276 - brain freeze

So far so good on being 28. Ive been spending time with family and friends. Things are looking bright and I feel positive about things.

I applied for a position that requires a series of tests and interviews that I need to pass before I find out if I have the job. Its a bit of a belated present but I got confirmation that I was successful in stage 2. I am now waiting to hear when I go to the next stage.

I was quite sure that there was no chance that I did well in stage 2. I walked out not confident about how I did and how the results would turn out. Its a bit dis concerning not to have that surety or even an idea of how you did.

Should the results have been negative and there is still a possibility that at one of the stages I wont be successful. Ill be bummed and take it personally. Lets hope that doesn't happen. I know its not personal its just a matter of being a fit and if the shoe doesn't fit. Onto the next shoe.

Its interesting and a very good thing, interesting really as I'm not sure what made it happen. I saw D for lunch on my birthday. I told him it what day it was and it wasn't awkward at all. Really fun, especially with the margarita I had.

Then Yesterday I saw him for drinks after he was done work. I met with D after I was with my friend who even though we were able to hang out. It wasn't very fun. Girls night does not include the boyfriend and the boyfriends children.

I wasn't expecting to see him at all or have him ask me if I wanted to go out for drinks. It was a good time and I needed to end the day on a good note. Ending the night with sex would have ended it on a great note but it wasn't to happen. Though I did ask and it was sweetly declined with a promise to come over another night.

Sometimes I know what his answer will be and yet I still ask. I'm not bummed when I hear what I already know. I just tease him with it afterwards. Its fun and flirty and we laugh a lot. However it is a huge treat when his answer is something I wasn't expectating.. but I really was expecting :)

Darling - I was just wondering and I think I need to be reminded every so often. What is this?

D - What do you mean?

Darling - Never mind

D - You mean this.. us?

Darling - yes

D - I don't know. I mean I like you. I like hanging out with you. Because of xyz I cant do more than that.

Darling - You aren't married right?

D - No not at all

Darling - OK Just making sure.

D - What about you?

Darling - I like you... which makes it hard for me to sleep with other people. I mean I like hanging out with you too.

D - I cant stop you if you do. That's something I cant ask of you because I cant have more than this.

Darling - I know you would be OK with 123 and not 456

D - I have no problem if you brought 123 to your place. Just don't bring 456.

Darling - Its not that simple.

D - I'm not sleeping with anyone except you. There's no other woman.

Outside by our cars. We kiss. There's a lingering in the kiss which doesn't always happen. I think we both have feelings that havent been shared with each other. For me anyway, I know there is. If I can wax poetic for a moment It felt like a message. A silent plea for something to be understood. If it cant be said, the kiss is the vehicle to make it understood.

I understand all right. I understand that I can get pretty wishy washy at times. I second guess myself. I don't know if its him that I want. I certainly don't mind the package that comes with him as far as who is in his life. Its just him and what hes looking for.. even if what hes looking for can only happen in 5 years. I kind of want to be what hes looking for. Why? I don't know.

So my reply was a bit off the wall wasn't it? Out of all the things I could have said why that? Brain freeze

That's another post.

275 - Another Day :)

Today is my Birthday.

I'm now 28. :) lol I dont notice how I get older.
I don't look any different.
Feel pretty fantastic
I slept well last night.
Had a great dinner with a friend.

Got a call from one of the other girls at work in a different dept.
I went in. She wasn't feeling well.
I was in the mood to go out to celebrate my last day being 27.
Somehow it didn't happen.
I was hit hard by the sleepies.

D and I talked for a bit. Not as long or as much as we usually do.
I took a shower, said my prayers.. well started them and went to sleep mid prayer.
Oops.

I woke up bright and early.
Took The Big Dog for a walk/jog then a run.
I wonder if she knows what today is.
Silly thought.

Random thoughts in my head.
Write email to Dad letting him know that I love him.
thanking him for the things I grew up with,
letting him know that I didn't want for anything,
that I hope hes happy with me and how Ive lived my life so far.

Things have been planned for the day already.
I wonder if people would be upset if I just wanted to hang out at my place and relax.
I hope people at work don't make a big deal out of today.
I hate being put on the spot.
I would rather have someone play with a certain spot.

I think I should have called in sick.
Too late, people have seen me and that just wouldn't be good.

Things to do.

