you don't want to its OK

Darling Not that I don't want to. I just don't want to feel like you're throwing me a bone. I also know usually do things on Friday. U probably feel a bit bad about not telling me sooner that you're not coming over tonight...

Darling - I don't know why you though I was cutting you off

Darling I'm usually the one who is throwing myself at you and being turned down. Should I be asking you that question?? I need a hug

This is where he calls me...

D - Hi, how are you?

Darling - (after a pause) OK ( I don't sound OK but I'm trying. I'm just sad)

We talk about him thinking I was going to cut him off as he thought I was just brushing him off about meeting him on Friday. I told him it was interesting as that was the first time I said no and that's the conclusion that he came to.

After a while of me thinking that cannot be the only time Ive ever said no to sex. I got a bit down and felt like bawling and didnt say much but I think he could hear me sniffling a little bit.

D - Are you going to bed?

Darling - (after another even longer pause) yes

D - (pausing) well... OK... umm... good night...

Darling - (whispers) bye

Back to text messages....

D - I don't want you to be sad

Darling - I know you don't. Its OK Ill bounce back in a bit. I'm good like that. Just a bit confused about all these texts.

D - Really

Darling - Kinda U?

D - Ya not sure whats happening, confused

Darling - R U just saying that? At least its not just me

This is where he calls me again and we talk. I tell him I'm sorry for being a downer. I was looking forward to seeing him that night. He explained why he wasn't able to. Not that he didn't want to. He does, there are other things to think of like sleep and energy for the next day and other things. Fine that's OK. I wont tell him what staying up until past midnight does to me. Its my choice to do that and I shouldn't bring that up.

I tell him I don't want to be monopolizing his time or be annoying. He tells me that he really likes spending time with me and that I'm not at all annoying. I tell him that I feel a bit insecure, he tells me I shouldn't.

He tells me that he was worried that I wanted to end things with him and he didn't want that at all. I told him I wasn't thinking that and I was wondering if he was trying to do the same. No. We both weren't. Though...??

He apologized about not being able to come over that night. I told him I was bummed because I had things.. planned. He said he was sorry for not telling me sooner and that he wasn't sure about the plans to come over that night. Which is where I reminded him of his selective memory to which I repeated almost word for word the conversation we had about plans for that night. He felt bad about me feeling bad.

All too cutesy. Which made me smile and feel better.

I ended it with these texts...

Darling - I'm restless now and I cant sleep anymore.

Darling - Sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to

This is where he calls me...

'Hi, I cant talk long. I just wanted to make a suggestion...'

Well I was all for his suggestion and had a darn good time going through with it. There are only a couple of things that can get rid of the restlessness...

This morning after he called me I sent him a text message letting him know that if its still on the table to meet for lunch, that I would meet him. I also made some sexy comment to go along with it and that made him cal me to let me know that we would be getting together for sure.

I also sent him another one after that call letting him know to be gentle as I'm shy. My way of tell him him that I still...

298 - open to suggestion

I didn't get to see V or BC before they left. Not a big deal really as I know they will return to Ottawa. V sooner and more often than BC. Which is fine. If I had to choose who to spend more time with it would be with V. Just because.

BC was nice enough it was just a little too... much. Too much of what? I think too much of something that I'm not 100% sure of.

Things that made me pause and tilt my head in thought.

I'm glad you want to hook up
Call me anytime after work/party. Anytime, really.
When you're at home and you feel aroused and are planning on playing with yourself. Call me.

Really. I'm pretty tolerant when it comes to a lot of things/people. He just gave me more to think of than most. Its not all good things, as well its just things that make me think of the kind of person he is/looking for.

So I had a conversation about what hooking up and meeting up with someone means. I'm not sure if I shared this with you but I recently in the year 2007 I found out the difference between hooking up and meeting up. Anyway. I don't think Ive ever asked anyone if they wanted to hook up. Its always been meet. Its not bad its just to me. It sounds very cold and impersonal. That's just me though.

Even if we were looking for the same type of things. There's a certain way to go about it. Up front, in your face and I want an answer now really doesn't do it for me. I guess in a way what I learned is that I do want some kind of chase/give and take/ flirting/uncertainty. Not interested in the wham - bam - thank you Darling.

I hope this doesn't put me under a shady spotlight but... thoughts go this way...
If its a sure thing. I wont go out and advertise it. I'm picky.
I enjoy sex and I'm sure I would enjoy it with most people. Some more than others :)
I do think of that often. Ive got some wires crossed I'm sure
My girlfriends have no idea how crossed they are
They know that I'm a bit on the more adventurous side
I share some but not all details. Some things are meant to be kept a secret :)

OK so I do want someone who enjoys the lead up to having sex.
Not just come on over and lets get it on.
Though everything has its moments and maybe not in those words
But not on your first, second or third meeting... or whenever you think...
Its really when I'm in the mood.

Though I am open to suggestions :)

297 - typos

I had my sister book our flight to San Diego yesterday. I got the confirmation forwarded to me and I didn't notice until noon today. My itinerary had a bit of a typo. Instead of reading Darling it read Dalring.

Tickets are non refundable and names on tickets cannot be changed. Ooops. I called Hotwire and explained the situation and Justin helped me out and said that they don't usually refund tickets. In my case since it was less than 24 hours since I made the purchase he would refund Dalrings ticket and charge me the exact same fare for the exact same flight/connections and so on and so forth.

I'm glad I caught that mistake in time and not at the airport at the time of travel. My sister got an earful from me but we laughed about it in the end. Mistakes happen. I know I do it often when I type out my name. The fingers fly over the keyboard like they have minds of their own.

Not to worry, Ive fixed it thankfully and I even changed my travel insurance as well to make sure that it was linked to the right ticket. You never know what you might need when you travel specially when you're flying on Christmas day.

My dad is funny. He just moved to a new house in San Diego within the past few months and hes been living on his own and told us he was scrambling to get furniture. :) A bachelor in his 50's! I told him not to go crazy for us. We'll be happy to camp out on the beaches.

Were excited. The only thing I'm worried about... is not getting my passport in time for travel. EEK! I sent my application in Tues Nov 27th and they are to mail it out on Dec 11th by registered mail and I should be getting it on the 14th. However with delays because of the rush of mail/packages being sent for the Holidays. I'm scared that it will get lost and forgotten behind someones seat... and I wont be asked to put mine in the upright position.

So I'm very excited. A week of no snow. A week of sand, sea and sunshine. No work... which reminds me to make sure to mention to that I ll be needing time off at J1, J2 and J3.

So that's that. I'm going on vacation. My next one will be somewhere where its all inclusive and Ill be all seductive...