Pay cell phone bill.
Call bank and ask why they are holding my last deposit.
Pick up some veggies at the groceries.
Book appointment at the spa for some pampering.
Check in on Gramma
Check and reply to emails, text and phone messages
Ride the roller coaster that is my thoughts.

I want to meet D for sex this afternoon. I also want to meet him for lunch. I'm leaning towards lunch... although it would be a great thing to have both. Not only because Its my the big 2-8 but because its Tuesday. Tomorrow would be Wednesday and that's a great way to celebrate!

Ive gotten a call from A and he was all sweet about singing to me. Hes had to go to the Doctors a few times and I know there are things hes not telling me. Which is OK. I don't mind. I'm still a little concerned. Its not my place to pry so if he wants to share more then he will. Ill just be around if he needs me.

So heres to another year. Ive yet to come up with things I want to do while Im 28. There are still some that have yet to be crossed off the list from last year so Ill still work on those.

The journey continues and I hope that its always interesting and exciting.

Have a fantastic day!!

274 - day before

I took a nap and was late meeting D on Friday oh wait Saturday at that time. We were on the phone an hour before we were supposed to meet and I just wanted to rest my eyes and heard the phone ring and answered it.

D- Where are you?
Darling- Ill be there in a few minutes
D- You know you re late.
Darling- I know I'm sorry Ill see you soon

I flip the phone off and throw the blankets off of me and run to my bedroom for some clothes. I don't bother with any bra or panties. I run out with flip flops on my feet and send a prayer up for green lights and no cops.

About 2 minutes away from meeting him and about 8 minutes after talking to him last. He calls again asking where I am . I tell him about 2 minutes away and I'm sorry. He asks me if I was doing something that shall remain nameless. I said no I wasn't.

I told him the truth as much as I was a bit embarrassed to. That I was sleeping. I meant to close my eyes just to relax and ended up sleeping. He said that I should have told him and we didn't have to meet.

In my head I was thinking. Yes I could have but then who knows when we would get together again. I mean I knew it would be some time during the week but our time together is limited and its a treat to see him. It really is.

I get all shy and girly and I hold myself in check sometimes because I literally want to drag him home to bed. Or the car, the nearest park bench or picnic table... you get the idea.

So I tell him that 'I want to see you tonight' I know that we aren't going to have sex but I still want to see him. I cant explain it. I cant tell you if he feels the same way. All I know is that I like... him.

I like talking to him on the home and find it a bit difficult with him cutting back on phone time. I like seeing him in any capacity, whether its just us two or in a group setting. I just like being near him. So I was sleeping and was late seeing him I was still happy to see him even if its for a couple of hours.

Ive also gotten in the habit of kissing him every so often when the mood hits. I just lean in and press my lips to his, pull away and continue on with the conversation. He always smiles when he sees me lean in as well as after I do it. He never does anything that says its not wanted. I don't mind that he doesn't do the same thing. If he does. Ill be surprised. Pleasantly.

What can I say I like him. That and sometimes I have the most incredible urge to take his lower lip between mine and rub my tongue from side to side. Tomorrow...

I wont see him today. Tomorrow we are meeting for lunch unless something comes up that wont allow that to happen. I'm not sure if he knows what tomorrow is. Ive mentioned it without saying it outright. Ive mentioned that it was a week after The Big Dogs. Ive left it at that.

I'm undecided about whether I want him to know or not... or if I want to tell him outright. If he doesn't say anything because he doesn't know then that's OK with me. Its not a big deal. If he happens to mention something then it will be nice. I'm not going to think he doesn't care if nothing happens. Its another day is what it is.

I'm probably not even going to remember until someone calls me to remind me. But much is planned. People who remember have called and made plans to spend some time together. That's nice, I like it that way.

Well another year has gone by. Its been a great year. I didn't do half as much as I wanted to and did too many things that might have been better not. But overall I'm happy and healthy. In the big picture I can improve on certain parts of my life, things are going well in most.

My sister says I still look like I did when I was 18/19. I wonder if that will ever change. Quite possibly. So for now, and everyday that follows.

Enjoy.

Oh and Ill be bar tending more often. As often as I can handle it that is. Ill have to see how my body is doing and how much it can take. Which means Ill also be rearrabging my work schedule for J2 and J3 until I figure out how much I can handle.

273 - back seat adventures

I knew it was odd that things seem to be going so well and without any interesting happenings in my life. Odd happenings that is. One of those.. you mean that doesn't only happen in movies. Or, you have to be kidding, those things don't really happen to real people.

My story for the day and involves me, a car, being locked in and not finding the trunk release for my freedom.

Lets not ask about why I got in the car please

I tried doors on each side. None would open. I flicked the power locks in the front on and off and tried the back doors again. They wouldn't open. I sat. I thought. I got an idea. I put the 60/40 split seats down and crawled into the trunk. My skirt riding up and I'm sure had anyone else been there would have gotten a show. However I'm sure that had someone else been there I would not have been in that situation to begin with.

My 4 inch heels still on my feet could have come off but I kept them on. For the sake of propriety of course. I didn't want to be seen dishevelled upon my rescue. I might not be in the best situation but I sure was going to look great in it.

The upper half of my body clearly inside the trunk. I search for the trunk release which Ive heard comes standard on new cars nowadays. I don't have a clue what it looks like. But I know it should be somewhere. My lower body is pointed right out the front window and every so often Ill twist to see if there is anyone out there just watching me instead of saving me.

There was no one. I continued to pull press and tug on anything that could have been the trunk release. I had an amusing thought. This came to mind as I'm trying to free myself from a locked car. Why is it every time I'm looking for something and cant find it Man and G spot come to mind?

In complicated situations I'm Ms Cool, calm and fashionably attired. I try a few more times to find the trunk release. I conclude after my attempts that this car is missing a most important feature a trunk release. Well, it would have been an important feature specially if others found themselves in a similar situation. I wonder how many people would have thought to try to get out through the trunk.

I look at my trusty cell phone. Since I cant get myself out of this mess. Ive thought of everything I could do barring smashing any windows. I dialed and called someone to get me out. A co-worker.

Who laughed at me but said he would come to the rescue. Oh good. It was starting to get hot in the backseat. I rearranged everything and waited. I kept an eye out and realized there was no way to keep this quiet. Its too bizarre to keep a secret. I see CW walking towards the car in question and just as hes one car away I lean up and honk the horn twice which makes him look up and start to jog ahead in front of the car I am in and right on by...

Just like that. My rescue was no more. I called and couldn't get through to him to let him know where I was and I called a couple of other people a few minutes later to see if hes returned. No luck.

I sat and set the alarm off a couple of times. By accident. I wasn't trying to draw attention to myself. Although I should start saying that I was. I really wasn't trying to. I was just trying to see if any of the doors would open and no it did not.

Finally someone that I recognized that worked in the building, but didn't know very well was walking by and I couldn't really be picky about who it was that gets me out of the car so I honked the horn and his attention was caught. I smiled and beckoned him over and after he laughed at my situation helped me out of the car.

Most of the building knows about my little escapade. The FAQs of the day

Are you OK?
What were you doing in the backseat of the car?
How did you get locked in?
What were you doing in the trunk?

and my favorite one.

Why didn't you just crawl into the front and get out that way?

I of course as a child wasn't subjected, and I have no children nor do I know many people who use this feature. The child safety lock. So I'm not thinking of this as I'm in the car. I'm thinking the doors in the back don't work. Try the front ones? I must have had a brain fart though I did try to use the power locks. I can see how some people panic in certain sitautions. Some people freak out, others have memory lapses.

So I'm very embarrassed and yet I'm so delightfully happy that I can share this story and have other people laugh with me.

I'm OK and I'm safe. I know you shook your head at me a couple of times but I also know that you had a chuckle reading this.

Plan for tonight is a run with the dog while my laundry is in the wash. Then working out with Denise or Carmen. A shower then a nap to get ready for some midnight painting the town red with D.

272 - glow and blush

My Grandmother may be going home tomorrow. My aunts a bit hesitant to bring her home so soon. However the patient is anxious to return to her home. I cant blame her.

I got called in to work tonight unexpectedly. I said yes. They were in a bind and my plans fell through.

Lunch with D was not only sexually satisfying. It was also emotionally satisfying. I really didn't want to go back to work. Though I did and I did have a smile that wouldn't go away. A glow, a blush that remains until now. We didn't spoon or cuddle or any of that but we did stay in bed and talk about things. It was... really nice. x`

What a fun afternoon. Which brings me to my next few thoughts.

- Libidos. What is low, normal/average or high? Does masturbation count or not.
- I know I shouldn't compare myself or my sex life with anyone elses.
- Sometimes it seems like I'm at the end of the line and everyone is doing things or trying things that I haven't and I continue to wait until its my turn.
- Other times Its the other way around.
- But mostly it seems like I'm at the tail end of the sexual revolution and I need to catch up.
- Catch up on what? I cant imagine things have changed that much.
- Or has it?
- I don't know, I'm trying to figure it out.
- So back to libidos. Does thinking about it count or is it just the act that counts.
- Because if thinking about.. .things count then... never mind :)

Ill be talking about this some more some other time :)

271 - muffins

D makes me muffins, blueberry, with fresh blueberries and something about it makes me all girly inside.


He cooks, he cleans, he works, he has fun, he... AND he bakes. I don't know if its any of that. Or if its my delusional self that's thinking he thought of me. In a non sexual way. He put 3 tasty muffins into a zip lock bag, for me.


Garsh I like the guy. He bakes muffins and I'm back to square one, go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect your orgasm. I like him all over again. Of course I never stopped. Its just now, there's more reason to like him.. Oh come on the man bakes!


Which brings to mind... do you know the muffin man? ... enter thought process...


...looking at the word muffin the word muff stands out to me...


I went out with someone whose screen name looked something like.. muff dvr...


... (smile) ...


Back to the muffins, and the muffinmaker they really were tasty. Just how I like them.


To the muffin man. He delivered, just how I like it. Love those lunch dates we have at my apartment. I should be thankful that its a 10 minute drive one way. You don't want to know how many times I have been late in coming back :)


Oh good news. Actually now that I think about it I'm not so sure if its good or not. Hes going back to his Old schedule. He'll be done at about 12:30am or is it 11:30 one or the other. The midnight adventures will re-commence in the first week of September.


I'm always a bit antsy when its been a while since he and I have had sex. Kind of like a kid in a candy store... or a kid in the back seat on a long road trip. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? When will be have sex? When will we have sex?


Its not the same with others in the soup. I think its because Ive singled this one out and hes up at bat?

I sent a text after we went our separate ways. 'I hope it was worth the wait' Playing up to the fact that its been a while. He replied with a damn right LOL

Now for some not so great news. I wont have contact with D until tomorrow. How strange its going to be the first day that we don't have contact for a long period of time. Ill be painting the town red. Him.. not so much but I know ill think of him. I hope he does the same.

270 - as of late

Friday.

Date night.. technically not a date. I just call it a date. Not to his face but here :) In the privacy of my little corner of cyberspace. With you because I know you wont go running to anyone that I know.

Started of well. Looked extra fantastic. Ill leave it to your imagination as to what I was wearing underneath my clothes. Looked good, smelled great, felt superb.

Met with D and we ordered and talked and laughed and teased.

Then I see a number on my cell phone that I dont recognize. I pick up thinking should I? Soemthing tells me yes. I do. Its my Aunt. Shes called to tell me that the procedure my Gramma got done (hysterectomy) went well. Though during the procedure she had a heart attack and was rushed to the Heart Institure in Ottawa. I got the relevant information.

Eyes got teary when D asked me if I was ok. I told him what happened and he gave me a hug. I wont go into how much I needed one.

I left, got lost and eventually found myself calling my sister telling her what happened. I went to pick her up and we both went on a journey to find parking.

Shes ok. Looks good. They inserted a stunt/stint? which took care of the clots and the clogged area. D's Dad was at the Heart Institute when he had a heart attack and he was telling me it was the ebst place to be for that.


Left Gramma to sleep and drove everyone home. Walked The Big Dog and finally went to bed at 2am.

Saturday.


Slept in. Thankfully. Made breakfast. Looked at myself in the mirror while questioning my life due to recent events to someone elses life. It feels a bit surreal. Someone I know and am related to is in the hospital... again.


I dont do well with sickness and things like this. My Aunt was diagnosed with Cancer and I felt awkward about it. Nothing to do with them. Its me.


My thoughts are not right. My thoughts go to mind over matter. Or is that called avoidance, ignorance, escapism? Just convince your body its not riddled with cancer cells. Youll be fine. Tell your heart to clean itself out. Breathe in the good clean air, acclimatize yourself to allergens so you wont react. Is ignorance really bliss? Sometimes.

If anything ever happens to me that I cant control. What will I do then? I dont want to think about it.

D brought up having a will. How morbid. Though I should have one. I think Ill make it a group activity. Bring everyone together and give them packages so we can get it all done at the same time so we know that weve done it and nothing is left to ... after... should it...

Was on the phone on and off with D. He was at work and invited me to visit him as he was bored. I thought that was sweet. I didnt as I was heading to another visit and then off to my own work.

Was really tired after work. Drained. I havent felt that way in a long time. Body felt tight and it felt like I havent been horizontal in weeks. I decided to just lay down for a few minutes and my body sighed in relief when I did.

I took a nap and was up and ready to go meet with D. I know. we were going out again. More food and drink. Must do more situps. We bumped into one of his friends and I wasnt introduced. I didnt know how to react so I was just there. Wondering if I was going to be introduced. It was funny as as Im getting out of the car that night I was thinking of what would happen if we bumped into one of his friends and what would happen. Well now I know.

It bothered me for all of 5 minutes and then I didnt think about it again. Until now. But it doesnt bother me. Its just one of those things I can shake my head at.

Drinks were really good. Mango Cremesicle Martinis. At the price they were asking it was worth it. Though On occasion not always as that would put a dent in my savings

Sunday.

Stayed home, relaxed in the morning. Went with my sister to visit my Gramma. Left for an early dinner and then ended up late for work. Thats ok. I still got everything done and managed to leave early.

Talked to D throughout the night and fell asleep after my bath.

Please note

Cant slip anything in between work today. People have called in sick. On a Monday.

That's some bad Karma for them.

Speaking of good karma. I hope the waitress at Moxie's appreciates the inflated tip I left her. I appreciate a well made Mango cremesicle or four.

Will post more about my weekend when time permits.

:)

269 - lasting a couple of hours

Ive been getting emails from S asking me if he should move on and find someone else to .. play with. Ive yet to reply to him. Not that I want to stop seeing S. Its just difficult to coordinate times to meet each other. Because its been difficult to meet with him Ive gotten frustrated with him as he doesn't seem to understand the word compromise.

P is Mr focused. He introduced me to the 6 inch rule. Once its been broken, there's no turning around and getting it back. The 6 inches refers to the space between 2 people. If it hasn't been broken then there's no touching of any sexual kind. I'm trying to remember if I shook his hand but that I don't think that would have counted in breaking the rule. Ive yet to tell him that I have my own place.


S2 sends me messages online. I get the feeling hes working a different angle now. Hes more complimentary and charming. Which I would ordinarily enjoy however from him. It just doesn't work. I know he just wants to gag me, tie me up and bring me to his special place. Its interesting to me that this grown man would think that someone would actually agree to that. Its scarier to think that someone would say yes to an offer like that.

M3 has called a few times in the wee hours of the morning when I am asleep. The time difference between us is one hour and hes behind. Sometimes Ill pick up the phone and think Why when I hear the voice. But sometimes its really good to hear him. :) Its mighty entertaining. I'm always glad when he calls and enjoys himself.

T is someone from the same area as M and I haven't heard from him in a really long time say a few months. We've been busy. I don't have a way to contact him so I just leave it up to him. I email once in a while letting him know that hes on my mind and what not. My phone rings and I answer and his melt my panties voice is on the other end and I ... react. Well I just react like I haven't heard fro him in a while and I'm excited and told him he made my day. He did. We talked for close to an hour. Much to talk about. Much to share. I told him not to be a stranger.


K is in The Penalty Box. Things are kind of awkward in a bearable way so hes in there. I'm not sure when Ill see him soon. I doubt it as new developments have moved into town and made its way into his home. So into TPB for K.


B and I had dinner and didn't set another date to meet but we talked about a few things that might be interesting. We shall see. Hes into something that I'm not but have thought of on occasion. Ive been honest with him and told him that it might take some time before I am fully into it and comfortable. So there's no rush to do anything and I'm OK with slow and steady.


D is usually done work around midnight. We were supposed to meet yesterday. He gave me a guarantee but it didn't happen. AR and I had dinner desert and drinks which was lots of fun. Nothing titillating to share there... yet. D and I could have met but I told him it was OK if we didn't though in the back of my mind I was looking forward to it.

We met for lunch today. There was no food involved. I picked him up, we found a nice secluded parking lot and had a quickie in the front seat. Passenger side of course. Not bad at all. I was kind of shy as it was bright out and in broad daylight. Kind of kinky and very rushed and by no means was the sex bad. It was just short and I always like to well... you know.. keep going.

So for tonight. D and I are hanging out for a few hours. I have no idea what we'll be doing. OH!... and I just wanted to make sure to point out that I would have been OK without the quickie. In fact it probably wouldn't have brought on an awkward moment afterwards. The moment lingers with me and I'm working on shaking it off... No I don't want to share.. yet. I'm not ready

But I digress.. tonight will be interesting I can predict some verbal out pour in the whatthehellkindofrelationshipisthis category and Ineedtounderstandandhearitfromyouagain section of weirdness ifonlytoremindmyselfwhatthisallis.

Because sometimes we all need a reminder.

I'm sure there will be some sort of sex tonight. If so that will be nice. If not then it will be good to just hang out and do what people do when they aren't sexing it up. You'd think all I did was have sex as I'm a bit nervous about tonight. Well, Ive been told no sex or alcohol tonight. The pressure is on.

Picture someone that's never been out in public. Someone socially inept. That's what I feel like. Wish me luck tonight. I know it cant be as bad as I think it will be. I mean its only a couple of hours.. without sex.. or drinks.. I'm sure there will be other things to do.

Am I glad I have a deck of cards :) Worse case scenario. I tell him I like him..again and ask him if he thinks I'm fat.

Have a great weekend!

268 - yesterday, today and tomorrow

Yesterday

Dropped my cell phone and it didn't want to turn on again for the rest of the day. Got a great deal for a new phone and I took it. I still have hope for my old phone.

Didn't get a call from friend who is in TPB. Was suppose to go out. Instead I stayed home, indulged in some fantastic movies of the adult kind. And by movies I mean about 45 minutes of one... during which I myself put on a fantastic epic performance of my own. To which promptly led me to a nap. Which brought on some kinky dreams of yours truly and some faceless men and quite possibly a woman on the sidelines though I woke up before ... so I have naught to report on that end ;)

Today

After a fantastic run and shower in the morning and being surprisingly awake seeing as I went to bed after midnight. Got to work and learned about a bonus coming to my bank account :) Was supposed to meet with D and that didn't happen.. again. No its not on purpose and no I don't mind THAT much. These things happen. I tell you I'm the best girl/friend to have. So understanding not to mention accommodating. Did some banking, celebrate another moment of triumph for being able to lower my cell phone bill AND get on a better plan than I currently have. Got free services extended for another couple of weeks and gave myself a pat on the back for doing all that with a female customer service rep.

Old phone turned on after trying it.. amazingly. Silly me turned it off and its in a deep sleep again. I'm not worried I still have my new phone :)

5 minutes ago.

Sent D a text message because I was full of happy thoughts and am in a fantastic mood. Just spent about 30 minutes on the phone w D and cant tell you details about what we talked about but it was just as good as a nap :) Refreshing and a definite energy boost.

Darling - :) I like u
D - Ah that was sweet

Which was promptly followed up by a phone call from D letting me know that he will call me later on as his phone is dying. As I'm smiling away and relishing the fact that I like just getting things out there sometimes and not worrying about the aftereffects/consequences of my statements or actions, I am thinking of cuddling with him

I'm stumbling. I know. Ill be OK. I have my eyes wide open and can see whats happening. I just hope Ive got some protective gear that are invisible to the eye. If not then I hope for a soft landing.

Later Today.

Dinner with AR, hopefully something naughty and titillating afterwards. THEN possibly seeing D for a few drinks. Yes same night. Yes D knows about AR. Have I not mentioned that I was honest about these things. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea or to imagine that I am leading someone on. Honesty and the best policy... unless...

Tomorrow.

Be happy its Friday though my days always have some form of work involved so Its not much of a weekend though I appreciate the decreased amount of work that I have for the following 2 days. There will be some daily flirting with the opposite sex and other items that fall under the category of life.

267 - iPod or not to iPod

My sister is thinking of getting an iPod. My brother has one, my aunt has one and now she out of many people that I know should have one. She goes through too many batteries with her MP3 player. To save the environment, she should get one. To save money, she should get one.


Shes still undecided on it and will wait which is fine. I think my brother and I will split the cost and get her one. The only thing is, when she gets hers. I will want one as well. I don't need one. Its one of those things that you feel you need to have but don't really need at all.

I don't need one. I don't think Ill get one. But I kind of do want one. Just like I kind of do want to get a facebook account. Like I kind of want to get a myspace account. There's a part of me that wants those things but the other part of me doesn't.


For various reasons of course some legitimate and others borderline strange. But they are my reasons. Maybe that will be another post.


So for now Ive asked my sister to be my DJ. Ive handed over my Mp3 player and asked her to fill it with music. It will be a surprise but I think.. I hope she knows what kind of music I like. Of course she does. I like the kind of music she listens to so I'm sure its going to be OK.

Shes had it for a few days now and I should get it tonight. Were getting together to do groceries together. We'll be able to re shelf items from each others carts that doesn't scream of health and wellness. That's what sisters do.

The new iPod Nano is out and its pretty cool. Id like a red one please. Then I looked at the other ones they have and the Classic iPod has 80 GB I don't know what that is/does but that's huge compared to the 4 or 8 GB in the new iPod nano. AND when you look at the price difference, its almost an easy jump to make. Darn my thought process and curses to my slow savings :)

It would be fun to have one of those sometime. It would also be fun to be able to use it and know what it all does. I'm not all that techy. I know enough to get around. If I don't know something I know where or who to go to to get the information.

I wonder what people put on the Ipods. Music, audio books, videos... but what kind other than the PG kind. I wonder if people put their porn on their iPods. You know a little stimulation while at work? or on the way home, while on the bus, in the library, during that conference call, that board meeting. I wonder... that's all.

So for those of you who do have one... what kind of videos do you have?

266 - * 's

I met with V at a bar. I had a glass of water instead of anything alcoholic. Why? I wasn't too nervous about meeting with him. Don't get me wrong there was a healthy does of nerves happening. But I was feeling good and very comfortable. Also I came from having a few glasses of very good wine at a get together with some friends.

We made introductions and started the nights conversation with ease which would surely lead to where it usually does. Sex. Not the act but the topic. * At this time. **Prior to that topic though I found out about little things that's easy to share when first meeting someone. The usual generic things. Nothing too personal, yet. Though I am curious as to many things already.

I don't recall all the details but it was a comfortable meet and greet. I didn't feel pressured to fill silences, later in the evening he mentioned that he was very attracted to me and that he would like to bring me back with him so we can end the night being intimate.

I smiled politely and told him flat out that wouldn't be happening. I also told him I'm not that kind of girl, but its nice to know he was attracted to me. I didn't hold it against him for being forward. Hes a man. I know hes thinking of sex and probably has been since we met at the door.

I didn't particularly dress myself to impress. Simple and comfortable. A beige skirt with a short sleeve blue tshirt. Nothing plunging or low cut. Flip flops on my feet and my hair down and around my shoulders.

I wondered why I didn't do my usual ritual of getting dolled up. I mean I didn't look bad last night at all. I still looked good. I just didn't feel WOW or feel like I provided the WOW for myself anyway. Or... am I just that sure of my natural beauty that dolling up is no longer needed? AHEM lol


So it was nice to be complimented on even without the ritual of getting ready. I went to meet V with no expectations. In the middle of it I shared something that I don't share with anyone. I'm not sure how it will turn out later on but see we shall.



* What does it mean when you know you are meeting someone and know that sex is on their mind. Particularly, sex with me. Even before you meet face to face. Or am I deluding myself and its all men that are always thinking of sex. Maybe not ever following through and pursuing it. But at some point thinking of it.


** What does it mean when I know this and am not bothered by it. I know and accept it and know that I am in control. I am the one that decides the when it will happen.

265 - Make it so

Wow this week has gone by quickly. I'm sure part of it was because it was only a 4 day week which I can really embrace on a regular basis. I wonder if that will be something government will try to implement. I know. Its probably something that needs to be on the table.. or better yet somewhere in the near vicinity of the table to be considered.

Oh well. I hope they know that I and I am sure many out there would be happy with a 4 day week. Someone was telling me that they used to have 4 day weeks then someone had a bright idea to make it 5. I wonder who that little brown noser was?

This week hasn't been too exciting though I can breath a little easier as My appointment Thursday morning has come and gone. I'm not sure how the results will turn out. I should hear back from them Mid October or so they say. I will give them a call in a couple of weeks to let them know I am anxious to hear from them.

Change is good. Keeping this hush hush at work is a bit difficult. Can doctors appointment really take the whole morning and part of the afternoon? I'm sure in some cases it can happen. The question is... will they believe me if these appointments I supposedly have take a whole morning or afternoon? I wonder how long it will take for them to catch on.

Change is often difficult. I find if its something that happens right away and I have no say then its a bit disconcerning. If I know in advance that there will be a change then its a bit of a panic as I want to make sure I am prepared and that my life wont feel the change too harshly. Not a big fan of being inconvenienced when I could have prevented it from happening.

Which brings me to where I am now. How to tiptoe around certain people at work while trying to make changes in my life.

I'm sad to say sometimes I do have to think of myself and be selfish. Things need to happen otherwise life just coasts. I just coast. So Ive decided to try something new. It wont be soon that this change will happen but I'm hoping that someone is watching over me and thinking.

Its her time. This is the right path for her. Make it so.

264 - long weekend

Things that happened this long weekend.

- watched a movie Ghostbusters 1 and 2
- gave The Big Dog bath
- Cleaned my apartment
- Blew a fuse in the living room and dining room
- plan on getting fuses
- Drove aunt to the hospital to visit my Grandmother. Grand kids are going tonight.
- was late for dinner to meet AR.
- missed AR by I am guessing 2.5 seconds and didn't have dinner with AR
- was mad at myself for being late but had to drive aunt to hospital. Last min planning.
- was annoyed that there was no voicemail to let them know I was running late, tried 3x
- was even more annoyed that after 15 min AR left. Heard from AR asking me what happened
- felt a bit sketchy about Dinner with AR, who leaves after 15 min?
- took much needed naps
- paid rent
- went to a club in Lulu lemon jogging pants. (caught off guard)
- still looked good.
- I was hit on by who I thought was a really good looking guy
- with very sexy hands
- while D was in sight of all the shenanigans
- D thought he was all over me
- we never broke the 6 inch rule
- shopping
- tested items for water resistance
- shopping
- planning on testing something to see if it is indeed ribbed for my pleasure
- shopping
- budget put on hold
- dinner with sister and brother
- napped
- K
- daydreamed
- manicure
- pedicure
- facial
- got my flirt on.
- had an unfortunate meeting with someone Id rather not ever see again
- still don't have fuses for living/dining room
- 15 amp fuses, why cant I remember them.
- I predict Ill still need fuses this coming weekend.
- someone drove onto the curb paying attention to me instead of the road
- D slipped and called me his girlfriend.
- I just smiled and didn't say anything
- really enjoyed not working... too much
- looking for someone to make out with
- wondering if someone would be interested in just making out without the sex.
- thinking of filling that position


:) Will post more about some of the above sometime. Some of you may want details.

263 - Thank you

Its been more than a week since D and I have had sex. I hope hes enjoying it. Its not being done on purpose. Things have just come up and no, its not because hes given it up until he loses weight. Its just not been possible to meet as kinks are still being worked out of his schedule.

I mind and I don't mind. It gives me time to build the want, which I must say is a lot of fun. But on the other hand it kind of drives me crazy wanting to be naked with him. I have to think of toning down the want. Well maybe not toning it down but just not vocalizing it to him.

Yes I am guilty of sharing. With D. The things that I am looking forward to. With him. Yes.

Ive asked him if it was a bit much and he said no. Though I think maybe its just to make me feel better.

So now I'm asking you. How would you feel about hearing/knowing that someone is looking forward to being with you. Whether it be for something sexual or non sexual. Is that something that is good to share or should it be something that's kept private to oneself?


I was told by D that we would be able to meet at least twice this week for some much needed coitus and it has yet to materialize. Granted Monday was a holiday I saw no reason not to include that. There's always room for some holiday celebration :)

Oh but oh but OH!! Tomorrow.. well tomorrow is a great day. I took the morning off and possibly part of the afternoon as well. I told work Id be in after lunch but wasn't sure what time I will be finished. So, D doesn't start until 3 ish which means that Ill get to have lunch with him and then have him afterwards.

Its a little fitting really as Ive been a very good girl. Nothing naughty happening here lately. The feather boas and leather whips have been put aside and Ive been donning the innocent schoolgirl look and its paid off. Its like Ive been a good girl and am being rewarded for good behaviour.

I had a bit too much for lunch and now I am feeling really sleepy. I guess I shuld have had seconds. I was planning on going to this event for a local radio station tonight. Hot 89.9. Singles at Sea. 300 singles on a boat cruise. Just what the love doctor ordered.

I'm not sure if ill be up for the SAS cruise tonight so I think Ill skip it. That's OK, right now sleep is high in priority. So is rest then to take care of tomorrow.

Wish me luck, send good vibes and all that jazz. Ill be asking you to do this every so often. Reasons will be revealed in time. Its all for the betterment of Life. ( Dont want to jinx it, or get ahead of myself )

... Thank you, I appreciate it :)

Have a great day!